38 Candles.

Written on January 14 @ 12:58a

Happy Birthday to Me!

I’m having a hard time trying to decided what to do for this birthday, but this year feels like a good one. Who the hell knows what will transpire, where I’ll go and the folks I’ll meet but its still feeling a season of fun. And that is something I look forward to. Not making any promises about what type of time I’m going to be on, but I do know, I just want to keep my word to myself. I’m confident that I’ll have fun creating whatever memories will be created.

So Birthday Girl, If you decided to go to London, or possibly Puerto Rico cuz its cold af in Chicago, or just decided to stay in your city, I know ‘ThirtyATE’ will be the best birthday year! Also, don’t forget to open your card. Love you, and Happy Birthday Again!

Tristan Jonez.

Little This/That

I want folks to speak up about grievances they have with me, when they feel them. What good is waiting two months to speak on something that ails you, if when you do want to address it, I have no idea what you’re referring to. Now if you need time and space to calm down, I’m going to give you all the space you require, but let me know something. Its so frustrating to me, when someone brings up the past, then I have to play mental gymnastics to remember, then the issue is solved instantly because I let them know what’s what. Nothing I ever do is with ill intent, Ever.

And furthermore, If you believe I move in that manner, you should evaluate your friendship with me.

Jonez.

Cosplay.

Do you ever cosplay as the elevated version of yourself? and obviously I mean within reason, or maybe not, I don’t knowBut seriously do you do things that the elevated version of you would do? Maybe I’m describing manifestation by another name? or daydreaming? Anyway, the elevated version of myself indulges in tea time at luxurious hotels, such as the Four Seasons, and the Langham here in Chicago, every season. Actually that’s how she/I kick(s) off the start of the season, with a customized tea time. And the theme differs depending on her/my vibe, but its always stylish, classic and timeless. All maybe this is all coming to the forefront of my mind because I want to do a tea. I love being fussy about what I’m going to wear, and dressing up, and just the whole ordeal of the event.

So do you ever?

Jonez.

Thirty Ate

I know we JUST had a conversation about age, my age specifically, but its so wild to me. When I was younger and would do my calculations correlating the year with my would be age, I don’t even THINK I calculated up to 38. Like What?! Although I did freak out when turning 30, because I felt like I wasn’t where I wanted to be in Life, I hadn’t completed the things I wanted to, my life didn’t look like anything I’d imagine. Now I have the fortitude to be more graceful about my age. What’s funny, my Life doesn’t look ANYTHING like I thought the possibilities would be, its even better. Funnier, I used to live out of a suitcase, bouncing from place to place when I was younger, and in my early twenties, and now I get to do that for a living. Truly it really is wild how the Universe works.

But yeah, I’m just really excited about Thirty Ate. I haven’t even started to plan, but I think its going to be a ‘wing it’ type of birthday, and those are always the best.

Jonez.

thirty7

I’m not sure if I had this conversation with y’all, or not but everything is about age. I’m not sure what thirty7 feels like, but I feel it. I don’t know if I’m just aware of my age, more now than I’ve ever been, or If society is having a time pointing out, I’m not in my twenties anymore. I honestly cant place it. Maybe it could very well be because I am watching ‘Being Mary Jane’ and its brought up questions in my own life, looking at someone else’s. I’ve never been in the school of comparing, the life I live is my own, and I have no envy for others. Plus I’m always genuinely happy for others, outwardly happy.

I remember when I was younger, thinking about where I would be at different ages, and my life really is more than what I could’ve imagined for myself. But now that I’m this big age, now what? Do I just continue to have experiences? Continue to explore? To think that I am the driver of this vehicle that is transporting me to my dreams. Or my adventures. I am thankful I’m not in a career that climbing up the corporate ladder is encouraged, because I have no interest in that. I do agree that I do need some semblance of balance in my World, and I am working on it.

Jonez.

The Rich Auntie

Recently my bestie sent me a meme that said something like ‘you grew up hearing stories about the aunt that traveled the world, and now you’re that aunt.’ And Ive been thinking about that all day, because I didn’t have a World traveling Auntie. My mother had two sisters, and I only interacted with one, and she was fly but she had a family so I don’t recall any traveling. In regards to my two godmothers, they didn’t travel much except for the occasional casino trip to Atlantic City, or Delaware. I also think during their generation, it was standard to have the long term job that you dedicated forty years. Sidenote, Its during these times I wish I could chat with my mother about her thoughts on travel. I don’t even know if she had a passport.

