For the past few weeks, Ive stopped to take an inventory of how I interact with people, and how they in turn interact with me. Nothing I do, is ever because I am looking for something in return from others. NEVER! I am always my friends biggest cheerleader, biggest supporter, because I know they out here grinding to make their dreams come true, so why wouldn’t I support them? I am not always able to support their businesses with monetary gains but I’ll plug and plug on social media. My audience might not be large, but its powerful and I am consistent.
However, I am tired of giving and giving, and never really seeing those SAME folks, going hard for me. Supporting me. Assisting with promoting me on social media. Hell, just a kind word or greeting. Truly be interested in what’s going on with me. I had a ‘friend’ who I haven’t spoken to in months, hit me up to promote her business … girl, Fuck you and that business. Of course, I didn’t say that, I just ignored her request but It was utterly ridiculous. Like Boo, Oh you remember me now?
I say this to say, Its a miracle to not turn into a bitter bitty but you can’t let the way other folks behave cause you to wilt. Don’t let people turn you into someone you aren’t. I know it gets annoying but keep it pushing, and keep searching until you find your tribe!
Regardless of their title, IF they are toxic, leave them right where they are. I’ve heard the excuse, ‘Well that’s still your parent’, so many times, to which I now say, SO WHAT! I am no longer accepting that, as logical reasoning as to why I should continue to allow someone into my life. I cant control anyone’s action but my own, however If I am telling you, the things you are doing is causing harm, and you continue on, then you’re blatantly expressing to me, that you could care less about me. So you’ll no longer be a part of my World.
Do you keep toxic folks in your life because of their title/position to you?
Last Night, I hosted a quarantine Happy hour. I posted it on my social media outlets, and to be honest, I wasn’t really sure who, If anyone, was going to show up. Well… imagine my surprise when my childhood friends came thru for me. I’ll be the first to admit I was nervous, it such a hard thing to put yourself out there, not knowing what the outcome will be. I had such a great time, I am so glad I thought about doing this, I am even glader (I know, not a word) that they came to happy hour with me. Such a great time, of laughs, and being able to be together, although we couldn’t actually be together.
Also Shout out to my boo, for coming thru to a happy hour and not knowing who the hell would be there, or what the topics would be about. Thank you for taking a leap, and joining, you are truly appreciated. Forever!
I am tired of always telling folks how they should show up for me, in certain situations. I am tired of being the example I would like reflected back at me. Tired of being there for people when they need it, but not receiving the same support. I know I cant control the way in which someone chooses to support me, BUT support me. Sometimes I think my purpose in life is to be in service of others, making sure they are okay, checking in on them, etc, but every once in a while, I’d like someone to say “Thanks for checking on me, truthfully, how are you doing?” Being the ‘strong’ one is annoying, cuz folks thinks you really have your shit together and you don’t. Not even close but because you don’t have that ‘rock’ you’re left to pick up the pieces of your life.
Thank God for counseling.
Find your tribe, and love on them hard. I’m still seeking mine.
Since the beginning of the year, Ive been receiving message after message and the lesson I’ve learned … I need to worry about my damn self. Ive been doing the friend thing, the being there for everybody thing, the check on my friends thing, the accountability partner thing… then I realized nobody ask me to be those things. I took it upon myself, to to be and do what I would want someone else to be and do for me. I’ve been drained of all my energy because I’ve been trying to keep up with all the different personalities I know. This season of my life, is for me. To check in with myself, to motivate myself, to cultivate myself, to show up for my damn self, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
I’m sure if my friends need my input, they will certainly ask for it. However I am done volunteering myself, especially when I haven’t been getting my level energy back from those who I invest in.
What chapter in your life are you entering or exiting?
So this year, January 23, I turned 34. I am officially the age my mother was when she had me, also, I was 17 when my mother died, so with this birthday I have lived half my life without my mother, so this was a special birthday, but also an awkwardly weird birthday too. As a way to alleviate the sadness factor, I asked all of my social media platforms, which is made up of folks that I actually (mostly) know in real life to send birthday cards. I received a whopping twenty two cards. I also received gifts! A book, an active journal, a Basquiat bookmark, a deck of self reflection/self help/self care cards and a set of AirPods. Can you believe it?
I damn sure can’t, and I just counted! Its crazy that, so many people love me enough to go out, look for a card, personalize it, add something special to the card, get stamps, take it to the post office or put it in a mailbox. I am that loved, that folks thought of me, to do that for me. Its so surreal that people would reach out to me in such a forgotten form, snail mail. As I get older, I am choosing to focus on the people who care about me, the people who show they care about me, instead of focusing on those who choose to not be present.
Once again, I thank you guys so very much for heeding my birthday call, and showing up so magically!
How do you know when it’s time to cut your losses and stop investing in someone? Maybe this question would be better posed to someone who invest in stocks and bonds so we could have an accurate depiction of how the process works. Maybe if we started treating our relationships/friendships in the same manner we do our finances, we’d be more successful? Although everyone’s finances aren’t anything I’d use as a go to guide.
Could we ever create a winning formula for relationships, using the same tools to invest in something financially? ￼what would goals look like? What ‘mile markers’ could be created to determine the worthiness of investment? Could one’s dating history be an indication of anything other than what’s happened in the past? Since feelings change daily, how could we determine when it’s no longer ‘profitable’ to us as the individual to invest?
