Lessons

For the past few weeks, Ive stopped to take an inventory of how I interact with people, and how they in turn interact with me. Nothing I do, is ever because I am looking for something in return from others. NEVER! I am always my friends biggest cheerleader, biggest supporter, because I know they out here grinding to make their dreams come true, so why wouldn’t I support them? I am not always able to support their businesses with monetary gains but I’ll plug and plug on social media. My audience might not be large, but its powerful and I am consistent.

However, I am tired of giving and giving, and never really seeing those SAME folks, going hard for me. Supporting me. Assisting with promoting me on social media. Hell, just a kind word or greeting. Truly be interested in what’s going on with me. I had a ‘friend’ who I haven’t spoken to in months, hit me up to promote her business … girl, Fuck you and that business. Of course, I didn’t say that, I just ignored her request but It was utterly ridiculous. Like Boo, Oh you remember me now?

I say this to say, Its a miracle to not turn into a bitter bitty but you can’t let the way other folks behave cause you to wilt. Don’t let people turn you into someone you aren’t. I know it gets annoying but keep it pushing, and keep searching until you find your tribe!

Tristan Jones.

Zoom Partyyy

Last Night, I hosted a quarantine Happy hour. I posted it on my social media outlets, and to be honest, I wasn’t really sure who, If anyone, was going to show up. Well… imagine my surprise when my childhood friends came thru for me. I’ll be the first to admit I was nervous, it such a hard thing to put yourself out there, not knowing what the outcome will be. I had such a great time, I am so glad I thought about doing this, I am even glader (I know, not a word) that they came to happy hour with me. Such a great time, of laughs, and being able to be together, although we couldn’t actually be together.

Jonez.

Also Shout out to my boo, for coming thru to a happy hour and not knowing who the hell would be there, or what the topics would be about. Thank you for taking a leap, and joining, you are truly appreciated. Forever!

Birthday Love

So this year, January 23, I turned 34. I am officially the age my mother was when she had me, also, I was 17 when my mother died, so with this birthday I have lived half my life without my mother, so this was a special birthday, but also an awkwardly weird birthday too. As a way to alleviate the sadness factor, I asked all of my social media platforms, which is made up of folks that I actually (mostly) know in real life to send birthday cards. I received a whopping twenty two cards. I also received gifts! A book, an active journal, a Basquiat bookmark, a deck of self reflection/self help/self care cards and a set of AirPods. Can you believe it?

I damn sure can’t, and I just counted! Its crazy that, so many people love me enough to go out, look for a card, personalize it, add something special to the card, get stamps, take it to the post office or put it in a mailbox. I am that loved, that folks thought of me, to do that for me. Its so surreal that people would reach out to me in such a forgotten form, snail mail. As I get older, I am choosing to focus on the people who care about me, the people who show they care about me, instead of focusing on those who choose to not be present.

Once again, I thank you guys so very much for heeding my birthday call, and showing up so magically!

Tristan J.

Dear Diary …

I know we agreed we’d only be speaking positive about ourselves and pouring positivity Into us but I’m having a hard time not saying … What I hate about myself is! So since I haven’t found a better way of saying “it”, imma just say it. I cannot stand the way I give folks the opportunity to correct themselves in how they interact with me, and they don’t take advantage of it. THEN when I’m done, and no longer giving out lessons, they feel slighted. Loyalty, is not just a word, it’s an embodiment! Or at least it should be, fuck.

I’m a different person when I no longer give af about you. I KNOW people have the tendency to take advantage of my kindness, my awesomeness, but that’s just the way I’m built. Trust, I’ve tried to change but that’s not my way. Unfortunately or Fortunately, depending on how you see it, one of my friends won’t be able to count on me in any capacity. And if I should say, I’m a great friend to have in your corner.

Tristan J.

Functioning.

Until my friend Towanda mentioned it, I’ve never really gave much thought to me being a functioning depressive person. I know there are times when my lows are overwhelming but as always I pick myself up out of the ‘funk’ because what else would I do? What else can I do? There’s no time for me to wallow in all the things that have happened to me. To wallow in my version of the blues. As a person without parents, I’ve learned to depend on myself for my emotional needs. There was a time where I wanted to lean on my friends, but I could scream at the top of the highest building that I need them to check in on me, see how I am doing, reciprocate the things that I do for them, hell even a fraction of how I show up and show out for them, but most don’t.

