Tribe

“You cant force anyone into being anything other than themselves.”

Today, Well yesterday, I had a conversation with my sibling, and later on, playing back the conversation, I realized I cant make anyone do anything! Not that I thought I could. But you know how you believe that if you do more of what you want in return, that they would get it, and be what’s wanted, will be returned? We KNOW it doesn’t work that way, I know it doesn’t but I was selfish in that regard. A person will only do what they want, AND if they aren’t doing that thing … then they don’t want to.

Thats why finding your tribe is such an important act of love. Finding likeminded people, who genuinely show love, or are genuinely interested in what the things you are, makes living your best life so worth it! Its like finding the most supportive bestie, who only wants to see you succeed. Who only wants to pour into you, as you pour into them. If you have a tribe, consider yourself blessed! If you are still searching for your tribe, keep looking babe, they are out there!

Happy Hunting!

Tristan Jonez

One Thing.

There really should be something said for folks who are able to do as they please … without regard for ANYONE else. I used to be embarrassed when folks would say things like, “well you only have you to be responsible for”, or “You should be lucky you don’t have any kids”. Like it was a bad thing I didn’t have children, or was only responsible for myself, Listen! It’s not a negative at all, In this day and time, it’s a blessing.

Y’all better stop sitting around, wishing you had someone else’s life. Someone else’s responsibilities. I thank the stars above that my life doesn’t look like, what I THOUGHT I wanted. There’s such a light in being who you are. Such a weightlessness to truly walk as the person you are supposed to be. Does your life look better now than what you wanted?

Jonez

First Loves.

Writers Edit: Article first published on Chillology.co

My forever love and first heartbreak is all wrapped in the same person, Lee Sidney*.

If you could imagine a person so perfect, it would be him. I was so very much in love with that man, he was the best friend you could ever want. A man who would go to bat for you, someone you’d want on your team fighting for you. A product of his environment, which wasn’t always the best, but you’d never know by speaking to him. A man of such substance and intelligence, that he could speak to anyone about anything. Lee could’ve been a scholar, a sports star, a scientist, he had the potential to be whatever in life he wanted. Unfortunately his life was cut short at twenty one, and thus my heart remains broken.

We had a meet-cute, obviously unplanned but destined. While I was visiting my twin brother who doubles as my cousin, we just happened to be driving to the store at the very same time Lee is running, shirtless, prepping for an upcoming track meet. I promise the World stopped spinning and he then became the center of my World. I was literally grounded, I could barely speak so he led the conversation once he got in the car and exchanged pleasantries with my twin. From that day on, we were inseparable. When Lee went to college, we stayed in touch but life happened, and he decided I shouldn’t have to ‘wait’ for him, I should go out and live life. Sigh. Three days of no sleep, not being able to eat, and just being miserable I finally stopped calling, and texting. It was clear he meant what he said, and I couldn’t change his mind.

Fast forward, a few years later, and by chance we reconnected during the holidays. Rekindling what we had, and remembering how well we fit together. Unfortunately, he was dealing with more emotionally than he let on and when he finally told me how serious things were, it was too late. My love, had committed suicide. It’s been over ten years since I’ve lost him, but I still remember him, I still cherish him … I still love him.

*Name have been changed.

Tristan Jonez.

Life Happens

Today wasn’t a hard day per se, but it was a tough day. A day were I wanted to quit everything, and say fuck everyone. Today was a day where I chose to look in the ‘mirror’ and tell myself to get it the fuck together. I’ve been slacking for the past three days. Nevermind I cooked Sunday dinner, that’s easy, I’ve been slacking on my Spanish lessons because I’ve been feeling so damn sorry for myself. Boo hoo Me. Needing love and attention from certain people but because of their own demons, they do not know how to express love in a way that I need it shown. Its hard living life without parents, especially if you know what its like to have an incredible one. I miss me some Garlick (my momma)! I used to wish for just a chance at a conversation, but I would never be able to let her go again. So I just deal with what my reality is now, and keep pressing forward.

