London Blues

Its 4 in the morning, and I’m up. I put blame on me being sick, and sleeping all day. But I’m up now, and I was hit with inspiration? I was hit with something that has me researching flights between Charlotte and London. For whatever reason, London has this pull on me, and its been this way since I visited last year in January but now it just feels so much more powerful, and intentional. I wrote on Instagram earlier, that maybe I’m just being a little delusional and probably insane, but I think its a feeling I’m going to allow to lead me. (shoulder shrug) I mean, honestly what do I have to lose?

We all know I love Chicago, down! DOWN! And that’s my forever home, but what if London is my home too? Even if its temporary? I can’t explain it but I feel like I’m on to something. With my niece and nephew being in Charlotte now, the idea, or the hope is for me to move there to be closer to them for them. But if what making that move, puts me closer to London, that I realize?

Jonez.

I’m ALive

You know, I don’t know if I ever told y’all this, but 22 years ago, I tried to commit suicide. Its not a laughing matter but I laugh when the memory comes up in my mind. Geraldine died, and I was like welp, me too! I would’ve missed out on this beautifully crafted life, I’ve created for myself, and knowing that, makes the decision that much more tragic! Could you imagine me not existing? ME either. I was chatting with my niece today about it, and she said she had thought of that memory recently as well. All of it happening is so clear to me, but I can’t remember what was my final straw, my thirteenth reason. I just remember making the decision, and taking the pills.

Once again, I am so happy to be alive, even in these weird ass times. I can still find joy, even in the bleakest of places. All that to say, things might be hard, might even feel like things will never get better, BUT I promise you they will! It can’t always be bad.

I love you!

Jonez.

Day26

In January, I went to New York specifically to see Day 26! While there I maximized my time, but they were the priority. I even got the meet & greet tix because why not? If I’m going to make a whole trip out of seeing them, I might as well, do all the things.

Meeting them was actually wonderful. Even though the energy was a bit low, I blamed that on the fact, they did a show prior to the meet & greet. However when I walked up to them, they perked up a lil, which was lovely. I remember watching them on the show, and listening to the albums, so to meet them was chef’s kiss.

The concert was at SOB’s and baby, the ghetto! However a time was had!

Tristan Jonez.

Friendless in Chicago

When I have no one to chat with, I know I can always come here and be received. Even if, sometimes it feels like I’m talking to myself here too. But its a safe space, and I’ll always appreciate that I’ve created this for myself.

So I need some friends. I KNOW, this has been the topic for forever. But this time its not my fault that I don’t have any. I’ve met a few people, but the energy is lackluster. I’m not saying we have to chat everyday, but I think it has to be more than once a month. No? I am tired of being the one to carry the conversation, and ultimately the friendship. So now I don’t even feel like attempting to make friends with anyone.

Oh! And I was friendly with a coworker, and after suggesting two events, she ghosted me when I inquired about more information. And the more being, what day would you like to go to said events. THEN when I said something about it to her, after the days had passed, she said she figured I wasn’t interested. Like what?

SOS, Tristan J.

So Many Ways.

I love when I listen to an album I haven’t in a while, and its such a great body of work!

Tonight’s album is brought to you by Avant’s Director. It was released on January 1, 2006, Also that’s very bold to drop on New Years day but its one way to start it. Not that I remember but I was 20 when this album dropped, and its funny to listen as an 38 yr old Auntie. I definitely can relate a whole lot more to the lyrics now. Life baby. Although in the majority of the songs, he’s telling a shorty to leave their man. I’m surprised Avant didn’t get his ass kicked with these songs, however I’m sure he can fight. But at this point, all male R&B singers should.

But this is/was your reminder to go now, and listen to Avant, Director album.

Jonez.

We Grown Now.

I just finished watching ‘We grown now’ movie, and of course I end it crying. It was a journey, but I love how lighting played a role in itself, and the cinematography! Although I reside in Chicago, I couldn’t tell you what it is to have lived in Cabrini-Green, but I know what living in the projects feel like. I also know how it feels to leave your friend, when its time to move. Quick story, I remember in hs when I had to tell everyone I would be moving back to New York, I had one friend who was so upset, she just created distance and unfortunately ‘dumped’ me. I understand feeling pissed that someone who you’ve grown close to would no longer be within arms reach, but it hurt.

In the movie we have two best friends, Eric and Malik, who are growing together. Then tragedy hits, and both kids start to cement a bit more in their thinking of how the World is, and what it will be moving forward. A child possibly embedded in fantasy thinking? Daydreaming? A child rooted in the here and now, seeing what reality is, not for what it could be?

Now streaming on Netflix, it was a wonderful movie, that you should definitely watch.

Tristan Jonez.

Most Proud.

