Sfter (Softer)

As a woman I’m doing my best to work on being softer. I’ve become used to doing things for myself but I never want to make a man feel like I don’t need him. I do, I need him for many things and I want to make sure I don’t become so hard. Just because I’ve had to open my own doors, I need to give the man a chance to open my door. I’m not a fan of dumbing myself down, and I’m not asking you to do that either, What I am asking of you, is to give the man a try.

Although I haven’t met any in a while, I’ve been assured that gentlemen still exist so give them a chance to reveal themselves. Give a man an opportunity to woo and wow you. As much as we’ve had to depend on ourselves, don’t let what’s happened in the past create a problem for what could happen in the future. Prince Charming is definitely out there, just give him a moment to declare his status. Don’t we always say Actions speak Louder.

Be Patient

 

Tristan.

Talk too Much.

Can we talk ourselves out of a good thing? Can we be so quick to want to reach the point of #Relationshipgoals, that we forget to actually enjoy the process of learning the other person? Not just the idea of who you THINK they are, or the person who you have created in your head. I do believe we meet the representative of the person, they are on their best behavior, doing all the things they believe you’d like to see. After a few months, you are able to see the person for who they really are, when someone is comfortable with you, their guard comes down.

I had to learn to slow the hell down. I was letting the fact that I’m thirty guide my actions. I, like others, had thoughts of where I should be, and what I should be doing at this age. I did not anticipate being single with no children, not in my wildest dream, did I think I would be in this place. So when I met Dickhead* I was in a place where I was ready to give dating a try. In this case, he talked too much, showed me early on WHO he was and I didn’t like it. In the long run, that relationship would’ve been a disaster. Fortunately for me, he talked himself out of a good thing.

Let the relationship progress organically. Trust me, I know how it feels when you want something. You are ready to jump out of the window, with both feet but don’t. Pace yourself, be yourself and let what you want happen on its own.

 

Tristan.

 

*Names have been changed to respect privacy

Have you Ever?

Have you ever met someone and just knew you’d be a great match together? Well that happened to me! I met someone, and even though I don’t know much about him, I have this feeling that if we gave each other the opportunity, we could be genuinely happy together. I’m not sure if this makes me crazy, or if I’m just creating a happy ending in my head, because I’m over being single.

Listen, he could be the worst person I’ve ever met but that’s not what’s being spoken to my spirit. I’m learning to move less with my heart or even my mind, and go with what my spirit is telling me. My spirit is telling me there’s something here, potentially an amazing something.  However I think if I want to bring ‘it’ to fruition I’m going to have to be the point person on this mission.

Is possible rejection it worth it?

 

Tristan.

Gimme Yours. 

I will always prefer receiving your number versus you taking mine. I’m just too impatient! Whether or not “it” would go anywhere I want to be the one to call. I would’ve call myself aggressive but my rationale is if I’m hitting you up, that frees you up to be like “yo I like this girl” or “nah shorty too much for me”. Even though, something isn’t clicking with me and dating right now, I’m able to make the guys I’m talking to feel very comfortable with me. BUT because I’m not shy about expressing what I’d like in a friendship, relationship etc I think I have been scaring folks off. 

Obviously that’s not my intention, however I can only be me. Perhaps I can be a bit too much for a man, but with me calling/texting first I’m putting it out there. I’d rather have a man say he can’t deal with all that I am then be waiting by the phone for him to hit me up. Plus my memory can be short. He mess around, hit me up and I forget who the hell he is! (Laughing) 

Tristan. 

Glass of Water? 

I’m all for any female being aggressive and going after a man that she’s interested in but at what point does it become thirsty? At what point is it like, okay allow him to be a participant in this interaction. After he knows that your interested are you going to ask him out on a date as well? Then pay for the meal?

You’ve let him know that you are down to get to know him and see where this can lead. Will you let him now take the reigns from here? I do believe it’s acceptable to be thirsty over the person you are with BUT give it time. I don’t want you to be thirsty after exchanging numbers. I want you to let him put in work, let him ask you out. I don’t want to see you chilling with him at 2am in his car, or in his crib. Yes you are able to do whatever you’d like, but if you are looking for more than to smash make him work for it. 

Making him work for it, is not the same as playing hard to get. Don’t play. Games annoy me personally, but let him lead, let him put in a percentage so that you can match it. See what he’s about before you throw all your eggs in this one man basket. 

I just want you to keep your options as opened as they can be. 

Tristan. 

What’s a lil Head?

As taken from HBO’s Insecure, Would you date a man who had been with another man? Said man you’re dating only received head, there was no penetration.

In all honesty, I would continue to date my guy. I’m not thrilled about him being with another man however I’m open enough that I understand fully exploring your sexuality. If this event happened once in college, and he knew immediately after that men was not for him, then why would I fault him for being honest with me. I do believe that there are some things that should remain silent. If as a way of getting to know you, I asked ‘hey have you ever been with a man’ then I think you should answer honestly. But If I never ask you that, then don’t take it upon yourself to volunteer that information. Some folks can not handle the truth. You have to know your audience, before you drop those kind of gems.

If the man I’m dating, had penetrated/was penetrated I would probably have reservations about continuing to date that person. I wouldn’t judge, but in my mind I would always wonder if he still want to be with a man. I just want to be sure I can trust the person I am engaging with. We all have a past, and there will something in that past that the next person may not like, you just have to find the person who accepts yours.

Tristan.

Off Time

If you have to remember to call me or text me, then we aren’t dating and you’re not interested.

Allow me to explain. There’s this guy, (Don’t all good stories start out like that?) anyway, there’s this guy who is amazing.  He’s a great father, entrepreneur, charming and just an all around good guy. We’ve known one another for a little while now but it was always bad timing when he was actively trying to date me. So we settled on being friends, plus we have a semi friendly traveling competition between the two of us. So recently I’ve declared I was not longer going to date anyone, I’m assuming he took that as a challenge to change my mind. When he hit me up in reference to my statement, I was opened with him about why I’m over dating right now. However somewhere in that conversation we agreed to actively try to be in each other’s world more than just Instagram friends.

So… It’s been a few weeks, but I feel like we are communicating the same as we were before if not less. I’m not such a traditional girl that I’ll let the man do all the heavy lifting but if we are BOTH genuinely forgetting to hit the other then we cant be that interested. Can We?

I don’t force it. I honestly feel like sometimes folks might be good for each other but their timing is horribly off. If it’s not meshing organically then let it rock.

Tristan.