Versus Routine

You want to date me? Set it up in advanced.

I swear, that is the very basic of dating 101. I should not have to tell or explain to you why this is a critical step. Be smart and aware enough to understand I have a social life, a work life, a blog life, etc. so it would make sense to schedule something. Have respect for my time, as I have respect for your time. I loathe a routine, even though that’s exactly what my life has become lately. Being spontaneous will win you major points with me, BUT you have to know me a lil bit before you’re able to be accurately spontaneous with me.

Any one I’ve ever dated would all agree I love quick surprises, but you can’t want to randomly hit me up saying lets hang out. Nope. That’s not you respecting whatever else I may have going on in my life.

Let’s get it together fellas.

T. Jonez

Better.

He told me I deserved better but he wasn’t ready to give me better. We are always willing to applaud someone for their honesty but hold your applause. He knew from jump what I was/am looking for so for him to pursue anything other than friendship is a sucka move. I have no problem growing with the man I’m with but I’m not going to wait for you to get ur shit together. Why would I?

This man isn’t ready now, so when will he be? And what is he doing to prepare himself for a life with me? Will he still be sowing his oats with others? The fact that I have all these unanswered questions let me know I have to keep it moving. I’m not going to be with half a man just to say I have one. Nope! That’s for the birds.

Would you stay or walk away?

Tristan Jonez

Either This

It’s either my way or my way! -Tristan J

So this evening I was told that not everything will go my way. My first thought was Im not five anymore, but more importantly why can’t everything go my way? I do believe everyone we meet are to provide a lesson. EVERYONE. Its just up to us to find the lesson in the relationship.

This lesson, Whats in the past should stay there. You can’t breathe life into a lifeless situation. Let what is dead die! Stop wasting your time with folks that don’t get it. Stop trying to explain, when its obvious they don’t and will not get it. At this stage of my life, yes it is my way or bounce. I’m too old to try to make you understand why Im asking for the things I am asking for. I know to ask the Universe for my needs, I don’t ask for anything I am not ready or prepared for. That same logic can and should be applied to relationships, I am not here to change your mind on whatever it is that you are seeking. I am just here to be my fabulous self, while making life that much easier for you.

Get you a Winner Babe.

Tristan Jonez

Blocked

I am supposed to be writing.

But every time I sit down at the computer my mind draws a complete blank. I know this writing block has something to do with all the stress Ive been feeling lately with work and Homelife, but I would like it to be done. I work a high level stressed job, so when I get home I will my mind to go blank, but its been pretty bad lately. I cannot remember the last time I really had something to say. I do apologize for not writing but I’d rather write nothing then write nonsense.

Homelife is a conversation I would rather never have. Yes it is THAT bad but I’m staying positive that change will occur sooner than later.

However I do apologize, I feel like I’ve shown pieces of myself to only close myself again. I promise that is not the case, I am still that opened book, I just need to live a lil.

Tristan J.

Next.

I slid up in his DM and got politely rejected.

Listen I am all for women going out and approaching men. Why should the guys have all the fun. If a man catches my eye, of course I will approach him. Since I do not know him, there’s nothing to fear. Rejection? Sigh, thats a fact of life. I’m sure before this rejection there has been other times I was told No, but I don’t remember them and soon enough I will forget this time as well. We always hear life is too short, which is true, so why not, Just do it?!

Have you ever been on the train (NewYorkers) and seen someone attractive? How many times have you made eye contact and smiled but they did nothing to come your way? OR how many times have someone looked at you and you absolutely felt the vibes, but neither of you made a move? How many misconnections have you experienced? Well one is too many for me. I will continue to approach folks, and attempt to explore the connection.

Tristan J.

Too Late?

Playing Devil’s Advocate, I think fathers of older children, don’t try to make an effort as they believe It will not make a difference. That we feel how we feel, and we’ve accepted them as disappointing members of our life. I strongly disagree! Even though I wouldn’t call my father a deadbeat, however I don’t feel like my father was an active participant in my upbringing. If I was to be frank with my father, he would state that my mother kept me away from him, but I would counter with, what about when I was the one reaching out? At some point in our lives, we have to accept the roles that we played. Understand? Even though I am an adult, I only have one parent, so I’m counting on my father to be there for the ending of my life, as he wasn’t really there for the beginning.

Its kinda funny, when my mother was alive, she would say I don’t defend her enough when my father was talking trash, then when I would see my father he would say the same ish. I’m sure there were things my mother could’ve told me about my dad, but she didn’t. She knew that was my guy, regardless of the moments my father missed out on. I try every single day, not to be this bitter woman because of my father. I try to express myself to him but the truth hurts especially when you can still make changes and choose not to.