I just finished watching the Megan thee Stallion documentary, and one of the parts that made me mist up was the end, when she said she knew her mother would be proud of her. I used to wonder, and if I’m honest, I still wonder if my mother is proud of me. I know she would be disappointed in her brothers and sisters with the way they handled me since she passed. I know she would be angry with my sister for how she’s handled this time, and how she’s treated me. I’m sure she would off her some grace, and really try to see things through her lens. But proud of me?

I honestly don’t know. She put education first, and I didn’t graduate from college, so I think she would be disappointed, I didn’t continue my education. In my defense, the real World gave me the education. Instead of books, I was out there really learning how Life was. In addition, I’ve been to the places in the books I would’ve studied. I’ve been able to experience Roman architecture, Cuisine from all around the World, all the while learning to trust myself, and boost my confidence.

I don’t think this might’ve been the Life she saw for me, but I think she would understand who I am. This version of myself. With the tools I had, I created a Life that I love, a life that I didn’t know I COULD live, and one that I’m excited to wake up to living. SO I take what I said earlier back, Not only would she be proud, she would be most proud of who I am, and how I’ve grown from that 17 year old girl she left behind.

Jonez.

Some like it HOT

Once again, I was able to win the lottery for Broadway in Chicago for Some like it hot, and I absolutely loved it! I loved it so much, I had to take notes during the intermission.

The costumes are beyond gorgeous, the lighting and set design makes you feel like you are truly in the 1920’s sitting in a speakeasy, looking out for the cops. The choreography is perfection! Above all, the cast looks like they are actually having a good time with each other on stage.

I wanted to see the show while it was on Broadway, but blame my schedule. I just wasn’t able to get there. So I was more than excited when I knew it was coming to Chicago. I could make it to them, so they came to me! If you were only to listen to one song, make it ‘lets be bad’

Jonez.

October 31.

This month went by so slow! I felt each day, and I got to enjoy the days as well. October was really filled event after event, show after show, but Its been such a great month. I didn’t go to work as much as I should’ve, and I’ll feel the effects of it but that’s a problem for another day. I’m still smiling at the randomness of this month. I got to ‘meet & greet’ with one of my favorite artist, Leon Thomas. I ate so well too! Had delicious food, most notably in St. Louis. I became a fan of Vince Staples after experiencing him for the first time. It was another successful ‘A night in Purple’, the Ravens (NFL) annual event for its female fans, and I finally wore Ravens gear! I didn’t get to see Wale, and probably won’t for this tour, I am bummed about it.

All in all, this was such a great month, feels like July/August! Cuz this Summer was a time.

Did y’all have a good month? If so, or not, tell me about it.

Jonez.

Be the Resident

For the past few months, Ive been watching The Resident. Just a few episodes here and there, not really bingeing, except for this final season, as I wanted to just get through it. Towards the end the writing started to annoy me, and it too felt like they wanted the show to be over. All in All, it was a really good series, at times, the characters pissed me off terribly, but I’d say I grew close to the show. One character, Dr.Bell had such a redeeming arc, that I actually cried on the series finale.

Recently, since the show is now on Netflix, there has been chatter of completing another season, but I don’t really need one. Season six was wrapped up nicely with a bow. I won’t, but If I really wanted to know ‘where are they now’ I would just use my imagination. I tend to not watch hospital series because I’m squeamish, and I dont actually like crying due to the characters.

If you haven’t seen, The Resident, you should. It was a really good show, with full and healthy storylines, with fully developed characters. Let me know if you do, so we can chat about these folks.

Tristan Jonez.

Lets get married!

I’m actually really excited, although the double sided tape isn’t working, and I don’t have a damn strapless bra for the dress I’m wearing BUT I’m going to my first wedding as an adult. Its in Louisville, so I’ll take the first flight. And I’m bout to get myself together, so I can go to bed, I have to wake up earlier than I was planning. I have to make a target run for pasties. Please keep your fingers crossed that they have what I need. Otherwise I don’t really have a backup plan.

Yesterday I went to Macys to find the dress. Here are the options. Can you guess which one, if any, I went with.

Jonez.

DR, Resident.

I’ve been watching The Resident on Netflix, and there’s been a few episodes that have had me in my feelings but one moreso. So Idk if this is actual hospital procedure, but If you are needing a new lung, you FIRST have to have a support system of two people BEFORE they can even put you on the list. Naturally, I was thinking about my own life, and If that was my diagnosis, I would be dead. I know my niece would probably be able to assist me, but I would even want to place that much of a burden on her. Especially since she has her own life to live. Then there’s having a medical proxy, just in case something ever should happen to you, and your not able to speak up about the things you’d like to have happen.

You know Its really fucking scary outside.

Jonez