I Dare You.

Jazmine Sullivan is my girl! She’s such a friend in my head! So obviously I love all her albums, and I’m genuinely excited that she’s still making music. Reality Show Album, song ‘If you Dare’ is my anthem. “Stop thinking small when you could have it all” I don’t know about you, but I want to have it all and then some. Do you know the requirement to having it all? You have to have the balls to dare. Of course daring doesn’t mean anything without some sort of action to back it up. But the first step is Daring to believe you can actually be living the life you want, if you believe you can be living it high then you can. Clearly I’m not the be all or end all of what you should or should not be doing but I want you to live your best life. HELL I want to live my best life as well, so I find that its my job to motivate you in any way I can.

Start Living your Life Babe.

Tristan.

“If You Dare”

Why you only see in black and white
You should be living in color
You walking now when you were made to fly
Don’t be scared to fly
Stop thinking small when you’re larger than life

You’re amazing, so am I
Let’s dress up fancy and drink wine
Let’s go crazy, don’t be scared
Cause we can conquer the world,
Cause we can conquer the world
If you dare

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Things could be better than the way that you’re living
Open your eyes cause you don’t know what you’re missing
You’re in the dark but you could be glistenin’
Stop thinking small when you could have it all

You’re amazing, so am I
Let’s dress up fancy and drink wine
Let’s go crazy, don ‘t be scared
Cause we can conquer the world, Cause we can conquer the world
If you dare

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh Caroline stay away from the light
Cause people never make it out alive
So come on down because you’re going too high
(But she heard)
Don’t be scared, start living your life

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…

And I warned you not to go
Did you have to leave me low
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it
Oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh, oh-oh-oh ohhh…
And it’s driving you insane
But it’s running through your veins
You could be living it right
You should be living it high
You should be living it

Short

Yesterday

I found out a friend of mine past away and the first thing I thought was did I tell him I loved him. Did he know he was as special to me as I was to him. I’m sadden by this event.

Love on the folks while they are here because once they are gone you are left with the thoughts of all the things you could’ve and should’ve did while they were here.

Live this life with no regrets.

I love you Darrell.

Tristan.

What’s a lil Head?

As taken from HBO’s Insecure, Would you date a man who had been with another man? Said man you’re dating only received head, there was no penetration.

In all honesty, I would continue to date my guy. I’m not thrilled about him being with another man however I’m open enough that I understand fully exploring your sexuality. If this event happened once in college, and he knew immediately after that men was not for him, then why would I fault him for being honest with me. I do believe that there are some things that should remain silent. If as a way of getting to know you, I asked ‘hey have you ever been with a man’ then I think you should answer honestly. But If I never ask you that, then don’t take it upon yourself to volunteer that information. Some folks can not handle the truth. You have to know your audience, before you drop those kind of gems.

If the man I’m dating, had penetrated/was penetrated I would probably have reservations about continuing to date that person. I wouldn’t judge, but in my mind I would always wonder if he still want to be with a man. I just want to be sure I can trust the person I am engaging with. We all have a past, and there will something in that past that the next person may not like, you just have to find the person who accepts yours.

Tristan.

Nothing Beats a Sale.

There’s no better feeling in the World than finding the boots you love, in your size, on sale after they are sold out online. I’m telling you no better feeling.

Wait, there is a slight better feeling … When you find out that because they are on clearance online, you’re going to get that price instead.

I will not lie, I am all about a sale, a discount whatever. Why spend full price when I don’t have to? So here’s my Sale story.

