“I hope you find that fairytale you’re looking for”
If I was looking for a fairytale, I know you wouldn’t be my Prince Charming. Men have a way of projecting their insecurities on the women they claim they would like to date. I want a man to find me, let me be what he is seeking, and push himself to level up to whatever ‘level’ he believes me to be. If being with me, doesn’t make you want to be a better man then I don’t want you. I wanted a completed man but I still want you to be opened to education, and growth. If you believe you are done with all of that, then Im surely not the woman for you.
A man can not tell me he hopes I find what I am looking for when he doesn’t actually know what that is. All he honestly knows, is he isn’t the man that I’m looking for even know I haven’t figured it out yet. Im not looking for perfect, I am only looking for what is genuine. Everything else we can figure out together, if you are coachable. If I can’t tell you how I want to be treated, all the little things, then whats the point? Attraction isn’t enough, cuz once those looks fade, Im sure you’ll appreciate me taking an interest in more than just your face, and body.
And for the man who penned that ridiculous statement, What I seek will make itself available to me ONCE I rid myself of all the current clowns.
In a minute, I’m going to post this question to Instagram, but I wanted to enter my own views on ‘wax’ before my opinion was swayed by others.
You’ve just experienced an emergency, the guy you’re dating can assist, but doesn’t/failed to do so. Would you continue to date them?
In my humble opinion, I’m not going to continue to date you. Strictly on principle, because if the situation was reversed I would do what I could to help. Especially if this is someone I want to be with. Now obviously, providing assistance comes within reason, for example if they are a relator and you’re looking for an apartment, I would assume they would assist. Or if I’m in the market for a car, and he had a relationship with a car dealership, I would assume he would at least make the introduction. I know the art of chivalry is dead, but I want my guy to be soaking in gentlemanly qualities. I don’t want to date a man, who doesn’t at least try to remedy a problem I may be having. My relationship should be the peace, from the outside World.
Are you obligated to tell the people you are dating about each other?
Unless you are in a relationship, you are not obligated to tell them about each other. This shouldn’t even be a question, honestly. If a man or woman wanted to be the only one then they would take the necessary steps to ensure that position. It makes me chuckle when I hear its in a ‘man’s nature’ to not be able to settle down, to HAVE to see multiple women, blah blah blah. Guess what? Eff that!
It’s funny because as I get older I want to settle down and get married BUT I am perfectly fine with dating (for now), why settle down with the first man who smiles at me? Nope, I will date as many folks as I’d like. If I am seeing two or three at the same time, well isn’t that what dating consists of? I used to be that girl, that would meet someone, like them, then focus only on them. Not anymore. Im going to give you whatever it is you are giving me. If you only have a few minutes a day for me, then thats what will be given to you. No more investing time in a person, if they are neglecting to do the same in return.
If a man says we are going to go at your own pace, he DOESN’T mean it. He’s only willing to go at ‘your’ pace if he feels as if its going at a pace he can accept. Most of the time, the pace will not match up, so there WILL be an issue. Don’t let him persuade you to do more than you’re willing to do, and don’t be in such a rush to go from single to taken.
So recently a guy that I dated last year reached out, explaining to me how he screwed up when we was dating initially and how he’d like the opportunity to start again. I ended things because I felt as if I was chasing him, that I was doing the most, and that our partnership wasn’t that of balance, amongst other things. So he came out the gate swinging, his communication skills had improved a billion times over, and he was making me feel secured.. but that was last week. This week, barely any communication, when asked he told me I wasn’t reaching out either. Like what?
Fellas, Stop starting habits if you know you aren’t going to keep them up! Don’t buy flowers every Saturday, cuz eventually I’ll get used to that. Don’t do anything if you aren’t willing to keep the shit up!
Be Consistent. Needless to say, that ‘relationship’ will not be revisited.
Yesterday, I came across the Podcast, “The Perfect Kast” after they liked one of my photos on Instagram. I listened to episode 31:Black in Love, which was their Valentine’s Day podcast, and it was pleasantly entertaining. The host; Benji the prophet and J Leaux made listening, sort of an interactive experience for me. I found myself talking back to them, as if I was a part of the conversation. I laughed throughout, I cursed them out as well. The two host did not sensor themselves when chatting about interactions between men and women. They both took ownership of their asshole-ishness, as well as their sensitive nature when it came up. I respect that they held no punches, none. They expressed themselves throughly, and at times the two hosts, Benji and J Leaux, battled each other about what was the correct course of action to the question that was being answered. I definitely had lots to say during the entire podcast. I enjoyed that they reached out and had two females, Jazzy the Jewel and Miss Nikki, bring their prospective. Although I believe men are most times stupid in their behavior and logic it was refreshing to hear what two blk men had to say about love and relationships.
