relationship

Ego Fragility

Life Lesson, Living Life

Ladies, I will continue being an advocate for doing whatever you want. For placing yourself first, because when you’re super sweet as pie, folks think they can treat you however they see fit. That notion no longer work for me. I am not here to cater to the male ego, why should I? Why should you? So y’all know I’m attempting to date. I’m open to other races, and ages, etc. I’m opened to dating folks who aren’t my usual go to per se. I’ve struggled with how to tell men I’m just not interested, but I would prefer a soft blow over anything else. So recently chatting with a man, who I wasn’t interested at all. I responded with pleasantries but why waste time, providing false hope when I have no interest. I laughed at the response. I mean how could I not? You’re not interested yet you went out of your way to gain my attention. I could’ve respected, him not responding, or even, a “Good Night” in return. We as women have been conditioned to support the male ego, let them down softly, try not to reject them, and if you do, put the blame on you. Nope! Although I will forever be respectful in my dealings, protecting your (fragile) Ego will never be my concern.

Tristan Jonez

When In … Nashville

Living Life, Wheres the Adventure?

Let’s talk about Nashville.

I can definitely understand why Nashville is being hailed as the “New Vegas”. Last month I was able to experience most of what Honky Town (their words, not mine) had to offer. As y’all know every month, a destination is chosen, then my fly sister and I partake in the culture of said city. I must say, it was an interesting trip, at the least. Do you know how much trouble one can get into in Nashville? Tons babe! Side note: Be open-minded, and don’t be sober for too long.

After walking up and down the bar strip, we FINALLY found a bar that played Hip Hop/R&B, bonus its the rooftop. Double bonus is the famous Nudie’s Honky Tonk! Just know alcohol is definitely liquid courage, it helps you to live outside of your head. {DISCLAIMER: Know your fucking limit when drinking!} I had a great time, dancing, and vibing to the music. I believe always being in control and in charge of my life, sometimes leave me forgetting to enjoy the moment I’m currently in.

What city has helped to release your Inhibitions?

Tristan Jonez

Self-Sabo.

Life Lesson, Living Life

Low Key (High Key) I think I’m sabotaging my dating life by entertaining men who couldn’t possibly be good for me. Men who couldn’t give me half of what I am looking for, attracted to me, with the gift of gab, that’s who gets my attention. Ugh. Men who I know don’t deserve my attention, somehow captures it and when they eventually disappoint me, I’m hesitant to cut them off. Double Ugh. I’m sadden to know I’m bringing these horrid habits to a new city. Since I’m aware of the poor choices I am making, I am scaling back a bit from dating.

Don’t worry I’m still going to date but how about we try dating with purpose. Although I loathe writing a long list of what I am seeking in a guy, but maybe that’s exactly what I should be doing. I should have a clear understanding, but flexible, vision of what I’m looking for in an partner. God so help me, if I get carried away, and have a list of fifty thousand requirements. So to be sure I don’t get to carried away once I write down my ‘list’ I’ll post it. I know I know, scary right? And super super personal, but you guys are worth knowing all the intimate details of my life, since I already over share my shit.

Tristan Jonez

FYI – Wish me Luck! XOXO

Save Yourself.

Life Lesson, Living Life

Even now, I still sometimes give my power to a man. I’ll let him decide if he should dump me, if this “relationship” isn’t working for him, if he’s done. Well fuck that. I’m tired of being as polite as I can, speaking softly as to not step on the fragile male ego and for what? For them to believe they are who is in control?! Nah I’m done with that. A relationship is to be mutually beneficial and if it isn’t, well then Maybe I need to be the one to step.

I’m tired of men thinking their behavior is acceptable just because the last chick didn’t correct it. As I get older, I find myself less inclined to protect the male ego. What about my own? Laying down on the sword, becomes painful after the first time. If a man, especially one you are dating, can’t see how his behavior is affecting you, then that’s not a man you should engage with. This seemingly amazing human was single for a reason, the reasons JUST became clearly obvious to you.

Save Your Damn Selves.

Tristan J.

Focus.

