In MY dreams

When you dream, what do you dream?

Lately, My dreams consist of Sunshine & Palm Trees. Yes, Los Angeles is on my mind … weird. I think I’ve been watching way too much All American, because the West Coast has been calling to me. Fun Fact; I lived in LA in 2009. I went for vacation, and seven months later I was calling The Valley home. And I went there with about a G, quickly found a job, but I would go to Santa Monica everyday. Listen, its not a short trip from The Valley to Santa Monica Pier ON THE BUS! Lordy, I just think back and laugh cuz I was really navigating my whole entire life on the damn bus! (Laughing) This girl was determined! After a month, I moved from The Valley to East LA.

Now back to you, When you dream, what do you dream?

Tristan J.

First Loves.

Writers Edit: Article first published on Chillology.co

My forever love and first heartbreak is all wrapped in the same person, Lee Sidney*.

If you could imagine a person so perfect, it would be him. I was so very much in love with that man, he was the best friend you could ever want. A man who would go to bat for you, someone you’d want on your team fighting for you. A product of his environment, which wasn’t always the best, but you’d never know by speaking to him. A man of such substance and intelligence, that he could speak to anyone about anything. Lee could’ve been a scholar, a sports star, a scientist, he had the potential to be whatever in life he wanted. Unfortunately his life was cut short at twenty one, and thus my heart remains broken.

We had a meet-cute, obviously unplanned but destined. While I was visiting my twin brother who doubles as my cousin, we just happened to be driving to the store at the very same time Lee is running, shirtless, prepping for an upcoming track meet. I promise the World stopped spinning and he then became the center of my World. I was literally grounded, I could barely speak so he led the conversation once he got in the car and exchanged pleasantries with my twin. From that day on, we were inseparable. When Lee went to college, we stayed in touch but life happened, and he decided I shouldn’t have to ‘wait’ for him, I should go out and live life. Sigh. Three days of no sleep, not being able to eat, and just being miserable I finally stopped calling, and texting. It was clear he meant what he said, and I couldn’t change his mind.

Fast forward, a few years later, and by chance we reconnected during the holidays. Rekindling what we had, and remembering how well we fit together. Unfortunately, he was dealing with more emotionally than he let on and when he finally told me how serious things were, it was too late. My love, had committed suicide. It’s been over ten years since I’ve lost him, but I still remember him, I still cherish him … I still love him.

*Name have been changed.

Tristan Jonez.

Life Happens

Today wasn’t a hard day per se, but it was a tough day. A day were I wanted to quit everything, and say fuck everyone. Today was a day where I chose to look in the ‘mirror’ and tell myself to get it the fuck together. I’ve been slacking for the past three days. Nevermind I cooked Sunday dinner, that’s easy, I’ve been slacking on my Spanish lessons because I’ve been feeling so damn sorry for myself. Boo hoo Me. Needing love and attention from certain people but because of their own demons, they do not know how to express love in a way that I need it shown. Its hard living life without parents, especially if you know what its like to have an incredible one. I miss me some Garlick (my momma)! I used to wish for just a chance at a conversation, but I would never be able to let her go again. So I just deal with what my reality is now, and keep pressing forward.

Sidenote; Prior to going to the grocery store, I had made the decision to be done with my Spanish lessons. Tell me why in the checkout line, a Spanish man, decided to have a conversation with me in Spanish. And instinctively I responded to his questions with ease, as he was talking it was like I knew exactly what he was saying, and I knew how I wanted to respond. What a beautiful thing that interaction was. However flirting is flirting in any language so I had to go! What really made me rethink quitting, was seeing his face, as I was talking my Spanish. It was a look of surprise, like oh shit, she understands! She understands AND comprehend beyond ‘Hola”. Before I left he made sure to compliment me on my perfect Spanish! Maybe that was the motivation I needed to continue.

