Valentine’s Day (review)

Who knew, Valentine’s Day, the movie was good? I just finished watching, and It was throughly enjoyable. Also, It tickled me when Ashton Kutcher’s character was trying to get a ticket, and went to the Southwest Airlines Counter. The movie was a bit chaotic, it reminded me of the movie Crash, where all the characters are connected. Valentine’s Day can really bring out all the emotions, from all characters. I do like we were able to see young love, newly love, love that was ending, friendship love blossoming into more, etc.

I might have to make this a tradition. Next year, Join me, we’ll be watching Valentine’s Day. Its a Date?

Jonez.

“Really Love”

Y’all know I HATE crying when watching television but here I am, wiping my tears. “Really Love” Still has me in my feelings, also it could be the white wine I had, but lets focus. Such a good movie! Very reminiscent of ‘Love Jones’ only in the sense that it romanticize DC. I love Black Folks, I love Blk Love, I love Love. Sidenote, Now I’m listening to Ari Lennox. Okay Okay back to the movie, must see. What annoyed me about the main characters, NO COMMUNICATION! Thats always the problem. Folks refuse to communicate with how they REALLY feel. Let it hurt my feelings, but at least I know exactly how you are feeling.

However go watch, then report back. Did you love it? Also, What do you think she decided to do?

Tristan Jonez.

Apollo-gies

When you start advocating for yourself, you start to feel better about the choices you create. I’ve decided I will no longer accept sole apologies, nah. Now, I ONLY accept financial apologies. Meaning, if they apologies are not accompanied with money, then you can keep it. Changed behavior only last long enough, until you take folks back, then they are back to do whatever it is they were doing. Totally tired of the bak and forth, I’ve found that if men have to apologize, change their behavior AND pay an apology fee, they are a tad bit willing to figure it out.

Also, I don’t want anyone’s money. Lets be clear. However if they feel I’m being unreasonable and leave, then I’ve gotten what I wanted. IF they decide I’m being reasonable, they pay the fee, then I’ve gotten what I wanted. Either way I win!

Tristan J.

Do you accept apologies?

Birthday Ali.

Dear Ali,

Happy Birthday King! Today you would’ve turned 35! Can you believe it? Thirteen years babe, you been away from me, and it feels almost like forever. I miss you. I miss you badly. You left me … and you promised me you never would. I’m sorry I couldn’t save you. I tried. I tried doing everything I could think of to help, to be there, to take the statements you was making serious. I tried. Lee, you still left me. I know you won’t believe me, but I’m not mad anymore. Only the occasional bouts of sadness, like today but I promise I am going to get all the tears out before I go to sleep…. then I’ll spend the rest of the day celebrating you. I keep your photo with me, its survived thirteen years, from NYC, to Baltimore, back to NYC, to Dallas and now to Chicago with me. In reality, you’re everywhere I am. Everywhere.

I thank you for sharing your light with me. For sharing your love. Your memory will forever live on with me Ali Sidney. I love you. I miss you. Happy Birthday Love.

I love you forever and ever, Always.

Tiff.

Lost / love.

It’s weird to meet the Love of your life and Soulmate at 17 but it happened to me. Whats even weirder, to only be able to experience them for three years. Ali Sidney. Man, I can’t even describe how much I miss him. Wish I could see him, talk to him, just be in his presence. Today is his birthday, well it would’ve been. 35. Thirty Five years. For him to have died at twenty two, is such a tragedy in itself. A tragedy I don’t think I’ve fully healed from even with the help of therapists, In the back of my mind, I still miss him.

Believe me when I tell you, Life is Short. Love on those who you love. If you are feeling the pressures of society, of life, PLEASE find the courage to speak to someone who can help you. Suicide is NEVER the answer, especially when the problems are temporary ones.

Tristan J.

The Blues

So I’m not exactly going through a break up, cuz he was Never my man BUT I’m finally fully walking away. I always have a hard time letting go of people, especially when I’ve grown to be attached to them however this toxic shit has to go! It really is like men have this radar, when you are moving on without them, something beeps in their fucking head, that says, ‘Call her, Text her,” “And don’t forget to tell her you miss her.” I am over the okey doke, sometimes, NO, most times you have to block their number for a bit. Do whatever is needed to save ur damn sanity, cuz slowly you’ll lose your mind dealing with these types of men.

My only word of advice, and its not even advice, Men know exactly what they are doing. When they say, and do, they have already determined how important you are to them. They have already assessed how much they are willing to do, or not do, so when they show you, take it at face value. If you meant that much to them, they would do all that’s needed to keep you. So, don’t allow them to use excuses, they most definitely knew what they had in you, and IF they didn’t, oh well! Don’t go back babe! Once a shooting star has fizzled out, there’s no rewind button … You’re the Star!

Tristan J

(Ex) Friends

Can you be friends with an Ex?

