For those of you who are new to me, I Stan for the singer Monica Brown. In my head she’s an older sister that has been through life and is now there to help get through the same things she’s lived through. So many countless times her music has helped to be that shoulder I needed.
After the Storm album helped me to realize I wasn’t the only person who had gone through this. My first love had committed suicide, and I was having an extremely hard time moving forward with life. It was the worst feeling, words fail at describing the pain of losing Ali. To this day, I still miss him and talk to him as if he is here with me. I lost my love but gained an angel. However listening to “I wrote this song” lets me know Monica truly understand the feeling, and if she was able to move forward I know I’ll be able to eventually.
Still Standing album made me realize I was stronger than I thought. I was a mess during this album, you hear me? I was a hot ass mess. Didn’t know what I was doing with myself, just trying to find myself but nothing was working. I was single, after finding my then boyfriend had cheated. I had gone through a miscarriage, as well as a failed engagement with said cheater boyfriend. However there was hope in my struggle as I just met a guy that I thought was it for me… turns out he wasn’t. The song “Everything to me and Love all over me” was the perfect dedication to him.
Fast forward three years, the relationship should’ve ended but leave it to me to continue to breathe life into a very dead relationship cuz I ain’t a quitter. New Life album was the definition of my life but I didn’t see that at the time. I was still rocking Still Standing. Unhealthy toxic relationship was what my beautiful love had turned into. I wasn’t love or respected, but yet I stayed. Its funny, because I wouldn’t give him a second of my time now, especially with the way I feel about myself. The love I have for myself now, he couldn’t do nothing with the woman I am now. NOTHING. “Until it’s gone” will forever be dedicated to him.
Once I was freed from the emotions I had for my ex, we decided to try again. I know, silly me. In Code Red Album, “Ocean of Tears” made me cry, still does because I truly did everything I could to get back to him. But this time, something had changed… and it was me. Whatever spell he had me under was now done. I’m not sure where/when the change occurred but it did. I no longer needed his love to sustain me, I was my “dozen roses.”
I haven’t had the opportunity to sit down and tell Monica all of this face to face yet but its coming. Just wait on it.