Loving on me.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

February 14th is my second favorite day, my birthday comes second to none. I love all the over-the-top displays of affection, today just feels brighter. I am single this year but that doesn’t stop my love fest, I just love a lil harder on my friends, my woes.

My Dream evening for tonight, would be seafood from Clawdaddy’s, Champagne, and HBO’S Insecure, the complete season 1, then Love Jones. I promise I will do a complete write up of Love Jones, because as a kid I didn’t understand it, but as an adult, who has love and lost, I get it now!

So please, Enjoy tonight. Whether your in love, or loving on yourself, Have an amazing Valentine’s Day.

Tristan Jonez.

Accountability

I created a vision board once, and I’ll never make another again. For me, it doesn’t work. I do not need a constant visual reminder of my goals, that’s what my brain is for. I’d rather have an accountability partner, someone who takes on my goals as their own. I am not looking for someone to do the work for me, but someone who is as creative as I am, someone who wants to see me succeed as much I do. It’s funny I am an accountability partner to a few without even trying. There’s nothing more that I want for you, but to see you reach the goals you’ve set for yourself.

How do you go about finding an accountability partner? I want to believe those are your friends, your go to girls/boys. But what do you do if you don’t have those types of friendships with anyone? My advice, use social media to your advantage. I’ll write more on this later. But for now, write down the areas you would like to have an accountability partner, like fitness, healthy, making more money, etc and assign the folks you do know to helping you reach your maximum peak.

Tristan J.

Feedback

As a writer, I am still trying to find my lane. I know that I can write just about anything but I don’t want to. I’m looking to further my portfolio but by writing pieces that I’m passionate about, things that actually matter to me. I’ve always been interested in the interactions between men and women, whether as friends or more. Eventually I hope to further my education by studying the psychology of people.

I believe by March, I will focus solely on the interaction between both sexes and my writing will reflect that. I know there are millions of folks that focus on that as well, but I’m going to put my own spin on the topic. As of right now Im looking to explore different routes but as I begin to go on this journey I know my path will become clearer to me.

Shout Out to my Instagram Sis, for keeping me on my toes.

Tristan J.

Better.

He told me I deserved better but he wasn’t ready to give me better. We are always willing to applaud someone for their honesty but hold your applause. He knew from jump what I was/am looking for so for him to pursue anything other than friendship is a sucka move. I have no problem growing with the man I’m with but I’m not going to wait for you to get ur shit together. Why would I?

This man isn’t ready now, so when will he be? And what is he doing to prepare himself for a life with me? Will he still be sowing his oats with others? The fact that I have all these unanswered questions let me know I have to keep it moving. I’m not going to be with half a man just to say I have one. Nope! That’s for the birds.

Would you stay or walk away?

Tristan Jonez

Anniversaries

January 2nd is the anniversary of my first love committing suicide.

Its like you are excited for the beginning of the year, a chance to do a massive reset on your life and the folks in it, but then bam! 48 hrs later you are brought back to a place mentally, where you almost didn’t survive the first time. Sometimes I have to really question if he is gone. Sigh. Life don’t owe me anything! I live my life to the fullest as there are folks who aren’t here to do so. As much as I wish I could wish Ali back to Life, I don’t possess those powers. If you are fighting depression you DO NOT have to fight it alone. I am here. I love you and I’ll help you get through it all.

Ali left behind a daughter.

Please take care one another.

Tristan Jonez.

After Five years

After five years, I think I am okay. I was with my ex boyfriend from 25 to 30. Its extremely weird that we are no longer together. Like this is the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I just knew that we would be engaged, headed for marriage now, but God laughed in my face, then yelled Plot Twist. This was the first relationship I honestly looked in, and pictured what it would be like in the future, and I knew I could possibly be happy, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t want to spend the next 30 years faking it.

I want to genuinely be happy with the man that I marry. I wouldn’t call it a waste, as it was a lesson learned, through and through. I learned that I need to listen, I need to respect the person that I am in a relationship with, I also learned that I don’t need to dim my light for any man, that I am intelligent and if a man loves me he will value my opinion. I just cant dumb myself down for a relationship. I tried it will make you miserable ladies. This was the first New Years that we did not spend together, and I’m good.

