First Date Blues

If you do not pay for first date, that will be our last date. Call me whatever name you’d like but I’m not here for it. I have absolutely NO problem paying any date thereafter, and happily but I refuse to pay for the first date. If you do not have the money, then your ass should not be dating. Well you shouldnt be dating me.

Be a gentleman. Open my door, stay on the curb side of the sidewalk, stand when I excuse myself from the table. Where have all the gentlemen gone, and why am I not meeting any of them. If we are just hanging out then I do not expect you to pay for anything I order, we can even go dutch if that make you comfortable.

Just be advised the rules slightly changed when it goes from hanging out to dating.

Tristan.

Glass of Water? 

I’m all for any female being aggressive and going after a man that she’s interested in but at what point does it become thirsty? At what point is it like, okay allow him to be a participant in this interaction. After he knows that your interested are you going to ask him out on a date as well? Then pay for the meal?

You’ve let him know that you are down to get to know him and see where this can lead. Will you let him now take the reigns from here? I do believe it’s acceptable to be thirsty over the person you are with BUT give it time. I don’t want you to be thirsty after exchanging numbers. I want you to let him put in work, let him ask you out. I don’t want to see you chilling with him at 2am in his car, or in his crib. Yes you are able to do whatever you’d like, but if you are looking for more than to smash make him work for it. 

Making him work for it, is not the same as playing hard to get. Don’t play. Games annoy me personally, but let him lead, let him put in a percentage so that you can match it. See what he’s about before you throw all your eggs in this one man basket. 

I just want you to keep your options as opened as they can be. 

Tristan. 

Virginity Saved

Here is a story about the time I almost lost my virginity to my first love Ali.

So growing up in Baltimore, Maryland, I had plenty of ‘boyfriends’ but I managed to keep my virginity intact. Mostly in part because I knew boys talked way to much and I never wanted to be the topic of discussion for anyone. I never wanted to be called a ho, chickenhead or anything else that boys my age would’ve made up. Plus I just wasn’t ready for that step with anyone, thankfully I didnt talk to any boys that ever pressured me to do anything I didnt want to. Thinking about it now, I had great ‘little’ boyfriends, but also social media wasn’t as big as it is now. Sure we eventually had Myspace, AOL and BlackPlanet but it was secondary to actual one on one interaction with your friends. The most I’ve ever did was kiss, and chill in my boyfriends room but it was very innocent. Watching a movie was just that, like I said no one ever pressured me. So shout out to all my exes while I was under 17, love yall.

Back to my story, so Ali and I was so in love, this was my soul mate, and I wanted to be intimate with him. I wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could be. Ali was my cousin Keith best friend, which is how we met, one day Keith was driving, and ended up running into him and gave him a ride home. From that day, we was together in an unspoken rule of attraction and love. He was living in the city of Peekskill, I would visit my cousin often so I could be able to see Ali too. This particular evening, we had the house to ourselves, my aunt had went to the supermarket, and my cousin had basketball practice. So we was watching a movie and I was like I want to make love, let’s just do it. Who knows when we would have this opportunity again. Ali was not trying to hear me, he flat out said no, told me that he wanted our first time to be special, that he respected me and didn’t want to make me feel rushed because we had no idea when someone would be coming home. Can I tell you I wasn’t trying to hear none of what he was talking about. I was like nah let the next time be special, all I knew was that I loved him, and right then was the time. I definitely appreciate everything he said now, I appreciated how he loved me so fiercely that he was willing to put his own wants aside and wait to make everything perfectly special for me. Since we took so long going back and forth about us being intimate that by time I got him to FINALLY say okay, my aunt was pulling up in the driveway. I’m laughing as I write this just remembering how frustrated I was with him, inside I was having the ultimate temper tantrum!

Sadly Ali and I never got the chance to consummate our love as he committed suicide before we ever could be intimate.
Cherish the people you love while you have them here to love on.

Tristan.

PS. I love you Ali. Always.

I Dare You.

Jazmine Sullivan is my girl! She’s such a friend in my head! So obviously I love all her albums, and I’m genuinely excited that she’s still making music. Reality Show Album, song ‘If you Dare’ is my anthem. “Stop thinking small when you could have it all” I don’t know about you, but I want to have it all and then some. Do you know the requirement to having it all? You have to have the balls to dare. Of course daring doesn’t mean anything without some sort of action to back it up. But the first step is Daring to believe you can actually be living the life you want, if you believe you can be living it high then you can. Clearly I’m not the be all or end all of what you should or should not be doing but I want you to live your best life. HELL I want to live my best life as well, so I find that its my job to motivate you in any way I can.

Start Living your Life Babe.

Tristan.

