Dear Diary …

There was a time when meeting his mother was significant, right? No checklist, but you had to mean something special to him, before you met momma. Y’all had reached a certain ‘level’ before the meeting of parents, but in 2019, it means nothing. Well I want to believe there are still men who place value on introducing women to their family but largely it’s an indication of nothing. Momma may meet a bunch of chicks, and still be her charming, sweet, kind self to each of them cuz her loyalty is to her son, first. It’s not her place to say anything to you, even if she met another shorty the day before, hell an hour before meeting you. She’ll just mind her own shit, cuz who wants to get in the middle of their son’s messy ass relationships?

I don’t want to meet ya momma, and if your not serious with me, you don’t want her to meet me either. Cuz once I’m done with you, years later she’ll still be bringing up my name.

Jonez

Unpopular opinion

If we stop policing the actions of others, our own lives will be so greatly enriched. -Jonez

One thing I can say about myself, I do not concern myself with the actions of others. I can’t. I’ll go crazy trying to steer someone in the ‘right’ direction. Cuz ultimately what is the right direction for someone? What is the best course of action? Who the f*ck knows! But it’s not up to me to direct a grown up. IF a friend is seeking my opinion, then of course, I’m here to give it, and within reason. I’m just not one of those people who’ll hand out unsolicited advice. Unless someone is on the path to hurting themselves. Otherwise go forth my child, create those lessons in which you will learn from. Also, all lessons are not loses, everything we do and say, should be a method of learning as we continue to grow.

My opinions, cuz I’m minding my own shit, changes often as I continue to live my life. As I believe all opinions should. For example, I’ve been relationship oriented forever, unwilling to deviate from that narrative, but now I’m in a situation where I’m learning to assess things differently. Who’s to say, what ‘should’ be my immediate actions, if a commitment is not being what’s offered? Should I place my happiness, over titles? Over what society deems I should be looking for? Over what my friends/family think I should value at this age? And if I am truly happy, should I continue on that path? These are thoughts I randomly have, but unless folks are looking for advice, we have to stop offering. Sometimes a listening ear is all that’s needed.

Tristan J.

Cut It Off?

In this age of dating, stop being so quick to cut ‘a nigga off’.

The options are endless, choices boundless but doesn’t it get tiring swiping right or left? How much time are you actually putting in to get to know someone? A week is NOT enough time to really know anything about a person. Hell, only texting for a few weeks isn’t enough. I’ve had to learn to slow it down, taking my time is never a bad thing. Talking to multiple isn’t a bad thing either, however attempting to date five people at the same time isn’t it! You’ll surely be spreading urself too thin. Although I’m currently getting to know one person, I could handle another, but no one has piqued my interest enough. I’m sure it also has something to do with my moving to another city. Once I’m settled in Dallas, I’ll be out and about getting to know the city, and the chocolate men that come with it.

How long do you average with someone before they are either let go or invested into?

Writers Edit: Red Flags are NOT to be ignored. Just like anything in life, there are varying degrees of red flags, but when getting to know someone, be sure you know what your hard red flags look like so you can judge that situation correctly.

Jonez

Dear Diary …

I’ve been thinking about the conversations I’ve had with my guy recently and I don’t think we consider men’s trauma. Of course we know they have to deal with nonsense just like women in relation to relationships but there’s a “Just get Over it” vibe that we emit. If a woman states, she’s not ready for a relationship, or she simply doesn’t want one, she’s asked a billion questions as to why she feels this way, most times it’s assumed she’s been hurt by a man. However when a man makes this statement, it’s taken at face value. I’m guilty of this, although I don’t usually question women, It doesn’t cross my mind to ask a man, to elaborate his feelings; mistake number one.

Although I am no longer seeking a committed relationship with my guy currently, it’s been interesting getting to know him. Relationships can and will change as feelings deepens. Because he seems as a man who’ll give everything to a relationship, he’s moving cautiously because of the past traumas he’s endured. I haven’t asked him to provide details, not because I’m not interested, I want to know all parts of him, but I’ve found in dealing with trauma, it should be something the person wishes to discuss. He knows I’m a great look for him, however he’s been through too much to move forward with his heart lightly, and I could never fault him for that.

