I had the pleasure of introducing myself to Artist Nick Cave newest exhibit at the Frist Museum in Nashville, and I’m still blown away. Feat., is his answer and rallying call to being a black man in America. Instead of being seen as hiding, I took his creation, his suits as a shield against racial profiling, against classism and gender bias.
Although I wear no such physical ‘suit’ I too know and understand the masking in which I’ve tried to blend in to society. However no matter how much I attempt to blend or conform to societies norms, I’m still a Black Woman.
One of the most emotional episodes of Sons of Anarchy, for me, is Season 4, Episode 10. So many characters are affected by the choice of Clay. Although I’ve seen the series multiples times, in pieces, I’m rewatching with “fresh eyes”. So obviously I knew he would complete his task, although he had no solid reason to continue except his greed. I don’t think he truly cares about Jax finding out as much as the club finding out his true intentions. Bobby’s on to him, but solely calling him out for being greedy. Even if the “Donna” thing hadn’t happened, I doubt he would’ve reached out to Tig or Happy to assist with hurting Tara.
We’ve see Jax come to the crossroads many times prior to this but now that Tara has completely given up hope, he wants to prove that he can get out. However as the Prince how can he? Is it truly possibly for the VP to dethrone himself? Gemma, makes herself seem meek and naive when it comes to knowing what truly happened to JT, to anyone who feels the need to question her. Unser and Tara both have their suspicions that she’s not as oblivious as she lets on. When Clay turns on her, and it’s apparent she can no longer pull him close, she reveals herself. What is a King without his Queen, in Gemma’s mind, Dead.
Sons of Anarchy will forever be my favorite.
STOP LETTING FOLKS ATTACH THEMSELVES TO YOU!
I didn’t really understand, or believe that folks can most times see the greatness in you, before you see it. And some of those same people, will attach themselves to you, not because they would like to help cultivate your greatness, they want to get as much as they can out of you, without having to put that much into you! It takes you being aware of who you are, and even more aware of the company that you are keeping.
I’ll be the first to tell you, when I travel I use my gut for singling out where I should walk, or if its really safe to go in this or that direction. However when it comes to people I am not always able to use good judgement. I want to see the best/good in everyone, even when they do me wrong. I’m working on changing some of my ways, although it pains me, sometimes you have to love folks from a very far distance.
Energy is real! Vibes are real! You have to be vigilant in who you are surrounding yourself with, continue to take inventory of how YOU feel around different people, are you more angry, anxious, sad? Hows the quality of y’all conversation, are they invested in you as you are in them? Are they contributing to the friendship in ways that are beneficial to you? Solely them? Take control of your life and the folks YOU allow in!
For a long time I’ve wondered why I only attract the broken, and today I realized there must be something broken inside of me that I have yet to discover or uncover. Maybe it’s possible I am not over the things that have happened to me in life, or I haven’t moved on as much as I believed I had. Every time I meet a new person, or an old person comes back into my life, it seems we are just repeating the routines of yester-whenever. If I’m being honest, I’m tired of the same ole, same ole.
My next move is learning to create those very necessary boundaries, and keeping in place what contingencies I have if those clear boundaries are crossed. Being sweet is a wonderful quality to have but I have to stop letting folks believe that I am to be treated however they see fit at the moment. ESPECIALLY If I’ve already made it known, that those behaviors are not acceptable. I’m tired of being frustrated, tried of feeling used, and I’m damn sure tired of feeling as if I owe anyone something! Loyalty will get you killed! So for once, I’m gong to be loyal to myself, and start giving myself whatever it is thats needed.
Hopefully your Christmas was merry, and Santa brought you everything you wrote on your list. Surprisingly this year, I asked for nothing but I received a super abundance of Love!
Every single year, my family throws a Christmas Eve dinner/party in Peekskill, NY. This year I was actually in jeopardy of missing it as my job was attempting to hold me hostage but by the heavens I broke free, took metro-north then a cab and arrived fashionably late. I must say, I had an amazingly fun time this year. Literally you could feel the love, bursting thru the damn walls. Lord knows my family has its ups and downs, hell my favorite uncle just passed away but his presence was felt. The house felt full.
Although I don’t always appreciate them, I’m lucky to have the family that I have. Even the folks whom I choose not to communicate with, they’ve helped to create who I am and I implore you to find things that you love about your own families.
Yesterday was one of those days that go from bad to worse in a matter of minutes.
Meditating didn’t work, neither did positive thinking. It was just one asshole person after the other, after the other. It’s funny how people believe their problem is more important that anyone else, and you should stop what you’re doing to accommodate them. No matter how ‘nice’ you are when you aren’t moving in service of them, its an issue. Thank God, I have enough common sense to empower MYSELF, and teach myself whatever I need to know to improve my work life. Folks at my workplace would rather depend on others for their answers then have the nerve to get upset when your focus is needed elsewhere.
So I accept that it was just a shitty day, the good news, my day is officially over. The even better news, I will NEVER have to repeat this day for as long as I live. Just like that, I can move on and Cheers to tomorrow! I will manifest what I’d like for tomorrow, and it will be an amazing day. I will be notified of a new opportunity, something that elevates my spirit higher. Complaining just takes too much energy, and lord knows I need all my energy. Instead of complaining I will be changing my situation. Not happy with work? Change it. Maybe I won’t be quitting my job but I can join a different department, possibly a different shift. Make ALL the changes you need to until you are as happy as you’d like to be.
There are life changing moments that most time happens without us really understanding the impact. Oscar Grant III was that life changing moment for me. I remember everything I was doing prior to hearing the news of his murder. I was sitting at my desk, preparing to get started on the orders I needed to enter for the day, I remember hearing the news and feeling such an extreme sense of loss, it was as if my best friend had died. Keep in mind, prior to that day, I didn’t know anything about Oscar, had never even heard of him until that moment, but I was incredibly sad at the loss of his being. I made the mistake of watching the released footage of his death on whatever site had it available, and I cried so much I had to excuse myself to the restroom. With that one shot, his life gone. His dreams and goals would never come to fruition, he would never have the opportunity to see his daughter grow, he would never be able to right his wrongs. Hands down, one of the most significant memories in my life, and I still felt the pang of what he could have grown into.
I recently visit San Francisco for the first time, and while on the BART, I sat across from the Map, and my eyes landed on Fruitvale station. I once again felt sadden by the events that occurred in 2009. On a day where we all celebrate whats to come, how we were going to do better than the previous year, Oscar wouldn’t get the opportunity to fulfill his resolutions. I know life isn’t fair, and we aren’t supposed to question the moves of the Creator, but what good has come from Oscar being gone? Besides feelings of anger and sadness? I will be going back to California and as much as I would like to visit Oakland, I don’t think I am strong enough to do so.
I’m thankful to have been exposed to Oscar Grant III’s story, I do believe I am a better person. I want to believe I love harder, am more compassionate, a tad bit more of a risk taker, because I know Life isn’t to be lived forever but to be cherished!
And for that, I thank you Oscar. You’ll always be held within the depths of my heart.