Although Black History Month is over, we are still all about black tings on this site cuz I IS BLACK! Technically, I am blackity black, pretty much black af, you know, BLACK! So the other day, white folk tried it, they had the audacity to leave one star rating on The honeypot company’s trust pilot page. Why do you ask… well they were BIG mad, the founder Beatrice Dixon, expressed how vital it was, that her success could pave the way for [future] black girls [enterprenuers], in the Target ad shot for Black & Women’s history month. Because the racist comments, white women were leaving, black twitter went into action, calling on all of us to combat the negativity with the positivity of hashtag Black Girl Magic. Now, I want to be sure to highlight, it was not only black folk who were writing glowing reviews, Unracist white women and men were also fighting the good fight!
What funny about this Uproar, People who had not heard of the company, was made very aware of the products they create, which is woman’s feminine products. First of All, the company’s tagline, “Made by Humans with vaginas, for women with vaginas.” I personally use the products, and I love them! I call them my power pad. I’ve been looking into an organic, natural product for my vagina which includes pads/tampons cuz she deserves the fucking best! Those same white folk, who were writing those reviews could’ve probably benefited from the very brand they was dissin’. Idiots! So the next time you’re in Target, feel free to stop in the personal care aisle, and grab some panty liners, wipes or sprays.
Thank you for coming to my episode of Black Tings.
So a friend asked me last night what was my five year plan to which I responded, “Don’t have one.”
Backstory, said friend mentioned wanting to experience Egypt before she died, (No, she isn’t sick) but after my response of, “Girl, Yes! Research flights, excursions, food, and places to stay” she said, oh no not right now, in about five years. I’m like FIVE YEARS? Girl, you could die, waiting! My friend went on to explain, she’s working on paying off debt which could take another two years, possibly buying a house, after that, then she thinks she’ll be ready to travel in a manner she’d like. Now, I know having goals are a great thing, I have em too, just my goals revolve around traveling.
With the current climate we are living in, Life’s fragility seems so much more apparent. So much more real. It’s as if, we are understanding that we are not as invincible as we believed ourselves to be. With that knowledge, I couldn’t see myself waiting for … something. If I want it, I need to make it happen, without placing a timetable on it. For me, a five year plan wouldn’t sustain me, because I’m aware of how fleeting time is.
So, “Why wait for tomorrow, when you can go today?!”
Today wasn’t a hard day per se, but it was a tough day. A day were I wanted to quit everything, and say fuck everyone. Today was a day where I chose to look in the ‘mirror’ and tell myself to get it the fuck together. I’ve been slacking for the past three days. Nevermind I cooked Sunday dinner, that’s easy, I’ve been slacking on my Spanish lessons because I’ve been feeling so damn sorry for myself. Boo hoo Me. Needing love and attention from certain people but because of their own demons, they do not know how to express love in a way that I need it shown. Its hard living life without parents, especially if you know what its like to have an incredible one. I miss me some Garlick (my momma)! I used to wish for just a chance at a conversation, but I would never be able to let her go again. So I just deal with what my reality is now, and keep pressing forward.
Sidenote; Prior to going to the grocery store, I had made the decision to be done with my Spanish lessons. Tell me why in the checkout line, a Spanish man, decided to have a conversation with me in Spanish. And instinctively I responded to his questions with ease, as he was talking it was like I knew exactly what he was saying, and I knew how I wanted to respond. What a beautiful thing that interaction was. However flirting is flirting in any language so I had to go! What really made me rethink quitting, was seeing his face, as I was talking my Spanish. It was a look of surprise, like oh shit, she understands! She understands AND comprehend beyond ‘Hola”. Before I left he made sure to compliment me on my perfect Spanish! Maybe that was the motivation I needed to continue.
So this year, January 23, I turned 34. I am officially the age my mother was when she had me, also, I was 17 when my mother died, so with this birthday I have lived half my life without my mother, so this was a special birthday, but also an awkwardly weird birthday too. As a way to alleviate the sadness factor, I asked all of my social media platforms, which is made up of folks that I actually (mostly) know in real life to send birthday cards. I received a whopping twenty two cards. I also received gifts! A book, an active journal, a Basquiat bookmark, a deck of self reflection/self help/self care cards and a set of AirPods. Can you believe it?
I damn sure can’t, and I just counted! Its crazy that, so many people love me enough to go out, look for a card, personalize it, add something special to the card, get stamps, take it to the post office or put it in a mailbox. I am that loved, that folks thought of me, to do that for me. Its so surreal that people would reach out to me in such a forgotten form, snail mail. As I get older, I am choosing to focus on the people who care about me, the people who show they care about me, instead of focusing on those who choose to not be present.
Once again, I thank you guys so very much for heeding my birthday call, and showing up so magically!
No matter how much you prepare, you can never emotionally successfully prepare for the lost of a parent. Recently I’ve found myself thinking about if Garlick, my mother, would be proud of me. When asking others who knew her, the answer is always yes, but what if she wasn’t. Obviously we’d never truly know how she would feel. But the question remains, would she be proud of what my life has become? Proud of the life I’ve created? My journey is unique for sure, and it’s different from the life I think she had for me. Hell, it’s different from the life I considered for myself. And although I can’t say if she’d be proud, I know whatever route, no matter how unconventional, she would’ve supported my choices and THAT trumps everything.
I’m tired of being me, but I don’t want to be anyone else, Ever.
I get tired of folks seeking and using my light, my energy for themselves. Depleting, taking all my gifts, and failing to replenish. Some humans just know how to drain the Life out of you. Sidenote; I don’t think I’ve been kind to myself lately. I KNOW I need a beach, I know I need to feel the sand between my fingers, on my body and I have yet to give my soul what its’ seeking.
