In my next trick, I will be a floral photographer. I’m always super excited when the light hits a flower just right, when I have company, a bee/an insect, who is admiring the art just as I am, or just after it’s rained and the beads of water have yet to fall. San Jose doesn’t owe me a thing! Every single sidewalk, walkway and park was bursting with fresh flowers, even dying flowers but there’s beauty in death. It’s a goal/dream of mine to host a gallery of my photos. I’d like to believe I can do wonders, and what better way to show them off then putting them ALL on display. I can’t wait until I return to San Jose, California. There’s still so much for me to capture. Tristan Jonez
When did we get into the habit of glossing over the ‘struggle’? I find that folks are so eager to show that they are winning, that it creates unrealistic expectations so when you do lose, personally, you lose your fucking mind. We know, with all forms of social media, you have to keep up airs, stay put on but isn’t that exhausting? Now don’t get me wrong, who the hell wants to solely focus on failures? Nobody. That’s a depressing place to be, but shit happens, right?
I want to create a place of equal balance. A place where we celebrate the lows just as fiercely as the highs. Now maybe I won’t be the actual person to create this haven I’m looking for but i do want to play my part. So although I do believe I vocalize my lows and highs equally, I will be more aware of the content I put out. Just as often as I scream men ain’t shit but fuck boys, I’ll turn around and showcase men who have the qualities that’ll make your knees buckle.
I remember being fourteen, creating a chart of how old I would be when I turned twenty-one, then twenty-five, and telling myself I couldn’t wait until I reached those ages. Those milestone which have since come and gone, and up until recently I was still waiting. For what I don’t know, well I can’t exactly pinpoint. I’ve been waiting fro Prince Charming to come into my world, waiting for people to be as much of a friend to me that I am to them, waiting to not be scared and thrive in all my talents, whether seen or unseen, waiting to finally give myself permission to live life on my terms … unapologetically!
Despite the fear, I usually do it. Whatever ‘it’ may be. I push myself because I’m my best hype man, hell I might be your best hype man too. Tonight I realize I need to place more value in myself, trust in what others see in me, and continue to dance to the sound of my voice, my heart and my drum. When something happens that brings fear back, remember life is funny like that. One moment you’re facing your biggest obstacle, next your looking back, laughing, on what you thought was your biggest obstacle.
So recently I was thinking about my childhood friends who are getting married, having children and just generally living life. In thinking of them, I stated thinking about my own life, and my future. I thought about the fact that I don’t have children yet, barely dating, but I’m living my travel dream. I didn’t realize before of how much I actually wanted to be a flight attendant, however now that I’m here and I’m actually doing it, this is what I want to do. I’d lie if I said this was a forever thing, but then again, who knows? I love the thrill of not knowing where I will be traveling to or who I will be traveling with. Obviously it can possibly be a stressful situation, but when you look it as an adventure, there is no way, you won’t be able to have the time of your life!
STOP LETTING FOLKS ATTACH THEMSELVES TO YOU!
I didn’t really understand, or believe that folks can most times see the greatness in you, before you see it. And some of those same people, will attach themselves to you, not because they would like to help cultivate your greatness, they want to get as much as they can out of you, without having to put that much into you! It takes you being aware of who you are, and even more aware of the company that you are keeping.
I’ll be the first to tell you, when I travel I use my gut for singling out where I should walk, or if its really safe to go in this or that direction. However when it comes to people I am not always able to use good judgement. I want to see the best/good in everyone, even when they do me wrong. I’m working on changing some of my ways, although it pains me, sometimes you have to love folks from a very far distance.
Energy is real! Vibes are real! You have to be vigilant in who you are surrounding yourself with, continue to take inventory of how YOU feel around different people, are you more angry, anxious, sad? Hows the quality of y’all conversation, are they invested in you as you are in them? Are they contributing to the friendship in ways that are beneficial to you? Solely them? Take control of your life and the folks YOU allow in!
For a long time I’ve wondered why I only attract the broken, and today I realized there must be something broken inside of me that I have yet to discover or uncover. Maybe it’s possible I am not over the things that have happened to me in life, or I haven’t moved on as much as I believed I had. Every time I meet a new person, or an old person comes back into my life, it seems we are just repeating the routines of yester-whenever. If I’m being honest, I’m tired of the same ole, same ole.
My next move is learning to create those very necessary boundaries, and keeping in place what contingencies I have if those clear boundaries are crossed. Being sweet is a wonderful quality to have but I have to stop letting folks believe that I am to be treated however they see fit at the moment. ESPECIALLY If I’ve already made it known, that those behaviors are not acceptable. I’m tired of being frustrated, tried of feeling used, and I’m damn sure tired of feeling as if I owe anyone something! Loyalty will get you killed! So for once, I’m gong to be loyal to myself, and start giving myself whatever it is thats needed.
I know I talk about dating all the time, well at least I think about it often enough, but this time I think I am done with dating. It’s exhausting. Seriously, I do not think I have the energy it takes to really meet anyone. Talk to anyone, actually get to know any damn one. Ugh. No Thank you.
Sure I tell you guys that you should keep hope alive, and push pass how you may be feeling at the currently moment, because there is always hope to be found. But blah! All I can tell you guys, Is good damn luck!
First I will delete all the dating apps I have, they are useless. However I did have success, and haven’t met many amazing men. To keep the balance, in the interim of deleting all apps I will be opened to meeting folk IF they approached me. I wouldn’t be so quick to turn them away. Although I am not willing to change my number, I will be blocking every Ex that still reaches out. No need to continue to give people access to me, when that relationship has ended. I’m sure I will make other changes as the weeks carry on, but this will do for now.