As a friend, I do certain things out of the kindness of my heart. I know what it’s like to want someone to give a fuck about you, and they don’t. So I do my best to show up for others in a way I’d want someone to show up for me. For example, Mother’s Day gets a bit easier for me, yes, but I STILL am without a mother, so if I am wishing you a ‘Happy Mother’s Day’ or checking in with you because you no longer have one, ASK ME HOW THE FUCK AM I DOING! Cuz maybe I’m at my tipping point but its June, so eh. All I can do is keep moving forward.

Speaking to my friend, Ty, she mentioned I am a nurturer and I agree but I need to pour every single drop back into my damn self. So whatever the question, the answer is No.

Tristan J.

Luv U.

As much as we may want the very best for our friends. As much as we may want nothing but greatness for them, we cannot be willing to work harder for it than them. Trust, I know that shit sucks but you’ll kill yourself trying to obtain greatness on behalf of someone else. I’ll continue to be there for my friends, I’ll continue to be a listening ear if necessary but I will not longer shoulder their issues. I will no longer accept their problems as my own, looking for solutions and alternatives. No. I can’t. I’ve tasted the sweet taste of happiness, it’s taken me a while to get here but NOW, that I’m here I can’t let anyone threaten that peace.

To my friends, I love you. Sincerely. I want you to learn who you are, trust in yourself and know you deserve the very best from another human being. Trust that if s/he isn’t willing to offer their best, they aren’t willing to compromise to see you happy then Be prepared to move forward without them. Know that it’s healthy to be alone, and it’s necessary to carve time out to place yourself first.

Love yourself.

Tristan J {AKA} Tiffany, Your Friend.

AiseLife X Skoli

What a pleasure, to go from seeing Charles White (I’m Super Obsessed) at the Art Institute of Chicago, to seeing up & coming artists in the Chicago art and creative scene at AMFM Gallery. As all of you know, I’m a recent transplant in Chicago, so I had no real clue as to what to expect when I arrived at the venue. Some would say no expectations equals no disappointments, but I was pleasantly surrounded by an outward display of love. AiseLife’s art was captivating, I throughly enjoyed being transported back to the “rink”. Just looking at his depiction of a skating rink, the focus being on the skates, I created a whole narrative in my mind, I could even hear the music and feel the energy. Ultimately isn’t that what art is supposed to do? Create a story for you?

I also was treated to a live performance by @Nomezflute and @loony.is.normal It started off as beat bop meets flute meets soul meets jazz, which I know sounds hard to imagine but it works. Somehow the duo, they’re able to pair the different genres of music and release a vibe that transcends what you believe you’re into musically. As Nomezflute eloquently stated, [Paraphrasing] “this is enchanting music, so let the music move you. Do whatever the fuck You want. Dance to it, move an arm or a leg to it.”

We all vibed and rocked out to the sounds of DJ Skoli. I play the wall, especially when sober, hell even when intoxicated and guess what? I was dancing! So that can only be contributed to Red Line Shorty himself. Extremely focused while ‘spinning’ but amazingly humbled outside of the turn tables. The energy he puts into ensuring you feel him, is exactly why I had to return that same energy to him.

Tristan Jonez

Jonezy Note: I always feel as an intruder to this type of events where creatives show their creativeness. Although I am a creative in my own right, not being a performer, I am slow to open up in these spaces at times. However I am always excited to be in the vicinity of such spaces, the Love was present in abundance. Thank you AMFM Gallery, as well as Aiselife and DJ Skoli.

Taste of Chicago

So much food, EVERYWHERE.

After years of wanting to go, wishing I could go, trying to set my schedule so I could go, I’ve finally made it to Taste of Chicago and they didn’t disappoint! I know, I had to have read all about the ins and out of “The Taste” as it’s affectionately known but I really didn’t have any expectations as to the food variety. I was surprised with Mexican, African, Jamaican, more Mexican and of course Two different varieties of Pizza. Although I opted to stay away from The dough, the smell was delicious enough to change my mind.

Day One was HOT! I met up with my fly sister, Shakila, copped some food tickets, and took a survey of our selection. Did I say it was hot? Cuz it was. My confession of never having Harold’s led us straight there and OMG. Juicy, tender, flavorful chicken. And yes!, I got the mild sauce!

