Two Steppin’

I’ve been wanting to get back to Chicago ever since I left, and it’s possible that I may have the opportunity to go back… but why am I hesitating? Most of my adult life, I’ve heard that I run away from my problems. I strongly disagree as my problems follow me from city to city, moving to Chicago doesn’t erase them. You all know my love affair with Chicago, but I am just not sure now is the right time to leave. I feel like I’m getting my footing on solid ground, and I’m not sure in what ways moving to another city would affect that.

If the opportunity pans out, my decision will come out of a hat, written on a piece of paper.

 

Tristan J.

 

Looking to Buy

I’ve always been willing to support any online business that speaks to my spirit as well as my brand as a human. I’m actively on the look out for anything that will make my body look its absolute best, however what I’ve been finding, is there are businesses with no real look or feel. How can I reach you, if there is no contact information? No Website? Not even a telephone number. Why would I want to give you my hard earned money If you don’t bother to provide me with the very basics?

Tonight I was browsing my Instgram findings, but when googling these companies and business I’m finding lackluster websites. If it looks shady, why would I want to purchase anything from you? Granted I know how hard it can be to get your business off the ground, so I am not judging, but when its looks like you are about to take my money, that’s a problem. Invest in your websites as you invest in Instagram, and such other outlets.

I’m trying to contact you as I want to support your businesses and your causes. I can’t do that if you don’t even bother to give me the bare minimum. Help me, support you.

Tristan J.

 

Just like the Videos

Sometimes I wonder if real life ever simulates the music videos I love. I am an R&B Chick through and through, so of course I’m listening to Joe. One of my favorite songs/video of his “If I was your man” So in the video he screws up his relationship with his woman, she leaves, finds a new man. Her new man, to me, looks like an upgrade from Joe, takes care of her, treats her well, but the love doesn’t run as deep as it did with Joe. Anyway by the end of the video, Joe finally realizes that “his” girl is about to be gone forever, so it makes a final plea for her love, but in a surprise of events, the girl chooses to walk away from Joe.

Clap. clap. Clap.

Yes Girl! You didn’t appreciate me while I was yours but now that I am happy with the new man you want to come back? Too damn late. If more people stayed away when they walked away, folks would value love a lot more than they currently do.

Tristan.

Fabies.

Let me first say, I promise I am not dwelling on this, or do I actively think of this. However It just came to my mind, while I was writing my advice on another topic… I am nervous that I will die alone, and without ever having children. The thought alone makes me unfilled. I do not want to leave this Earth without creating life.

I know I am having these thoughts because my birthday is coming up and I have NO prospects in my personal life. However I am going to keep on pushing, I’m going to put the thoughts aside, and keep focusing on this amazing life I am creating.

Tristan J.

Dictate ME?

Please! Do not allow folks to dictate how the eff you’re going to live your life. This week I was taught a valuable lesson about life, and I realized something special about myself in the process. I don’t care about how people think of me or my actions. I realize everyone has an opinion, and If you’re unlucky they will share it with you.

At work, I am considered a nice friendly person, which I surely am. Only to a select few do I allow them to see how I am outside of work. A coworker felt the need to ‘let me know’ that me being so friendly with other male coworkers could be perceived the wrong way, especially by a female. I didn’t inquire what he meant, because I don’t really care. Listen I’m nice enough to allow folks to express themselves to me, however I’m going to do whatever makes me happy. I know that I am not doing anything inappropriate with my coworkers, but IF I WAS, that is my choice to make, and my consequences to suffer.

Live your Life… No Matter what that looks like to the Outside World.

 

Tristan J.

House Hunting

Even though I’ve been told I am not asking for a lot, clearly I am since I could never get the basic things I am asking for in a relationship/friendship. IF the date, takes me to your house, I am not with it. I am not in that type of space with anyone that I am that comfortable to continue or start our date at your house.

Whenever I had company, Garlick (My mother) always made us stay downstairs. As she explained we honestly had no reason to be upstairs in the bedroom. We wasn’t having sex, so why did we need to be in the bedroom? There’s a television, and all amenities such as food downstairs. I’m starting to feel the same way, you don’t have to push or pressure me into coming over, cuz I know I’m not trying to smash so whats the deal?

Sometimes I feel like canceling dating, and just participate in an arranged marriage.

 

Tristan Jonez.

Daddy’s Maybe.

So with continuing the theme of you all being in my business, I’m still not talking to my dad. For the new folks who don’t know the situation, I was/am tired of my parent being rude and disrespectful, especially after I made him aware of his behavior, so I  decided to put distance between him and I. I understand that he is the parent BUT I will not allow anyone to disrespect me, EVER. With it being the beginning of the new year, I said, “Tristan at minimum text the man happy new year”, so I did.

