So It wouldn’t be right if I was all in your business, but never revealed any of mine so this is my time to talk about me… in dept, a bit.

I’m a sensitive cookie. Yes I’m tough, and I’m a fighter, and I’ll beat your ass if I needed to but at my core I’m a sensitive chick. So, as most of you know I moved back to New York from Bmore when I was 17, that was a hard ass transition, as I was leaving my friends and family. I started from scratch, new high school in my senior year, I had to get to know new folks, thank God I’m a friendly hood girl cuz they would’ve ate me alive.

Let’s get back on topic. I’m only speaking on this as it still bothers me from time to time. Since I left Bmore, my childhood friends never really made an effort to come to new york, prior to having children, to see me. I cant be mad at that as we were under 17, but I made the effort. I still try to make the effort but the shit going on in my life is not always in black and white. So Its not always as easy as it used to be for me to come to Baltimore, no matter how much I would like to drop everything and go!

Its funny cuz they don’t know how good they got it together, as they have EACH OTHER. My childhood friends, Tracy, Ashley and Chantel. Lord knows I know I wish them utmost success in everything they ever decide to pursue. However I don’t think we are really friends anymore… Out of sight, Out of mind. I’ve been up in New York for a lil too long. There’s a type of friendship that I’m looking for from the folks that would like to be in my life, I want to be included in your good news, new births, monumental birthdays, kids activities, I want to be there for those events. Granted I need more than a days notice, but I wanted to be included. As a friend I shouldn’t have to beg to be included. It took me a while to realize this, but there is not one ounce of love lost. I still love those three girls as if my mother had birthed them herself, I just know its time to say goodbye to the childhood friendship I held with them.

Love you girls. Always.

Tristan J.

It’s all fun and games until I no longer answer the phone. Until those text messages start going unanswered. Until you’ve been blocked and you’re wondering why its’ been months since I’ve made an effort. So recently I texted a few folks that I was done with them but I wished them the very best. A few inquired as to why, but the majority accepted their fate. For the one of the two that inquired why, he laughed it off when I explained my reasoning, he even stated he would be ‘better’… it’s been a few days and better has yet to appear.  The other was irritated that I had come to this conclusion, and tried to turn the table on me. Shaming me, stating that “One day I’m with him, then the next I am against him.” I flipped my shit. People will try to turn ish back on your when you finally decide to call them out on their ish! I’ve been ‘down’ for this guy since I was 19! I can’t even remember why I allow him to continue to get through when he text but that was then and this is now. There will never be a day where he will get that type of loyalty from me EVER!

Once you lose me as a friend, that means you didn’t take care of your part as a friend to me. I hold on to folks despite myself, in spite of your behavior. At what point do I say enough is enough? After I’ve been so used, that I’m now a bitter ole bitty, that pushes everyone away? Nah Kid, I’d rather ass-kick you out of my World.

Tristan.

I think it’s the most mature action, to decide with a level head that a relationship is not working for you, and to follow through with the steps to end it. I wish life wasn’t messy and when you stopped loving someone the feelings they have for you also stopped. However there would be no fun in that. (Side-Eye)

It takes a lot of wrong to make me want to stop trying. As long as you are willing I will be willing to do whatever is needed to make the relationship work. I’m def not a quitter but I’m learning that not everything needs to be saved. Some things you are REQUIRED to let die. I was with my ex -boyfriend for five years, and I always say after three we should’ve stayed broken up. I even moved to another city! And yet I came back to be with that man. Everything happens for a reason though, with my coming back to New York I began working for a company, with amazing benefits… so a win.

As I matured I’ve learned how to express myself better, my communication has greatly improved. But there are times where I do not want to be civilized! I just want to ‘break up’ by cursing you out, being petty and acting like an adolescent. Why should I be the mature one?

Tristan J.