Date X3

Are you obligated to tell the people you are dating about each other?

NOPE!

Unless you are in a relationship, you are not obligated to tell them about each other. This shouldn’t even be a question, honestly. If a man or woman wanted to be the only one then they would take the necessary steps to ensure that position. It makes me chuckle when I hear its in a ‘man’s nature’ to not be able to settle down, to HAVE to see multiple women, blah blah blah. Guess what? Eff that!

It’s funny because as I get older I want to settle down and get married BUT I am perfectly fine with dating (for now), why settle down with the first man who smiles at me? Nope, I will date as many folks as I’d like. If I am seeing two or three at the same time, well isn’t that what dating consists of? I used to be that girl, that would meet someone, like them, then focus only on them. Not anymore. Im going to give you whatever it is you are giving me. If you only have a few minutes a day for me, then thats what will be given to you. No more investing time in a person, if they are neglecting to do the same in return.

Tristan Jonez.

Opportunity to Waste

I’m a bit disappointed.

If a man says we are going to go at your own pace, he DOESN’T mean it. He’s only willing to go at ‘your’ pace if he feels as if its going at a pace he can accept. Most of the time, the pace will not match up, so there WILL be an issue. Don’t let him persuade you to do more than you’re willing to do, and don’t be in such a rush to go from single to taken.

So recently a guy that I dated last year reached out, explaining to me how he screwed up when we was dating initially and how he’d like the opportunity to start again. I ended things because I felt as if I was chasing him, that I was doing the most, and that our partnership wasn’t that of balance, amongst other things. So he came out the gate swinging, his communication skills had improved a billion times over, and he was making me feel secured.. but that was last week. This week, barely any communication, when asked he told me I wasn’t reaching out either. Like what?

Fellas, Stop starting habits if you know you aren’t going to keep them up! Don’t buy flowers every Saturday, cuz eventually I’ll get used to that. Don’t do anything if you aren’t willing to keep the shit up!

Be Consistent. Needless to say, that ‘relationship’ will not be revisited.

Jonez

I like your Excuse.

If I tell you what I want… If I make it a point to verbally tell you exactly what I want… and you still give an excuse, you don’t respect me.

I know what it means to be single, I know what it means to be in a relationship, dating, etc. In all situations my time needs to be respected. I find that being single this is my biggest issue. I am not going to spend time, time that I could be doing something I actually want to do, with you, if you don’t get it. If you are over the age of thirty you should ‘get it’. I am not looking to be married tomorrow BUT If this has no future, then call it quits and move on. Don’t try to rock with me because you know I am going to make sure I take care of home.

I was attempting to possibly date a guy, I made it known that if he wanted to be taken serious, and he wanted to take me out, he needed to make plans in advanced. Not the night before, but days prior. I even went as far to explain to him WHY this is a factor to me. And still there was opposition. Wanna know his reasoning? He’d rather be spontaneous, he didn’t want something to come up and he’d have to cancel on whatever was planned. I call BS. Mister, if something DID come up, just reached out and rescheduled. I am willing to compromise, but if your not even making an effort, why would I? I’m happier being single with myself, then trying to date a man who’ll eventually waste my time.

Jonez.

Q&A, pt2

So I posted Q&A yesterday to the site as well as to Instagram, and to my surprise the response was if a person deems you important, or the relationship important, they will make the time to communicate with you. But on the flip side, you have to be willing to be prepared to make sacrifices, since they may not always be able to make the time, especially if their job is that demanding.

Its all in the effort! I am willing to make the sacrifice of not being able to speak to you as frequently as I would like If I believe you are making the effort to find the time to speak to me. I believe its vice versa as well. My love would be willing to create the time, if he has to, so that he can communicate with me. And I don’t always expect a phone call, if you can send a text message with just a heart, OMG, I would be exceedingly satisfied. We always say its the small things, and it truly is.

Jonez.

Q&A

You’re talking to a man who has a demanding job, so he doesn’t communicate as frequently as you would like, as of right now, it’s not an issue but you know if things continue they will become a problem.

Question, Do you advise him of your feelings?

Answer

I think communication is always a good thing. So being upfront should be a part of your daily routine, however it will be all in the way you tell him. You are aware he has a demanding job, so he may not have easy access to his cellular phone. Even though you may be attached to your phone, he may not feel the same about his device as you do yours. If this is really a problem for you, you have to let him know, otherwise it will slowly annoy you that he doesn’t communicate as much as you’d like. Your gentleman may feel as though he IS communicating more than adequantely enough with you, and thus isn’t reaching out more during the day. Just talk to the man, find the middle ground.

Tristan Jonez.

Act Two

Why do men wait until you no longer care, to act right? As an adult, I think I am over the games that folks play so I have no interest in participating in them. So I do let it be known that I’m feeling them, I am not super aggressive, I would rather let a man take it to that next step. I don’t feel like I need to chase you, nope. All I have to do is let you know how I feel, and you either take it from there or be like nah T, I’m just not interested in you. I can appreciate any man that tells me, straight up, that they aren’t interested.

