Here is a story about the time I almost lost my virginity to my first love Ali.

So growing up in Baltimore, Maryland, I had plenty of ‘boyfriends’ but I managed to keep my virginity intact. Mostly in part because I knew boys talked way to much and I never wanted to be the topic of discussion for anyone. I never wanted to be called a ho, chickenhead or anything else that boys my age would’ve made up. Plus I just wasn’t ready for that step with anyone, thankfully I didnt talk to any boys that ever pressured me to do anything I didnt want to. Thinking about it now, I had great ‘little’ boyfriends, but also social media wasn’t as big as it is now. Sure we eventually had Myspace, AOL and BlackPlanet but it was secondary to actual one on one interaction with your friends. The most I’ve ever did was kiss, and chill in my boyfriends room but it was very innocent. Watching a movie was just that, like I said no one ever pressured me. So shout out to all my exes while I was under 17, love yall.

Back to my story, so Ali and I was so in love, this was my soul mate, and I wanted to be intimate with him. I wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could be. Ali was my cousin Keith best friend, which is how we met, one day Keith was driving, and ended up running into him and gave him a ride home. From that day, we was together in an unspoken rule of attraction and love. He was living in the city of Peekskill, I would visit my cousin often so I could be able to see Ali too. This particular evening, we had the house to ourselves, my aunt had went to the supermarket, and my cousin had basketball practice. So we was watching a movie and I was like I want to make love, let’s just do it. Who knows when we would have this opportunity again. Ali was not trying to hear me, he flat out said no, told me that he wanted our first time to be special, that he respected me and didn’t want to make me feel rushed because we had no idea when someone would be coming home. Can I tell you I wasn’t trying to hear none of what he was talking about. I was like nah let the next time be special, all I knew was that I loved him, and right then was the time. I definitely appreciate everything he said now, I appreciated how he loved me so fiercely that he was willing to put his own wants aside and wait to make everything perfectly special for me. Since we took so long going back and forth about us being intimate that by time I got him to FINALLY say okay, my aunt was pulling up in the driveway. I’m laughing as I write this just remembering how frustrated I was with him, inside I was having the ultimate temper tantrum!

Sadly Ali and I never got the chance to consummate our love as he committed suicide before we ever could be intimate.
Cherish the people you love while you have them here to love on.

Tristan.

PS. I love you Ali. Always.