Sidenote; Prior to going to the grocery store, I had made the decision to be done with my Spanish lessons. Tell me why in the checkout line, a Spanish man, decided to have a conversation with me in Spanish. And instinctively I responded to his questions with ease, as he was talking it was like I knew exactly what he was saying, and I knew how I wanted to respond. What a beautiful thing that interaction was. However flirting is flirting in any language so I had to go! What really made me rethink quitting, was seeing his face, as I was talking my Spanish. It was a look of surprise, like oh shit, she understands! She understands AND comprehend beyond ‘Hola”. Before I left he made sure to compliment me on my perfect Spanish! Maybe that was the motivation I needed to continue.

Tristan J

One Night Only Tour

I thought I would try something new when planning my overnight adventures. Truth be told, I am not a planner, I just ‘do’. Its especially easier when traveling alone, I just have to ask myself, “Self, What would you like to do?” Then I go out and do it. I wanted to be able to have a set of guidelines, so I could follow the plan no matter the city I explored. Are you ready for those set of guidelines? Well loosely, our focus would be The Arts, The Food and the Culture of any set place. No matter what city I am in, I will ALWAYS seek out the arts, usually a museum will do but there are times when none are opened, or they aren’t in the vicinity of where I am staying, etc. Food is my first love. I try my best to immerse myself with the culture of a country, when I fly out. If I am somewhere local, then I familiarize myself with what’s popular in that city. It wasn’t until I was thinking about what Culture is, that I had a harder time placing that in a way I could explore it. However I was able to verbalize culture in a way that COULD be explored.

Now that you know my guideline, Sit back, Relax and Read all about My One Night Only .. Atlanta.

Tristan Jonez.

Dear Diary …

Recently I was asked to be a contributor for a publication which caters to a no bs approach to living a chill life. I haven’t said yes, I’m still debating what I have to offer this publication. Before I started writing this, I had to ask myself, if I didn’t jump at the chance to reach a bigger audience because I genuinely don’t have the time or if I’m questioning if I’m good enough. Most likely it’s the latter, self doubt it such a strange thing. I know I’m a good writer, and I know other people feel the same way about my writing but having to actually put it out there for strangers to read … am I good enough for that?

To calm myself, I usually remember reading Kimora Lee Simmons book, Fabulousity, where she writes, “Believe in those who believe in you.” So that usually how I calm those wicked thoughts in my head. It’s funny how you get older and question everything in life, but as a younger adult, I was beyond fearless. Slowly but surely I’m seeking to get back to ‘that’ place, but it starts with pushing myself beyond my comfort zone.

Here goes nothing …

Tristan J

In the Name of Fa$hion

My flight attendant classmate turned lil sister Lavonna has been advising me for months that I need to create a fashion site, or a YouTube but nah. I’m just too shy to be creating videos, although I know I do them every time I’m at Rent the runway during #dressingroomchronicles. In my defense, I’m only doing an intro and outro, the focus is solely on the clothes. I love clothes, to me it slightly differs from loving fashion. Fashion is what is created when clothing it pieced together, along with the confidence to pull off whatever you’ve pieced together. I like fashion, I like what I’m able to do when I’m allowing myself to try new looks, when I allow myself to take risks.

I’ve been using Rent the Runway for a little over a year but my time is coming to a close … at least for a little while. After August 20th, I will no longer be a unlimited subscription member. Saying that out loud saddens me but creating a routine in Dallas takes priority for now.

Who know what I’m going to do for clothing now. Ugh! Guess it’s back to jeans and tee shirts. Pray for me y’all!

Jonez.

Story Time, Spain.

Every time I travel I learn more about myself; what I need from life, what I want my life to look like, how I’d like to mold my future, what areas I’d like to improve upon, etc. This line of questioning happens throughout my time away from home. Traveling forces me, in the best of ways, to grow! There’s no way I can stay who I was, after experiencing a new place or revisiting an old place.

