When Life is Travel; You'll Find the Adventure in Living!
I NEVER want anyone to be brutally honest with me about anything but I would like folks to be wholly honest. Purposely omitting, telling half truths, isn’t the same as being fully honest, especially when you’re an adult. I’ve lived with the idea, if I am asking a question, I am prepared to received the harshest of news. Once again, If I am asking, I want to know the answer. And its ‘honorable’ to not want to hurt my feelings but you can’t control the narrative because you’re afraid of what my following action MIGHT be. If you set up the explanation in a way that I believe something that isn’t fully correct, then you’ve lied.
And Nobody wants to be bothered with a liar. Tighten Up!
Love me right the first time. It is NOT a badge of honor for a man to come back to you. I would love it if they all stayed away, after the first time. Funny story, I recently had a man tell me, he apologized that he didn’t handle me correctly. Mister, I took it as an L, and I’ve moved on from it. (I’m okay taking L’s but I’m not going to continue to waste my time with you) I suggested he do the same. However curiosity came over me, and I asked why he didn’t. Well. No shocker, he was dating me and another at the same time, and went with her but it didn’t work out. He described it as the movie “Boomerang” which is comical in itself.
He also went on to ask if we can kick it again but why would I? You didn’t know what you had, and unfortunately I can’t go backwards. I’m tired of awarding second chances. I want folks to know what they have the FIRST time around.
Men will create the opportunity to ‘Real Life’ obtain their dream girl, then fumble. I believe both men and woman are the ones who choose, but consistency is the fucking key. No relationship is perfect, however acknowledge your wrong doings, and apologize. For me, that’s the key. We can, and will have disagreements, but it in HOW you choose to argue. I am not disrespectful so I would never allow someone to treat me in a disrespectful manner, ever. Any person who cant check themselves is not a man I want to be with. Why would I?
Whether plutonic or relationship, If I am wrong I will apologize with the quickness. Shit we all learned conflict resolution in school, utilize those skills love! I am not going to date men from my past, if you didn’t have the balls to approach me then, maybe I am not for you. All Love tho.
When you start advocating for yourself, you start to feel better about the choices you create. I’ve decided I will no longer accept sole apologies, nah. Now, I ONLY accept financial apologies. Meaning, if they apologies are not accompanied with money, then you can keep it. Changed behavior only last long enough, until you take folks back, then they are back to do whatever it is they were doing. Totally tired of the bak and forth, I’ve found that if men have to apologize, change their behavior AND pay an apology fee, they are a tad bit willing to figure it out.
Also, I don’t want anyone’s money. Lets be clear. However if they feel I’m being unreasonable and leave, then I’ve gotten what I wanted. IF they decide I’m being reasonable, they pay the fee, then I’ve gotten what I wanted. Either way I win!
Closure is a farce! I hate to be the one to tell you, but it truly doesn’t exist. There will be nothing a person could ever really say, that will cause you to ‘understand’ where they were coming from, especially when their actions caused you harm. I promise you, its best to move forward, broke heart and all. Today, I had the opportunity to chat the last man I dated. He wanted to confirmation of his character as his ex girlfriend had opened his eyes to behavior that he didn’t realize he possess. At first I was hesitant, cuz what’s the point of this exercise. However I agreed with her analyst of him, and added a few things of my own.
What was weird to me, was he only regurgitated the negative I said, I let him know, in the version of him I met, he was a good guy but he was selfish, and failed to properly communicate, when it mattered most. He went on to tell me, he was doing some soul searching, trying to understand why he was the way he was. I told him, he has unresolved issues with his parents, which continues to impact the romantic relationships he chooses to involve himself in.
So people, stop writing these long ass paragraphs, trying to get a statement, or an emotion from the other person. When the feeling is longer felt, move forward. It’ll never be easy but it’ll be worth it!
So I’m not exactly going through a break up, cuz he was Never my man BUT I’m finally fully walking away. I always have a hard time letting go of people, especially when I’ve grown to be attached to them however this toxic shit has to go! It really is like men have this radar, when you are moving on without them, something beeps in their fucking head, that says, ‘Call her, Text her,” “And don’t forget to tell her you miss her.” I am over the okey doke, sometimes, NO, most times you have to block their number for a bit. Do whatever is needed to save ur damn sanity, cuz slowly you’ll lose your mind dealing with these types of men.
My only word of advice, and its not even advice, Men know exactly what they are doing. When they say, and do, they have already determined how important you are to them. They have already assessed how much they are willing to do, or not do, so when they show you, take it at face value. If you meant that much to them, they would do all that’s needed to keep you. So, don’t allow them to use excuses, they most definitely knew what they had in you, and IF they didn’t, oh well! Don’t go back babe! Once a shooting star has fizzled out, there’s no rewind button … You’re the Star!
