Low Key (High Key) I think I’m sabotaging my dating life by entertaining men who couldn’t possibly be good for me. Men who couldn’t give me half of what I am looking for, attracted to me, with the gift of gab, that’s who gets my attention. Ugh. Men who I know don’t deserve my attention, somehow captures it and when they eventually disappoint me, I’m hesitant to cut them off. Double Ugh. I’m sadden to know I’m bringing these horrid habits to a new city. Since I’m aware of the poor choices I am making, I am scaling back a bit from dating.
Don’t worry I’m still going to date but how about we try dating with purpose. Although I loathe writing a long list of what I am seeking in a guy, but maybe that’s exactly what I should be doing. I should have a clear understanding, but flexible, vision of what I’m looking for in an partner. God so help me, if I get carried away, and have a list of fifty thousand requirements. So to be sure I don’t get to carried away once I write down my ‘list’ I’ll post it. I know I know, scary right? And super super personal, but you guys are worth knowing all the intimate details of my life, since I already over share my shit.
FYI – Wish me Luck! XOXO
Even now, I still sometimes give my power to a man. I’ll let him decide if he should dump me, if this “relationship” isn’t working for him, if he’s done. Well fuck that. I’m tired of being as polite as I can, speaking softly as to not step on the fragile male ego and for what? For them to believe they are who is in control?! Nah I’m done with that. A relationship is to be mutually beneficial and if it isn’t, well then Maybe I need to be the one to step.
I’m tired of men thinking their behavior is acceptable just because the last chick didn’t correct it. As I get older, I find myself less inclined to protect the male ego. What about my own? Laying down on the sword, becomes painful after the first time. If a man, especially one you are dating, can’t see how his behavior is affecting you, then that’s not a man you should engage with. This seemingly amazing human was single for a reason, the reasons JUST became clearly obvious to you.
Save Your Damn Selves.
I remember being fourteen, creating a chart of how old I would be when I turned twenty-one, then twenty-five, and telling myself I couldn’t wait until I reached those ages. Those milestone which have since come and gone, and up until recently I was still waiting. For what I don’t know, well I can’t exactly pinpoint. I’ve been waiting fro Prince Charming to come into my world, waiting for people to be as much of a friend to me that I am to them, waiting to not be scared and thrive in all my talents, whether seen or unseen, waiting to finally give myself permission to live life on my terms … unapologetically!
Despite the fear, I usually do it. Whatever ‘it’ may be. I push myself because I’m my best hype man, hell I might be your best hype man too. Tonight I realize I need to place more value in myself, trust in what others see in me, and continue to dance to the sound of my voice, my heart and my drum. When something happens that brings fear back, remember life is funny like that. One moment you’re facing your biggest obstacle, next your looking back, laughing, on what you thought was your biggest obstacle.
So recently I was thinking about my childhood friends who are getting married, having children and just generally living life. In thinking of them, I stated thinking about my own life, and my future. I thought about the fact that I don’t have children yet, barely dating, but I’m living my travel dream. I didn’t realize before of how much I actually wanted to be a flight attendant, however now that I’m here and I’m actually doing it, this is what I want to do. I’d lie if I said this was a forever thing, but then again, who knows? I love the thrill of not knowing where I will be traveling to or who I will be traveling with. Obviously it can possibly be a stressful situation, but when you look it as an adventure, there is no way, you won’t be able to have the time of your life!
I had the pleasure of introducing myself to Artist Nick Cave newest exhibit at the Frist Museum in Nashville, and I’m still blown away. Feat., is his answer and rallying call to being a black man in America. Instead of being seen as hiding, I took his creation, his suits as a shield against racial profiling, against classism and gender bias.
Although I wear no such physical ‘suit’ I too know and understand the masking in which I’ve tried to blend in to society. However no matter how much I attempt to blend or conform to societies norms, I’m still a Black Woman.
One of the most emotional episodes of Sons of Anarchy, for me, is Season 4, Episode 10. So many characters are affected by the choice of Clay. Although I’ve seen the series multiples times, in pieces, I’m rewatching with “fresh eyes”. So obviously I knew he would complete his task, although he had no solid reason to continue except his greed. I don’t think he truly cares about Jax finding out as much as the club finding out his true intentions. Bobby’s on to him, but solely calling him out for being greedy. Even if the “Donna” thing hadn’t happened, I doubt he would’ve reached out to Tig or Happy to assist with hurting Tara.
We’ve see Jax come to the crossroads many times prior to this but now that Tara has completely given up hope, he wants to prove that he can get out. However as the Prince how can he? Is it truly possibly for the VP to dethrone himself? Gemma, makes herself seem meek and naive when it comes to knowing what truly happened to JT, to anyone who feels the need to question her. Unser and Tara both have their suspicions that she’s not as oblivious as she lets on. When Clay turns on her, and it’s apparent she can no longer pull him close, she reveals herself. What is a King without his Queen, in Gemma’s mind, Dead.
Sons of Anarchy will forever be my favorite.
STOP LETTING FOLKS ATTACH THEMSELVES TO YOU!
I didn’t really understand, or believe that folks can most times see the greatness in you, before you see it. And some of those same people, will attach themselves to you, not because they would like to help cultivate your greatness, they want to get as much as they can out of you, without having to put that much into you! It takes you being aware of who you are, and even more aware of the company that you are keeping.
I’ll be the first to tell you, when I travel I use my gut for singling out where I should walk, or if its really safe to go in this or that direction. However when it comes to people I am not always able to use good judgement. I want to see the best/good in everyone, even when they do me wrong. I’m working on changing some of my ways, although it pains me, sometimes you have to love folks from a very far distance.
Energy is real! Vibes are real! You have to be vigilant in who you are surrounding yourself with, continue to take inventory of how YOU feel around different people, are you more angry, anxious, sad? Hows the quality of y’all conversation, are they invested in you as you are in them? Are they contributing to the friendship in ways that are beneficial to you? Solely them? Take control of your life and the folks YOU allow in!