In my younger dating years, I was able to keep it cute and cordial with folks who previously had the pleasure of my company. However, now, No I wouldn’t want to be friends with my ex. Not real friends anyway, and if we have to filter out the things we’d say, why bother? If you MUST be friends with an ex, how did it end? I’m sure that would factor if you even want to be friends, were you just better as friends? Did y’all start as friends? Would the friendship be restricted to just texting and chatting on the phone? Would y’all go out? Ah, Way too many questions, and somewhere in there, I’m sure is a grey and murky area. Why even go thru the hassle of attempting friendship?

In my own defense, I am cool with a handful of folks that I’ve dated. But I would never invest time into them as a potential partner, again, I also wouldn’t physically go out with them to ‘catch up’. I’d respond if they texted, but I wouldn’t reach out. So I guess, No I wouldn’t be friends with an Ex.

I don’t tend to reread books, I already know the ending.

Tristan Jonez.

According to … Kiana lede

“Now you feeling guilty, that’s your conscious, Cant you tell a bitch is fed up with your nonsense.” -Kiana Lede

“I know how to be accountable for everything Ive done […] I know I fucked up once and its bad, so I cant front. Guess I’ll just smoke this blunt.” -6LACK

This is not taking account for your actions, telling me you know HOW doesn’t make you accountable for them. List them out, speak on what you’re actually taking accountability for. Giving me a line about it means absolutely nothing to me. Apologize, give me changed behavior, actually growing and working thru your fuck up is what’s going to make me stay, or possibly come back. I know your tactics so doing what you’ve done is going to work, especially when a woman is fed up.

Tristan Jonez

Lyrics from Second Chances ft. 6LACK

According To Wale…

“Love is overrated and underrated because it seem like a placebo when it be done.”

Overrated adj. have a higher opinion of (something or someone) than deserved.

Underrated v. To rate or evaluate too low.

Placebo n. A measure designed merely to calm or please someone.

Maybe Wale is on to something, maybe Love is overrated and underrated. How many times have a love that you thought would be forever ended and your left feeling … depleted? To be in Love means what? To be in a haze of feelings? To give your all? To what? Is it something you do? Feel? Are we not giving Love its due? Do we not place it in such a high regard? Are we too lax about it? Should we make more of a bigger deal when it felt? When it’s said? When it’s realized and shown?

Is love really as underrated and overrated as we make it?

Tristan Jonez.

Song Lyrics from Set You Free ft. Kelly Price

Flags of Red

I saw the red flags. Each and Every One, I saw them. When I recognized them, I fell back. I wasn’t that deep in with homie, so I was able to begin the process of walking away. Yeah, he was dope, and treated me well BUT I saw the Red Flags. I fucking saw them! I think that’s the part that annoys me the most about my most recent dating situation, the fact that I saw the red flags, began the process of walking away, but because he pursued me, I abandoned all sensible logic and stayed. Now I’m dealing with the aftermath. I’m better today, than I was a few weeks ago, but still, to have to deal with this, knowing I saw the Red Flags just sigh…

Be better than me, when you see those Red Flags, and you will, be strong enough to know he is not WHO you are waiting for.

Tristan Jonez.

Hitch

The Hopeless Romantic in me loves the movie Hitch, I know we’ve discussed this before but its currently showing on Netflix, and I seriously cannot get enough of it. At this very moment I am watching, between my writing, I know I know I should be focusing on what I am doing but I get a pass cuz … its Hitch! What attracts me to the movie, besides the location, is Hitch, and his love interest, Sara. Both, are so guarded, so scared to move forward with each other because of what they have dealt with in the past, but yet, they still inch closer and closer to one another.

I’m Sorry, I didn’t even ask you guys, if you’ve seen Hitch? Yes? Don’t you just love it? And If you haven’t, I AM Judging you… Why haven’t you seen it yet? Today! GO NOW!

Tristan J.

More than …

I’ll be the first to admit, I have tried, and done everything to show a man, I was the one for him. I was always myself, but I made sure to be what he needed, I was the one he could trust, I was the one who’d be there for him, I was the one who he could count on … and in all that, I still wasn’t the one he chose. It took some time, but I do NOT internalize this, I don’t make it, woe is me at all. Shorty just isn’t the one for me but Ive learned that I can’t overextend myself to fit the needs of others. Especially when those same courtesies are not being extended to me.

In theory I checked off damn there every box he had in terms of what he WANTED but he wasn’t ready. Those boxes, were just for me, to sate me, to make me feel as if, alright girl, I fit all the things he says he’s looking for, so why doesn’t he want to take it further, make a commitment? Cuz he’s not looking for one, could be he isn’t ready for one, but whatever it is, you have to leave him/meet him where he is. Start being honest with yourself about what it is YOU want, and move with those intentions in mind.

In all this, ladies please remember, you are more than enough!

Jonez