Self-Sabo.

Low Key (High Key) I think I’m sabotaging my dating life by entertaining men who couldn’t possibly be good for me. Men who couldn’t give me half of what I am looking for, attracted to me, with the gift of gab, that’s who gets my attention. Ugh. Men who I know don’t deserve my attention, somehow captures it and when they eventually disappoint me, I’m hesitant to cut them off. Double Ugh. I’m sadden to know I’m bringing these horrid habits to a new city. Since I’m aware of the poor choices I am making, I am scaling back a bit from dating.

Don’t worry I’m still going to date but how about we try dating with purpose. Although I loathe writing a long list of what I am seeking in a guy, but maybe that’s exactly what I should be doing. I should have a clear understanding, but flexible, vision of what I’m looking for in an partner. God so help me, if I get carried away, and have a list of fifty thousand requirements. So to be sure I don’t get to carried away once I write down my ‘list’ I’ll post it. I know I know, scary right? And super super personal, but you guys are worth knowing all the intimate details of my life, since I already over share my shit.

Tristan Jonez

FYI – Wish me Luck! XOXO

Decipher Tales

I want people to mean what they say. I thought your word meant Your bond? When did that change? At what point did we just say what was convenient? Convenient for that moment in time? I get a migraine trying to decipher what I should believe and what I should question. Questioning everything a person/people say is fucking tiring. And folks, I’m tired.

If you tell me, I want to be with you, I’m believing that’s gospel. I’m not thinking that you want to be with me, and everyone else. Lately I’m finding folks want me to be everything to them while they give me the left over they have from being everything to everyone else. What makes you think I want a part time love affair? Nothing, absolutely nothing about me, gives that impression.

I’ve stopped trying to understand potential love interests, I just ride the wave until it’s over.

Tristan Jonez

Prize Money

I do believe we some (most) times forget that we are the prize. We are the ones to be pursued, cherished, adored! You, above all else, have to know your value. How can you show someone how you should be treated if you aren’t treating yourself as such. Folks learn from action!

I once found myself not being myself because in my mind, this is a “good guy” and I have to fit into whatever image he sees of me. I don’t want to loose this man’s interest cuz then I’m back to square one, and who wants to start all over? But I can’t settle, too many close calls to settling, that I’m not going to start that now. I’m the prize, and I have to treat myself as such. It’s no need to advertise what I bring to the “table”, as the man that’s looking for me will be able to realize my potential!

Jonez

Married? Eh.

For whatever reason, I’m not safe from married men. I would never ever date a married man, cuz karma would seriously hurt me. It’s not worth the problems you will have! As much as dating can be a pain, dating someone who is already committed to another just isn’t the move. I promise you! I’m honestly not sure what vibes I’m giving off to make married men even feel they are allowed to interrupt my space.

SideNote: I’m semi questioning if I want to get married, since lately married folk can’t stay out my inbox. What’s the point of dedicating your love to someone if you’re going to look into have your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere beside your partner?

Jonez.

Failed but Not.

As much as it pains me to go through a break up, failed relationships are essential to my growth as a woman. Once the sting of the break up wears off, I’m able to look at where things may have gone wrong, and correct them. We aren’t always able to remain friends with our exes, but if you do remain cordial and can have an “exit” conversation, please do.

I grew up after my first real break up, I had to. We were pregnant and engaged, walking away was the hardest thing I had to do but I couldn’t continue to sell myself short. I’m always willing to work on “us” but not at the expense of myself. I learned some of my greatest lessons with him, how to listen to my partner, how to not want to have the last word about everything, how to let someone else lead for a while, etc. If we don’t have failed relationships we’d never know how we can improved ourselves, plus it’s growth the objective?

Tristan Jonez.

Option Two?

My latest topic was to include asking the age old question, “Do you have a “What If Guy” but I’ll be saving that for another day. I just realized, it’s possible that I’m the “Back Up Girl”

In my head I heard the SVU sound, dah dah. I definitely don’t want to be anyone’s fall back chick, Ew. Out of the men I’ve seriously dated, there are only two that I am no longer cordial with, however I’ve remained friendly with the rest. Is it so far fetched that they stay in contact with me, just in case their relationships don’t work out in a way that they’ve planned them to? Or is my thinking totally off?

Someone I was dating as a young adult recently attempted to reconnect with me, but it was so out of the blue. And to make matters stranger, he didn’t ease into it, it was more like “I miss you, Let’s be together… I’m serious this time.” So were you not serious before? Without even asking me if I’m involved, he just made an assumption that I’m single and looking to be in a relationship with him. Eh. Since I haven’t responded happily to his new revelation I haven’t heard from him, besides him “liking” my photos on Instagram.

Now do you see why I’ve given up the idea of dating? Migraine City.

Tristan J.

Incredible Unicorn

Big Up to Netflix.

I just finished watching The Incredible Jessica James and I think I need to watch that shit again! How can you not love a woman who speaks her mind, on a first tender date, letting this man know he’s getting no sex. Classic. Such a self assured blk woman, but is she really so self assured?