 

“If You Dare”


Why you only see in black and white
You should be living in color
You walking now when you were made to fly
Don’t be scared to fly
Stop thinking small when you’re larger than life

You’re amazing, so am I
Let’s dress up fancy and drink wine
Let’s go crazy, don’t be scared
Cause we can conquer the world,
Cause we can conquer the world
If you dare

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Things could be better than the way that you’re living
Open your eyes cause you don’t know what you’re missing
You’re in the dark but you could be glistenin’
Stop thinking small when you could have it all

You’re amazing, so am I
Let’s dress up fancy and drink wine
Let’s go crazy, don ‘t be scared
Cause we can conquer the world, Cause we can conquer the world
If you dare

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh Caroline stay away from the light
Cause people never make it out alive
So come on down because you’re going too high
(But she heard)
Don’t be scared, start living your life

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…

And I warned you not to go
Did you have to leave me low
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it
Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
And it’s driving you insane
But it’s running through your veins
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

What’s a lil Head?

As taken from HBO’s Insecure, Would you date a man who had been with another man? Said man you’re dating only received head, there was no penetration.

In all honesty, I would continue to date my guy. I’m not thrilled about him being with another man however I’m open enough that I understand fully exploring your sexuality. If this event happened once in college, and he knew immediately after that men was not for him, then why would I fault him for being honest with me. I do believe that there are some things that should remain silent. If as a way of getting to know you, I asked ‘hey have you ever been with a man’ then I think you should answer honestly. But If I never ask you that, then don’t take it upon yourself to volunteer that information. Some folks can not handle the truth. You have to know your audience, before you drop those kind of gems.

If the man I’m dating, had penetrated/was penetrated I would probably have reservations about continuing to date that person. I wouldn’t judge, but in my mind I would always wonder if he still want to be with a man. I just want to be sure I can trust the person I am engaging with. We all have a past, and there will something in that past that the next person may not like, you just have to find the person who accepts yours.

Tristan.

Nothing Beats a Sale.

There’s no better feeling in the World than finding the boots you love, in your size, on sale after they are sold out online. I’m telling you no better feeling.

Wait, there is a slight better feeling … When you find out that because they are on clearance online, you’re going to get that price instead.

I will not lie, I am all about a sale, a discount whatever. Why spend full price when I don’t have to? So here’s my Sale story.

I’ve been “window shopping” online since the weather was changing and over the knee boots are always a good time. The boots named Frido has caught my eye, and it was currently on sale for 69$, my size was still available surprisingly. So I’m getting ready to cash out, and bloop my size was no longer available. I know that damn quick! So I didn’t pout, I was annoyed but what can you do? So I ended up buying two other pairs of boots, since I would be moved out of my apartment I decided to have them sent to the store and I’d just pick them up at my convenience. I went to the Aldo on E. 86th str. on a Saturday (insert eye roll) It was a mad house, but I was cool with it as I was just there to pick up my items. As soon as I stand on line, guess what caught my eye? Frido in brown looking so sexy. At first I wasn’t going to approach because I didn’t want that type of disappointment again. So a shopper grabbed them before I could even think twice about getting off the line, asking an associate if they had them in a size 10, the associate said nope, those boots are the last pair and only the seven and a half she was currently holding.

OMG! Did she just say MY size! I hurried my ass off that line and practically grabbed the boots out of her hand, I mean she couldn’t do anything with them. Ladies and Gentlemen, they were as beautiful as I imagined they would be in person. So I turned them over to look at the price, 89$ which included the thirty percent off. Ugh! Did I want to spend that much? Was I really in love? Don’t ask me why, but I asked the cashier if the price differed between online and the store would they honor the online price? When she said yes I wanted to jump for joy. I held in my excitement, and let them know I would be purchasing my sexy Frido immediately. So Instead of paying original price of 150$, or even the sale price of 89$, guess how much I paid?

You’ll Never guess… Your girl paid $39.99, Ain’t God good?! Amen!

Tristan.

I Give Good…

I give good friend.

Yes, you read that correctly I give really good friend. I consider myself the quintessential friend, that quality grade A friend, and I’m not just tooting my own horn. If asked, anyone I’ve ever been a friend to, would 100% wholeheartedly agree. Unfortunately I can’t say many folks have been to me what I am to them.

As an adult it can be harder to ‘make’ friends. Its frowned upon to just walk up to folks requesting their contact information cuz they seem fly and you just KNOW y’all would totally mesh. If you COULD do that and it would be received well, then I would say, “Hey! I’m Tristan, and based on how you’re dressed I think you’re fly and I’m always in need of fly friends, let’s exchange numbers and do brunch soon.” I’m working on making that a norm of how us women are able to befriend someone else.

I know its so easy to get caught up in our own lives, but take the time out and be there for the friend that’s always been there for you. Try to appreciate them a lil more than you normally would today. Show them that their efforts do NOT go unnoticed because when they stop, you’ll noticed but it’ll be too late.

Tristan.