When Life is Travel; You'll Find the Adventure in Living!
Love me right the first time. It is NOT a badge of honor for a man to come back to you. I would love it if they all stayed away, after the first time. Funny story, I recently had a man tell me, he apologized that he didn’t handle me correctly. Mister, I took it as an L, and I’ve moved on from it. (I’m okay taking L’s but I’m not going to continue to waste my time with you) I suggested he do the same. However curiosity came over me, and I asked why he didn’t. Well. No shocker, he was dating me and another at the same time, and went with her but it didn’t work out. He described it as the movie “Boomerang” which is comical in itself.
He also went on to ask if we can kick it again but why would I? You didn’t know what you had, and unfortunately I can’t go backwards. I’m tired of awarding second chances. I want folks to know what they have the FIRST time around.
Men will create the opportunity to ‘Real Life’ obtain their dream girl, then fumble. I believe both men and woman are the ones who choose, but consistency is the fucking key. No relationship is perfect, however acknowledge your wrong doings, and apologize. For me, that’s the key. We can, and will have disagreements, but it in HOW you choose to argue. I am not disrespectful so I would never allow someone to treat me in a disrespectful manner, ever. Any person who cant check themselves is not a man I want to be with. Why would I?
Whether plutonic or relationship, If I am wrong I will apologize with the quickness. Shit we all learned conflict resolution in school, utilize those skills love! I am not going to date men from my past, if you didn’t have the balls to approach me then, maybe I am not for you. All Love tho.
This week I have given up online dating! I CANT DO IT ANYMORE! I’ve been meeting folks off the internet for the past twenty years, and I just cant. Not anymore. I know the panorama (Covid-19) doesn’t help to meek folks in person but I cant! I am going to have to risk it, shit don’t we take risk with anything, but after two decades I am no longer interested in being pen pals. No matter what you tell people you are looking for, you are going to first meet their representatives, and I’m done meeting reps. I am me, from the first moment you meet me. In three months, a new person will not emerge. Can you say the same?
However I am living in a new city, so I am remaining hopeful I will eventually meet men of substance. We gonna have to be outside this summer cuz in person is calling my name!
When you start advocating for yourself, you start to feel better about the choices you create. I’ve decided I will no longer accept sole apologies, nah. Now, I ONLY accept financial apologies. Meaning, if they apologies are not accompanied with money, then you can keep it. Changed behavior only last long enough, until you take folks back, then they are back to do whatever it is they were doing. Totally tired of the bak and forth, I’ve found that if men have to apologize, change their behavior AND pay an apology fee, they are a tad bit willing to figure it out.
Also, I don’t want anyone’s money. Lets be clear. However if they feel I’m being unreasonable and leave, then I’ve gotten what I wanted. IF they decide I’m being reasonable, they pay the fee, then I’ve gotten what I wanted. Either way I win!
As I get older, the things I find attractive in a man changes slightly.
A man who is consistent, who knows and understand the art of consistency, will forever get my time. I also believe consistency is such a quality for me, since my worklife is inconsistent. There are some days, most days, where I don’t know where I am going to end up, after flying all day. So knowing there’s someone who is putting in the work, keep a part of my Life, routined, puts me at ease for living. So shout out to the men, who are consistent with me, and with the life we create together.
Fellas, stop introducing women to a vibe you cannot maintain. Whatever that vibe may be. I get it, when you initially meet a person you want to be the very best version of yourself, even if it means, not fully being the person you are … on a daily basis. As a woman, we are already conditioned to know we are meeting a mans representative when we first meet you anyway, so we take the things you do with a grain of salt. Not meaning we aren’t appreciative of whatever it is you are doing but we are looking to see if the actions you put forward are ones, that you are being consistent with.
See that? It ALL Narrows down to consistency.
Please remember that as you move forward wooing the ones you are attempting to woo. Effort is everything, but consistency is the hill on which effort lives.
