women

Wine? More Please!

Living Life

I wasn’t sure what to expect with Gabrielle Union’s book, and therefore I had no expectations. So she pleasantly surprised the shit out of me. I’m not sure why I pictured her as someone who was a bit rigid in her personality but the book was such a good read. Obviously there was some chapters that wasn’t easy to read, although I wasn’t the one living that particular truth, I could still feel her. I’ve added Gabrielle Union to the very short list of women who are friends in my head, Monica is number one, if you was wondering. I respect the level of honesty required to write her book. I’m thankful she found the courage to explore her past, to relive the not so nice parts, to be able to be a story teller to us.

As long as I can remember I was willing to support Gabrielle Union, the actress, now, I’m ready to support Gabrielle Union the woman.

Tristan Jonez.

Familia

Life Lesson, Living Life

I share my experiences cuz I want y’all to be better than me. Learn from all the weirdo, dumbass things I do and make better choices. First, I’m mad dramatic but my point is still valid. Don’t let two months go by before you make time for your family. I in fact, have done just that. The last time I was with my family was June 18, so I’mma few days shy of two months but wayyy too damn long. Now that I’m going to see them tomorrow I can just cry, and will most likely cry when I see them. Hell I’m crying as I write this. Although I have been in every other city than my own, it’s no excuse. I will never allow this much time to pass before I physically see my fam.

Life truly is too short. While I’m getting families to and from, safely, my own hasn’t laid eyes on this beautiful face. Pissing my sister off via cellular device, doesn’t have the same effect. Being all in both my nieces business, just don’t do the job over the phone and showering my nephew with love, can’t be felt over the phone. Realize and understand the importance of family BEFORE something tragic happens. I’ll be heading home to New York later on today, and a sleepover is definitely needed!

Tristan J

Luv U.

Living Life

As much as we may want the very best for our friends. As much as we may want nothing but greatness for them, we cannot be willing to work harder for it than them. Trust, I know that shit sucks but you’ll kill yourself trying to obtain greatness on behalf of someone else. I’ll continue to be there for my friends, I’ll continue to be a listening ear if necessary but I will not longer shoulder their issues. I will no longer accept their problems as my own, looking for solutions and alternatives. No. I can’t. I’ve tasted the sweet taste of happiness, it’s taken me a while to get here but NOW, that I’m here I can’t let anyone threaten that peace.

To my friends, I love you. Sincerely. I want you to learn who you are, trust in yourself and know you deserve the very best from another human being. Trust that if s/he isn’t willing to offer their best, they aren’t willing to compromise to see you happy then Be prepared to move forward without them. Know that it’s healthy to be alone, and it’s necessary to carve time out to place yourself first.

Love yourself.

Tristan J {AKA} Tiffany, Your Friend.

Pieces of my Soul

Living Life, Wheres the Adventure?

I’m a crybaby, always have been and will continue to be but I don’t normally get emotional at museums. Well, I wished someone would love told me to bring the tissues. Recently I traveled to Little Rock, Arkansas, first stop, Old State House Museum. Perhaps one day I’ll learn to research what’s on display BEFORE I visit but I’ll admit I’m lazy. However I think y’all know that already.

No secret, I love anything black people related. So I damn there bust out in the ugly cry for the A Piece of my Soul: Quilts by Black Arkansans exhibit. I remember being a young girl and snuggling up to the quilt that my grandmother, Theo Western, kept close. If I close my eyes and concentrate I can almost remember every single square. I’m embarrassed that I never inquired about each patch and the significance. My grandmother has since passed but I was able to find pride in her and this exhibit. Fun Fact: Quilts could weight as much as fifty pounds!

The museum has at minimum two hundred Quilts and proceeds to rotate the Quilts so all can be displayed. Yall know I’m super hyped to return. Growing up did you experience the magic of Quilts?

Tristan J

Taste of Chicago

Living Life

So much food, EVERYWHERE.

After years of wanting to go, wishing I could go, trying to set my schedule so I could go, I’ve finally made it to Taste of Chicago and they didn’t disappoint! I know, I had to have read all about the ins and out of “The Taste” as it’s affectionately known but I really didn’t have any expectations as to the food variety. I was surprised with Mexican, African, Jamaican, more Mexican and of course Two different varieties of Pizza. Although I opted to stay away from The dough, the smell was delicious enough to change my mind.

Day One was HOT! I met up with my fly sister, Shakila, copped some food tickets, and took a survey of our selection. Did I say it was hot? Cuz it was. My confession of never having Harold’s led us straight there and OMG. Juicy, tender, flavorful chicken. And yes!, I got the mild sauce!

After some prime shots, because hello! The sun was giving us this Glow, it was time for sweets. The stifling heat called for funnel cakes with ice cream, Italian and Mexican iceys.

Tristan Jonez

FYI Its called a Taste of Chicago because you can get a ‘taste’ of the food, ( a small but lightly filling portion) or a full portion. Genius!

