There was a time when meeting his mother was significant, right? No checklist, but you had to mean something special to him, before you met momma. Y’all had reached a certain ‘level’ before the meeting of parents, but in 2019, it means nothing. Well I want to believe there are still men who place value on introducing women to their family but largely it’s an indication of nothing. Momma may meet a bunch of chicks, and still be her charming, sweet, kind self to each of them cuz her loyalty is to her son, first. It’s not her place to say anything to you, even if she met another shorty the day before, hell an hour before meeting you. She’ll just mind her own shit, cuz who wants to get in the middle of their son’s messy ass relationships?
I don’t want to meet ya momma, and if your not serious with me, you don’t want her to meet me either. Cuz once I’m done with you, years later she’ll still be bringing up my name.
No matter how much you prepare, you can never emotionally successfully prepare for the lost of a parent. Recently I’ve found myself thinking about if Garlick, my mother, would be proud of me. When asking others who knew her, the answer is always yes, but what if she wasn’t. Obviously we’d never truly know how she would feel. But the question remains, would she be proud of what my life has become? Proud of the life I’ve created? My journey is unique for sure, and it’s different from the life I think she had for me. Hell, it’s different from the life I considered for myself. And although I can’t say if she’d be proud, I know whatever route, no matter how unconventional, she would’ve supported my choices and THAT trumps everything.
I know what you’re feeling as Mother’s Day approaches, and I’m here to support you as much as you need. As much as you’ll want to isolate yourself, don’t. Or please don’t for very long. Cry, Yell, be angry, and/or Scream as much as you have to but don’t forget to surround yourself with love. “They” lied when they said time heals all wounds, it doesn’t, it just makes you learn what’s really important, what’s really worth your time and focus.
Although I can’t remember my first Mother’s Day without my mother, I do remember locking myself within myself. It remained that way for years to come, I told myself I didn’t celebrate this holiday, why should I?! I was without a mother. However as time passed I realized I was focusing on what I no longer had and not focusing on the many other women who had filled my heart with motherly love at one time or another. Now I celebrate those women.
Your momma may not be here physically, you may not be able to see or converse with her but I believe she’s still near you. Still watching and is part of your daily blessings. Celebrate the woman she was, celebrate the memories you’ve created together, and remember the love she showered you with.
In all things, with all things, let love be your guide.
To better cope with the death of my mother, somehow I created a game that was to be played by us. Whenever I saw the numbers 10:13, that was my indication that my mother was thinking about me, and wanted me to know. 10:13 was my momma’s birthday! Over the years, seeing this, has brought me so much comfort, especially on days where I just didn’t want to deal with life. I feel my spirit being uplifted, when I see this, and most times it feels so random. I just happen to look at my watch, then Bam! its 10:13.
Do you guys have any ‘games’ that you may have created to communicate with your loved ones who may have passed away?
I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with my dad. And I can’t tell when the next time we will have one. Well, Father’s Day and his birthday is coming up so I will reach out via text probably. Do you ever get tired of going the extra mile for someone, and they doing the very basic of things for you? Well that’s exactly how I feel about my father. I sometimes wonder If I am the parent, and he is my child. There definitely is a disconnect there, because I know the way I’d like to be parented, and when I try to explain that to my father, he seems to believe he knows more about me, than I do. And because of his will to not change his parenting style, we will continue to not chat as often.
In my defense, I do not ask my father for anything. The only thing I require is love. There is nothing else I would like to have from my father. I’ve been taking care of myself for this long, without his help, so I think I can continue to manage. I don’t want to be a disrespectful kid, but I sometimes want to ask him, if he thinks he is a good parent. If he believes he’s done all he could to ensure I would have the best chance at life. In my opinion he… well my opinion doesn’t matter. Wherever I lack, I make up in other areas, until I am able to work on where I lack. Even though my father isn’t there in a way, that benefits me, I am grateful that I had a mother who was.