Dad?

Dear Dad,

I thought long and hard about what I would say to you, If given the opportunity to speak to you, and I still have trouble finding words to adequately express my feelings. First, thank you for connecting with my Geraldine Garlick, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, inside and out. Although y’all connection was short, It was long enough to create me! So for that alone, I thank you. I have no malice in my heart for you, and hope that you learn the errors of your ways before its too late to make amends. I’ve done all I can, and all I will to have a healthy father-daughter relationship with you. I promise I’m not mad, bitter or angry. I forgive you in advance for the apology that will come much later. You know the one … where you explain because you didn’t have a clear example of what a father should look like, you didn’t know what was expected of you, although Pops was an amazing grandfather. Or the excuse, that because I lived 200 miles away, and my mother ‘never’ let you see me, you didn’t know what else you could have done to raise me. Or the one where it seemed I was such an independent kid, It didn’t seem like there was any room for you to actually be a parent.

I’ve already forgiven you, now forgive yourself. I am not blocking you out of spite, but more out of protection for my sanity. I can no longer allow you to mistreat me, and I certainly will not allow you to disappoint/neglect my children (some day). How can I? At some point, I have to cut off the toxicity at the root before it has room to spread. I genuinely love you dad, but the love I have for myself surpasses that. Take Care Old man.

Love you to bits,

Tristan Jonez.

Daddy DutiesĀ 

I think I was assigned to the wrong dad. I honestly believe there was some mix up at the hospital I was born in because the man that I’ve been told is my dad, just couldn’t be. 

I am full of love, and goodness. I see only the best in everyone, even when they aren’t putting their best foot forward. In ny thirty years I can’t remember a single event where my dad has been there when absolutely needed. An event where my dad went above for me, where my needs as a child/adult was put before his own. I’ve made mistakes in my life, I’m sure I’ll make a million more, and I’ve corrected my wrongs. I’ve apologized when I didn’t believe I was at fault to save friendships that I thought was important to me. 

Being thirty, I’m still finding myself. I’m still working on who I am as a person and who I’d ultimately like to be. So I’m not always quick to speak up when I should, but bare with me, I’m learning. So something major happened in my life and my dad dropped the ball. I don’t ask for much from anyone, and I’ve stop expecting anything, however I’m disappointed that my dad couldn’t be there for me. 

Based on his attitude, I’ve decided to move forward with my life without him being apart of it. I most definitely love my dad but if you can’t step up, be a man and right your wrongs I want no part.