How often do you retreat to give yourself what you need? Do you listen to your body/soul when it says Stop? Go? Rest?
When I moved to Chicago the first time, I had an idea of who I wanted to be in my head, and I did what I could to bring her to life but looking back, I wasn’t being myself. I didn’t know what I wanted besides knowing I wanted to be more than who I was at the time. Although Chicago was my soulmate, I was running from a Love I thought would last forever, a man who no longer made me happy, and a city I was tired of hustling/struggling in. My initial move to chitown didn’t last long but everything happens for a reason. Four years later, I got the opportunity to live there again, and it’s been one of my happiest experiences.
Heading Into Texas, I know myself better. I’m not going there to find out who I am or to create another version of myself. I’m going with the notion that I am Tiffany, a food explorer, Natural body care using, art museum lover, who is ready to move past my comfort zone. I welcome all positive experiences, and will diligently turn my negatives into learning lessons. Ultimately I’ll be arriving into my new city as myself. My perfectly imperfect but fly self.
Although I had a rough week in the people department, I always feel there’s no room for me to complain. I’m alive, so there’s always an opportunity to improve on whatever’s going on. However in full disclosure, I did shed a few tears headed home from the airport. It’s weird how comforting the airport is to me now.
This week I think I’ve lost a friend, and I’m walking away from a potential love interest. Both situations are draining! At first I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide until my heart had, had time to sort itself out. Then I cried, and felt much better after. Hiding has never done anyone any good ever, so I’ll keep focusing on myself. Instead of focusing on people and how to be there for them, Imma just show up for my damn self.
There’s no bigger pet peeve of mine than someone telling me about me! Nobody knows me better than I know myself. Of course, someone looking from the outside can observe and notice certain things, but you’ll never be able to tell me my wants or my needs. Im honest with myself about what I need from myself and from others, no denials or delusions over here.
Please keep in mind, opinions are not facts. So when folks get into their minds that you need to hear their opinions, Feel free to listen but take it with a grain of salt. Make sure your actions align with the vision you have for you life.
What a pleasure, to go from seeing Charles White (I’m Super Obsessed) at the Art Institute of Chicago, to seeing up & coming artists in the Chicago art and creative scene at AMFM Gallery. As all of you know, I’m a recent transplant in Chicago, so I had no real clue as to what to expect when I arrived at the venue. Some would say no expectations equals no disappointments, but I was pleasantly surrounded by an outward display of love. AiseLife’s art was captivating, I throughly enjoyed being transported back to the “rink”. Just looking at his depiction of a skating rink, the focus being on the skates, I created a whole narrative in my mind, I could even hear the music and feel the energy. Ultimately isn’t that what art is supposed to do? Create a story for you?
I also was treated to a live performance by @Nomezflute and @loony.is.normal It started off as beat bop meets flute meets soul meets jazz, which I know sounds hard to imagine but it works. Somehow the duo, they’re able to pair the different genres of music and release a vibe that transcends what you believe you’re into musically. As Nomezflute eloquently stated, [Paraphrasing] “this is enchanting music, so let the music move you. Do whatever the fuck You want. Dance to it, move an arm or a leg to it.”
We all vibed and rocked out to the sounds of DJ Skoli. I play the wall, especially when sober, hell even when intoxicated and guess what? I was dancing! So that can only be contributed to Red Line Shorty himself. Extremely focused while ‘spinning’ but amazingly humbled outside of the turn tables. The energy he puts into ensuring you feel him, is exactly why I had to return that same energy to him.
Jonezy Note: I always feel as an intruder to this type of events where creatives show their creativeness. Although I am a creative in my own right, not being a performer, I am slow to open up in these spaces at times. However I am always excited to be in the vicinity of such spaces, the Love was present in abundance. Thank you AMFM Gallery, as well as Aiselife and DJ Skoli.
Even now, I still sometimes give my power to a man. I’ll let him decide if he should dump me, if this “relationship” isn’t working for him, if he’s done. Well fuck that. I’m tired of being as polite as I can, speaking softly as to not step on the fragile male ego and for what? For them to believe they are who is in control?! Nah I’m done with that. A relationship is to be mutually beneficial and if it isn’t, well then Maybe I need to be the one to step.
I’m tired of men thinking their behavior is acceptable just because the last chick didn’t correct it. As I get older, I find myself less inclined to protect the male ego. What about my own? Laying down on the sword, becomes painful after the first time. If a man, especially one you are dating, can’t see how his behavior is affecting you, then that’s not a man you should engage with. This seemingly amazing human was single for a reason, the reasons JUST became clearly obvious to you.
Recently I listened to a video snippet, and the author told me, why wait until 2018 to make the changes you’d like to make?
And shorty, is right! Why am I going to wait until 2018 to start fresh, when everyday I wake up translates to a new beginning? With the rise of the sun, I am able to decide who I want to be and who I want in my World. Everyone’s manual for living looks different, so I have to find the instructions that work best for me. Find the people who work best, with my vibe, who brings out the best in me. Letting go is extremely hard for me, especially since my mother died. I hold on to folks tight, I look past their wrongdoings at my own detriment and I allow them to stay in my World. I find them sucking the life from me, and once I’ve hit rock bottom only then do I let them go.
This situation, this friendship, this love is NO longer serving me. Its no Longer allowing me to grow, no longer allowing me to be the best version of myself, no longer making me happy. I wish you the best, take care, thank you. I’ve found that speaking this outloud makes the transition easier. Can people change, sure they can, but for my own peace, they have to change elsewhere. Protecting my own energy is my top priority, everyone can and will be second my own self. Eff how they feel.
I’ve had a few light stealers, and I’ve let each and everyone of them go. God Bless ‘Em