In my younger dating years, I was able to keep it cute and cordial with folks who previously had the pleasure of my company. However, now, No I wouldn’t want to be friends with my ex. Not real friends anyway, and if we have to filter out the things we’d say, why bother? If you MUST be friends with an ex, how did it end? I’m sure that would factor if you even want to be friends, were you just better as friends? Did y’all start as friends? Would the friendship be restricted to just texting and chatting on the phone? Would y’all go out? Ah, Way too many questions, and somewhere in there, I’m sure is a grey and murky area. Why even go thru the hassle of attempting friendship?
In my own defense, I am cool with a handful of folks that I’ve dated. But I would never invest time into them as a potential partner, again, I also wouldn’t physically go out with them to ‘catch up’. I’d respond if they texted, but I wouldn’t reach out. So I guess, No I wouldn’t be friends with an Ex.
I don’t tend to reread books, I already know the ending.
“Now you feeling guilty, that’s your conscious, Cant you tell a bitch is fed up with your nonsense.” -Kiana Lede
“I know how to be accountable for everything Ive done […] I know I fucked up once and its bad, so I cant front. Guess I’ll just smoke this blunt.” -6LACK
This is not taking account for your actions, telling me you know HOW doesn’t make you accountable for them. List them out, speak on what you’re actually taking accountability for. Giving me a line about it means absolutely nothing to me. Apologize, give me changed behavior, actually growing and working thru your fuck up is what’s going to make me stay, or possibly come back. I know your tactics so doing what you’ve done is going to work, especially when a woman is fed up.
I saw the red flags. Each and Every One, I saw them. When I recognized them, I fell back. I wasn’t that deep in with homie, so I was able to begin the process of walking away. Yeah, he was dope, and treated me well BUT I saw the Red Flags. I fucking saw them! I think that’s the part that annoys me the most about my most recent dating situation, the fact that I saw the red flags, began the process of walking away, but because he pursued me, I abandoned all sensible logic and stayed. Now I’m dealing with the aftermath. I’m better today, than I was a few weeks ago, but still, to have to deal with this, knowing I saw the Red Flags just sigh…
Be better than me, when you see those Red Flags, and you will, be strong enough to know he is not WHO you are waiting for.
Regardless of their title, IF they are toxic, leave them right where they are. I’ve heard the excuse, ‘Well that’s still your parent’, so many times, to which I now say, SO WHAT! I am no longer accepting that, as logical reasoning as to why I should continue to allow someone into my life. I cant control anyone’s action but my own, however If I am telling you, the things you are doing is causing harm, and you continue on, then you’re blatantly expressing to me, that you could care less about me. So you’ll no longer be a part of my World.
Do you keep toxic folks in your life because of their title/position to you?
My thirty something self dated a twenty something man, and I learned I have absolutely patience for that level of education. Age is more than just a fucking number, Aaliyah Lied! Maybe its because I am a woman, and I know what I like, its hard to teach a man, who THINKS he knows what a woman wants, but ummm no. Fuck No! Maybe Id met the wrong twenty something but I don’t know if I would be open to another cuz y’all… I was exhausted, and not in the most obvious ways. It’s like he wanted to be in charge, in control, but he didn’t have the follow through, that I needed him to have.
As a young man, I get it, you think you know what you’re doing sexually because youre no longer a virgin but I have a few lessons to teach. A twenty something who is unteachable isn’t a man I want to build a damn thing with. Ive never been into dating younger, and the one time I go out of my comfort zone, I get a know it all, who turns out, knows nothing at all.
“Met a lot of women, got a lot of niggas, but everybody full of shit, that’s why we back and forth again. My heart severely scorned and you the cause of it.”
Oh Wale, there’s so much to unpack here, with just two sentences. So you’re willing to stay in a “relationship” with this person, although she’s scorned your heart because everyone else is full of shit? Isn’t that how it works tho? Especially in this age of companionship? How many times have we met someone, started to get to know them, then the red flags pop but instead of falling back, we fall deeper into?
If I’m honest that was my plight with my most recent ‘love’. Shorty has been hurt before, probably more than once, but he refuses to seek assistance on how to move forward past them. Then here I come into his World, showing him something different from what he’s used to, being consistently consistent, but he’s hesitant to fully give me a chance. He’ll continue to entertain other women, cuz then he really doesn’t have to face his past traumas or give me his whole heart but I’m not here to ‘heal’ him if he’s not willing to do the hard, frustrating but necessary work. He’ll rather go back to what he’s used to cuz how can you get hurt when your able to control the experience?