When You

Cheers Again to 2021, May this year be filled with Everything Good.

But I had a ‘shower thought’ minus the shower. I’m on the couch, about to lay down for the evening, nevermind it’s 605est, and it just hit me. As SOON as you decide, truly decide, what you want, how you want, and what you aren’t going to allow, The Universe first test you, then Make it All Happen. In this moment, I feel the Universe conspiring to make the wants happen.

I’ve been concerned about my future for the past few weeks, but in just a moment, my concerns are no more. No matter what happens, I will be more than alright.

Tristan J.

Warning.

I have accepted my writing fate at this time, because all I want to do is watch ‘television’ and write up my opinion, and then beg y’all to watch (indulge) with me. I KNOW sitting in front of a screen, and watching hours of television isn’t the smartest choice, but we’re ALL making poor decisions. Judge Yourself! (laughing)

Also, I’m single, so you would think I would stay from romantic comedies, and dramas, but Nope! That’s all I can watch. I’m actually getting the feels from being so wrapped up in the characters! I blame the holidays, who knows what my excuse will be after they’re over.

Let’s just Enjoy Now!

Jonez

One Thing.

There really should be something said for folks who are able to do as they please … without regard for ANYONE else. I used to be embarrassed when folks would say things like, “well you only have you to be responsible for”, or “You should be lucky you don’t have any kids”. Like it was a bad thing I didn’t have children, or was only responsible for myself, Listen! It’s not a negative at all, In this day and time, it’s a blessing.

Y’all better stop sitting around, wishing you had someone else’s life. Someone else’s responsibilities. I thank the stars above that my life doesn’t look like, what I THOUGHT I wanted. There’s such a light in being who you are. Such a weightlessness to truly walk as the person you are supposed to be. Does your life look better now than what you wanted?

Jonez

This Chapter …

Is called, “Worry ‘Bout Yo’ Self!”

Since the beginning of the year, Ive been receiving message after message and the lesson I’ve learned … I need to worry about my damn self. Ive been doing the friend thing, the being there for everybody thing, the check on my friends thing, the accountability partner thing… then I realized nobody ask me to be those things. I took it upon myself, to to be and do what I would want someone else to be and do for me. I’ve been drained of all my energy because I’ve been trying to keep up with all the different personalities I know. This season of my life, is for me. To check in with myself, to motivate myself, to cultivate myself, to show up for my damn self, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

I’m sure if my friends need my input, they will certainly ask for it. However I am done volunteering myself, especially when I haven’t been getting my level energy back from those who I invest in.

What chapter in your life are you entering or exiting?

Tristan Jonez.

Black Tings.

Although Black History Month is over, we are still all about black tings on this site cuz I IS BLACK! Technically, I am blackity black, pretty much black af, you know, BLACK! So the other day, white folk tried it, they had the audacity to leave one star rating on The honeypot company’s trust pilot page. Why do you ask… well they were BIG mad, the founder Beatrice Dixon, expressed how vital it was, that her success could pave the way for [future] black girls [enterprenuers], in the Target ad shot for Black & Women’s history month. Because the racist comments, white women were leaving, black twitter went into action, calling on all of us to combat the negativity with the positivity of hashtag Black Girl Magic. Now, I want to be sure to highlight, it was not only black folk who were writing glowing reviews, Unracist white women and men were also fighting the good fight!

What funny about this Uproar, People who had not heard of the company, was made very aware of the products they create, which is woman’s feminine products. First of All, the company’s tagline, “Made by Humans with vaginas, for women with vaginas.” I personally use the products, and I love them! I call them my power pad. I’ve been looking into an organic, natural product for my vagina which includes pads/tampons cuz she deserves the fucking best! Those same white folk, who were writing those reviews could’ve probably benefited from the very brand they was dissin’. Idiots! So the next time you’re in Target, feel free to stop in the personal care aisle, and grab some panty liners, wipes or sprays.

Thank you for coming to my episode of Black Tings.

Tristan Jonez

First Loves.

Writers Edit: Article first published on Chillology.co

My forever love and first heartbreak is all wrapped in the same person, Lee Sidney*.

If you could imagine a person so perfect, it would be him. I was so very much in love with that man, he was the best friend you could ever want. A man who would go to bat for you, someone you’d want on your team fighting for you. A product of his environment, which wasn’t always the best, but you’d never know by speaking to him. A man of such substance and intelligence, that he could speak to anyone about anything. Lee could’ve been a scholar, a sports star, a scientist, he had the potential to be whatever in life he wanted. Unfortunately his life was cut short at twenty one, and thus my heart remains broken.

We had a meet-cute, obviously unplanned but destined. While I was visiting my twin brother who doubles as my cousin, we just happened to be driving to the store at the very same time Lee is running, shirtless, prepping for an upcoming track meet. I promise the World stopped spinning and he then became the center of my World. I was literally grounded, I could barely speak so he led the conversation once he got in the car and exchanged pleasantries with my twin. From that day on, we were inseparable. When Lee went to college, we stayed in touch but life happened, and he decided I shouldn’t have to ‘wait’ for him, I should go out and live life. Sigh. Three days of no sleep, not being able to eat, and just being miserable I finally stopped calling, and texting. It was clear he meant what he said, and I couldn’t change his mind.

Fast forward, a few years later, and by chance we reconnected during the holidays. Rekindling what we had, and remembering how well we fit together. Unfortunately, he was dealing with more emotionally than he let on and when he finally told me how serious things were, it was too late. My love, had committed suicide. It’s been over ten years since I’ve lost him, but I still remember him, I still cherish him … I still love him.