Being thirty7, I don’t think I will be having kids, and I’ve made peace with that decision, especially since my life would drastically change. It would have to! Traveling isn’t a replacement. Lets be clear, but it does make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. The feel of being able to immerse myself in a new place, or in an old place but with a different view, is one that I could never explain with words correctly.

Jonez.

Read See Do

For me, not being a television type of person, I have been watching way toooooooo much of it. So much so, that folks are actually taking my advice when it comes to what they should be watching. Or when matching their personality to what they would like in a show. Plus I just started two new series! I definitely understand when parents said you needed to go outside, although I have been outside as well. This week is the All Black Book Affair, which over a hundred black artist books are available from Amazon for free or a very low cost. So its encouraged to load our kindles, and in return, preferably the reader rates/reviews the books so they’ll have more exposure. It seems like a win/win for me.

There is a such thing as too much damn television. Plus I can’t remember the last time I read a book, and I’m gonna say magazines don’t count. What’s the last book you’ve read?

Jonez.

Feelings.

I don’t usually write and post in real time but I think I am having a whoa is me moment, possibly known as a pity party. I’m feeling like maybe I ask for too much from people, in my relationships, and friendships. Even though I don’t think I ask for much, communication, comprehension and consistency. And in all those things I offer at minimum. I’m not sure why right now I’m feeling all these things, but I am. Probably cuz I’m home on OJI, and can’t do much else, but be home thinking about things.

I just needed to vent, and its nice when you have a website to yourself to do just that.

Have a magical evening, Jonez.

Age is more than

Discloser? Disclaimer? Not sure which word would be correct but I am not dating. So this is all just hypothetical, however what’s a suitable age gap for dating? Or even for a serious relationship? I’m only asking because someone has caught my eye, but he’s at least ten years younger than me so I’m not interested in entertaining that. Although I know he is a grown ass man, but shorty isn’t even thirty. lol Now I might not look my age but babes, I don’t know. I don’t know if I could date someone with it being such a gap in our ages.

And yes, I could date a man who was ten years older. (Rolls Eye) Why is that? Is that societal? Because we know it’ll be acceptable with the man being older versus the woman. And of course I believe any type of pairing can possible work, if the couple is willing to put in said work. However I’m still not sure I can allow myself to date someone so much younger than me.

Tristan Jonez.

Possibly, if he pursued me, I might be open minded about it, but I dont know. Do you have an age limit?

Be Where?

For the past few weeks, I keep asking myself what do I want my Life to look like. What do I want it to consist of? And in all of the questions I ask myself, I also wonder If my Life looks exactly as I want it to look. I know that my life is a bit different from others because I don’t have a traditional job. I don’t have a 9-5, there’s more flexibility in my World, that others don’t have the pleasure of having, and I’m beyond grateful. I generally wake up happy everyday, without fail. So there’s no but .. its just is that what life is supposed to look like for me? Is there something else, something more or less that I should be doing? I’ve accepted there’s no ‘what am I supposed’ to be doing, its just doing. I do try to live a life that’s aligned with the things Id like to do, no matter what that looks like to others.

I would like to add, I want my life to require needing ballgowns, just occasionally.

Jonez.

Your Word?

I think I grew up in a generation where your word really was your bond. The things you spoke was in fact, what you would stick to. I’m not sure where life deviated from that concept but it highly irritate me. I know I shouldn’t give this so much thought and attention but when a man says something to me that he’s going to do especially when I haven’t asked anything of him, and he doesn’t come thru with what he’s said, that makes him unattractive. And if I was contemplating dating, its a wrap. IF you can’t keep your word about small details that really don’t matter, how can I trust you’ll do what you say, with more important things?

Jonez

Insomnia

While waiting to fall asleep, I was having a hard time turning my brain off. Just thoughts about things bumping into each other in my head. All wanting to be heard. Its funny how our minds work, the detail with the function of the brain, forever being studied. And while I can appreciate all that my beautiful brain wants to conquer, and question, I need it to quiet down.

I’m feeling that this time, Its ready for Rest. Cuz lord knows I am.

Tristan Jonez