I love that we got to see into her “family” life, when she returns home for her sister’s baby shower. Even I felt as if she didn’t belong there, or she too would get “sucked” into that complacent lifestyle. Kudos to her for getting out! I love that we are able to see Jessica And Boone go thru their break up (to other people) but still try to figure out wtf they are doing with to and with one another. An unlikely pairing, blossoms, awkwardly at times, into something that could be more for both. I throughly enjoyed the interaction between Jessica and Boone. I’m a bit sadden that it was a movie, and now I’m stuck creating a part two in my head.

The Incredible Jessica James is currently showing on Netflix. If you do have it, get the password from a friend!

Tristan Jonez

Drink?

Thirsty.

I had to have a conversation with myself last night. I was being a bit thirsty, and it was coming off as desperation when I looked at my words/actions. As much as you don’t want to be single, don’t force it. Things should have a nice flow to it, and if you find yourself trying to create a vibe, instead of letting a vibe grow organically, you might be coming off as thirsty too.

As much as I want to be done with this dating nonsense, I can’t fake chemistry where there is none. I remember dating this one guy that was amazing! Super supportive, kind, genuinely liked me, but for me there was no spark! I thought he was dope as hell, but I didn’t feel anything. Dating him was out of the box for me, he was nothing that I would go for but my dating preferences can’t be trusted. How effed up would I have been if I continue to date this amazing man who I had no interest in?

Ultimately you have to stay true to yourself and sometimes even check yourself!

Jonez

Friends?

Beware of the Men who put themselves in the Friend Zone.

I love having male friends, they help to create a balance in my life that I wouldn’t otherwise have. However I am a bit skeptical when guys that I have previously dated or have talked to are requesting to be my friend. I allow it but I am sure to create boundaries. I’m not sure what their intentions are, so I make sure I tell them what is acceptable in our new found friendship. At times I do think Its a ploy so they will be able to get into my panties but once I am done with you as a love interest, its very rare I will go back on that decision.

I encourage you to listen to your gut feeling, if your gut is like nah b. Then let that non existent friendship die. There are MILLIONS of people out there that you can create friendships with. But if you are cool with allowing a man to place himself in the friend zone, just be mindful of his words and actions.

Tristan Jonez

My Ex Says.

I’d recently met a guy online, and we were chatting, getting to know one another. Things were going fairly well, until he asked “What would you’re ex say about you?”

WHO THE HELL CARES!

I don’t give a shit, what my ex(es) would say about me honestly. And homeboy shouldn’t care either. Do I know what my ex would say about me? Of course I do, but his opinion doesn’t matter anymore. Even if the man was trying to make conversation, bringing up the last man, automatically disqualifies you! Questions about exes, isn’t exactly off limits but tread carefully. I don’t usually even ask why y’all broke up because I do not care!

All that matters is your single now!

Jonez.

Stories.

There’s one story that I am tired of telling. I am tired of giving second chances, when, in all honesty, they didn’t deserve the first. I continue to put in the World what I would like in return. However I keep coming up short. Maybe I don’t really believe that I deserve the best, that I am worthy of having someone who supports me without saying, “Hey I’ve been supporting you.” Why not just show me? Don’t agree that I deserve more, just give more. The bare minimum doesn’t work here, especially if you agree that I deserve more.

It’s funny that men do not worry about how their actions/words will be perceived, they just do. But as a women I am careful with how I say things, as to not hurt the fragile ego of a man. Maybe it is time that I care less about your fuking egos? Don’t tell me that I am being sarcastic… put some hair on your chest and take it! Sarcasm shouldn’t be your focus when you have improvements that need to happen immediately! How can you tell a person, something is bothering you, expect them to resolve the issue when you can even check yourself? Pst!

I’ve run out of chances, and fuks to give.

Jonez.

Opportunity to Waste

I’m a bit disappointed.

If a man says we are going to go at your own pace, he DOESN’T mean it. He’s only willing to go at ‘your’ pace if he feels as if its going at a pace he can accept. Most of the time, the pace will not match up, so there WILL be an issue. Don’t let him persuade you to do more than you’re willing to do, and don’t be in such a rush to go from single to taken.

So recently a guy that I dated last year reached out, explaining to me how he screwed up when we was dating initially and how he’d like the opportunity to start again. I ended things because I felt as if I was chasing him, that I was doing the most, and that our partnership wasn’t that of balance, amongst other things. So he came out the gate swinging, his communication skills had improved a billion times over, and he was making me feel secured.. but that was last week. This week, barely any communication, when asked he told me I wasn’t reaching out either. Like what?

Fellas, Stop starting habits if you know you aren’t going to keep them up! Don’t buy flowers every Saturday, cuz eventually I’ll get used to that. Don’t do anything if you aren’t willing to keep the shit up!

Be Consistent. Needless to say, that ‘relationship’ will not be revisited.

Jonez