Dream Girl

Men will create the opportunity to ‘Real Life’ obtain their dream girl, then fumble. I believe both men and woman are the ones who choose, but consistency is the fucking key. No relationship is perfect, however acknowledge your wrong doings, and apologize. For me, that’s the key. We can, and will have disagreements, but it in HOW you choose to argue. I am not disrespectful so I would never allow someone to treat me in a disrespectful manner, ever. Any person who cant check themselves is not a man I want to be with. Why would I?

Whether plutonic or relationship, If I am wrong I will apologize with the quickness. Shit we all learned conflict resolution in school, utilize those skills love! I am not going to date men from my past, if you didn’t have the balls to approach me then, maybe I am not for you. All Love tho.

Tristan Jonez.

(Ex) Friends

Can you be friends with an Ex?

In my younger dating years, I was able to keep it cute and cordial with folks who previously had the pleasure of my company. However, now, No I wouldn’t want to be friends with my ex. Not real friends anyway, and if we have to filter out the things we’d say, why bother? If you MUST be friends with an ex, how did it end? I’m sure that would factor if you even want to be friends, were you just better as friends? Did y’all start as friends? Would the friendship be restricted to just texting and chatting on the phone? Would y’all go out? Ah, Way too many questions, and somewhere in there, I’m sure is a grey and murky area. Why even go thru the hassle of attempting friendship?

In my own defense, I am cool with a handful of folks that I’ve dated. But I would never invest time into them as a potential partner, again, I also wouldn’t physically go out with them to ‘catch up’. I’d respond if they texted, but I wouldn’t reach out. So I guess, No I wouldn’t be friends with an Ex.

I don’t tend to reread books, I already know the ending.

Tristan Jonez.

This Chapter …

Is called, “Worry ‘Bout Yo’ Self!”

Since the beginning of the year, Ive been receiving message after message and the lesson I’ve learned … I need to worry about my damn self. Ive been doing the friend thing, the being there for everybody thing, the check on my friends thing, the accountability partner thing… then I realized nobody ask me to be those things. I took it upon myself, to to be and do what I would want someone else to be and do for me. I’ve been drained of all my energy because I’ve been trying to keep up with all the different personalities I know. This season of my life, is for me. To check in with myself, to motivate myself, to cultivate myself, to show up for my damn self, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.

I’m sure if my friends need my input, they will certainly ask for it. However I am done volunteering myself, especially when I haven’t been getting my level energy back from those who I invest in.

What chapter in your life are you entering or exiting?

Tristan Jonez.

According to Wale…

“I don’t really know a damn thing about this love thing but I’m tryna try.”

In the past, telling me you are willing to try this ‘love thing’ may have excited me. Wow! Here we have a man, he’s willing to try but nah, I need specifics. The goal is to organically fall in love, I’m definitely for that, but how you do plan to accomplish this goal? Have you gone to therapy to not only acknowledge your past traumas but to work on finding root causes. How do you show love, how do you want love shown to you? What does being vulnerable look like to you? How comfortable are you with expressing yourself? Your emotions? How can you positively express your disappointments? Your grievances?

I’ve been short changing myself by only accepting the bare minimum from a man as I wouldn’t want to push him too much. I want him to open up when he’s ready, all in due time, create a safe space where he can feel comfortable enough to want to express himself. However isn’t that where we go wrong? Not having those conversations early on so we know what to expect. OMG! The dreaded expectation word! As much as we want to steer from creating expectations we HAVE to. You and your partner need a flexible guide to follow so miscommunications are kept to a minimum.

Elle Varner Pour Me (thinking bout u) ft Wale

Tristan Jonez

5 Year Plan.

So a friend asked me last night what was my five year plan to which I responded, “Don’t have one.”

Backstory, said friend mentioned wanting to experience Egypt before she died, (No, she isn’t sick) but after my response of, “Girl, Yes! Research flights, excursions, food, and places to stay” she said, oh no not right now, in about five years. I’m like FIVE YEARS? Girl, you could die, waiting! My friend went on to explain, she’s working on paying off debt which could take another two years, possibly buying a house, after that, then she thinks she’ll be ready to travel in a manner she’d like. Now, I know having goals are a great thing, I have em too, just my goals revolve around traveling.