I’ve been “window shopping” online since the weather was changing and over the knee boots are always a good time. The boots named Frido has caught my eye, and it was currently on sale for 69$, my size was still available surprisingly. So I’m getting ready to cash out, and bloop my size was no longer available. I know that damn quick! So I didn’t pout, I was annoyed but what can you do? So I ended up buying two other pairs of boots, since I would be moved out of my apartment I decided to have them sent to the store and I’d just pick them up at my convenience. I went to the Aldo on E. 86th str. on a Saturday (insert eye roll) It was a mad house, but I was cool with it as I was just there to pick up my items. As soon as I stand on line, guess what caught my eye? Frido in brown looking so sexy. At first I wasn’t going to approach because I didn’t want that type of disappointment again. So a shopper grabbed them before I could even think twice about getting off the line, asking an associate if they had them in a size 10, the associate said nope, those boots are the last pair and only the seven and a half she was currently holding.

OMG! Did she just say MY size! I hurried my ass off that line and practically grabbed the boots out of her hand, I mean she couldn’t do anything with them. Ladies and Gentlemen, they were as beautiful as I imagined they would be in person. So I turned them over to look at the price, 89$ which included the thirty percent off. Ugh! Did I want to spend that much? Was I really in love? Don’t ask me why, but I asked the cashier if the price differed between online and the store would they honor the online price? When she said yes I wanted to jump for joy. I held in my excitement, and let them know I would be purchasing my sexy Frido immediately. So Instead of paying original price of 150$, or even the sale price of 89$, guess how much I paid?

You’ll Never guess… Your girl paid $39.99, Ain’t God good?! Amen!

Tristan.

Monica Brown

For those of you who are new to me, I Stan for the singer Monica Brown. In my head she’s an older sister that has been through life and is now there to help get through the same things she’s lived through. So many countless times her music has helped to be that shoulder I needed.

After the Storm album helped me to realize I wasn’t the only person who had gone through this. My first love had committed suicide, and I was having an extremely hard time moving forward with life. It was the worst feeling, words fail at describing the pain of losing Ali. To this day, I still miss him and talk to him as if he is here with me. I lost my love but gained an angel. However listening to “I wrote this song” lets me know Monica truly understand the feeling, and if she was able to move forward I know I’ll be able to eventually.

Still Standing album made me realize I was stronger than I thought. I was a mess during this album, you hear me? I was a hot ass mess. Didn’t know what I was doing with myself, just trying to find myself but nothing was working. I was single, after finding my then boyfriend had cheated. I had gone through a miscarriage, as well as a failed engagement with said cheater boyfriend. However there was hope in my struggle as I just met a guy that I thought was it for me… turns out he wasn’t. The song “Everything to me and Love all over me” was the perfect dedication to him.

Fast forward three years, the relationship should’ve ended but leave it to me to continue to breathe life into a very dead relationship cuz I ain’t a quitter. New Life album was the definition of my life but I didn’t see that at the time. I was still rocking Still Standing. Unhealthy toxic relationship was what my beautiful love had turned into. I wasn’t love or respected, but yet I stayed. Its funny, because I wouldn’t give him a second of my time now, especially with the way I feel about myself. The love I have for myself now, he couldn’t do nothing with the woman I am now. NOTHING. “Until it’s gone” will forever be dedicated to him.

Once I was freed from the emotions I had for my ex, we decided to try again. I know, silly me. In Code Red Album, “Ocean of Tears” made me cry, still does because I truly did everything I could to get back to him. But this time, something had changed… and it was me. Whatever spell he had me under was now done. I’m not sure where/when the change occurred but it did. I no longer needed his love to sustain me, I was my “dozen roses.”

I haven’t had the opportunity to sit down and tell Monica all of this face to face yet but its coming. Just wait on it.

Tristan.

Forgive them not.

Forgive all who have offended you, not for them, but for yourself. -Harriet Nelson

I’m the forgiving type. Always have been. There’s only so much space in my head, so I just cant keep a grudge. Don’t get me wrong, I may forgive you but I don’t have to ever interact with you after the fact again. There is no one that I’ve lost that I want back.