*Name have been changed.

Tristan Jonez.

Life Happens

Today wasn’t a hard day per se, but it was a tough day. A day were I wanted to quit everything, and say fuck everyone. Today was a day where I chose to look in the ‘mirror’ and tell myself to get it the fuck together. I’ve been slacking for the past three days. Nevermind I cooked Sunday dinner, that’s easy, I’ve been slacking on my Spanish lessons because I’ve been feeling so damn sorry for myself. Boo hoo Me. Needing love and attention from certain people but because of their own demons, they do not know how to express love in a way that I need it shown. Its hard living life without parents, especially if you know what its like to have an incredible one. I miss me some Garlick (my momma)! I used to wish for just a chance at a conversation, but I would never be able to let her go again. So I just deal with what my reality is now, and keep pressing forward.

Sidenote; Prior to going to the grocery store, I had made the decision to be done with my Spanish lessons. Tell me why in the checkout line, a Spanish man, decided to have a conversation with me in Spanish. And instinctively I responded to his questions with ease, as he was talking it was like I knew exactly what he was saying, and I knew how I wanted to respond. What a beautiful thing that interaction was. However flirting is flirting in any language so I had to go! What really made me rethink quitting, was seeing his face, as I was talking my Spanish. It was a look of surprise, like oh shit, she understands! She understands AND comprehend beyond ‘Hola”. Before I left he made sure to compliment me on my perfect Spanish! Maybe that was the motivation I needed to continue.

Tristan J

Birthday Love

So this year, January 23, I turned 34. I am officially the age my mother was when she had me, also, I was 17 when my mother died, so with this birthday I have lived half my life without my mother, so this was a special birthday, but also an awkwardly weird birthday too. As a way to alleviate the sadness factor, I asked all of my social media platforms, which is made up of folks that I actually (mostly) know in real life to send birthday cards. I received a whopping twenty two cards. I also received gifts! A book, an active journal, a Basquiat bookmark, a deck of self reflection/self help/self care cards and a set of AirPods. Can you believe it?

I damn sure can’t, and I just counted! Its crazy that, so many people love me enough to go out, look for a card, personalize it, add something special to the card, get stamps, take it to the post office or put it in a mailbox. I am that loved, that folks thought of me, to do that for me. Its so surreal that people would reach out to me in such a forgotten form, snail mail. As I get older, I am choosing to focus on the people who care about me, the people who show they care about me, instead of focusing on those who choose to not be present.

Once again, I thank you guys so very much for heeding my birthday call, and showing up so magically!

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

My My My, its been such a long time, that Ive ‘written’ in you dear diary. I do apologize, Ive just been out here living life. So I know, you hate being kept in the dark, so let’s discuss the dating life … or lack of. But Diary you’ll be proud to know that I am slowly putting myself back out there. Dipping one toe in at a time, although I am coming to the realization, that I may need to just jump straight in. Let’s discuss the latest dating woes.

So Ive been cool with this guy on Instagram for some time now, have conversation fairly regularly, so much so that he expressed his interest in getting to know me, and potentially taking me out on a ‘real life date’ … the dilemma, he lives in Canada. For me, that’s no super big deal, I can fly wherever, and I’m cool with long distance relationships, when they make sense. So I am acting like an interested person, I provide him with my number so he doesn’t have to DM me, he’ll now have direct contact with me. Well I guess that was too much for him, because literally after I gave my number the excuses started. First he’d left his phone at work, which is a believable thing then he’s so exhausted from work that he forgot to reach out in any compacity. My last annoyance came from, I understand being busy, I can understand you forgetting your phone at work, but how is it, you watch all my Instagram stories, and find a way to post your social media BUT you can’t remember to communicate with someone who YOU’VE told you was interested? Chile I can’t! So seeing the yellow flags, I sent a message to him, which took him two days to respond. His response seemed like a genuine one, and he apologized, so I accepted, then asked a follow up question to which, as of today, he hasn’t responded.

I find myself not upset, not even annoyed, but if you have no intention of following through, leave women alone. However whether or not it matters to him, we’ll never have an interaction again, he’s showed he isn’t worth my time. So I’ll focus on those who are.

Tristan Jonez.

Dear Diary …

No matter how much you prepare, you can never emotionally successfully prepare for the lost of a parent. Recently I’ve found myself thinking about if Garlick, my mother, would be proud of me. When asking others who knew her, the answer is always yes, but what if she wasn’t. Obviously we’d never truly know how she would feel. But the question remains, would she be proud of what my life has become? Proud of the life I’ve created? My journey is unique for sure, and it’s different from the life I think she had for me. Hell, it’s different from the life I considered for myself. And although I can’t say if she’d be proud, I know whatever route, no matter how unconventional, she would’ve supported my choices and THAT trumps everything.

Tristan Jonez

Dear Diary …

I’m tired of being me, but I don’t want to be anyone else, Ever.

I get tired of folks seeking and using my light, my energy for themselves. Depleting, taking all my gifts, and failing to replenish. Some humans just know how to drain the Life out of you. Sidenote; I don’t think I’ve been kind to myself lately. I KNOW I need a beach, I know I need to feel the sand between my fingers, on my body and I have yet to give my soul what its’ seeking.

How often do you retreat to give yourself what you need? Do you listen to your body/soul when it says Stop? Go? Rest?

Jonez.