With the current climate we are living in, Life’s fragility seems so much more apparent. So much more real. It’s as if, we are understanding that we are not as invincible as we believed ourselves to be. With that knowledge, I couldn’t see myself waiting for … something. If I want it, I need to make it happen, without placing a timetable on it. For me, a five year plan wouldn’t sustain me, because I’m aware of how fleeting time is.

So, “Why wait for tomorrow, when you can go today?!”

Tristan Jonez

Life Happens

Today wasn’t a hard day per se, but it was a tough day. A day were I wanted to quit everything, and say fuck everyone. Today was a day where I chose to look in the ‘mirror’ and tell myself to get it the fuck together. I’ve been slacking for the past three days. Nevermind I cooked Sunday dinner, that’s easy, I’ve been slacking on my Spanish lessons because I’ve been feeling so damn sorry for myself. Boo hoo Me. Needing love and attention from certain people but because of their own demons, they do not know how to express love in a way that I need it shown. Its hard living life without parents, especially if you know what its like to have an incredible one. I miss me some Garlick (my momma)! I used to wish for just a chance at a conversation, but I would never be able to let her go again. So I just deal with what my reality is now, and keep pressing forward.

Sidenote; Prior to going to the grocery store, I had made the decision to be done with my Spanish lessons. Tell me why in the checkout line, a Spanish man, decided to have a conversation with me in Spanish. And instinctively I responded to his questions with ease, as he was talking it was like I knew exactly what he was saying, and I knew how I wanted to respond. What a beautiful thing that interaction was. However flirting is flirting in any language so I had to go! What really made me rethink quitting, was seeing his face, as I was talking my Spanish. It was a look of surprise, like oh shit, she understands! She understands AND comprehend beyond ‘Hola”. Before I left he made sure to compliment me on my perfect Spanish! Maybe that was the motivation I needed to continue.

Tristan J

Dear Diary …

My My My, its been such a long time, that Ive ‘written’ in you dear diary. I do apologize, Ive just been out here living life. So I know, you hate being kept in the dark, so let’s discuss the dating life … or lack of. But Diary you’ll be proud to know that I am slowly putting myself back out there. Dipping one toe in at a time, although I am coming to the realization, that I may need to just jump straight in. Let’s discuss the latest dating woes.

So Ive been cool with this guy on Instagram for some time now, have conversation fairly regularly, so much so that he expressed his interest in getting to know me, and potentially taking me out on a ‘real life date’ … the dilemma, he lives in Canada. For me, that’s no super big deal, I can fly wherever, and I’m cool with long distance relationships, when they make sense. So I am acting like an interested person, I provide him with my number so he doesn’t have to DM me, he’ll now have direct contact with me. Well I guess that was too much for him, because literally after I gave my number the excuses started. First he’d left his phone at work, which is a believable thing then he’s so exhausted from work that he forgot to reach out in any compacity. My last annoyance came from, I understand being busy, I can understand you forgetting your phone at work, but how is it, you watch all my Instagram stories, and find a way to post your social media BUT you can’t remember to communicate with someone who YOU’VE told you was interested? Chile I can’t! So seeing the yellow flags, I sent a message to him, which took him two days to respond. His response seemed like a genuine one, and he apologized, so I accepted, then asked a follow up question to which, as of today, he hasn’t responded.

I find myself not upset, not even annoyed, but if you have no intention of following through, leave women alone. However whether or not it matters to him, we’ll never have an interaction again, he’s showed he isn’t worth my time. So I’ll focus on those who are.

Tristan Jonez.

According to Wale …

“Thought you’d keep me from cheating with your abundance of Love, thought I’d keep you from cheating I kept you cumming so much.”

Isn’t this the classic case of miscommunication? She’s showing love, thinking it’ll keep him satisfied. He’s showing sexual pleasure, thinking it would keep her content. And in both scenarios, they both cheated. As much as we don’t want to have those necessary conversations we must. We have to. To end up from putting our all into something that we are not ready for emotionally or physically. There are times in my past I had the courage to ask for what I wanted, and the confidence to walk away when what I wanted wasn’t what was on the menu to be had. As much as we want people to want what we want, it doesn’t work that way. I do believe a man will tell you the truth the first time you ask, but after that, he’s going to tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear.

