The Blues

So I’m not exactly going through a break up, cuz he was Never my man BUT I’m finally fully walking away. I always have a hard time letting go of people, especially when I’ve grown to be attached to them however this toxic shit has to go! It really is like men have this radar, when you are moving on without them, something beeps in their fucking head, that says, ‘Call her, Text her,” “And don’t forget to tell her you miss her.” I am over the okey doke, sometimes, NO, most times you have to block their number for a bit. Do whatever is needed to save ur damn sanity, cuz slowly you’ll lose your mind dealing with these types of men.

My only word of advice, and its not even advice, Men know exactly what they are doing. When they say, and do, they have already determined how important you are to them. They have already assessed how much they are willing to do, or not do, so when they show you, take it at face value. If you meant that much to them, they would do all that’s needed to keep you. So, don’t allow them to use excuses, they most definitely knew what they had in you, and IF they didn’t, oh well! Don’t go back babe! Once a shooting star has fizzled out, there’s no rewind button … You’re the Star!

Tristan J

According to Wale …

“Thought you’d keep me from cheating with your abundance of Love, thought I’d keep you from cheating I kept you cumming so much.”

Isn’t this the classic case of miscommunication? She’s showing love, thinking it’ll keep him satisfied. He’s showing sexual pleasure, thinking it would keep her content. And in both scenarios, they both cheated. As much as we don’t want to have those necessary conversations we must. We have to. To end up from putting our all into something that we are not ready for emotionally or physically. There are times in my past I had the courage to ask for what I wanted, and the confidence to walk away when what I wanted wasn’t what was on the menu to be had. As much as we want people to want what we want, it doesn’t work that way. I do believe a man will tell you the truth the first time you ask, but after that, he’s going to tell you whatever he thinks you want to hear.

I cant love you into loving me. I can be the perfect girl, the ying to your yang and I still won’t be what your looking for. I can love you in ways, you’ve never felt, never imagined you could feel and you’ll still not be ready for me. I can literally show you why it didn’t work with anyone else, you can KNOW I am the person you would like to take that leap of faith with, but if you aren’t ready you will create excuses. So my question, how do we determine when we should fight for someone who has signs of trauma, who can’t seem to let go of the past hurts, and move forward? For me, I need to see some signs that you are attempting to seek out the help that’s necessary for you to move on from what you’ve been through, more than telling me, “I’ll think about it.”

To do List, how to communicate with the intention of comprehension.

Jonez

Song Lyrics Break My Heart (My Fault) Ft. Lil Durk

Where’s my Lid?

If a man’s words and actions don’t match, leave. If you’re set on staying, always go according to his words. He can ‘show’ you all the emotions and feels in the World but once you start getting attached, he’ll remind you, aht aht, I told you what I wanted in the beginning. If it’s a situation where he’s not looking for commitment but you are, leave. Don’t even waste a second of your time, cuz you’ll see all the great qualities about him, possibly meet friends, learn about him, accommodate him, then when it’s feeling like a relationship, he remind you, Aht Aht, I told you, I’m not ready for that.

Trust me! I know it’s a pain to meet someone then be told they don’t want the same things as you. The dating pool in EVERY city sucks, flight attendant here, so I know, but don’t settle for the now, play the long game. I’m a firm believer, there’s a lid for every bowl, you just have to be patient enough and bold enough to go after what you want. Don’t take a man telling you, he’s not looking for the things you are as a challenge. ITS NOT A CHALLENGE! The likelihood of him changing his mind based off of anything besides his own mind, is very slim. So waste not another second on him. Go out and find your lid!

Tristan Jonez

Single Again

Cue Trina, ‘I’m single again, back on the prowl. I thought it was perfect, I don’t know how’

I’m not sure if I’m ever sad over being single. I mean, I grow fond of people, especially if we have a genuine connection but what’s the point of fretting over spilled milk? I pay attention to the reg flags! I don’t ignore certain things just because I don’t want to be single. HELL NO! That’s how you end up with a mf for ten years, and wake up one day like ‘where did the time go?’ I refuse for that scenario to ever become my life.

I’ll even indulge in actions that I may not love but if I bring it to your attention and there’s actual change I respect it. But I’m not going to keep expressing my feelings and they continue to be ignored. I’m also tired of meeting one version of a man, then when he gets comfortable, I get to meet the real version of him. Nope! Not dealing with that anymore either. So tired of people’s representatives! At first I told myself I wasn’t going to date but off that! Let the dating olympics begin!

Tristan Jonez

After Break up.

I am not petty but right is right. If we break up, you have to break up with everything I put you on to while together. So that bar you like, done. That restaurant where you like their wings, done. You cannot go there anymore, and you especially can’t put the next chick on. I do not want to go to my favorite spot, Angel of Harlem, and see you there! Nope. Find another place, matter fact go back to the wack spots you was frequenting prior to meeting the amazing me!

Story Time: My favorite bar while I was with my ex was Tonic. OMG! I turned 21 at Tonic, so it was my Ace of Spades, well I put my ex on, and he loved it there. That after we broke up, he thought it was acceptable to continue to frequent my spot, and even brought his damn friends. Negative! It’s not fair to me that I am no longer able to hang out at the bar I love because you don’t know how to follow the rules and break up with Tonic.

I am a lot more careful about who I show my favorite spots to, and trust its a couple. Because I’ve explored New York City so well, I had hidden gems from everything to dinner to dessert. I wonder IF I had the guys I was dating sign an agreement that they wouldn’t frequent my favorite places once we broke up, if they would actually sign it.

Tristan Jonez.

After Five years

After five years, I think I am okay. I was with my ex boyfriend from 25 to 30. Its extremely weird that we are no longer together. Like this is the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with. I just knew that we would be engaged, headed for marriage now, but God laughed in my face, then yelled Plot Twist. This was the first relationship I honestly looked in, and pictured what it would be like in the future, and I knew I could possibly be happy, but I didn’t feel it. I didn’t want to spend the next 30 years faking it.

I want to genuinely be happy with the man that I marry. I wouldn’t call it a waste, as it was a lesson learned, through and through. I learned that I need to listen, I need to respect the person that I am in a relationship with, I also learned that I don’t need to dim my light for any man, that I am intelligent and if a man loves me he will value my opinion. I just cant dumb myself down for a relationship. I tried it will make you miserable ladies. This was the first New Years that we did not spend together, and I’m good.

You only have one life to live, so I encourage you to live your BEST life.

Tristan Jonez.