Lumberjack Joe

So I recently went on a date, I know I said Im not dating but shit happens. Let’s call him Lumberjack Joe, so first let me put it out there that he’s not someone I would usually date, but since I’m not dating I figured I should expand my horizon. On first look, he was very hoboish looking, 80’s style, he looked much older than thirty two but he was sweet and charming so why not give this man a chance.

We met on 145th street, I took the train he rode his bike. In person he looked the same as his photos on OKCupid, bald with a healthy beard, wearing a fanny pack, a dad hat and cut off shorts. Our first destination was his favorite African eatery in harlem, food was pretty good, conversation was slow but started to pick up towards the end of the meal. At this point Im not really feeling like we are a match, not really feeling any sparks. Lumberjack Joe advises me he has a child, 18 months, in my mind Im like oh hell no. A man having a child, especially under five is an instant NO. Now we are done with lunch so we are walking back up the hill on 145th in route to grab drinks.

The time now is 4:15, happy hour is not until 5 so he wants to kill the time before we go to the spot. This annoys me a tad bit, If we are on a date, you as the man take on the responsibility of being able to pay for the date, especially if this is something that you have planned. If you knew that happy hour started at 5, then you should have started the date at 4 so it would flow right into drinks. But okay. So we are at Riverside Park lounging, chit chatting about nothing and everything, people watching, enjoying the breeze.

The time goes by quickly so we are now having drinks. I start babbling about my baby, my website, and I light up. When it comes to my art, I can take about it for hours. He shows an interest in it, so we are bouncing ideas off of each other, the conversation is flowing, this is nice. I’m still not feeling anything but I do like him … as a friend. I’m not getting any butterflies but he attentive, hand on mine, a touch here, a smile there. It’s refreshing to meet someone who can converse intelligently.

Let me back track, I was a bit late to meet up with him as I was coming from work and I wanted to change out of my uniform. Lumberjack Joe made the comment about since I was late I’ll be the one paying for drinks. I laughed it off cuz I thought he was joking, well he wasnt. Now I dont have an issue every paying for dinner/date but I wont do it for the first one. And if I do, you’re a dub to me. I would never take you serious because you fail to know the rules of engagement.

So I paid for the drinks, and never went out with him again.

Tristan.

Virginity Saved

Here is a story about the time I almost lost my virginity to my first love Ali.

So growing up in Baltimore, Maryland, I had plenty of ‘boyfriends’ but I managed to keep my virginity intact. Mostly in part because I knew boys talked way to much and I never wanted to be the topic of discussion for anyone. I never wanted to be called a ho, chickenhead or anything else that boys my age would’ve made up. Plus I just wasn’t ready for that step with anyone, thankfully I didnt talk to any boys that ever pressured me to do anything I didnt want to. Thinking about it now, I had great ‘little’ boyfriends, but also social media wasn’t as big as it is now. Sure we eventually had Myspace, AOL and BlackPlanet but it was secondary to actual one on one interaction with your friends. The most I’ve ever did was kiss, and chill in my boyfriends room but it was very innocent. Watching a movie was just that, like I said no one ever pressured me. So shout out to all my exes while I was under 17, love yall.

Back to my story, so Ali and I was so in love, this was my soul mate, and I wanted to be intimate with him. I wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could be. Ali was my cousin Keith best friend, which is how we met, one day Keith was driving, and ended up running into him and gave him a ride home. From that day, we was together in an unspoken rule of attraction and love. He was living in the city of Peekskill, I would visit my cousin often so I could be able to see Ali too. This particular evening, we had the house to ourselves, my aunt had went to the supermarket, and my cousin had basketball practice. So we was watching a movie and I was like I want to make love, let’s just do it. Who knows when we would have this opportunity again. Ali was not trying to hear me, he flat out said no, told me that he wanted our first time to be special, that he respected me and didn’t want to make me feel rushed because we had no idea when someone would be coming home. Can I tell you I wasn’t trying to hear none of what he was talking about. I was like nah let the next time be special, all I knew was that I loved him, and right then was the time. I definitely appreciate everything he said now, I appreciated how he loved me so fiercely that he was willing to put his own wants aside and wait to make everything perfectly special for me. Since we took so long going back and forth about us being intimate that by time I got him to FINALLY say okay, my aunt was pulling up in the driveway. I’m laughing as I write this just remembering how frustrated I was with him, inside I was having the ultimate temper tantrum!

Sadly Ali and I never got the chance to consummate our love as he committed suicide before we ever could be intimate.
Cherish the people you love while you have them here to love on.

