I’ve created this space on the internet, as a safe space for me to always be able to express myself. Even if its just to put my thoughts and emotions on ‘paper’ as keeping it bottled up will have me go insane. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and Im feeling alone more than ever. Im feeling like folks honestly just dont give a eff about me. I grew up in Baltimore, but I moved back to New York when I was seventeen as my mother was dying from cancer. Do you know how hard it is to maintain friendships with other teenagers? Its hard but its even harder when you are the only one putting in the work to stay friends. I can count with one finger how many times my Baltimore best friends have came to New York to see me in the last thirteen years. Many times I’ve made excuses like well I know they have to work, or they have kids, or any of the many reasons they aren’t able to come see me. So because I spend the majority of my time at work, my coworkers are my friends but they aren’t. If they cared as much as I thought they did then I would’ve at least gotten a voice call. I have to remember that people are fickle beings who will put themselves first. I think its time I do the same.
I want someone to work as hard as I do to maintain these friendships. Who can I break down to? Who can I lean on? Who can I talk to? I’m officially exhausted. Although Thanksgiving 2016 ended with me eating a frozen dinner, I’m still grateful and thankful for the ability to be able to move forward. I can’t change what happened yesterday but I can work to improve my tomorrows.
FYI This was not a bitter post, I assure you I was not angry writing, I was sadden.