Yeah, I be snooping.

Let’s have honest talk.

How many of you guys are checking the twitter/Instagram/Facebook of your ex? I will be the first to raise my hand,and state that I have checked my ex’s twitter in the last month. Why? I just want to know what he is up to, even though its none of my concern. I don’t care as I didnt want to be with him, but sometimes I’m a bit curious as tow hat he is doing. One would argue that clearly I do care cuz If I didnt I wouldn’t be checking anything he has going on.

Sue Me, I’m human.

I blame it on being single. I dont have nothing occupying my time, besides work and my website. I’m hoping once I move into my new apartment I will be so busy with that plus travelling I will not have the time to be checking on what homie has going on. What are some of the reasons you’re snooping on your ex’s social media?

Oh and he does have a new girlfriend.

Tristan.

thanks given

I’ve created this space on the internet, as a safe space for me to always be able to express myself. Even if its just to put my thoughts and emotions on ‘paper’ as keeping it bottled up will have me go insane. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and Im feeling alone more than ever. Im feeling like folks honestly just dont give a eff about me. I grew up in Baltimore, but I moved back to New York when I was seventeen as my mother was dying from cancer. Do you know how hard it is to maintain friendships with other teenagers? Its hard but its even harder when you are the only one putting in the work to stay friends. I can count with one finger how many times my Baltimore best friends have came to New York to see me in the last thirteen years. Many times I’ve made excuses like well I know they have to work, or they have kids, or any of the many reasons they aren’t able to come see me. So because I spend the majority of my time at work, my coworkers are my friends but they aren’t. If they cared as much as I thought they did then I would’ve at least gotten a voice call. I have to remember that people are fickle beings who will put themselves first. I think its time I do the same.

I want someone to work as hard as I do to maintain these friendships. Who can I break down to? Who can I lean on? Who can I talk to? I’m officially exhausted. Although Thanksgiving 2016 ended with me eating a frozen dinner, I’m still grateful and thankful for the ability to be able to move forward. I can’t change what happened yesterday but I can work to improve my tomorrows.

Tristan.

FYI This was not a bitter post, I assure you I was not angry writing, I was sadden.

First Date Blues

If you do not pay for first date, that will be our last date. Call me whatever name you’d like but I’m not here for it. I have absolutely NO problem paying any date thereafter, and happily but I refuse to pay for the first date. If you do not have the money, then your ass should not be dating. Well you shouldnt be dating me.

Be a gentleman. Open my door, stay on the curb side of the sidewalk, stand when I excuse myself from the table. Where have all the gentlemen gone, and why am I not meeting any of them. If we are just hanging out then I do not expect you to pay for anything I order, we can even go dutch if that make you comfortable.

Just be advised the rules slightly changed when it goes from hanging out to dating.

Tristan.

Glass of Water? 

I’m all for any female being aggressive and going after a man that she’s interested in but at what point does it become thirsty? At what point is it like, okay allow him to be a participant in this interaction. After he knows that your interested are you going to ask him out on a date as well? Then pay for the meal?

You’ve let him know that you are down to get to know him and see where this can lead. Will you let him now take the reigns from here? I do believe it’s acceptable to be thirsty over the person you are with BUT give it time. I don’t want you to be thirsty after exchanging numbers. I want you to let him put in work, let him ask you out. I don’t want to see you chilling with him at 2am in his car, or in his crib. Yes you are able to do whatever you’d like, but if you are looking for more than to smash make him work for it. 

Making him work for it, is not the same as playing hard to get. Don’t play. Games annoy me personally, but let him lead, let him put in a percentage so that you can match it. See what he’s about before you throw all your eggs in this one man basket. 

I just want you to keep your options as opened as they can be. 

Tristan. 

Virginity Saved

Here is a story about the time I almost lost my virginity to my first love Ali.

So growing up in Baltimore, Maryland, I had plenty of ‘boyfriends’ but I managed to keep my virginity intact. Mostly in part because I knew boys talked way to much and I never wanted to be the topic of discussion for anyone. I never wanted to be called a ho, chickenhead or anything else that boys my age would’ve made up. Plus I just wasn’t ready for that step with anyone, thankfully I didnt talk to any boys that ever pressured me to do anything I didnt want to. Thinking about it now, I had great ‘little’ boyfriends, but also social media wasn’t as big as it is now. Sure we eventually had Myspace, AOL and BlackPlanet but it was secondary to actual one on one interaction with your friends. The most I’ve ever did was kiss, and chill in my boyfriends room but it was very innocent. Watching a movie was just that, like I said no one ever pressured me. So shout out to all my exes while I was under 17, love yall.

