Dear Diary …

My My My, its been such a long time, that Ive ‘written’ in you dear diary. I do apologize, Ive just been out here living life. So I know, you hate being kept in the dark, so let’s discuss the dating life … or lack of. But Diary you’ll be proud to know that I am slowly putting myself back out there. Dipping one toe in at a time, although I am coming to the realization, that I may need to just jump straight in. Let’s discuss the latest dating woes.

So Ive been cool with this guy on Instagram for some time now, have conversation fairly regularly, so much so that he expressed his interest in getting to know me, and potentially taking me out on a ‘real life date’ … the dilemma, he lives in Canada. For me, that’s no super big deal, I can fly wherever, and I’m cool with long distance relationships, when they make sense. So I am acting like an interested person, I provide him with my number so he doesn’t have to DM me, he’ll now have direct contact with me. Well I guess that was too much for him, because literally after I gave my number the excuses started. First he’d left his phone at work, which is a believable thing then he’s so exhausted from work that he forgot to reach out in any compacity. My last annoyance came from, I understand being busy, I can understand you forgetting your phone at work, but how is it, you watch all my Instagram stories, and find a way to post your social media BUT you can’t remember to communicate with someone who YOU’VE told you was interested? Chile I can’t! So seeing the yellow flags, I sent a message to him, which took him two days to respond. His response seemed like a genuine one, and he apologized, so I accepted, then asked a follow up question to which, as of today, he hasn’t responded.

I find myself not upset, not even annoyed, but if you have no intention of following through, leave women alone. However whether or not it matters to him, we’ll never have an interaction again, he’s showed he isn’t worth my time. So I’ll focus on those who are.

Tristan Jonez.

Where’s my Lid?

If a man’s words and actions don’t match, leave. If you’re set on staying, always go according to his words. He can ‘show’ you all the emotions and feels in the World but once you start getting attached, he’ll remind you, aht aht, I told you what I wanted in the beginning. If it’s a situation where he’s not looking for commitment but you are, leave. Don’t even waste a second of your time, cuz you’ll see all the great qualities about him, possibly meet friends, learn about him, accommodate him, then when it’s feeling like a relationship, he remind you, Aht Aht, I told you, I’m not ready for that.

Trust me! I know it’s a pain to meet someone then be told they don’t want the same things as you. The dating pool in EVERY city sucks, flight attendant here, so I know, but don’t settle for the now, play the long game. I’m a firm believer, there’s a lid for every bowl, you just have to be patient enough and bold enough to go after what you want. Don’t take a man telling you, he’s not looking for the things you are as a challenge. ITS NOT A CHALLENGE! The likelihood of him changing his mind based off of anything besides his own mind, is very slim. So waste not another second on him. Go out and find your lid!

Tristan Jonez

Hey Diary,

When your heart is already in it, what body part do you look to for guidance?

The head would be the next logical choice right? It weighs the pros and cons, it can decipher what’s real and what’s just for show, right? Or can it? I’m the first to tell you, when it comes to matters of the heart, just tell me already. Lets take the guessing out of it, cuz I am so tired of trying to figure out who I should date, who I should invest my time with, who I should take seriously. This is all just toooooo damn much! Its such a popcorn culture, you think you’re vibin’ with someone then poof, they have disappeared because they’ve found something that better suites them currently. Are we no longer looking toward the future? Are we only looking towards the here and now?

Tristan Jonez

Dear Diary …

I’ve been thinking about the conversations I’ve had with my guy recently and I don’t think we consider men’s trauma. Of course we know they have to deal with nonsense just like women in relation to relationships but there’s a “Just get Over it” vibe that we emit. If a woman states, she’s not ready for a relationship, or she simply doesn’t want one, she’s asked a billion questions as to why she feels this way, most times it’s assumed she’s been hurt by a man. However when a man makes this statement, it’s taken at face value. I’m guilty of this, although I don’t usually question women, It doesn’t cross my mind to ask a man, to elaborate his feelings; mistake number one.

Although I am no longer seeking a committed relationship with my guy currently, it’s been interesting getting to know him. Relationships can and will change as feelings deepens. Because he seems as a man who’ll give everything to a relationship, he’s moving cautiously because of the past traumas he’s endured. I haven’t asked him to provide details, not because I’m not interested, I want to know all parts of him, but I’ve found in dealing with trauma, it should be something the person wishes to discuss. He knows I’m a great look for him, however he’s been through too much to move forward with his heart lightly, and I could never fault him for that.

Ladies, I think we have to start being more sympathetic to how men feel. We should be asking questions and seeking clarification when we don’t know something and would like to. I understand a man should be adult enough to speak up but we don’t know what they’ve been faced with prior to entering our lives. I also believe men have to learn how to use their words, when expressing their feelings. If we start creating safe spaces for both, men and women to feel comfortable, less communication mishaps will occur.

Jonez.

Dear Diary …

Men are stupid.

I know I know. Not all men are stupid. Well I think all men aren’t supposed to be stupid but I’m getting the feeling they don’t know that. I want people, men in particular, to match their words with their actions. If you do not want a relationship, do not create an environment in which reflects one. If you do want a relationship, allow your words and actions to mirror what it is you want. I know it can be an amazing thing when a woman is focusing all of her attention on you, but if you know you do not share in her end goals, don’t egg her on.

In a perfect World, everyone would be honest in how they communicate and understanding each other’s wants and needs would be a breeze. As we both know, we do not reside in that perfect reality. So we have to be precise in what we communicate to others but also have the courage to walk away when what’s being offered isn’t what we want.

