This Weeks Edition of State to State is brought to you by the City of NY. I was/am here to celebrate my nephews Eight Birthday on October 4th, and babyyy, we had such a great time! It’s always an experience when you put five different personalities together, but there wasn’t an argument in sight! I flew in from Chicago the morning of, then an aircraft, train and bus ride later, Shorty was in Harlem, ready to slide up to somebody’s brunch, but I stayed focused.
First up, bowling … which I’m not as good as I would’ve loved to be. Shit, I was using the wrong fingers to hold the bowling ball so there’s that. Fun Fact; I’ve been bowling twice ever in life!
Next, a private party for my nephew which included confetti cake and mini carrot cake cupcakes. He was surprised by our cousins, who came through. Such a super fun time, and the birthday boy throughly enjoyed himself!
I’m sure they’ve probably been described as a necessary evil … I’m just wishing I had one that tried to understand me. Everyday I wish upon a star that my mother was still alive, she was the only person in my World who has tried to understand why I do whatever I do, why I feel how I feel, and even back then, I don’t believe I expressed myself in a way that would’ve made it easier for her to understand. I don’t expect my extended family to be there in the same way as my parents, BUT when one of those parents die, and the other one aint worth dirt, I would hope they would step up in a way that’s needed. Listen, I am so non confrontational, I’d just rather deal with it on my own, then confront someone, Lord the anxiety. However there are times that I bite the bullet and say what’s on my mind, and it usually always makes me feel better. 2020, has taught me I cant care so much what others are going to think. I would put out feelers for the things I was thinking about doing, attempting to read the room. But I aint doing that no more, if its something I want to experience, then I have to just go for it. Either its going to work out in the ways I believe or it’ll be a lesson on what to not do for the next time.
So I am attempting to herd my family and take photos with Black Santa at Macy’s in New York in the next few days, since my niece and I will both be in New York. As y’all know I live in Dallas now and my youngest niece is away at college in Delaware. With the remaining members of my fam, my sis, nephew and my oldest niece they all live in NYC but have competely different schedules. I thought it would be a fun thing to do, as a family since we don’t really have many photos together as a unit. But my loving family, with all their many personalities, are driving me almost insane. We have two new family members, and I honestly don’t know how my mother was able to juggle all these crazy personalities, cuz my sibling and I ALONE, would take a bevy of circus handlers. In addition to handling personalities, schedules need to be respected, then to add to the mix, my sister would like us to wear either white or red turtle necks but my youngest niece already said nope. So in addition to now trying to figure out a top that would suit everyone, we have to be concerned with how everyone’s hair is going to be styled, except for me cuz I’m throwing on a wig. Sigh.
I will definitely keep y’all up to date with what actually happens on picture day.
No matter how much you prepare, you can never emotionally successfully prepare for the lost of a parent. Recently I’ve found myself thinking about if Garlick, my mother, would be proud of me. When asking others who knew her, the answer is always yes, but what if she wasn’t. Obviously we’d never truly know how she would feel. But the question remains, would she be proud of what my life has become? Proud of the life I’ve created? My journey is unique for sure, and it’s different from the life I think she had for me. Hell, it’s different from the life I considered for myself. And although I can’t say if she’d be proud, I know whatever route, no matter how unconventional, she would’ve supported my choices and THAT trumps everything.
I wasn’t sure what to expect with Gabrielle Union’s book, and therefore I had no expectations. So she pleasantly surprised the shit out of me. I’m not sure why I pictured her as someone who was a bit rigid in her personality but the book was such a good read. Obviously there was some chapters that wasn’t easy to read, although I wasn’t the one living that particular truth, I could still feel her. I’ve added Gabrielle Union to the very short list of women who are friends in my head, Monica is number one, if you was wondering. I respect the level of honesty required to write her book. I’m thankful she found the courage to explore her past, to relive the not so nice parts, to be able to be a story teller to us.
As long as I can remember I was willing to support Gabrielle Union, the actress, now, I’m ready to support Gabrielle Union the woman.
I share my experiences cuz I want y’all to be better than me. Learn from all the weirdo, dumbass things I do and make better choices. First, I’m mad dramatic but my point is still valid. Don’t let two months go by before you make time for your family. I in fact, have done just that. The last time I was with my family was June 18, so I’mma few days shy of two months but wayyy too damn long. Now that I’m going to see them tomorrow I can just cry, and will most likely cry when I see them. Hell I’m crying as I write this. Although I have been in every other city than my own, it’s no excuse. I will never allow this much time to pass before I physically see my fam.