Tristan.

PS. I love you Ali. Always.

So No date today?

This is reason 264857542965 why I’m choosing to give dating a break. If you have no intentions of actually going out with me, then stop making these half assed plans. At bare minimum you ask me out you need a location and a time, as a bonus, on occasion I’m willing to meet you ‘there’. So you’re only responsible for picking a place, a time and picking up the bill, if it’s a first date especially. I’m not sure why, but this is proving to be a problem, my bare minimums are proving to be too much to adhere to. 

I was supposed to go on a date today. However I’m here in bed. I had to look at the calendar to check if today was Thursday, and go thru my phone like wait I thought I had something to do for today. It’s my last day off before returning back to work so I had no travel plans but imagine if I canceled so I could be available for this guy? Negative. I have to stop putting my hopes up at all for these men who clearly have no scruples. 

If he was interested then he would’ve made it happen. I shouldn’t be required to do all the leg work, it’s rather simple, you want to see me then make it happen. If you’re that busy, which I doubt, but if you are, then make the time if I’m a priority. 

Tristan. 

Off Time

If you have to remember to call me or text me, then we aren’t dating and you’re not interested.

Allow me to explain. There’s this guy, (Don’t all good stories start out like that?) anyway, there’s this guy who is amazing.¬† He’s a great father, entrepreneur, charming and just an all around good guy. We’ve known one another for a little while now but it was always bad timing when he was actively trying to date me. So we settled on being friends, plus we have a semi friendly traveling competition between the two of us. So recently I’ve declared I was not longer going to date anyone, I’m assuming he took that as a challenge to change my mind. When he hit me up in reference to my statement, I was opened with him about why I’m over dating right now. However somewhere in that conversation we agreed to actively try to be in each other’s world more than just Instagram friends.

So… It’s been a few weeks, but I feel like we are communicating the same as we were before if not less. I’m not such a traditional girl that I’ll let the man do all the heavy lifting but if we are BOTH genuinely forgetting to hit the other then we cant be that¬†interested. Can We?

I don’t force it. I honestly feel like sometimes folks might be good for each other but their timing is horribly off. If it’s not meshing organically then let it rock.

Tristan.

Insecure: Making the Cut



SUPER SPOILER // SUPER SPOILER //

First Kudos to Lawrence for not pursuing anything with Bank Chick. I was beaming like a proud mother when he politely turned her down. I do believe that he lead her on a bit, yes he mentioned having a girlfriend in the last episode but I got the feeling that given the right day and circumstances he would’ve bent the rules with Tasha (Bank Chick). It just so happens that him and Issa are on a high right now, or so he thinks.

I’m not all the way convinced that Lawrence and Issa should still be trying to maintain a relationship. Birthdays are HUGH to me. Miss mine and we are done. Period. There’s no coming back from that, and I still haven’t seen Lawrence try to make up for that one. Plus where are they headed, five years, and no mention of anything more than what they currently have? I’m all about being secure in your decision to marry, and doing it when it feels right but when will that be?

Molly and Jared, Jared and Molly. That’s a match that makes perfect sense but since Jared has no degree he’s been downgraded to ‘friend’. Molly is a damn fool! Understand DAMN FOOL. I get wanting to be with someone who you think it on the same level with you academically but will you let that be the deciding factor for a relationship? I know the feeling of wanting to be with someone, anyone, so you just rush into it, but Molly needs to slow all the way down. I didn’t think getting drunk and going to Jared’s house was the smarter plan either but shit happens. The great thing about this is Molly can recover from it WITH Jared if she uses the honesty card. “Tomorrow” when she wakes, she needs to put her big girl panties on, and really think about what’s important when seeking that life partner. Jared has my vote!

Issa! I’m so disappointed. The whole episode I was rooting for you. I knew you was playing with fire communicating with Daniel but I know you like to play with temptation. You like getting as close to the fire as you can without getting burned but tonight you threw caution to the wind. Have you completely lost your damn mind? I can’t even say it was a moment of weakness because you knew better. What happened between when Daniel told you he did not want a relationship and now? Issa, Daniel will never be in a relationship with you, and you damn sure shouldn’t want to be with him. Not that he has to like it, but he should respect that you have a man, or had a man. I KNOW you are going to tell Lawrence, I just don’t see you keeping something like from him, your conscience will eat your ass up.

Once you’re single, I’m not exactly sure what the plan will be. Do you? I just hope you know what the hell you’re doing.

Tristan.