Jonez.

When In … Nashville

Let’s talk about Nashville.

I can definitely understand why Nashville is being hailed as the “New Vegas”. Last month I was able to experience most of what Honky Town (their words, not mine) had to offer. As y’all know every month, a destination is chosen, then my fly sister and I partake in the culture of said city. I must say, it was an interesting trip, at the least. Do you know how much trouble one can get into in Nashville? Tons babe! Side note: Be open-minded, and don’t be sober for too long.

After walking up and down the bar strip, we FINALLY found a bar that played Hip Hop/R&B, bonus its the rooftop. Double bonus is the famous Nudie’s Honky Tonk! Just know alcohol is definitely liquid courage, it helps you to live outside of your head. {DISCLAIMER: Know your fucking limit when drinking!} I had a great time, dancing, and vibing to the music. I believe always being in control and in charge of my life, sometimes leave me forgetting to enjoy the moment I’m currently in.

What city has helped to release your Inhibitions?

Tristan Jonez

Save Yourself.

Even now, I still sometimes give my power to a man. I’ll let him decide if he should dump me, if this “relationship” isn’t working for him, if he’s done. Well fuck that. I’m tired of being as polite as I can, speaking softly as to not step on the fragile male ego and for what? For them to believe they are who is in control?! Nah I’m done with that. A relationship is to be mutually beneficial and if it isn’t, well then Maybe I need to be the one to step.

I’m tired of men thinking their behavior is acceptable just because the last chick didn’t correct it. As I get older, I find myself less inclined to protect the male ego. What about my own? Laying down on the sword, becomes painful after the first time. If a man, especially one you are dating, can’t see how his behavior is affecting you, then that’s not a man you should engage with. This seemingly amazing human was single for a reason, the reasons JUST became clearly obvious to you.

Save Your Damn Selves.

Tristan J.

Why Wait?

Why wait for 2018? Do it Now.

Recently I listened to a video snippet, and the author told me, why wait until 2018 to make the changes you’d like to make?

And shorty, is right! Why am I going to wait until 2018 to start fresh, when everyday I wake up translates to a new beginning? With the rise of the sun, I am able to decide who I want to be and who I want in my World. Everyone’s manual for living looks different, so I have to find the instructions that work best for me. Find the people who work best, with my vibe, who brings out the best in me. Letting go is extremely hard for me, especially since my mother died. I hold on to folks tight, I look past their wrongdoings at my own detriment and I allow them to stay in my World. I find them sucking the life from me, and once I’ve hit rock bottom only then do I let them go.

This situation, this friendship, this love is NO longer serving me. Its no Longer allowing me to grow, no longer allowing me to be the best version of myself, no longer making me happy. I wish you the best, take care, thank you. I’ve found that speaking this outloud makes the transition easier. Can people change, sure they can, but for my own peace, they have to change elsewhere. Protecting my own energy is my top priority, everyone can and will be second my own self. Eff how they feel.

I’ve had a few light stealers, and I’ve let each and everyone of them go. God Bless ‘Em

Jonez.

Chasing.

So I’m not sure if this is a pattern but its staring to feel like one.

Men who chase women down, with only the intention of wasting her time. If we are friends, and you want more, I am all for making your intentions known, but if you are ready to go there, be ready for the consequences as well. Why are you ‘awakening’ her if you have no intention beyond that action? Just leave us be!

On two separate occasions with two different men, I’ve been pursued, only to agree to a date, that they waste my damn time. I’ve long stopped listening to words that men, say and look towards their actions. If nothing is being shown, why would I stay?

Jonez

Focus.

Ladies,

Stop allowing men to treat you as if you are regular. You are not! You are of the absolute best of the best. Lately, Even I have forgotten of my magic, the essence of me, that makes me who I am. I am not here just to accept so willingly the bullshit that a man chooses to provide me. And if he cannot see what he has available to him, let him not see anything. Too many times do we forget there are millions upon millions of men out there, so we have such a selection. WE are the ones who decide who we will date, who we will let pursue us, who we will … I think you get my point!

For the time being, I am going to focus on my challenge of being a tourist in New York City for the month of December.

Tristan Jonez.

Decipher Tales

I want people to mean what they say. I thought your word meant Your bond? When did that change? At what point did we just say what was convenient? Convenient for that moment in time? I get a migraine trying to decipher what I should believe and what I should question. Questioning everything a person/people say is fucking tiring. And folks, I’m tired.

If you tell me, I want to be with you, I’m believing that’s gospel. I’m not thinking that you want to be with me, and everyone else. Lately I’m finding folks want me to be everything to them while they give me the left over they have from being everything to everyone else. What makes you think I want a part time love affair? Nothing, absolutely nothing about me, gives that impression.

I’ve stopped trying to understand potential love interests, I just ride the wave until it’s over.

Tristan Jonez

Prize Money

I do believe we some (most) times forget that we are the prize. We are the ones to be pursued, cherished, adored! You, above all else, have to know your value. How can you show someone how you should be treated if you aren’t treating yourself as such. Folks learn from action!

I once found myself not being myself because in my mind, this is a “good guy” and I have to fit into whatever image he sees of me. I don’t want to loose this man’s interest cuz then I’m back to square one, and who wants to start all over? But I can’t settle, too many close calls to settling, that I’m not going to start that now. I’m the prize, and I have to treat myself as such. It’s no need to advertise what I bring to the “table”, as the man that’s looking for me will be able to realize my potential!

Jonez