Ladies, I think we have to start being more sympathetic to how men feel. We should be asking questions and seeking clarification when we don’t know something and would like to. I understand a man should be adult enough to speak up but we don’t know what they’ve been faced with prior to entering our lives. I also believe men have to learn how to use their words, when expressing their feelings. If we start creating safe spaces for both, men and women to feel comfortable, less communication mishaps will occur.

Jonez.

Limits.

Ladies stop limiting yourself to the man you’re interested in.

I’m bout to put my business out there but let me be an example. So I’ve been chatting with a guy who I’m very fond of. We’ve been chatting for about two months, and he’s made it clear that he’s not interested in a relationship. Well his exact words were, “I’m not really looking for a relationship but I’m open if one should happen.” Ladies, I took this to mean He’s content being single and no matter how perfect I am, or could be for him will change that. Even for me this sounds strange, but I will continue to see other people socially. I will continue to date and get to know other men because expecting ANYTHING other than simply a friendship is playing myself.

Usually when meeting a man, I would make myself available to and for him. I would show him why I was the woman for him. As I’ve gotten older, I realize I am the fucking prize and I’m not auditioning for a role in any man’s life! If he can’t see what I know then I’ll keep my options open. I do like this guy, he ‘shows up’ as needed but I refuse to make a silent commitment to him when he’s made it clear a relationship isn’t what he wants. Plz make sure you are listening to what a man says he wants, the first time he tells you, it’s usually the unfiltered truth.

Jonez.

Married? Eh.

For whatever reason, I’m not safe from married men. I would never ever date a married man, cuz karma would seriously hurt me. It’s not worth the problems you will have! As much as dating can be a pain, dating someone who is already committed to another just isn’t the move. I promise you! I’m honestly not sure what vibes I’m giving off to make married men even feel they are allowed to interrupt my space.

SideNote: I’m semi questioning if I want to get married, since lately married folk can’t stay out my inbox. What’s the point of dedicating your love to someone if you’re going to look into have your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere beside your partner?

Jonez.

Single Blues

As much as I’m enjoying “Single life” (Lies) I’m currently going thru Single Blues. It very much could have everything to do with the upcoming change in season which is right around the corner, either way, I’m not looking to be single anymore. However I’m not looking to jump into anything random, just for the sake of not being single. I wonder if it’s possible to forget how to be in a relationship? If it’s possible to forget how to be a party of two? What if I’m no good at being someone’s significant other? Can I admit I’m a bit nervous which I think is the reason for my Single Blues. I could just be living way too much in my head but I’m concerned.

How have you all dealt with being single while feeling like it won’t be ‘just like riding a bike.’

Jonez

Date X3

Are you obligated to tell the people you are dating about each other?

NOPE!

Unless you are in a relationship, you are not obligated to tell them about each other. This shouldn’t even be a question, honestly. If a man or woman wanted to be the only one then they would take the necessary steps to ensure that position. It makes me chuckle when I hear its in a ‘man’s nature’ to not be able to settle down, to HAVE to see multiple women, blah blah blah. Guess what? Eff that!

It’s funny because as I get older I want to settle down and get married BUT I am perfectly fine with dating (for now), why settle down with the first man who smiles at me? Nope, I will date as many folks as I’d like. If I am seeing two or three at the same time, well isn’t that what dating consists of? I used to be that girl, that would meet someone, like them, then focus only on them. Not anymore. Im going to give you whatever it is you are giving me. If you only have a few minutes a day for me, then thats what will be given to you. No more investing time in a person, if they are neglecting to do the same in return.

Tristan Jonez.

Act Two

Why do men wait until you no longer care, to act right? As an adult, I think I am over the games that folks play so I have no interest in participating in them. So I do let it be known that I’m feeling them, I am not super aggressive, I would rather let a man take it to that next step. I don’t feel like I need to chase you, nope. All I have to do is let you know how I feel, and you either take it from there or be like nah T, I’m just not interested in you. I can appreciate any man that tells me, straight up, that they aren’t interested.

Its funny cuz I can be feeing you until I’m not. I really think men be having this spidey sense cuz the second I’m like this dude is a dub, they want to come with the dinner date and flowers. Then get upset with me when I’m not receptive to any of that shit, cuz dude it’s too late. I’m good on you! In most cases, when I’m chatting with someone, its because they have hit ME up, if you wasn’t ready, then why you bothered? And I’m going to be sitting around wondering why they aren’t acting right.. Nah I’ll be already unto the next.

Tristan J.