Tristan J.

Two Steppin’

I’ve been wanting to get back to Chicago ever since I left, and it’s possible that I may have the opportunity to go back… but why am I hesitating? Most of my adult life, I’ve heard that I run away from my problems. I strongly disagree as my problems follow me from city to city, moving to Chicago doesn’t erase them. You all know my love affair with Chicago, but I am just not sure now is the right time to leave. I feel like I’m getting my footing on solid ground, and I’m not sure in what ways moving to another city would affect that.

If the opportunity pans out, my decision will come out of a hat, written on a piece of paper.

Tristan J.

Looking to Buy

I’ve always been willing to support any online business that speaks to my spirit as well as my brand as a human. I’m actively on the look out for anything that will make my body look its absolute best, however what I’ve been finding, is there are businesses with no real look or feel. How can I reach you, if there is no contact information? No Website? Not even a telephone number. Why would I want to give you my hard earned money If you don’t bother to provide me with the very basics?

Tonight I was browsing my Instgram findings, but when googling these companies and business I’m finding lackluster websites. If it looks shady, why would I want to purchase anything from you? Granted I know how hard it can be to get your business off the ground, so I am not judging, but when its looks like you are about to take my money, that’s a problem. Invest in your websites as you invest in Instagram, and such other outlets.

I’m trying to contact you as I want to support your businesses and your causes. I can’t do that if you don’t even bother to give me the bare minimum. Help me, support you.

Tristan J.

Just like the Videos

Sometimes I wonder if real life ever simulates the music videos I love. I am an R&B Chick through and through, so of course I’m listening to Joe. One of my favorite songs/video of his “If I was your man” So in the video he screws up his relationship with his woman, she leaves, finds a new man. Her new man, to me, looks like an upgrade from Joe, takes care of her, treats her well, but the love doesn’t run as deep as it did with Joe. Anyway by the end of the video, Joe finally realizes that “his” girl is about to be gone forever, so it makes a final plea for her love, but in a surprise of events, the girl chooses to walk away from Joe.

Clap. clap. Clap.

Yes Girl! You didn’t appreciate me while I was yours but now that I am happy with the new man you want to come back? Too damn late. If more people stayed away when they walked away, folks would value love a lot more than they currently do.

Tristan.

Fabies.

Let me first say, I promise I am not dwelling on this, or do I actively think of this. However It just came to my mind, while I was writing my advice on another topic… I am nervous that I will die alone, and without ever having children. The thought alone makes me unfilled. I do not want to leave this Earth without creating life.

I know I am having these thoughts because my birthday is coming up and I have NO prospects in my personal life. However I am going to keep on pushing, I’m going to put the thoughts aside, and keep focusing on this amazing life I am creating.

Tristan J.

Dictate ME?

Please! Do not allow folks to dictate how the eff you’re going to live your life. This week I was taught a valuable lesson about life, and I realized something special about myself in the process. I don’t care about how people think of me or my actions. I realize everyone has an opinion, and If you’re unlucky they will share it with you.

At work, I am considered a nice friendly person, which I surely am. Only to a select few do I allow them to see how I am outside of work. A coworker felt the need to ‘let me know’ that me being so friendly with other male coworkers could be perceived the wrong way, especially by a female. I didn’t inquire what he meant, because I don’t really care. Listen I’m nice enough to allow folks to express themselves to me, however I’m going to do whatever makes me happy. I know that I am not doing anything inappropriate with my coworkers, but IF I WAS, that is my choice to make, and my consequences to suffer.

Live your Life… No Matter what that looks like to the Outside World.

Tristan J.

House Hunting

Even though I’ve been told I am not asking for a lot, clearly I am since I could never get the basic things I am asking for in a relationship/friendship. IF the date, takes me to your house, I am not with it. I am not in that type of space with anyone that I am that comfortable to continue or start our date at your house.

Whenever I had company, Garlick (My mother) always made us stay downstairs. As she explained we honestly had no reason to be upstairs in the bedroom. We wasn’t having sex, so why did we need to be in the bedroom? There’s a television, and all amenities such as food downstairs. I’m starting to feel the same way, you don’t have to push or pressure me into coming over, cuz I know I’m not trying to smash so whats the deal?

Sometimes I feel like canceling dating, and just participate in an arranged marriage.

Tristan Jonez.