First Loves.

Writers Edit: Article first published on Chillology.co

My forever love and first heartbreak is all wrapped in the same person, Lee Sidney*.

If you could imagine a person so perfect, it would be him. I was so very much in love with that man, he was the best friend you could ever want. A man who would go to bat for you, someone you’d want on your team fighting for you. A product of his environment, which wasn’t always the best, but you’d never know by speaking to him. A man of such substance and intelligence, that he could speak to anyone about anything. Lee could’ve been a scholar, a sports star, a scientist, he had the potential to be whatever in life he wanted. Unfortunately his life was cut short at twenty one, and thus my heart remains broken.

We had a meet-cute, obviously unplanned but destined. While I was visiting my twin brother who doubles as my cousin, we just happened to be driving to the store at the very same time Lee is running, shirtless, prepping for an upcoming track meet. I promise the World stopped spinning and he then became the center of my World. I was literally grounded, I could barely speak so he led the conversation once he got in the car and exchanged pleasantries with my twin. From that day on, we were inseparable. When Lee went to college, we stayed in touch but life happened, and he decided I shouldn’t have to ‘wait’ for him, I should go out and live life. Sigh. Three days of no sleep, not being able to eat, and just being miserable I finally stopped calling, and texting. It was clear he meant what he said, and I couldn’t change his mind.

Fast forward, a few years later, and by chance we reconnected during the holidays. Rekindling what we had, and remembering how well we fit together. Unfortunately, he was dealing with more emotionally than he let on and when he finally told me how serious things were, it was too late. My love, had committed suicide. It’s been over ten years since I’ve lost him, but I still remember him, I still cherish him … I still love him.

*Name have been changed.

Tristan Jonez.

Geraldine.

To better cope with the death of my mother, somehow I created a game that was to be played by us. Whenever I saw the numbers 10:13, that was my indication that my mother was thinking about me, and wanted me to know. 10:13 was my momma’s birthday! Over the years, seeing this, has brought me so much comfort, especially on days where I just didn’t want to deal with life. I feel my spirit being uplifted, when I see this, and most times it feels so random. I just happen to look at my watch, then Bam! its 10:13.

Do you guys have any ‘games’ that you may have created to communicate with your loved ones who may have passed away?

Tristan Jonez

Love & Death

I loved a man once.

He was the easiest to love, to like, to talk to, to be around, he was everything. I didn’t realize how ‘everything’ he was until recently. Even though he is gone, and has been for some time, he’s not. He was my best friend before I knew what I needed from a best friend. The thought of him makes me smile more than it makes me cry, and I only cry cuz I can’t experience him in ‘living color’.

I miss him.

I know I tell you guys this often, but make sure you are expressing yourself to your loved ones, to your friends, to yourself. Make sure they know how you love them, how much you love them, and that you appreciate them. I have peace in my heart because I know how much I was loved by this man, and on the flip side, I rest easy knowing that he knew how much I loved him. How I would do anything for him, to ensure his happiness. Sometimes what we believe we want for ourselves, outweights everything else, including our common sense. As I long as I live, I will keep his memory alive, if only within myself.

Rest Easy Ali Sidney.

Tristan Jonez.

Mother’s Day, 17.

Today is Mother’s Day.

Since my own mother died, I stopped paying attention to this particular holiday. I think I was salty that everyone else had a mother or a mother figure, and I didn’t. I haven’t celebrated Mother’s Day since my mother was alive. So today I decided I would celebrate the mother’s that I did know, including a lot of first time mothers. (Shout out to Jennifer!)I wanted them to know they were appreciated, especially by me. I know its no small feat to be able to bring life into the world.

As of today, I haven’t had the pleasure of becoming a Mother but I will when the time is right for me. For my friends/Readers, that are awesome mothers or know an amazing mother, I wish all of you the happiest of Day!

Tristan J.

Short

Yesterday

I found out a friend of mine past away and the first thing I thought was did I tell him I loved him. Did he know he was as special to me as I was to him. I’m sadden by this event.

Love on the folks while they are here because once they are gone you are left with the thoughts of all the things you could’ve and should’ve did while they were here.

Live this life with no regrets.

I love you Darrell.

Tristan.