Its funny cuz I can be feeing you until I’m not. I really think men be having this spidey sense cuz the second I’m like this dude is a dub, they want to come with the dinner date and flowers. Then get upset with me when I’m not receptive to any of that shit, cuz dude it’s too late. I’m good on you! In most cases, when I’m chatting with someone, its because they have hit ME up, if you wasn’t ready, then why you bothered? And I’m going to be sitting around wondering why they aren’t acting right.. Nah I’ll be already unto the next.

Tristan J.

Kiddos

I’d rather not date a man with kids. Im not sure if it’s a hard no, but its defintely a situation I would like to avoid. My exboyfriend has a son, and since we was together for five years, I spent some of my time getting to know his son as well. There wasn’t a way around that especially since we lived together and all. I grew attached, so even though I am not with my ex anymore, my relationship with his child ends as well. A double blow!

I love kids. They are my favorite, but what happens when we’ve grown close? Even though folks always say everyone have kids these days, I am sure a man without children will cross my path. Until then…

Jonez.

House Hunting

Even though I’ve been told I am not asking for a lot, clearly I am since I could never get the basic things I am asking for in a relationship/friendship. IF the date, takes me to your house, I am not with it. I am not in that type of space with anyone that I am that comfortable to continue or start our date at your house.

Whenever I had company, Garlick (My mother) always made us stay downstairs. As she explained we honestly had no reason to be upstairs in the bedroom. We wasn’t having sex, so why did we need to be in the bedroom? There’s a television, and all amenities such as food downstairs. I’m starting to feel the same way, you don’t have to push or pressure me into coming over, cuz I know I’m not trying to smash so whats the deal?

Sometimes I feel like canceling dating, and just participate in an arranged marriage.

Tristan Jonez.

Sfter (Softer)

As a woman I’m doing my best to work on being softer. I’ve become used to doing things for myself but I never want to make a man feel like I don’t need him. I do, I need him for many things and I want to make sure I don’t become so hard. Just because I’ve had to open my own doors, I need to give the man a chance to open my door. I’m not a fan of dumbing myself down, and I’m not asking you to do that either, What I am asking of you, is to give the man a try.

Although I haven’t met any in a while, I’ve been assured that gentlemen still exist so give them a chance to reveal themselves. Give a man an opportunity to woo and wow you. As much as we’ve had to depend on ourselves, don’t let what’s happened in the past create a problem for what could happen in the future. Prince Charming is definitely out there, just give him a moment to declare his status. Don’t we always say Actions speak Louder.

Be Patient

Tristan.

Talk too Much.

Can we talk ourselves out of a good thing? Can we be so quick to want to reach the point of #Relationshipgoals, that we forget to actually enjoy the process of learning the other person? Not just the idea of who you THINK they are, or the person who you have created in your head. I do believe we meet the representative of the person, they are on their best behavior, doing all the things they believe you’d like to see. After a few months, you are able to see the person for who they really are, when someone is comfortable with you, their guard comes down.

I had to learn to slow the hell down. I was letting the fact that I’m thirty guide my actions. I, like others, had thoughts of where I should be, and what I should be doing at this age. I did not anticipate being single with no children, not in my wildest dream, did I think I would be in this place. So when I met Dickhead* I was in a place where I was ready to give dating a try. In this case, he talked too much, showed me early on WHO he was and I didn’t like it. In the long run, that relationship would’ve been a disaster. Fortunately for me, he talked himself out of a good thing.

Let the relationship progress organically. Trust me, I know how it feels when you want something. You are ready to jump out of the window, with both feet but don’t. Pace yourself, be yourself and let what you want happen on its own.

Tristan.

*Names have been changed to respect privacy

Have you Ever?

Have you ever met someone and just knew you’d be a great match together? Well that happened to me! I met someone, and even though I don’t know much about him, I have this feeling that if we gave each other the opportunity, we could be genuinely happy together. I’m not sure if this makes me crazy, or if I’m just creating a happy ending in my head, because I’m over being single.

Listen, he could be the worst person I’ve ever met but that’s not what’s being spoken to my spirit. I’m learning to move less with my heart or even my mind, and go with what my spirit is telling me. My spirit is telling me there’s something here, potentially an amazing something. However I think if I want to bring ‘it’ to fruition I’m going to have to be the point person on this mission.

Is possible rejection it worth it?

Tristan.

Gimme Yours.

I will always prefer receiving your number versus you taking mine. I’m just too impatient! Whether or not “it” would go anywhere I want to be the one to call. I would’ve call myself aggressive but my rationale is if I’m hitting you up, that frees you up to be like “yo I like this girl” or “nah shorty too much for me”. Even though, something isn’t clicking with me and dating right now, I’m able to make the guys I’m talking to feel very comfortable with me. BUT because I’m not shy about expressing what I’d like in a friendship, relationship etc I think I have been scaring folks off.

Obviously that’s not my intention, however I can only be me. Perhaps I can be a bit too much for a man, but with me calling/texting first I’m putting it out there. I’d rather have a man say he can’t deal with all that I am then be waiting by the phone for him to hit me up. Plus my memory can be short. He mess around, hit me up and I forget who the hell he is! (Laughing)

Tristan.