Currently I’m in Barcelona, I was here for my 29th birthday. Barcelona is special to me as it was my very first solo trip. Half way here, I was freaking out majorly because I was questioning myself, severe doubt crept in! Who did I think I was to be traveling out the country, to a place I’d never been, and didn’t speak the language, the damn nerve of me! Fortunately/Unfortunately I was already on the plane, Airbnb was paid for, so there was no way I could back out now, that first trip, taught me how to trust myself, trust my steps and that fiery gut instinct I’ve learned to depend on with my life.

And all that was said, to simply say, Just go!

Tristan Jonez

Luv U.

As much as we may want the very best for our friends. As much as we may want nothing but greatness for them, we cannot be willing to work harder for it than them. Trust, I know that shit sucks but you’ll kill yourself trying to obtain greatness on behalf of someone else. I’ll continue to be there for my friends, I’ll continue to be a listening ear if necessary but I will not longer shoulder their issues. I will no longer accept their problems as my own, looking for solutions and alternatives. No. I can’t. I’ve tasted the sweet taste of happiness, it’s taken me a while to get here but NOW, that I’m here I can’t let anyone threaten that peace.

To my friends, I love you. Sincerely. I want you to learn who you are, trust in yourself and know you deserve the very best from another human being. Trust that if s/he isn’t willing to offer their best, they aren’t willing to compromise to see you happy then Be prepared to move forward without them. Know that it’s healthy to be alone, and it’s necessary to carve time out to place yourself first.

Love yourself.

Tristan J {AKA} Tiffany, Your Friend.

Why Wait?

Why wait for 2018? Do it Now.

Recently I listened to a video snippet, and the author told me, why wait until 2018 to make the changes you’d like to make?

And shorty, is right! Why am I going to wait until 2018 to start fresh, when everyday I wake up translates to a new beginning? With the rise of the sun, I am able to decide who I want to be and who I want in my World. Everyone’s manual for living looks different, so I have to find the instructions that work best for me. Find the people who work best, with my vibe, who brings out the best in me. Letting go is extremely hard for me, especially since my mother died. I hold on to folks tight, I look past their wrongdoings at my own detriment and I allow them to stay in my World. I find them sucking the life from me, and once I’ve hit rock bottom only then do I let them go.

This situation, this friendship, this love is NO longer serving me. Its no Longer allowing me to grow, no longer allowing me to be the best version of myself, no longer making me happy. I wish you the best, take care, thank you. I’ve found that speaking this outloud makes the transition easier. Can people change, sure they can, but for my own peace, they have to change elsewhere. Protecting my own energy is my top priority, everyone can and will be second my own self. Eff how they feel.

I’ve had a few light stealers, and I’ve let each and everyone of them go. God Bless ‘Em

Jonez.

Fly Awake

The Best Seat Will forever be the window seat. I feel weightless every single time an aircraft takes off, appreciating where I’ve been and having gratitude for where I will travel to makes living life worth it. I can’t imagine who I’d be without the opportunity to visit certain countries/communities. Every time I experience a new place, a new part of myself is unlocked.

If you don’t realize, I hold travel in high regard. You’ll never reach your highest level of enlightenment without travel. No excuses, Make it happen!

Tristan Jonez!

Changes.

#TBT / #FBF

I was going through a few of my old photos from as far as ten years ago and it definitely made me smile to see how much I’ve changed over the years.

When I look at this girl, I see such a carefree, spirited person who had the World at her feet. I was still learning about myself and what I needed from myself. This Tristan, lived life as if the next day wasn’t promised.

This Tristan J is a woman who knows when to be soft, and allow someone else to take the lead, but she’s independent enough to make whatever moves are necessary for survival, she’ll be victorious. She’s still a spirited opinionated woman who won’t hesitate to let you know when you’ve fuked up but she’ll help pick you back up.
When you look at your old photos, what do you see?

Jonez baby!