Well my dad called instead of replying back, but I didn’t answer. I looked at the phone and thought about answering but I’m not ready to talk to my parent. I felt myself going back to that place where he disrespected me and I wanted to do the same. So Instead of letting someone make me get ugly, I dubbed the call.

I’m still working on my attitude and my sanity wasn’t ready to deal with my dad. I still a big fan of apologizing when you eff up. I also know I’ll never get an apology from my father, so this isn’t me teaching him a lesson. I’m finding serenity within myself so at this stage I’m staying away from anything that can eff that up.

Tristan J.

 

 

Actively

I don’t participate in the “New Year, New Me” however I’m still the same person, not looking to change overnight. I am however learning to push myself to be the best version of myself. So everyday I get up, I actively do my best to be happy. I am tired of living in negativity of my own doing, my own words against myself. It sucks the energy right out of you! I want to keep my blue days, for when I am sick with the flu.

I don’t make new years resolutions cuz I will never keep them for more than a day. My mind is not wired to remember something like that. So I am actively working on being genuinely happy. I want to always have a smile on my face, I want to feel good about the decisions I am making, and the content that I’m putting into the World.

That is the life I am looking to live.

Jonez.

Anniversaries

January 2nd is the anniversary of my first love committing suicide.

Its like you are excited for the beginning of the year, a chance to do a massive reset on your life and the folks in it, but then bam! 48 hrs later you are brought back to a place mentally, where you almost didn’t survive the first time. Sometimes I have to really question if he is gone. Sigh. Life don’t owe me anything! I live my life to the fullest as there are folks who aren’t here to do so. As much as I wish I could wish Ali back to Life, I don’t possess those powers. If you are fighting depression you DO NOT have to fight it alone. I am here. I love you and I’ll help you get through it all.

Ali left behind a daughter.

Please take care one another.

Tristan Jonez.

All my business

So It wouldn’t be right if I was all in your business, but never revealed any of mine so this is my time to talk about me… in dept, a bit.

I’m a sensitive cookie. Yes I’m tough, and I’m a fighter, and I’ll beat your ass if I needed to but at my core I’m a sensitive chick. So, as most of you know I moved back to New York from Bmore when I was 17, that was a hard ass transition, as I was leaving my friends and family. I started from scratch, new high school in my senior year, I had to get to know new folks, thank God I’m a friendly hood girl cuz they would’ve ate me alive.

Let’s get back on topic. I’m only speaking on this as it still bothers me from time to time. Since I left Bmore, my childhood friends never really made an effort to come to new york, prior to having children, to see me. I cant be mad at that as we were under 17, but I made the effort. I still try to make the effort but the shit going on in my life is not always in black and white. So Its not always as easy as it used to be for me to come to Baltimore, no matter how much I would like to drop everything and go!

Its funny cuz they don’t know how good they got it together, as they have EACH OTHER. My childhood friends, Tracy, Ashley and Chantel. Lord knows I know I wish them utmost success in everything they ever decide to pursue. However I don’t think we are really friends anymore… Out of sight, Out of mind. I’ve been up in New York for a lil too long. There’s a type of friendship that I’m looking for from the folks that would like to be in my life, I want to be included in your good news, new births, monumental birthdays, kids activities, I want to be there for those events. Granted I need more than a days notice, but I wanted to be included. As a friend I shouldn’t have to beg to be included. It took me a while to realize this, but there is not one ounce of love lost. I still love those three girls as if my mother had birthed them herself, I just know its time to say goodbye to the childhood friendship I held with them.

Love you girls. Always.

Tristan J.

OMFG

Lauren Conrad is having a BABY!!!

If you used to watch The Hills on MTV, then you know how monumental this news is. Lauren was/is a best friend in my head. I just knew if we ever met one another, we would instantly want to be friends. I am seriously so excited for LC and her husband, William. Its funny how you can watch someone on television, see their story, feel connected to them and yet still be strangers.

Tristan J.

As if

So I’m still in awe that as of 1/1 I have 375 followers on Instagram! When I started to take my writing serious I had 99 followers, so the fact that 375 people care a little bit about what I have to say is mind blowing. I can’t even tell you how it makes me want to cry, right now! I just want to be able to bring other women together, as I know there is more than enough sun for all of us to shine together. I’m still finding out what my purpose is beside eating well!

For the folks who come to my website, my Instagram, TristanJonez, I can only humbly thank you for uplifting me as you do. I’m a better woman because you care enough to challenge my views. I can NEVER make up how blessed you make me feel but I will do all that I can to make sure I live up to the expectation. Don’t worry I’m working on blowing your mind!

Tristan J.