Its funny because I have a sibling, older, who I have no interest in interacting with again. I’ve forgiven the incredibly shitty things she’s done to me, without an apology I might add, but I don’t expect one from her. Just because I’ve forgiven her for things done, doesnt means I have to turn the other cheek either. I don’t start situations with folks, but I don’t shy from saying whatever I’m feeling if need be. I’m a sensitive flower but I will fight back too. There’s too much of a backstory, thirty years, to break everything down to yall, but I will post one situation.

My sibling has a tendency to be rude, nasty and sometimes harsh with the wording she chooses in her delivery. I made it known I did not like the way she was speaking to me and if she continued we would no longer be talking. I understand I will always be seen as her little sister but I’m an adult and she need to respect me such. Well she did not like what I told her and went on Instagram to make it known. We are/were friends on there so I saw what she wrote and felt the need to respond. As an adult if you have an issue, it should be your duty to come to me personally. Only children use social media as a form of conflict resolution, I even told her via her social media, she can take it offline, if she wanted. Needless to say she did not respond. I truly love my sister but I’ve lost respect for her, based on her behavior, but I forgive her for those same behaviors, I just choose to keep my distance. But I Wish her the very best life has to offer her.

Its okay to forgive people, hell I encourage it, just don’t put yourself in situations that would make you forgive them again. Let it be a lesson, but learn from it the first time. An old dog doesn’t usually learn new tricks, remember that.

Tristan.

Assaulted

I was Sexually Assaulted at work, by a Coworker I was dating at the time.

My body was violated. My Space was violated. I was violated. I was asked by a friend if I was raped but that term didn’t feel right to me. So much so that I had to look up the definition of both terms.

Rape: Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent—compare sexual assault, statutory rape.

Sexual Assault: Any type of sexual contact or behavior that occurs without the explicit consent of the recipient. Falling under the definition of sexual assault are sexual activities as forced sexual intercourse, forcible sodomy, child molestation, incest, fondling, and attempted rape.

Sexual Assault was what I went through. Even though he was forcibly bear hugging me while holding my hands, and thumbing my throat, I still do not call it rape. He did not have my consent, I did not ask for his penis to be shoved inside of me but all the same I wanted it to be over. Perhaps I could’ve did more to fight him off me but again I just wanted it to be over. I don’t dwell on it, as I’ve made my peace with it. That filth will never have the opportunity to touch me again, he will never be granted permission into my World, no matter the role.

I’m not sure yet how this event has changed me but I know it has. Something like that has to change you in some way, I’m sure it will reveal itself to me down the road as of right now I’m going to focus on the beauty of the life I’m living.

If you have experienced someone violating your space, I’m not sure what advice to give. I did not report this to anyone of authority, I did not make a report but I didn’t because I was protecting myself. It may have been the wrong decision but it was one I was at peace with. I think you should do what feels right, whatever will bring YOU inner comfort or as close to it as you can come after dealing with type of event.

Tristan.

I Give Good…

I give good friend.

Yes, you read that correctly I give really good friend. I consider myself the quintessential friend, that quality grade A friend, and I’m not just tooting my own horn. If asked, anyone I’ve ever been a friend to, would 100% wholeheartedly agree. Unfortunately I can’t say many folks have been to me what I am to them.

As an adult it can be harder to ‘make’ friends. Its frowned upon to just walk up to folks requesting their contact information cuz they seem fly and you just KNOW y’all would totally mesh. If you COULD do that and it would be received well, then I would say, “Hey! I’m Tristan, and based on how you’re dressed I think you’re fly and I’m always in need of fly friends, let’s exchange numbers and do brunch soon.” I’m working on making that a norm of how us women are able to befriend someone else.

I know its so easy to get caught up in our own lives, but take the time out and be there for the friend that’s always been there for you. Try to appreciate them a lil more than you normally would today. Show them that their efforts do NOT go unnoticed because when they stop, you’ll noticed but it’ll be too late.

Tristan.