Guess what?! I went on a date! I know I know. Crazy huh? Its been such a while that I’ve been on an actual date… you know the one where a man asks you out, checks your availability, makes plans in advance.. picks you up AND drops you off. Like I didn’t know men still did, well American men. Shit, its been a while since I’ve held a conversation with a man who seems to be able to hold, and steer one. A man who can make you laugh, is worth his weight in gold. The date restored a bit of my faith in people.
Oh … and he wants to see me again.
“What do you like to do for fun?”
I fucking hate that question! Seriously, is there anything else you can ask? My Answer is usually generic, something along the lines of ‘I’m all about travel, the arts, and most definitely food’. I love it when a man, can just hold a conversation, I don’t need twenty one questions. This is the only time I am go with the flow, I allow the conversation to go wherever it may go. I like when a man knows how to navigate his way through a conversation.
In my younger dating years, I was able to keep it cute and cordial with folks who previously had the pleasure of my company. However, now, No I wouldn’t want to be friends with my ex. Not real friends anyway, and if we have to filter out the things we’d say, why bother? If you MUST be friends with an ex, how did it end? I’m sure that would factor if you even want to be friends, were you just better as friends? Did y’all start as friends? Would the friendship be restricted to just texting and chatting on the phone? Would y’all go out? Ah, Way too many questions, and somewhere in there, I’m sure is a grey and murky area. Why even go thru the hassle of attempting friendship?
In my own defense, I am cool with a handful of folks that I’ve dated. But I would never invest time into them as a potential partner, again, I also wouldn’t physically go out with them to ‘catch up’. I’d respond if they texted, but I wouldn’t reach out. So I guess, No I wouldn’t be friends with an Ex.
I don’t tend to reread books, I already know the ending.
I saw the red flags. Each and Every One, I saw them. When I recognized them, I fell back. I wasn’t that deep in with homie, so I was able to begin the process of walking away. Yeah, he was dope, and treated me well BUT I saw the Red Flags. I fucking saw them! I think that’s the part that annoys me the most about my most recent dating situation, the fact that I saw the red flags, began the process of walking away, but because he pursued me, I abandoned all sensible logic and stayed. Now I’m dealing with the aftermath. I’m better today, than I was a few weeks ago, but still, to have to deal with this, knowing I saw the Red Flags just sigh…
Be better than me, when you see those Red Flags, and you will, be strong enough to know he is not WHO you are waiting for.
My thirty something self dated a twenty something man, and I learned I have absolutely patience for that level of education. Age is more than just a fucking number, Aaliyah Lied! Maybe its because I am a woman, and I know what I like, its hard to teach a man, who THINKS he knows what a woman wants, but ummm no. Fuck No! Maybe Id met the wrong twenty something but I don’t know if I would be open to another cuz y’all… I was exhausted, and not in the most obvious ways. It’s like he wanted to be in charge, in control, but he didn’t have the follow through, that I needed him to have.
As a young man, I get it, you think you know what you’re doing sexually because youre no longer a virgin but I have a few lessons to teach. A twenty something who is unteachable isn’t a man I want to build a damn thing with. Ive never been into dating younger, and the one time I go out of my comfort zone, I get a know it all, who turns out, knows nothing at all.
The Hopeless Romantic in me loves the movie Hitch, I know we’ve discussed this before but its currently showing on Netflix, and I seriously cannot get enough of it. At this very moment I am watching, between my writing, I know I know I should be focusing on what I am doing but I get a pass cuz … its Hitch! What attracts me to the movie, besides the location, is Hitch, and his love interest, Sara. Both, are so guarded, so scared to move forward with each other because of what they have dealt with in the past, but yet, they still inch closer and closer to one another.
I’m Sorry, I didn’t even ask you guys, if you’ve seen Hitch? Yes? Don’t you just love it? And If you haven’t, I AM Judging you… Why haven’t you seen it yet? Today! GO NOW!