Kiddos

I’d rather not date a man with kids. Im not sure if it’s a hard no, but its defintely a situation I would like to avoid. My exboyfriend has a son, and since we was together for five years, I spent some of my time getting to know his son as well. There wasn’t a way around that especially since we lived together and all. I grew attached, so even though I am not with my ex anymore, my relationship with his child ends as well. A double blow!

I love kids. They are my favorite, but what happens when we’ve grown close? Even though folks always say everyone have kids these days, I am sure a man without children will cross my path. Until then…

Jonez.

House Hunting

Even though I’ve been told I am not asking for a lot, clearly I am since I could never get the basic things I am asking for in a relationship/friendship. IF the date, takes me to your house, I am not with it. I am not in that type of space with anyone that I am that comfortable to continue or start our date at your house.

Whenever I had company, Garlick (My mother) always made us stay downstairs. As she explained we honestly had no reason to be upstairs in the bedroom. We wasn’t having sex, so why did we need to be in the bedroom? There’s a television, and all amenities such as food downstairs. I’m starting to feel the same way, you don’t have to push or pressure me into coming over, cuz I know I’m not trying to smash so whats the deal?

Sometimes I feel like canceling dating, and just participate in an arranged marriage.

 

Tristan Jonez.

Sfter (Softer)

As a woman I’m doing my best to work on being softer. I’ve become used to doing things for myself but I never want to make a man feel like I don’t need him. I do, I need him for many things and I want to make sure I don’t become so hard. Just because I’ve had to open my own doors, I need to give the man a chance to open my door. I’m not a fan of dumbing myself down, and I’m not asking you to do that either, What I am asking of you, is to give the man a try.

Although I haven’t met any in a while, I’ve been assured that gentlemen still exist so give them a chance to reveal themselves. Give a man an opportunity to woo and wow you. As much as we’ve had to depend on ourselves, don’t let what’s happened in the past create a problem for what could happen in the future. Prince Charming is definitely out there, just give him a moment to declare his status. Don’t we always say Actions speak Louder.

Be Patient

 

Tristan.

Talk too Much.

Can we talk ourselves out of a good thing? Can we be so quick to want to reach the point of #Relationshipgoals, that we forget to actually enjoy the process of learning the other person? Not just the idea of who you THINK they are, or the person who you have created in your head. I do believe we meet the representative of the person, they are on their best behavior, doing all the things they believe you’d like to see. After a few months, you are able to see the person for who they really are, when someone is comfortable with you, their guard comes down.

I had to learn to slow the hell down. I was letting the fact that I’m thirty guide my actions. I, like others, had thoughts of where I should be, and what I should be doing at this age. I did not anticipate being single with no children, not in my wildest dream, did I think I would be in this place. So when I met Dickhead* I was in a place where I was ready to give dating a try. In this case, he talked too much, showed me early on WHO he was and I didn’t like it. In the long run, that relationship would’ve been a disaster. Fortunately for me, he talked himself out of a good thing.

Let the relationship progress organically. Trust me, I know how it feels when you want something. You are ready to jump out of the window, with both feet but don’t. Pace yourself, be yourself and let what you want happen on its own.

 

Tristan.

 

*Names have been changed to respect privacy

Have you Ever?

Have you ever met someone and just knew you’d be a great match together? Well that happened to me! I met someone, and even though I don’t know much about him, I have this feeling that if we gave each other the opportunity, we could be genuinely happy together. I’m not sure if this makes me crazy, or if I’m just creating a happy ending in my head, because I’m over being single.

Listen, he could be the worst person I’ve ever met but that’s not what’s being spoken to my spirit. I’m learning to move less with my heart or even my mind, and go with what my spirit is telling me. My spirit is telling me there’s something here, potentially an amazing something.  However I think if I want to bring ‘it’ to fruition I’m going to have to be the point person on this mission.

Is possible rejection it worth it?

 

Tristan.

Gimme Yours. 

I will always prefer receiving your number versus you taking mine. I’m just too impatient! Whether or not “it” would go anywhere I want to be the one to call. I would’ve call myself aggressive but my rationale is if I’m hitting you up, that frees you up to be like “yo I like this girl” or “nah shorty too much for me”. Even though, something isn’t clicking with me and dating right now, I’m able to make the guys I’m talking to feel very comfortable with me. BUT because I’m not shy about expressing what I’d like in a friendship, relationship etc I think I have been scaring folks off. 

Obviously that’s not my intention, however I can only be me. Perhaps I can be a bit too much for a man, but with me calling/texting first I’m putting it out there. I’d rather have a man say he can’t deal with all that I am then be waiting by the phone for him to hit me up. Plus my memory can be short. He mess around, hit me up and I forget who the hell he is! (Laughing) 

Tristan. 

Glass of Water? 

I’m all for any female being aggressive and going after a man that she’s interested in but at what point does it become thirsty? At what point is it like, okay allow him to be a participant in this interaction. After he knows that your interested are you going to ask him out on a date as well? Then pay for the meal?

You’ve let him know that you are down to get to know him and see where this can lead. Will you let him now take the reigns from here? I do believe it’s acceptable to be thirsty over the person you are with BUT give it time. I don’t want you to be thirsty after exchanging numbers. I want you to let him put in work, let him ask you out. I don’t want to see you chilling with him at 2am in his car, or in his crib. Yes you are able to do whatever you’d like, but if you are looking for more than to smash make him work for it. 

Making him work for it, is not the same as playing hard to get. Don’t play. Games annoy me personally, but let him lead, let him put in a percentage so that you can match it. See what he’s about before you throw all your eggs in this one man basket. 

I just want you to keep your options as opened as they can be. 

Tristan.