For a few days, I’ve been thinking of this text, a friend sent me. I’m genuinely nice, all the time. Never looking for anything in return. Just wanting folks to change their perspective, and see the good that’s to be seen in a situation. Do I have moments where I’m stuck complaining? Yes! But I try to set limits on those moments, cuz truly what do we get out of complaining?
I personally know life is a fragile, beautiful but short thing. I didn’t put my all into people as I should’ve while they were alive, so I use that to continue to move forward but to be as pleasant as I can. I’ve been thinking about what I want to be remembered for, what’s my legacy? I want folks to always feel I genuinely cared for them, that my niceness knew no bounds when it came to making them happy.
I know we agreed we’d only be speaking positive about ourselves and pouring positivity Into us but I’m having a hard time not saying … What I hate about myself is! So since I haven’t found a better way of saying “it”, imma just say it. I cannot stand the way I give folks the opportunity to correct themselves in how they interact with me, and they don’t take advantage of it. THEN when I’m done, and no longer giving out lessons, they feel slighted. Loyalty, is not just a word, it’s an embodiment! Or at least it should be, fuck.
I’m a different person when I no longer give af about you. I KNOW people have the tendency to take advantage of my kindness, my awesomeness, but that’s just the way I’m built. Trust, I’ve tried to change but that’s not my way. Unfortunately or Fortunately, depending on how you see it, one of my friends won’t be able to count on me in any capacity. And if I should say, I’m a great friend to have in your corner.
If we stop policing the actions of others, our own lives will be so greatly enriched. -Jonez
One thing I can say about myself, I do not concern myself with the actions of others. I can’t. I’ll go crazy trying to steer someone in the ‘right’ direction. Cuz ultimately what is the right direction for someone? What is the best course of action? Who the f*ck knows! But it’s not up to me to direct a grown up. IF a friend is seeking my opinion, then of course, I’m here to give it, and within reason. I’m just not one of those people who’ll hand out unsolicited advice. Unless someone is on the path to hurting themselves. Otherwise go forth my child, create those lessons in which you will learn from. Also, all lessons are not loses, everything we do and say, should be a method of learning as we continue to grow.
My opinions, cuz I’m minding my own shit, changes often as I continue to live my life. As I believe all opinions should. For example, I’ve been relationship oriented forever, unwilling to deviate from that narrative, but now I’m in a situation where I’m learning to assess things differently. Who’s to say, what ‘should’ be my immediate actions, if a commitment is not being what’s offered? Should I place my happiness, over titles? Over what society deems I should be looking for? Over what my friends/family think I should value at this age? And if I am truly happy, should I continue on that path? These are thoughts I randomly have, but unless folks are looking for advice, we have to stop offering. Sometimes a listening ear is all that’s needed.
I’ve been thinking about the conversations I’ve had with my guy recently and I don’t think we consider men’s trauma. Of course we know they have to deal with nonsense just like women in relation to relationships but there’s a “Just get Over it” vibe that we emit. If a woman states, she’s not ready for a relationship, or she simply doesn’t want one, she’s asked a billion questions as to why she feels this way, most times it’s assumed she’s been hurt by a man. However when a man makes this statement, it’s taken at face value. I’m guilty of this, although I don’t usually question women, It doesn’t cross my mind to ask a man, to elaborate his feelings; mistake number one.
Although I am no longer seeking a committed relationship with my guy currently, it’s been interesting getting to know him. Relationships can and will change as feelings deepens. Because he seems as a man who’ll give everything to a relationship, he’s moving cautiously because of the past traumas he’s endured. I haven’t asked him to provide details, not because I’m not interested, I want to know all parts of him, but I’ve found in dealing with trauma, it should be something the person wishes to discuss. He knows I’m a great look for him, however he’s been through too much to move forward with his heart lightly, and I could never fault him for that.
Ladies, I think we have to start being more sympathetic to how men feel. We should be asking questions and seeking clarification when we don’t know something and would like to. I understand a man should be adult enough to speak up but we don’t know what they’ve been faced with prior to entering our lives. I also believe men have to learn how to use their words, when expressing their feelings. If we start creating safe spaces for both, men and women to feel comfortable, less communication mishaps will occur.
My flight attendant classmate turned lil sister Lavonna has been advising me for months that I need to create a fashion site, or a YouTube but nah. I’m just too shy to be creating videos, although I know I do them every time I’m at Rent the runway during #dressingroomchronicles. In my defense, I’m only doing an intro and outro, the focus is solely on the clothes. I love clothes, to me it slightly differs from loving fashion. Fashion is what is created when clothing it pieced together, along with the confidence to pull off whatever you’ve pieced together. I like fashion, I like what I’m able to do when I’m allowing myself to try new looks, when I allow myself to take risks.
I’ve been using Rent the Runway for a little over a year but my time is coming to a close … at least for a little while. After August 20th, I will no longer be a unlimited subscription member. Saying that out loud saddens me but creating a routine in Dallas takes priority for now.
Who know what I’m going to do for clothing now. Ugh! Guess it’s back to jeans and tee shirts. Pray for me y’all!