Dad?

Dear Dad,

I thought long and hard about what I would say to you, If given the opportunity to speak to you, and I still have trouble finding words to adequately express my feelings. First, thank you for connecting with my Geraldine Garlick, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, inside and out. Although y’all connection was short, It was long enough to create me! So for that alone, I thank you. I have no malice in my heart for you, and hope that you learn the errors of your ways before its too late to make amends. I’ve done all I can, and all I will to have a healthy father-daughter relationship with you. I promise I’m not mad, bitter or angry. I forgive you in advance for the apology that will come much later. You know the one … where you explain because you didn’t have a clear example of what a father should look like, you didn’t know what was expected of you, although Pops was an amazing grandfather. Or the excuse, that because I lived 200 miles away, and my mother ‘never’ let you see me, you didn’t know what else you could have done to raise me. Or the one where it seemed I was such an independent kid, It didn’t seem like there was any room for you to actually be a parent.

I’ve already forgiven you, now forgive yourself. I am not blocking you out of spite, but more out of protection for my sanity. I can no longer allow you to mistreat me, and I certainly will not allow you to disappoint/neglect my children (some day). How can I? At some point, I have to cut off the toxicity at the root before it has room to spread. I genuinely love you dad, but the love I have for myself surpasses that. Take Care Old man.

Love you to bits,

Tristan Jonez.