When?

Living Life

When did we get into the habit of glossing over the ‘struggle’? I find that folks are so eager to show that they are winning, that it creates unrealistic expectations so when you do lose, personally, you lose your fucking mind. We know, with all forms of social media, you have to keep up airs, stay put on but isn’t that exhausting? Now don’t get me wrong, who the hell wants to solely focus on failures? Nobody. That’s a depressing place to be, but shit happens, right?

I want to create a place of equal balance. A place where we celebrate the lows just as fiercely as the highs. Now maybe I won’t be the actual person to create this haven I’m looking for but i do want to play my part. So although I do believe I vocalize my lows and highs equally, I will be more aware of the content I put out. Just as often as I scream men ain’t shit but fuck boys, I’ll turn around and showcase men who have the qualities that’ll make your knees buckle.
Balance.

T. Jonez

Ego Fragility

Life Lesson, Living Life

Ladies, I will continue being an advocate for doing whatever you want. For placing yourself first, because when you’re super sweet as pie, folks think they can treat you however they see fit. That notion no longer work for me. I am not here to cater to the male ego, why should I? Why should you? So y’all know I’m attempting to date. I’m open to other races, and ages, etc. I’m opened to dating folks who aren’t my usual go to per se. I’ve struggled with how to tell men I’m just not interested, but I would prefer a soft blow over anything else. So recently chatting with a man, who I wasn’t interested at all. I responded with pleasantries but why waste time, providing false hope when I have no interest. I laughed at the response. I mean how could I not? You’re not interested yet you went out of your way to gain my attention. I could’ve respected, him not responding, or even, a “Good Night” in return. We as women have been conditioned to support the male ego, let them down softly, try not to reject them, and if you do, put the blame on you. Nope! Although I will forever be respectful in my dealings, protecting your (fragile) Ego will never be my concern.

Tristan Jonez

Self-Sabo.

Life Lesson, Living Life

Low Key (High Key) I think I’m sabotaging my dating life by entertaining men who couldn’t possibly be good for me. Men who couldn’t give me half of what I am looking for, attracted to me, with the gift of gab, that’s who gets my attention. Ugh. Men who I know don’t deserve my attention, somehow captures it and when they eventually disappoint me, I’m hesitant to cut them off. Double Ugh. I’m sadden to know I’m bringing these horrid habits to a new city. Since I’m aware of the poor choices I am making, I am scaling back a bit from dating.

Don’t worry I’m still going to date but how about we try dating with purpose. Although I loathe writing a long list of what I am seeking in a guy, but maybe that’s exactly what I should be doing. I should have a clear understanding, but flexible, vision of what I’m looking for in an partner. God so help me, if I get carried away, and have a list of fifty thousand requirements. So to be sure I don’t get to carried away once I write down my ‘list’ I’ll post it. I know I know, scary right? And super super personal, but you guys are worth knowing all the intimate details of my life, since I already over share my shit.

Tristan Jonez

FYI – Wish me Luck! XOXO

Save Yourself.

Life Lesson, Living Life

Even now, I still sometimes give my power to a man. I’ll let him decide if he should dump me, if this “relationship” isn’t working for him, if he’s done. Well fuck that. I’m tired of being as polite as I can, speaking softly as to not step on the fragile male ego and for what? For them to believe they are who is in control?! Nah I’m done with that. A relationship is to be mutually beneficial and if it isn’t, well then Maybe I need to be the one to step.

I’m tired of men thinking their behavior is acceptable just because the last chick didn’t correct it. As I get older, I find myself less inclined to protect the male ego. What about my own? Laying down on the sword, becomes painful after the first time. If a man, especially one you are dating, can’t see how his behavior is affecting you, then that’s not a man you should engage with. This seemingly amazing human was single for a reason, the reasons JUST became clearly obvious to you.

Save Your Damn Selves.

Tristan J.

Realer than Real.

Life Lesson, Living Life

For a long time I’ve wondered why I only attract the broken, and today I realized there must be something broken inside of me that I have yet to discover or uncover. Maybe it’s possible I am not over the things that have happened to me in life, or I haven’t moved on as much as I believed I had. Every time I meet a new person, or an old person comes back into my life, it seems we are just repeating the routines of yester-whenever. If I’m being honest, I’m tired of the same ole, same ole.

My next move is learning to create those very necessary boundaries, and keeping in place what contingencies I have if those clear boundaries are crossed. Being sweet is a wonderful quality to have but I have to stop letting folks believe that I am to be treated however they see fit at the moment. ESPECIALLY If I’ve already made it known, that those behaviors are not acceptable. I’m tired of being frustrated, tried of feeling used, and I’m damn sure tired of feeling as if I owe anyone something! Loyalty will get you killed! So for once, I’m gong to be loyal to myself, and start giving myself whatever it is thats needed.

Tristan Jonez.