Tristan J

Dear Diary …

No matter how much you prepare, you can never emotionally successfully prepare for the lost of a parent. Recently I’ve found myself thinking about if Garlick, my mother, would be proud of me. When asking others who knew her, the answer is always yes, but what if she wasn’t. Obviously we’d never truly know how she would feel. But the question remains, would she be proud of what my life has become? Proud of the life I’ve created? My journey is unique for sure, and it’s different from the life I think she had for me. Hell, it’s different from the life I considered for myself. And although I can’t say if she’d be proud, I know whatever route, no matter how unconventional, she would’ve supported my choices and THAT trumps everything.

Tristan Jonez

Story Time, Spain.

Every time I travel I learn more about myself; what I need from life, what I want my life to look like, how I’d like to mold my future, what areas I’d like to improve upon, etc. This line of questioning happens throughout my time away from home. Traveling forces me, in the best of ways, to grow! There’s no way I can stay who I was, after experiencing a new place or revisiting an old place.

Currently I’m in Barcelona, I was here for my 29th birthday. Barcelona is special to me as it was my very first solo trip. Half way here, I was freaking out majorly because I was questioning myself, severe doubt crept in! Who did I think I was to be traveling out the country, to a place I’d never been, and didn’t speak the language, the damn nerve of me! Fortunately/Unfortunately I was already on the plane, Airbnb was paid for, so there was no way I could back out now, that first trip, taught me how to trust myself, trust my steps and that fiery gut instinct I’ve learned to depend on with my life.

And all that was said, to simply say, Just go!

Tristan Jonez

When?

When did we get into the habit of glossing over the ‘struggle’? I find that folks are so eager to show that they are winning, that it creates unrealistic expectations so when you do lose, personally, you lose your fucking mind. We know, with all forms of social media, you have to keep up airs, stay put on but isn’t that exhausting? Now don’t get me wrong, who the hell wants to solely focus on failures? Nobody. That’s a depressing place to be, but shit happens, right?

I want to create a place of equal balance. A place where we celebrate the lows just as fiercely as the highs. Now maybe I won’t be the actual person to create this haven I’m looking for but i do want to play my part. So although I do believe I vocalize my lows and highs equally, I will be more aware of the content I put out. Just as often as I scream men ain’t shit but fuck boys, I’ll turn around and showcase men who have the qualities that’ll make your knees buckle.
Balance.

T. Jonez

Take Flight

A little over seven weeks ago, I became a flight attendant. Most days I can’t believe it, and the other days when I can believe it, I really don’t. I really wake up wondering if I’m actually stuck in an episode of Twilight Zone! (Remember that show?) I tucked becoming a flight attendant in the depths of my mind, because I was so comfortable being a Gate Agent with Delta that I didn’t consider really applying for the position. I’ve always said why would I want to be ‘stuck’ on a plane with passengers especially when they would behave so poorly when on the ground.

I can’t remember applying, Obviously I did but I have no recollection of doing so. What I do remember, my niece Essence pushing me to apply. I even turned my airline down three times, but now we’re here and I couldn’t be more happy!

When something is meant for you, the universe will conspire to make it happen.

Jonez

Why Wait?

Why wait for 2018? Do it Now.

Recently I listened to a video snippet, and the author told me, why wait until 2018 to make the changes you’d like to make?

And shorty, is right! Why am I going to wait until 2018 to start fresh, when everyday I wake up translates to a new beginning? With the rise of the sun, I am able to decide who I want to be and who I want in my World. Everyone’s manual for living looks different, so I have to find the instructions that work best for me. Find the people who work best, with my vibe, who brings out the best in me. Letting go is extremely hard for me, especially since my mother died. I hold on to folks tight, I look past their wrongdoings at my own detriment and I allow them to stay in my World. I find them sucking the life from me, and once I’ve hit rock bottom only then do I let them go.