You only have one life to live, so I encourage you to live your BEST life.

Tristan Jonez.

Funny Thing

As I get older, I find myself thinking about all sorts of things… mostly things dealing with love and life. I’m a bit hung up on soulmates, If I have one, and If I do, where is he? I’ve been thinking what if a soulmate has nothing to do with another human, what if your soul is connected to a place? If my destiny wasn’t connected to another person It wouldn’t surprise me since I’m fully connected to Chicago.

I wish I could adequately explain how Chicago makes me feel. For a second put aside everything you’ve ever heard about the city. When I land It feels like home, in spite of itself it feels safe to me. Chicago welcomes me home with opened arms, its like receiving a warm cup of tea after being outside in the cold for too long. In high school, I just KNEW I had to visit Chicago, there was some force beyond myself pulling me there. I still feel that pull, and I make sure to fly to Chicago every single chance I get. Chicago grounds me in a way that no other place has been able to do. Philadelphia has come close, but I always feel something is missing when I stay there for too long.

Have you ever been connected to a place?

Jonez.

Sfter (Softer)

As a woman I’m doing my best to work on being softer. I’ve become used to doing things for myself but I never want to make a man feel like I don’t need him. I do, I need him for many things and I want to make sure I don’t become so hard. Just because I’ve had to open my own doors, I need to give the man a chance to open my door. I’m not a fan of dumbing myself down, and I’m not asking you to do that either, What I am asking of you, is to give the man a try.

Although I haven’t met any in a while, I’ve been assured that gentlemen still exist so give them a chance to reveal themselves. Give a man an opportunity to woo and wow you. As much as we’ve had to depend on ourselves, don’t let what’s happened in the past create a problem for what could happen in the future. Prince Charming is definitely out there, just give him a moment to declare his status. Don’t we always say Actions speak Louder.

Be Patient

Tristan.

Have you Ever?

Have you ever met someone and just knew you’d be a great match together? Well that happened to me! I met someone, and even though I don’t know much about him, I have this feeling that if we gave each other the opportunity, we could be genuinely happy together. I’m not sure if this makes me crazy, or if I’m just creating a happy ending in my head, because I’m over being single.

Listen, he could be the worst person I’ve ever met but that’s not what’s being spoken to my spirit. I’m learning to move less with my heart or even my mind, and go with what my spirit is telling me. My spirit is telling me there’s something here, potentially an amazing something. However I think if I want to bring ‘it’ to fruition I’m going to have to be the point person on this mission.

Is possible rejection it worth it?

Tristan.

Gimme Yours.

I will always prefer receiving your number versus you taking mine. I’m just too impatient! Whether or not “it” would go anywhere I want to be the one to call. I would’ve call myself aggressive but my rationale is if I’m hitting you up, that frees you up to be like “yo I like this girl” or “nah shorty too much for me”. Even though, something isn’t clicking with me and dating right now, I’m able to make the guys I’m talking to feel very comfortable with me. BUT because I’m not shy about expressing what I’d like in a friendship, relationship etc I think I have been scaring folks off.

Obviously that’s not my intention, however I can only be me. Perhaps I can be a bit too much for a man, but with me calling/texting first I’m putting it out there. I’d rather have a man say he can’t deal with all that I am then be waiting by the phone for him to hit me up. Plus my memory can be short. He mess around, hit me up and I forget who the hell he is! (Laughing)

Tristan.

Lumberjack Joe

So I recently went on a date, I know I said Im not dating but shit happens. Let’s call him Lumberjack Joe, so first let me put it out there that he’s not someone I would usually date, but since I’m not dating I figured I should expand my horizon. On first look, he was very hoboish looking, 80’s style, he looked much older than thirty two but he was sweet and charming so why not give this man a chance.

