London Blues

Its 4 in the morning, and I’m up. I put blame on me being sick, and sleeping all day. But I’m up now, and I was hit with inspiration? I was hit with something that has me researching flights between Charlotte and London. For whatever reason, London has this pull on me, and its been this way since I visited last year in January but now it just feels so much more powerful, and intentional. I wrote on Instagram earlier, that maybe I’m just being a little delusional and probably insane, but I think its a feeling I’m going to allow to lead me. (shoulder shrug) I mean, honestly what do I have to lose?

We all know I love Chicago, down! DOWN! And that’s my forever home, but what if London is my home too? Even if its temporary? I can’t explain it but I feel like I’m on to something. With my niece and nephew being in Charlotte now, the idea, or the hope is for me to move there to be closer to them for them. But if what making that move, puts me closer to London, that I realize?

Jonez.

Most Proud.

I just finished watching the Megan thee Stallion documentary, and one of the parts that made me mist up was the end, when she said she knew her mother would be proud of her. I used to wonder, and if I’m honest, I still wonder if my mother is proud of me. I know she would be disappointed in her brothers and sisters with the way they handled me since she passed. I know she would be angry with my sister for how she’s handled this time, and how she’s treated me. I’m sure she would off her some grace, and really try to see things through her lens. But proud of me?

I honestly don’t know. She put education first, and I didn’t graduate from college, so I think she would be disappointed, I didn’t continue my education. In my defense, the real World gave me the education. Instead of books, I was out there really learning how Life was. In addition, I’ve been to the places in the books I would’ve studied. I’ve been able to experience Roman architecture, Cuisine from all around the World, all the while learning to trust myself, and boost my confidence.

I don’t think this might’ve been the Life she saw for me, but I think she would understand who I am. This version of myself. With the tools I had, I created a Life that I love, a life that I didn’t know I COULD live, and one that I’m excited to wake up to living. SO I take what I said earlier back, Not only would she be proud, she would be most proud of who I am, and how I’ve grown from that 17 year old girl she left behind.

Jonez.

October 31.

This month went by so slow! I felt each day, and I got to enjoy the days as well. October was really filled event after event, show after show, but Its been such a great month. I didn’t go to work as much as I should’ve, and I’ll feel the effects of it but that’s a problem for another day. I’m still smiling at the randomness of this month. I got to ‘meet & greet’ with one of my favorite artist, Leon Thomas. I ate so well too! Had delicious food, most notably in St. Louis. I became a fan of Vince Staples after experiencing him for the first time. It was another successful ‘A night in Purple’, the Ravens (NFL) annual event for its female fans, and I finally wore Ravens gear! I didn’t get to see Wale, and probably won’t for this tour, I am bummed about it.

All in all, this was such a great month, feels like July/August! Cuz this Summer was a time.

Did y’all have a good month? If so, or not, tell me about it.

Jonez.

Hi.

My site auto renewed so I figured I would actually use my site. It really is a comfort, knowing its here anytime I’d like to explore my thoughts. Currently I just gave myself a pedicure, so while I allow the polish to dry, I thought Id put my thoughts down. I’m listening to Tens most recent album, Idk If I’m a fan. Maybe I am, but I’m not sure. Well let me say, she definitely has some songs I absolutely love, but idk If I’d see her in concert.

I’m attending a wedding on Friday, and I have yet to find a dress. I know I know, but I’ll find something tomorrow. I have to! Plus I’ll have the whole day to search. Granted I’ve been looking online at Nordstrom’s, Bloomingdale and Macy’s but I haven’t pulled the trigger yet. However tomorrow feels like it’ll be a good day … to find a cocktail dress.

I’m ready to go on a date! I think. But I’m too scared to actually put myself out there to meet someone, because clearly my picker is broke. It funny cuz I live my life without fear of going somewhere new, or doing new things but mention dating and I’m like, keep it.

What am I to do?

Jonez.

FYI Venting.

Can I complain for a bit?

I’m so sick of humans. Sick! I just want to meet people who value honesty. Who value communication! Omitting the full scope of what’s happening is lying! In my next life I really want to meet people who are open, upfront and direct. If we’re having an interaction why do I have to read between the fucking lines? Why can’t you just tell me the whole & full story? My gawd.

I thought I wasn’t asking for too much when I asked folks to properly communicate. However the joke is on me because apparently I’ve been asking for wayyyyyyyy too much. Leaving out bits, that I’m going to find out later is insulting to my intelligence. I thought the minimum in friendships was communication cuz If we aren’t chatting what are we doing? Fucking a.

People get on my goddamn nerves. Just cuz I don’t always speak on it, doesn’t mean I didn’t peep it babes.

Jonez.

Classic Greek

Last night I won the Broadway lottery for Mamma Mia, and I see why it’s a cult classic. Or why it has a cult following. It was a really good show, especially with cast. The ensemble did a wonderful job! The principal cast was singing down! It legit looked like friends just on stage having fun. Since it was my first time seeing it, Idk if this crew’s chemistry was just that good or if all the productions are similar to this, whatever the reason, I love!