Living Life

Ladies,

Stop allowing men to treat you as if you are regular. You are not! You are of the absolute best of the best. Lately, Even I have forgotten of my magic, the essence of me, that makes me who I am. I am not here just to accept so willingly the bullshit that a man chooses to provide me. And if he cannot see what he has available to him, let him not see anything. Too many times do we forget there are millions upon millions of men out there, so we have such a selection. WE are the ones who decide who we will date, who we will let pursue us, who we will … I think you get my point!

For the time being, I am going to focus on my challenge of being a tourist in New York City for the month of December.

Tristan Jonez.

Decipher Tales

Life Lesson, Living Life

I want people to mean what they say. I thought your word meant Your bond? When did that change? At what point did we just say what was convenient? Convenient for that moment in time? I get a migraine trying to decipher what I should believe and what I should question. Questioning everything a person/people say is fucking tiring. And folks, I’m tired.

If you tell me, I want to be with you, I’m believing that’s gospel. I’m not thinking that you want to be with me, and everyone else. Lately I’m finding folks want me to be everything to them while they give me the left over they have from being everything to everyone else. What makes you think I want a part time love affair? Nothing, absolutely nothing about me, gives that impression.

I’ve stopped trying to understand potential love interests, I just ride the wave until it’s over.

Tristan Jonez

Caretaker.

Living Life

I don’t take care of myself as much as I need to or as much as I should. Because I’m there for others, I don’t have or make the time for myself. As a result, I’m miserable. I keep myself occupied with work so I’m too tired to evaluate my needs, too tired to care. Obviously this is a severely destructive path, and if I don’t start to take care of myself, I’ll be lying in a ditch somewhere. I think I was expecting someone to come along and save me from myself but this isn’t a fairy tale and no one will rescue me. I gotta save my damn self!

This week, I’m on vacation from work so I couldn’t hide from myself. My body was seriously malfunctioning, places were aching, my mind couldn’t settle itself and my body was desperately alerting me that it was about to crash. Although I definitely have responsibilities this week, I canceled everything to focus on me. To really put me first, to indulge in me, to allow my body the space to rest, to stretch and to do anything else she wanted to. I always feel like I deserve more than what I’m receiving in my dating life, but if I’m not treating my OWN self like I deserve more, why would anyone else?

Tristan Jonez.

Prize Money 

Living Life


I do believe we some (most) times forget that we are the prize. We are the ones to be pursued, cherished, adored! You, above all else, have to know your value. How can you show someone how you should be treated if you aren’t treating yourself as such. Folks learn from action! 

I once found myself not being myself because in my mind, this is a “good guy” and I have to fit into whatever image he sees of me. I don’t want to loose this man’s interest cuz then I’m back to square one, and who wants to start all over? But I can’t settle, too many close calls to settling, that I’m not going to start that now. I’m the prize, and I have to treat myself as such. It’s no need to advertise what I bring to the “table”, as the man that’s looking for me will be able to realize my potential!  

Jonez 

Married? Eh. 

Life Lesson


For whatever reason, I’m not safe from married men. I would never ever date a married man, cuz karma would seriously hurt me. It’s not worth the problems you will have! As much as dating can be a pain, dating someone who is already committed to another just isn’t the move. I promise you! I’m honestly not sure what vibes I’m giving off to make married men even feel they are allowed to interrupt my space. 

SideNote: I’m semi questioning if I want to get married, since lately married folk can’t stay out my inbox. What’s the point of dedicating your love to someone if you’re going to look into have your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere beside your partner? 

Jonez. 

No Request Granted 

Living Life


I can be super honest and open with you all right? Without judgement? Even tho, I don’t give a shit about anyone judging me, but y’all wouldn’t. 

By a show of hands, how many of us had a “friendwithbenefits”? Well I did. However I wouldn’t necessarily say we were friends. I wasn’t making plans for us to hang out outside of a bedroom, and he wasn’t calling so we could chop it up about our life goals. Our relationship was very specific, we talked enough to assess what was needed sexually. The few times we ventured into actual conversation about actual topics, things felt weird, at least for me. 

So imagine my utter shock and surprise when he requested me on Facebook! Like ummmm Sir, what is you doing baby? It’s weird thinking of him going through my photos, and seeing my friends, reading my thoughts, I haven’t accepted the request and I’m not sure if I will. 

Would you? 

Tristan J