I just finished watching the Megan thee Stallion documentary, and one of the parts that made me mist up was the end, when she said she knew her mother would be proud of her. I used to wonder, and if I’m honest, I still wonder if my mother is proud of me. I know she would be disappointed in her brothers and sisters with the way they handled me since she passed. I know she would be angry with my sister for how she’s handled this time, and how she’s treated me. I’m sure she would off her some grace, and really try to see things through her lens. But proud of me?

I honestly don’t know. She put education first, and I didn’t graduate from college, so I think she would be disappointed, I didn’t continue my education. In my defense, the real World gave me the education. Instead of books, I was out there really learning how Life was. In addition, I’ve been to the places in the books I would’ve studied. I’ve been able to experience Roman architecture, Cuisine from all around the World, all the while learning to trust myself, and boost my confidence.

I don’t think this might’ve been the Life she saw for me, but I think she would understand who I am. This version of myself. With the tools I had, I created a Life that I love, a life that I didn’t know I COULD live, and one that I’m excited to wake up to living. SO I take what I said earlier back, Not only would she be proud, she would be most proud of who I am, and how I’ve grown from that 17 year old girl she left behind.

Jonez.