#SelfCareSunday

In conjunction with living a healthier lifestyle, I’m partaking in #SelfCareSunday. What is that you ask? Oh it’s just a day where you put yourself first. You cater to your own needs, whatever they may be. Today you are not allowed to do for others as you’d normally would, nope. This day is all about you.

I don’t want to even hear the word selfish! You have a RIGHT to replenish your cup, after dealing with kids, work, traffic, and all the other shit in between you have to recharge. Regenerate those brain cells you killed being superwoman/superman. Men this is for you as well. Being the head of household, even if it’s a household of one, is hard work. I need you to power your battery pack to 100% for the upcoming week.

Granted it’s called #SelfCareSunday my “Sundays” are Tuesdays since I’m needed at the workplace. I haven’t planned what I’m NOT going to do but I’m giving myself a rest. I’ve been doing the most cuz I have myself to depend on. Can’t pass the buck cuz there’s no one to pass it to, but it’s A Okay. I love fall, so I’m actually thinking of going to Van Corlandt park to capture the spirit of fall.

What’s your plans for #SelfCareSunday?

Tristan.

Cup of Chocolate

Who trying to go to the #1 shoppe in New York, and possibly America, for Hot Chocolate?

I’m trying to go ASAP. Oh you want to know the name of this amazing place? Well If I tell you, do you promise to go and try it for yourself? I hope you said yes since I’m trusting you. Well my friend, the best place is Jacques Torres Chocolates.

Seriously hands down the best hot chocolate I’ve had the pleasure of tasting. It’s like they’ve decided to melt the entire chocolate bar, its rich, creamy and thick. The writing about it has me wanting to jump on the train and head to Houston Str. Some odd years ago, I was job hunting, and came across Jacques Torres, sadly they did not hire me, but I was hooked, its been my go to place ever since. When you visit, I recommend Houston Str. as they have a bigger space, but you are also able to watch them make the chocolate. (Hearts)

And for the men who NEVER know what date to plan, I got you covered, I will be posting how to make a trip to Jacques Torres work for date night. I know, you’re welcomed.

Tristan.

UK Babes

My Soul mate lives in the United Kingdom the only problem is I haven’t met him … Yet! Call me crazy but I honestly believe my man is living there wondering If I’m in America too. My logic may be a bit weird but my determining factor is the fact that I feel a connection to London. No I’ve never been BUT I know I’m going to love everything about it. The only exposure I have to UK is their television shows, which I adore by the way.

My explanation will make no sense to the non-believers. Sometimes I wonder If I’m tripping myself but I have to keep the faith. At the least If my soul mate doesn’t reside there, I know he’s out there, in these streets, waiting for me to pop up. In a few weeks I’m going to put my speculation to rest and have an adventure in London. Obviously I will document my experience with you guys, but don’t be surprised when you meet the “Love of my Life”.

What’s up Brov.

Tristan.

Are you OK?

As a black woman, I don’t think I’m asked that question enough. And not just asked, but asked with the purpose of being there if I actually answer honestly. As a black woman I have to be strong for everyone around me, including other black woman who choose to confide in me but who will be there for me? Who can I lean on, to do more than tell me to pray. Who do you turn to when you have no mother, and your dad doesn’t understand?

When is it acceptable to break all the way down? To have the responsibility be placed on everyone else equally? Sometimes I feel like I have to fend for myself, and If I want comfort I have to find it own my own. Thank God for counseling, but sometimes it isn’t enough. This human person who is hear listening to me has no emotional connection to me, once the session is over, I’m right back to putting on that mask that I’ve learned to wear so well.

So Black Woman, Lets come together, ask your sister, friend, mother, aunt are they ok, and PLEASE be prepared to hear NO I’m not. Offer up more than a kind word about prayer, sometimes it’s great to listen and other times it good to offer up solutions and the way to know the difference of what’s needed is to ask, “What do you need from me? Or “How can I help?” I promise you, these small gestures of love make such a difference.

Tristan.