While I write this, I’m listening to the soundtrack from 1999. Falling asleep, but in my defense it is 3:07a. I believe the show will be in Chicago until Mid May so do yourself a favor, and see it.

Jonez

Tragedy.

What tragedy or celebration warrants a phone call? What event has to happen for you to call your friend, fam or whomever. I KNOW we all generally text because it’s easier really but are phone calls obsolete? Although I don’t think I’m extra, I know my actions are sometimes seen as a rarity. I’m going to call for specific and special occasions. I’m going to send a card to commemorate the memory or event. At this point everyone in the World is so extremely busy, but when it comes to your friends, who do you make time for?

SideNote, I don’t do anything because I want it in return. My intentions and actions are always pure but It’s tiring to keep doing and doing and doing for others, and those same folks pay you dust.

Tristan J.

Geraldine Day.

April 29th is always such a weird day to remember. Before 2003 it held no significance, was just another day. It’s so wild how one day, a day that means nothing, can really hold such memories, especially when they aren’t the best ones. I sometimes refer to this day as Geraldine’s Day, but its the anniversary of her death. 21 Years Ago was the last time I laid eyes on my parent. The last day I touched her hands, hugged her, was in her presence. I have lived for 21 years without the person who gave a fuck about me. When I think back, I really cant believe it. Still cant believe it.

I used to wonder if she was proud of me. Of my life choices. Of where I was, whenever I was thinking that thought. Of who I had become as a person, as a woman. Of how I decided to live my life. I do think she would be proud of who I am. How I carry myself, and how I don’t look like ANYTHING I’ve been thru. Cuz y’all I’ve been through some shit.

Every year my niece and I do something. And this year is no difference, I’ll be in Charlotte celebrating in whatever way. Last year it was a Tea Experience in New York. If all we did, was eat cereal in the house, that would be more than enough for me.

Tristan Jonez.

Ghost.

Cuz I tell y’all my business, but y’all. So I attempted to kinda sorta chat with someone, and babes, it went bad, horrid, in fact. It was long distance, but I’m cool with that since I fly, its no biggie to me. And things were moving along real cute, but then we had a bout of miscommunication, and they said I didn’t respond in a way they expected, and they aren’t used to that. So to make peace, I apologized. Sidenote, I will never mind apologizing to someone If I hurt their feelings, because we cant debate on how we made someone feel. I can only explain my intentions. I didn’t really appreciate how the energy changed, and they did nothing to try to quell it.

About a week goes by, and the energy is still the same. I’ve already apologized, so why aren’t we moving forward? One thing I’m not going to do is, press someone for information about how they are feeling. You are grown. If there’s a problem, then speak up. Also I don’t want anyone to feel obligated to chat because we started as friends. Its always risky turning a friendship into something more, but that’s the risk you take. At this point, they haven’t returned my text message or my phone call so I’m going to leave it where it landed. Cuz if they wanted to, they would’ve.

Jonez.

Spoty Fi.

Daylist from Spotify, I feel like we’ve chatted about this before but if not, Spotify, creates daily playlist based on your listening, and adds songs/artist they believe you would like, while giving them creative titles. I love em! Spotify knows and loves me down, on a regular basis but with this new feature, they’ve outdone theirselves. There’s an option where you can save the playlist, instead of creating a million list, I just copy the link into my notes app so I can listen to that playlist if that’s how I’m feeling later on.

What’s funny is the emo, country, granola eating playlist have been my fav as of late.

Jonez.

Do you utilize Spotify?

Mara-thon.

For the past, months, I’ve actually been thinking about training for a marathon. Now, lets be clear I am not interested in actually running in one, but I would like to train for it. I want to get serious about my fitness journey and I think if I had an attainable goal then it would help to be focused about what I want to achieve. Idk, it does make sense to me. Also, part of me, would love to have a trainer, someone who would undoubtedly be an accountable partner. With summer coming up, folks are going to get whatever body is under these clothes, and they are going to like it. I don’t give a flying fuck, either way.

However I think I am going to get serious about this goal.

Have you ever thought about training for something but not doing the something?

Jonez.

Slowly Up.

Maybe it is a getting older thing but a slow morning is really the best! To not have to use an alarm clock, to wake up at my leisure, to make tea and eat a muffin slowly, is legit the best type of morning. Y’all know I don’t do chaos, so slowly leaning into the day, what a concept. My clothes are laid out on the couch, with my sneaker selection chosen as well, Jordan 3, or 4’s. Because why are we waiting for special occasions to wear our ‘good clothes’, plus these are actually comfortable.

But It is nice to be able to slowly get my day started. I also find myself strolling when I’m outside, and I can only contribute that to getting older. Really taking in all there is to see, in the World outside of myself.

How do you start your mornings?

Jonez.

Also, obviously, this is able to happen on days off primarily but I’m trying to make it an everyday thing.