Although I had a rough week in the people department, I always feel there’s no room for me to complain. I’m alive, so there’s always an opportunity to improve on whatever’s going on. However in full disclosure, I did shed a few tears headed home from the airport. It’s weird how comforting the airport is to me now.
This week I think I’ve lost a friend, and I’m walking away from a potential love interest. Both situations are draining! At first I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide until my heart had, had time to sort itself out. Then I cried, and felt much better after. Hiding has never done anyone any good ever, so I’ll keep focusing on myself. Instead of focusing on people and how to be there for them, Imma just show up for my damn self.
The Best Seat Will forever be the window seat. I feel weightless every single time an aircraft takes off, appreciating where I’ve been and having gratitude for where I will travel to makes living life worth it. I can’t imagine who I’d be without the opportunity to visit certain countries/communities. Every time I experience a new place, a new part of myself is unlocked.
If you don’t realize, I hold travel in high regard. You’ll never reach your highest level of enlightenment without travel. No excuses, Make it happen!
So Girls’ Trip, the movie, came out, and I wasn’t included in any of my group of friends conversation of attending. I know I am a bit of a solo dolo chick, who surely will pass on a group trip, but I love the movies! I was in my feelings of not being asked to attend, I’ve since got over that feeling but I realized that folks just want to be included in the plans that are being created. I wasn’t invited for whatever reason but I just chalk it up to people knowing I’m a dedicated workaholic.
However I do need to shout out, no #IGMOSHE, out of the friends that I do have he was the only person who invited me out to go see the movie, even though he definitely has no interest in it.
Elevation Requires Separation; Fortunately OR Unfortunately?
Not Sometimes, Not when its convenient, not when everyone is on the same page, Always and usually when you least want to separate. I never separate because I want to, I usually venture out on my own because If I stay where and how I am, I’ll literally die. Yes, I am usually by myself but only because I seriously enjoy my own company but I love to include others into my World. At times I find that If I do not separate and do my own thing, I’ll never do the things I want to do.
Right now I’m working on two projects, well trying to work on them both. Sometimes I want to have folks to discuss what I should do. Does this font go, can I scrap this, should I release a limited edition, should I add my own notes, etc but the more I work on my projects, I feel like my circle has gotten so incredibly small. I feel myself pushing myself to a new plateau, a new height, and I welcome that feeling, but to reach the next I have to, if only momentarily, create a lil distance from the life I’ve known for the life I want to live.
SideNote: Have you all had to separate in order to move two steps forward? How did you do this without offending anyone?
Sometimes I honestly feel as if I don’t really have anyone to lean on. Better yet, I don’t feel as if I can unpack all the shit that weighs me down to someone and have them be equal parts understanding, and non judgmental. Basically I need me a ‘me’. I’ve perfected the art of being a friend, and I hate myself a lil for it. I wonder if I was less of a friend, if I would have more folks who appreciate me. I check up with people who I haven’t heard from in a while. I reach out when something seems off about their behavior, especially on social media. If I was needed I would drop everything to be there in person, if thats what it took to get them back to 100% I feel as if I am an after thought, like oh right, I should’ve invited T, or damn I forgot to call T about this event. If I went missing, besides my coworkers, I wonder if anyone would know notice. We have to start being better people to one another, be there for those that are there for us. Im often alone with my thoughts, that I had no choice but to love myself, if I didn’t I would’ve been lost my fuking mind.
I’m learning to unpack for myself. I write the things that I feel are needed to unpack, then I release that shit into the Universe and I move forward. I do my best to see in what areas I can improve in, and do my best to be aware when moving forward. There are days where Im unpacking similar things, but change takes time, so I don’t beat myself up. I just focus more on what I can do to bring about change.