Back to my story, so Ali and I was so in love, this was my soul mate, and I wanted to be intimate with him. I wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could be. Ali was my cousin Keith best friend, which is how we met, one day Keith was driving, and ended up running into him and gave him a ride home. From that day, we was together in an unspoken rule of attraction and love. He was living in the city of Peekskill, I would visit my cousin often so I could be able to see Ali too. This particular evening, we had the house to ourselves, my aunt had went to the supermarket, and my cousin had basketball practice. So we was watching a movie and I was like I want to make love, let’s just do it. Who knows when we would have this opportunity again. Ali was not trying to hear me, he flat out said no, told me that he wanted our first time to be special, that he respected me and didn’t want to make me feel rushed because we had no idea when someone would be coming home. Can I tell you I wasn’t trying to hear none of what he was talking about. I was like nah let the next time be special, all I knew was that I loved him, and right then was the time. I definitely appreciate everything he said now, I appreciated how he loved me so fiercely that he was willing to put his own wants aside and wait to make everything perfectly special for me. Since we took so long going back and forth about us being intimate that by time I got him to FINALLY say okay, my aunt was pulling up in the driveway. I’m laughing as I write this just remembering how frustrated I was with him, inside I was having the ultimate temper tantrum!

Sadly Ali and I never got the chance to consummate our love as he committed suicide before we ever could be intimate.
Cherish the people you love while you have them here to love on.

Tristan.

PS. I love you Ali. Always.

I Dare You.

Jazmine Sullivan is my girl! She’s such a friend in my head! So obviously I love all her albums, and I’m genuinely excited that she’s still making music. Reality Show Album, song ‘If you Dare’ is my anthem. “Stop thinking small when you could have it all” I don’t know about you, but I want to have it all and then some. Do you know the requirement to having it all? You have to have the balls to dare. Of course daring doesn’t mean anything without some sort of action to back it up. But the first step is Daring to believe you can actually be living the life you want, if you believe you can be living it high then you can. Clearly I’m not the be all or end all of what you should or should not be doing but I want you to live your best life. HELL I want to live my best life as well, so I find that its my job to motivate you in any way I can.

Start Living your Life Babe.

Tristan.

 

“If You Dare”


Why you only see in black and white
You should be living in color
You walking now when you were made to fly
Don’t be scared to fly
Stop thinking small when you’re larger than life

You’re amazing, so am I
Let’s dress up fancy and drink wine
Let’s go crazy, don’t be scared
Cause we can conquer the world,
Cause we can conquer the world
If you dare

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Things could be better than the way that you’re living
Open your eyes cause you don’t know what you’re missing
You’re in the dark but you could be glistenin’
Stop thinking small when you could have it all

You’re amazing, so am I
Let’s dress up fancy and drink wine
Let’s go crazy, don ‘t be scared
Cause we can conquer the world, Cause we can conquer the world
If you dare

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh Caroline stay away from the light
Cause people never make it out alive
So come on down because you’re going too high
(But she heard)
Don’t be scared, start living your life

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…

And I warned you not to go
Did you have to leave me low
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it
Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
And it’s driving you insane
But it’s running through your veins
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

What’s a lil Head?

As taken from HBO’s Insecure, Would you date a man who had been with another man? Said man you’re dating only received head, there was no penetration.

In all honesty, I would continue to date my guy. I’m not thrilled about him being with another man however I’m open enough that I understand fully exploring your sexuality. If this event happened once in college, and he knew immediately after that men was not for him, then why would I fault him for being honest with me. I do believe that there are some things that should remain silent. If as a way of getting to know you, I asked ‘hey have you ever been with a man’ then I think you should answer honestly. But If I never ask you that, then don’t take it upon yourself to volunteer that information. Some folks can not handle the truth. You have to know your audience, before you drop those kind of gems.

If the man I’m dating, had penetrated/was penetrated I would probably have reservations about continuing to date that person. I wouldn’t judge, but in my mind I would always wonder if he still want to be with a man. I just want to be sure I can trust the person I am engaging with. We all have a past, and there will something in that past that the next person may not like, you just have to find the person who accepts yours.

Tristan.