We met on 145th street, I took the train he rode his bike. In person he looked the same as his photos on OKCupid, bald with a healthy beard, wearing a fanny pack, a dad hat and cut off shorts. Our first destination was his favorite African eatery in harlem, food was pretty good, conversation was slow but started to pick up towards the end of the meal. At this point Im not really feeling like we are a match, not really feeling any sparks. Lumberjack Joe advises me he has a child, 18 months, in my mind Im like oh hell no. A man having a child, especially under five is an instant NO. Now we are done with lunch so we are walking back up the hill on 145th in route to grab drinks.

The time now is 4:15, happy hour is not until 5 so he wants to kill the time before we go to the spot. This annoys me a tad bit, If we are on a date, you as the man take on the responsibility of being able to pay for the date, especially if this is something that you have planned. If you knew that happy hour started at 5, then you should have started the date at 4 so it would flow right into drinks. But okay. So we are at Riverside Park lounging, chit chatting about nothing and everything, people watching, enjoying the breeze.

The time goes by quickly so we are now having drinks. I start babbling about my baby, my website, and I light up. When it comes to my art, I can take about it for hours. He shows an interest in it, so we are bouncing ideas off of each other, the conversation is flowing, this is nice. I’m still not feeling anything but I do like him … as a friend. I’m not getting any butterflies but he attentive, hand on mine, a touch here, a smile there. It’s refreshing to meet someone who can converse intelligently.

Let me back track, I was a bit late to meet up with him as I was coming from work and I wanted to change out of my uniform. Lumberjack Joe made the comment about since I was late I’ll be the one paying for drinks. I laughed it off cuz I thought he was joking, well he wasnt. Now I dont have an issue every paying for dinner/date but I wont do it for the first one. And if I do, you’re a dub to me. I would never take you serious because you fail to know the rules of engagement.

So I paid for the drinks, and never went out with him again.

Tristan.

Virginity Saved

Here is a story about the time I almost lost my virginity to my first love Ali.

So growing up in Baltimore, Maryland, I had plenty of ‘boyfriends’ but I managed to keep my virginity intact. Mostly in part because I knew boys talked way to much and I never wanted to be the topic of discussion for anyone. I never wanted to be called a ho, chickenhead or anything else that boys my age would’ve made up. Plus I just wasn’t ready for that step with anyone, thankfully I didnt talk to any boys that ever pressured me to do anything I didnt want to. Thinking about it now, I had great ‘little’ boyfriends, but also social media wasn’t as big as it is now. Sure we eventually had Myspace, AOL and BlackPlanet but it was secondary to actual one on one interaction with your friends. The most I’ve ever did was kiss, and chill in my boyfriends room but it was very innocent. Watching a movie was just that, like I said no one ever pressured me. So shout out to all my exes while I was under 17, love yall.

Back to my story, so Ali and I was so in love, this was my soul mate, and I wanted to be intimate with him. I wanted to be as close to him as I possibly could be. Ali was my cousin Keith best friend, which is how we met, one day Keith was driving, and ended up running into him and gave him a ride home. From that day, we was together in an unspoken rule of attraction and love. He was living in the city of Peekskill, I would visit my cousin often so I could be able to see Ali too. This particular evening, we had the house to ourselves, my aunt had went to the supermarket, and my cousin had basketball practice. So we was watching a movie and I was like I want to make love, let’s just do it. Who knows when we would have this opportunity again. Ali was not trying to hear me, he flat out said no, told me that he wanted our first time to be special, that he respected me and didn’t want to make me feel rushed because we had no idea when someone would be coming home. Can I tell you I wasn’t trying to hear none of what he was talking about. I was like nah let the next time be special, all I knew was that I loved him, and right then was the time. I definitely appreciate everything he said now, I appreciated how he loved me so fiercely that he was willing to put his own wants aside and wait to make everything perfectly special for me. Since we took so long going back and forth about us being intimate that by time I got him to FINALLY say okay, my aunt was pulling up in the driveway. I’m laughing as I write this just remembering how frustrated I was with him, inside I was having the ultimate temper tantrum!

Sadly Ali and I never got the chance to consummate our love as he committed suicide before we ever could be intimate.
Cherish the people you love while you have them here to love on.

Tristan.

PS. I love you Ali. Always.