I cant love you into loving me. I can be the perfect girl, the ying to your yang and I still won’t be what your looking for. I can love you in ways, you’ve never felt, never imagined you could feel and you’ll still not be ready for me. I can literally show you why it didn’t work with anyone else, you can KNOW I am the person you would like to take that leap of faith with, but if you aren’t ready you will create excuses. So my question, how do we determine when we should fight for someone who has signs of trauma, who can’t seem to let go of the past hurts, and move forward? For me, I need to see some signs that you are attempting to seek out the help that’s necessary for you to move on from what you’ve been through, more than telling me, “I’ll think about it.”

To do List, how to communicate with the intention of comprehension.

Jonez

Song Lyrics Break My Heart (My Fault) Ft. Lil Durk

Where’s my Lid?

If a man’s words and actions don’t match, leave. If you’re set on staying, always go according to his words. He can ‘show’ you all the emotions and feels in the World but once you start getting attached, he’ll remind you, aht aht, I told you what I wanted in the beginning. If it’s a situation where he’s not looking for commitment but you are, leave. Don’t even waste a second of your time, cuz you’ll see all the great qualities about him, possibly meet friends, learn about him, accommodate him, then when it’s feeling like a relationship, he remind you, Aht Aht, I told you, I’m not ready for that.

Trust me! I know it’s a pain to meet someone then be told they don’t want the same things as you. The dating pool in EVERY city sucks, flight attendant here, so I know, but don’t settle for the now, play the long game. I’m a firm believer, there’s a lid for every bowl, you just have to be patient enough and bold enough to go after what you want. Don’t take a man telling you, he’s not looking for the things you are as a challenge. ITS NOT A CHALLENGE! The likelihood of him changing his mind based off of anything besides his own mind, is very slim. So waste not another second on him. Go out and find your lid!

Tristan Jonez

Hey Diary,

When your heart is already in it, what body part do you look to for guidance?

The head would be the next logical choice right? It weighs the pros and cons, it can decipher what’s real and what’s just for show, right? Or can it? I’m the first to tell you, when it comes to matters of the heart, just tell me already. Lets take the guessing out of it, cuz I am so tired of trying to figure out who I should date, who I should invest my time with, who I should take seriously. This is all just toooooo damn much! Its such a popcorn culture, you think you’re vibin’ with someone then poof, they have disappeared because they’ve found something that better suites them currently. Are we no longer looking toward the future? Are we only looking towards the here and now?

Tristan Jonez

Finish Last.

For a few days, I’ve been thinking of this text, a friend sent me. I’m genuinely nice, all the time. Never looking for anything in return. Just wanting folks to change their perspective, and see the good that’s to be seen in a situation. Do I have moments where I’m stuck complaining? Yes! But I try to set limits on those moments, cuz truly what do we get out of complaining?

I personally know life is a fragile, beautiful but short thing. I didn’t put my all into people as I should’ve while they were alive, so I use that to continue to move forward but to be as pleasant as I can. I’ve been thinking about what I want to be remembered for, what’s my legacy? I want folks to always feel I genuinely cared for them, that my niceness knew no bounds when it came to making them happy.

Jonez.

Take this L.

I’ve outgrown wanting revenge on others. I used to wish karma would get them back immediately when folks would do really shitty things to me. It would be a full on prayer, please karma, I need you to bring in motion what will be as their punishment, and if I’m fortunate I’ll be there to witness it! Please! I look back and laugh now, the best form of revenge is moving forward happily. I know, easier said than done, but once you’ve learned how to master it, it will get easier. People know exactly what they are doing, when they choose to disrespect, violate, and misplace your trust, so why would I give anyone the satisfaction of ‘making a scene’. Nah. Once you’ve lost my respect, there’s nothing left to be said.

In the words of Nipsey Hussle, “When your intentions are pure, you don’t lose anyone, they lose you.”

Tristan J.