After some prime shots, because hello! The sun was giving us this Glow, it was time for sweets. The stifling heat called for funnel cakes with ice cream, Italian and Mexican iceys.

Tristan Jonez

FYI Its called a Taste of Chicago because you can get a ‘taste’ of the food, ( a small but lightly filling portion) or a full portion. Genius!

When?

When did we get into the habit of glossing over the ‘struggle’? I find that folks are so eager to show that they are winning, that it creates unrealistic expectations so when you do lose, personally, you lose your fucking mind. We know, with all forms of social media, you have to keep up airs, stay put on but isn’t that exhausting? Now don’t get me wrong, who the hell wants to solely focus on failures? Nobody. That’s a depressing place to be, but shit happens, right?

I want to create a place of equal balance. A place where we celebrate the lows just as fiercely as the highs. Now maybe I won’t be the actual person to create this haven I’m looking for but i do want to play my part. So although I do believe I vocalize my lows and highs equally, I will be more aware of the content I put out. Just as often as I scream men ain’t shit but fuck boys, I’ll turn around and showcase men who have the qualities that’ll make your knees buckle.
Balance.

T. Jonez

When In … Nashville

Let’s talk about Nashville.

I can definitely understand why Nashville is being hailed as the “New Vegas”. Last month I was able to experience most of what Honky Town (their words, not mine) had to offer. As y’all know every month, a destination is chosen, then my fly sister and I partake in the culture of said city. I must say, it was an interesting trip, at the least. Do you know how much trouble one can get into in Nashville? Tons babe! Side note: Be open-minded, and don’t be sober for too long.

After walking up and down the bar strip, we FINALLY found a bar that played Hip Hop/R&B, bonus its the rooftop. Double bonus is the famous Nudie’s Honky Tonk! Just know alcohol is definitely liquid courage, it helps you to live outside of your head. {DISCLAIMER: Know your fucking limit when drinking!} I had a great time, dancing, and vibing to the music. I believe always being in control and in charge of my life, sometimes leave me forgetting to enjoy the moment I’m currently in.

What city has helped to release your Inhibitions?

Tristan Jonez

What A Day

Yesterday was one of those days that go from bad to worse in a matter of minutes.

Meditating didn’t work, neither did positive thinking. It was just one asshole person after the other, after the other. It’s funny how people believe their problem is more important that anyone else, and you should stop what you’re doing to accommodate them. No matter how ‘nice’ you are when you aren’t moving in service of them, its an issue. Thank God, I have enough common sense to empower MYSELF, and teach myself whatever I need to know to improve my work life. Folks at my workplace would rather depend on others for their answers then have the nerve to get upset when your focus is needed elsewhere.

So I accept that it was just a shitty day, the good news, my day is officially over. The even better news, I will NEVER have to repeat this day for as long as I live. Just like that, I can move on and Cheers to tomorrow! I will manifest what I’d like for tomorrow, and it will be an amazing day. I will be notified of a new opportunity, something that elevates my spirit higher. Complaining just takes too much energy, and lord knows I need all my energy. Instead of complaining I will be changing my situation. Not happy with work? Change it. Maybe I won’t be quitting my job but I can join a different department, possibly a different shift. Make ALL the changes you need to until you are as happy as you’d like to be.

Tristan Jonez.

Bumble Bees.

I can remember when online dating was such a taboo, when you had to lie about where and how you met the person because online dating was such a no no. I’ve been online dating and meeting folks for what seems like forever, definitely before it was on trend. At this point, I feel as if I’ve tested out every option, damn there every app. Currently I was testing out the app Bumble, and this was after vowing to not attempt to date from online. I do appreciate the two other bumble options which are Bumble BFF and Bumble Biz, as I’ve ‘meet’ some interesting people. The catch with Bumble, it’s the female who initiates the interaction after both parties have swiped right on each other signifying they are interested. My only grip with that, is I’ve found that men are not interested enough in me to hold a conversation, after they’ve ‘connected’ with me. Personally, I do like when a man approaches me, cuz then I knew he is somewhat interested.

However I think I am going to delete Bumble, or possibly just keep it and use it as a tool to meet new BFF’s. Either way, dating isn’t for me anymore.

Tristan Jonez.