I know we agreed we’d only be speaking positive about ourselves and pouring positivity Into us but I’m having a hard time not saying … What I hate about myself is! So since I haven’t found a better way of saying “it”, imma just say it. I cannot stand the way I give folks the opportunity to correct themselves in how they interact with me, and they don’t take advantage of it. THEN when I’m done, and no longer giving out lessons, they feel slighted. Loyalty, is not just a word, it’s an embodiment! Or at least it should be, fuck.
I’m a different person when I no longer give af about you. I KNOW people have the tendency to take advantage of my kindness, my awesomeness, but that’s just the way I’m built. Trust, I’ve tried to change but that’s not my way. Unfortunately or Fortunately, depending on how you see it, one of my friends won’t be able to count on me in any capacity. And if I should say, I’m a great friend to have in your corner.
I don’t take care of myself as much as I need to or as much as I should. Because I’m there for others, I don’t have or make the time for myself. As a result, I’m miserable. I keep myself occupied with work so I’m too tired to evaluate my needs, too tired to care. Obviously this is a severely destructive path, and if I don’t start to take care of myself, I’ll be lying in a ditch somewhere. I think I was expecting someone to come along and save me from myself but this isn’t a fairy tale and no one will rescue me. I gotta save my damn self!
This week, I’m on vacation from work so I couldn’t hide from myself. My body was seriously malfunctioning, places were aching, my mind couldn’t settle itself and my body was desperately alerting me that it was about to crash. Although I definitely have responsibilities this week, I canceled everything to focus on me. To really put me first, to indulge in me, to allow my body the space to rest, to stretch and to do anything else she wanted to. I always feel like I deserve more than what I’m receiving in my dating life, but if I’m not treating my OWN self like I deserve more, why would anyone else?
I’m not making any apologies.
I am who I am, and I am willing to allow all of me to be learned but it will be on my terms. I will never allow a person to pressure me into anything that I am not all the way cool with. Too many times, I’ve found myself walking towards the line of regret as I didn’t speak up when I did not want to do something. As an adult, If I’m not for it then I’m not doing it. No one can make me change my mind, if I truly don’t feel like being bothered with it.
When I tell you No, I’m not subconsciously asking you to try harder to convince me. Respect what No means, and move on. When and If I ever rethink what you are asking I will be the one to make the move. No is a complete sentence, I can give an explanation but it is not required.
I learned a lesson today folks. Well I received a nice little reminder… STOP begging people to support you. As much as we all want support stop begging people to give it to you. If its not coming from a place where they would like to do it freely, then I don’t want it. As a ‘friend’ I shouldn’t have to beg you for your support, cuz if the shoe was on the other foot, I would gladly be repping your name in these streets.
I was also reminded, that people might not be supporting you because your wack! You have to be honest with yourself about your content. It is on message with your brand? Is it good? If you was scrolling by is this something that would catch your eye? I want you to enjoy the success that is SURELY going to come if you continue to have a critical eye about your content. I use Instagram heavily, so I am constantly evaluating my content. If I never heard about ‘Tristan Jonez’ is this a post that would pull me in, would I want to find out about this person, would I even care about this content?
You have to be your OWN support system. Until your content, your personality , your vibes, brings on your tribe. Treat that one supporter like gold man. When I find really good content, I can’t shut up about it. Word of Mouth is your best marketing tool, but to get there you have to put in the work.