For a long time I’ve wondered why I only attract the broken, and today I realized there must be something broken inside of me that I have yet to discover or uncover. Maybe it’s possible I am not over the things that have happened to me in life, or I haven’t moved on as much as I believed I had. Every time I meet a new person, or an old person comes back into my life, it seems we are just repeating the routines of yester-whenever. If I’m being honest, I’m tired of the same ole, same ole.
My next move is learning to create those very necessary boundaries, and keeping in place what contingencies I have if those clear boundaries are crossed. Being sweet is a wonderful quality to have but I have to stop letting folks believe that I am to be treated however they see fit at the moment. ESPECIALLY If I’ve already made it known, that those behaviors are not acceptable. I’m tired of being frustrated, tried of feeling used, and I’m damn sure tired of feeling as if I owe anyone something! Loyalty will get you killed! So for once, I’m gong to be loyal to myself, and start giving myself whatever it is thats needed.
Sometimes I honestly feel as if I don’t really have anyone to lean on. Better yet, I don’t feel as if I can unpack all the shit that weighs me down to someone and have them be equal parts understanding, and non judgmental. Basically I need me a ‘me’. I’ve perfected the art of being a friend, and I hate myself a lil for it. I wonder if I was less of a friend, if I would have more folks who appreciate me. I check up with people who I haven’t heard from in a while. I reach out when something seems off about their behavior, especially on social media. If I was needed I would drop everything to be there in person, if thats what it took to get them back to 100% I feel as if I am an after thought, like oh right, I should’ve invited T, or damn I forgot to call T about this event. If I went missing, besides my coworkers, I wonder if anyone would know notice. We have to start being better people to one another, be there for those that are there for us. Im often alone with my thoughts, that I had no choice but to love myself, if I didn’t I would’ve been lost my fuking mind.
I’m learning to unpack for myself. I write the things that I feel are needed to unpack, then I release that shit into the Universe and I move forward. I do my best to see in what areas I can improve in, and do my best to be aware when moving forward. There are days where Im unpacking similar things, but change takes time, so I don’t beat myself up. I just focus more on what I can do to bring about change.
How do you unpack?