Luckily for me, listening to this episode gave me a lot of inspiration for content for my own site. Don’t take my word for it, go check out The Perfect Kast on Instagram, iTunes and Sound Cloud… Download it now!
As a writer, I am still trying to find my lane. I know that I can write just about anything but I don’t want to. I’m looking to further my portfolio but by writing pieces that I’m passionate about, things that actually matter to me. I’ve always been interested in the interactions between men and women, whether as friends or more. Eventually I hope to further my education by studying the psychology of people.
I believe by March, I will focus solely on the interaction between both sexes and my writing will reflect that. I know there are millions of folks that focus on that as well, but I’m going to put my own spin on the topic. As of right now Im looking to explore different routes but as I begin to go on this journey I know my path will become clearer to me.
Shout Out to my Instagram Sis, for keeping me on my toes.
Listen I am all for women going out and approaching men. Why should the guys have all the fun. If a man catches my eye, of course I will approach him. Since I do not know him, there’s nothing to fear. Rejection? Sigh, thats a fact of life. I’m sure before this rejection there has been other times I was told No, but I don’t remember them and soon enough I will forget this time as well. We always hear life is too short, which is true, so why not, Just do it?!
Have you ever been on the train (NewYorkers) and seen someone attractive? How many times have you made eye contact and smiled but they did nothing to come your way? OR how many times have someone looked at you and you absolutely felt the vibes, but neither of you made a move? How many misconnections have you experienced? Well one is too many for me. I will continue to approach folks, and attempt to explore the connection.
Even though I’ve been told I am not asking for a lot, clearly I am since I could never get the basic things I am asking for in a relationship/friendship. IF the date, takes me to your house, I am not with it. I am not in that type of space with anyone that I am that comfortable to continue or start our date at your house.
Whenever I had company, Garlick (My mother) always made us stay downstairs. As she explained we honestly had no reason to be upstairs in the bedroom. We wasn’t having sex, so why did we need to be in the bedroom? There’s a television, and all amenities such as food downstairs. I’m starting to feel the same way, you don’t have to push or pressure me into coming over, cuz I know I’m not trying to smash so whats the deal?
Sometimes I feel like canceling dating, and just participate in an arranged marriage.
As a woman I’m doing my best to work on being softer. I’ve become used to doing things for myself but I never want to make a man feel like I don’t need him. I do, I need him for many things and I want to make sure I don’t become so hard. Just because I’ve had to open my own doors, I need to give the man a chance to open my door. I’m not a fan of dumbing myself down, and I’m not asking you to do that either, What I am asking of you, is to give the man a try.
Although I haven’t met any in a while, I’ve been assured that gentlemen still exist so give them a chance to reveal themselves. Give a man an opportunity to woo and wow you. As much as we’ve had to depend on ourselves, don’t let what’s happened in the past create a problem for what could happen in the future. Prince Charming is definitely out there, just give him a moment to declare his status. Don’t we always say Actions speak Louder.
As taken from HBO’s Insecure, Would you date a man who had been with another man? Said man you’re dating only received head, there was no penetration.
In all honesty, I would continue to date my guy. I’m not thrilled about him being with another man however I’m open enough that I understand fully exploring your sexuality. If this event happened once in college, and he knew immediately after that men was not for him, then why would I fault him for being honest with me. I do believe that there are some things that should remain silent. If as a way of getting to know you, I asked ‘hey have you ever been with a man’ then I think you should answer honestly. But If I never ask you that, then don’t take it upon yourself to volunteer that information. Some folks can not handle the truth. You have to know your audience, before you drop those kind of gems.
If the man I’m dating, had penetrated/was penetrated I would probably have reservations about continuing to date that person. I wouldn’t judge, but in my mind I would always wonder if he still want to be with a man. I just want to be sure I can trust the person I am engaging with. We all have a past, and there will something in that past that the next person may not like, you just have to find the person who accepts yours.