This situation, this friendship, this love is NO longer serving me. Its no Longer allowing me to grow, no longer allowing me to be the best version of myself, no longer making me happy. I wish you the best, take care, thank you. I’ve found that speaking this outloud makes the transition easier. Can people change, sure they can, but for my own peace, they have to change elsewhere. Protecting my own energy is my top priority, everyone can and will be second my own self. Eff how they feel.

I’ve had a few light stealers, and I’ve let each and everyone of them go. God Bless ‘Em

Jonez.

Art De Modern.

No matter what city I visit, I am drawn to the art museum in that city. Its almost as if my soul is being called by the artist who have painted such masterpieces. San Francisco Museum of Modern Art is a must see, must experience museum that I throughly enjoyed. Im not sure if museums can be feel good places, but SFMOMA surely was. I found myself falling in love again with Pop, Minimal and Figurative art, and Andy Warhol has captured the essence of my being. Roy Lichtenstein is another absolute favorite of mine! Can I tell you how I’m so not a comic book imaging fan but there’s something about HIS work that just captures my whole entire heart? His work just gives me all the feels I can handle, makes me so warm and fuzzy!

When I tell you I was on the brink of tears, tears y’all, Gerhard Richter had me feeling like I NEEDED his painting with me, in my home. Lord know its priceless, but If I could afford it, I would have placed my bet, then and there. I spent at minimum twenty minutes in a serious trans. I forgot where I was, and if it wasn’t for the scores of people visiting the museum, I would’ve taken off my shoes, and laid out as If I was watching television. Just incredible. I urge you all to visit the museum when you have a chance and just be. Clear out all the noise, and just sit with it. Sit with it as if you’re visiting with an old friend.

Tristan Jonez.

SideNote: Anything Oil on Canvas, Abstract or German artists I just fall in love.

Fly Awake

The Best Seat Will forever be the window seat. I feel weightless every single time an aircraft takes off, appreciating where I’ve been and having gratitude for where I will travel to makes living life worth it. I can’t imagine who I’d be without the opportunity to visit certain countries/communities. Every time I experience a new place, a new part of myself is unlocked.

If you don’t realize, I hold travel in high regard. You’ll never reach your highest level of enlightenment without travel. No excuses, Make it happen!

Tristan Jonez!

Beauty Related.

I’ve searched high and low for a nude that would compliment my chocolate brown skin, and after plenty of trials and errors I’ve finally found it! NYX’s brand is one of my absolute favorites currently. I’ve always appreciated the lip glosses because it gives me not only a dose of Shine, it’s so very pigmented. I’ve blended Praline and Beyond Basic, which is their new slip tease full color lip oil. Because I am a chocolate cutie, I find that I don’t need much Beyond Basic. I first use Praline as a base coat of sorts, then I dab about three dots on my bottom lip and I blend my lips together then Voila! Magic is created! Also in this look I use my NYX’s bright idea illuminating stick in Sun Kissed Crush on my Cupid’s bow.

Tell me what to think? Simple but Chic!

#TheMeadowsNYC

So I went to my first Music and Arts Festival, and I loved every minute!!

SideNote: I wonder how they decide who’ll perform, the order and the length of their set. It was a good flow to the schedule.

At first my only reason for attending was to sample and eat as much food as I could get my hands on. Of the three day festival, I could only get Saturday off from work, but getting to see Tory Lanez in person was the icing. So much energy! I’ll forever respect him. LL Cool J has had hits that I definitely rock with but not enough for me to see him in person, well he brought out Q-Tip, and I nearly lost my mind!! I opted not to see Future, and saw Big Gigantic. Didn’t know them before but I throughly enjoyed their set. They did a EDM collab with Biggie Smalls, so how could I not love them?

However I’m highly upset I missed Big Boi’s set. I had a killer migraine that morning, and just couldn’t get it to settle down quickly enough. I experienced Erykah Badu, but felt she was too regal to record. The food and drink option was plentiful, and I left feeling full and fulfilled.

This was the second year of The Meadows and I will surely be attending next year, all three days! Have you guys ever been?

Tristan J