Regardless of their title, IF they are toxic, leave them right where they are. I’ve heard the excuse, ‘Well that’s still your parent’, so many times, to which I now say, SO WHAT! I am no longer accepting that, as logical reasoning as to why I should continue to allow someone into my life. I cant control anyone’s action but my own, however If I am telling you, the things you are doing is causing harm, and you continue on, then you’re blatantly expressing to me, that you could care less about me. So you’ll no longer be a part of my World.
Do you keep toxic folks in your life because of their title/position to you?
There was a time when meeting his mother was significant, right? No checklist, but you had to mean something special to him, before you met momma. Y’all had reached a certain ‘level’ before the meeting of parents, but in 2019, it means nothing. Well I want to believe there are still men who place value on introducing women to their family but largely it’s an indication of nothing. Momma may meet a bunch of chicks, and still be her charming, sweet, kind self to each of them cuz her loyalty is to her son, first. It’s not her place to say anything to you, even if she met another shorty the day before, hell an hour before meeting you. She’ll just mind her own shit, cuz who wants to get in the middle of their son’s messy ass relationships?
I don’t want to meet ya momma, and if your not serious with me, you don’t want her to meet me either. Cuz once I’m done with you, years later she’ll still be bringing up my name.
To better cope with the death of my mother, somehow I created a game that was to be played by us. Whenever I saw the numbers 10:13, that was my indication that my mother was thinking about me, and wanted me to know. 10:13 was my momma’s birthday! Over the years, seeing this, has brought me so much comfort, especially on days where I just didn’t want to deal with life. I feel my spirit being uplifted, when I see this, and most times it feels so random. I just happen to look at my watch, then Bam! its 10:13.
Do you guys have any ‘games’ that you may have created to communicate with your loved ones who may have passed away?
I’m not sure why you’ve stopped answering my calls, or even making any of your own. I can’t remember the last time you’ve asked how I’m doing, or inquired about my new position at work. I do however remember you telling me I need to get over how I was feeling, that you are who you are, and nothing was going to change. I know that I’ve become the parent, and I had to check on you because the roles had reversed. I accepted that responsibility, but it also left no room for me to seek advice from you, as the only response I would receive would be nonsense. You always made it a point to ask about when I would be having children, but never wanted to inquire about how my social life was going. Do you have grandchildren money? I doubt it, so I will have children at my own pace, just like I’ve done in other areas of my Life.
I’m baffled, honestly.
I’m elated that you have two god children, you were granted a do-over of sorts. So this time around do everything opposite. Be there more, Listen more, Participate more, be the shining example because you have these two little impressionable minds that are looking to you as a role model. Be that Example I know you can be. Love you forever.
Playing Devil’s Advocate, I think fathers of older children, don’t try to make an effort as they believe It will not make a difference. That we feel how we feel, and we’ve accepted them as disappointing members of our life. I strongly disagree! Even though I wouldn’t call my father a deadbeat, however I don’t feel like my father was an active participant in my upbringing. If I was to be frank with my father, he would state that my mother kept me away from him, but I would counter with, what about when I was the one reaching out? At some point in our lives, we have to accept the roles that we played. Understand? Even though I am an adult, I only have one parent, so I’m counting on my father to be there for the ending of my life, as he wasn’t really there for the beginning.
Its kinda funny, when my mother was alive, she would say I don’t defend her enough when my father was talking trash, then when I would see my father he would say the same ish. I’m sure there were things my mother could’ve told me about my dad, but she didn’t. She knew that was my guy, regardless of the moments my father missed out on. I try every single day, not to be this bitter woman because of my father. I try to express myself to him but the truth hurts especially when you can still make changes and choose not to.
So with continuing the theme of you all being in my business, I’m still not talking to my dad. For the new folks who don’t know the situation, I was/am tired of my parent being rude and disrespectful, especially after I made him aware of his behavior, so I decided to put distance between him and I. I understand that he is the parent BUT I will not allow anyone to disrespect me, EVER. With it being the beginning of the new year, I said, “Tristan at minimum text the man happy new year”, so I did.
Well my dad called instead of replying back, but I didn’t answer. I looked at the phone and thought about answering but I’m not ready to talk to my parent. I felt myself going back to that place where he disrespected me and I wanted to do the same. So Instead of letting someone make me get ugly, I dubbed the call.
I’m still working on my attitude and my sanity wasn’t ready to deal with my dad. I still a big fan of apologizing when you eff up. I also know I’ll never get an apology from my father, so this isn’t me teaching him a lesson. I’m finding serenity within myself so at this stage I’m staying away from anything that can eff that up.