Life truly is too short. While I’m getting families to and from, safely, my own hasn’t laid eyes on this beautiful face. Pissing my sister off via cellular device, doesn’t have the same effect. Being all in both my nieces business, just don’t do the job over the phone and showering my nephew with love, can’t be felt over the phone. Realize and understand the importance of family BEFORE something tragic happens. I’ll be heading home to New York later on today, and a sleepover is definitely needed!
Everyone isn’t fortunate to have a family that cares, that makes an effort to be there. Fortunately, my family has been there for me religiously especially in this year of great change for me. I believe my family has really connected with one another, and it’s the great feeling of being surrounded by love. We recently connected for my nephews graduation, ( Here we come first grade) but the night before was mask day. Cuz the family who masks together stays together.
Shout out to myself for putting together this 12 days of holiday movies, at first I was calling it the First annual, but that would imply I would be doing this again. As much fun as I had, I think once was enough. I’m so excited that you guys joined me during the posting of the list, to tell me which movies where your favorite and those must see movies. I found myself looking forward to sharing my top movies, recording my video for the day and I anticipated you guys feedback.
Just in case you missed any of the movies, here a full list in order.
1. The Best Man Holiday
2. Last Holiday
3. The Preacher’s Wife
5. Home Alone
6. Almost Christmas (This/That) This Christmas
7. Get Santa
8. Die Hard
9. A Christmas Prince
10. (Double Header) The Nightmare Before Christmas/Bad Santa
12. How the Grinch stole Christmas
Hopefully your Christmas was merry, and Santa brought you everything you wrote on your list. Surprisingly this year, I asked for nothing but I received a super abundance of Love!
Every single year, my family throws a Christmas Eve dinner/party in Peekskill, NY. This year I was actually in jeopardy of missing it as my job was attempting to hold me hostage but by the heavens I broke free, took metro-north then a cab and arrived fashionably late. I must say, I had an amazingly fun time this year. Literally you could feel the love, bursting thru the damn walls. Lord knows my family has its ups and downs, hell my favorite uncle just passed away but his presence was felt. The house felt full.
Although I don’t always appreciate them, I’m lucky to have the family that I have. Even the folks whom I choose not to communicate with, they’ve helped to create who I am and I implore you to find things that you love about your own families.
This year, I have mostly done what everyone else wants me to do. Not don’t get me wrong, I’ve done my own thing here and there but for the most part, I’ve shown up when I would have rather had been anywhere else! This is especially true for family, when my presence is requested, I show up, even when I don’t want to be there. Since my mother passed away, I don’t care much about holidays. Now I can participate but I don’t want to; I’d rather travel the globe. My family pretends to understand, but if they did they would respect my decision to be wherever I am. Instead, they make me feel bad about my decision, guilt trip me into coming to the family function. So as a end of the year treat, I will be present for all family events, provided I am off work. Because I know my 2018, is starting off with a bang, I will oblige them and be there. I will be happy in all family photos. As much as I complain about this, I know I’ll look back and be happy that I did it.
Im going to sacrifice doing whatever it is I want to do for my fam bam, but 2018, Is all about me!
The Best Seat Will forever be the window seat. I feel weightless every single time an aircraft takes off, appreciating where I’ve been and having gratitude for where I will travel to makes living life worth it. I can’t imagine who I’d be without the opportunity to visit certain countries/communities. Every time I experience a new place, a new part of myself is unlocked.
If you don’t realize, I hold travel in high regard. You’ll never reach your highest level of enlightenment without travel. No excuses, Make it happen!
I’ll admit, because I’m always super honest with you guys, that I almost turned into a hater this week. As you all know, there’s nothing more I’d like to do than live in my Soul city of Chicago but when it came time to transfer, unforeseen circumstances prevented that. So a coworker IS actually transferring to Chicago and I was a bit bitter at first when I was told. I was (almost) a hater because I wanted so badly for that to be me.
I had to be real with myself, and remember how blessed I was for the opportunities that are presenting themselves, and Chicago may not be my destination right now. I owed it to myself to trust my journey but to wish my coworker well on her path. Since today was her last day, I brought a banging cake and a card, that had every little trinket that would remind her of New York. I decided to make this about her, and I’m so glad I did.