Since the beginning of the year, Ive been receiving message after message and the lesson I’ve learned … I need to worry about my damn self. Ive been doing the friend thing, the being there for everybody thing, the check on my friends thing, the accountability partner thing… then I realized nobody ask me to be those things. I took it upon myself, to to be and do what I would want someone else to be and do for me. I’ve been drained of all my energy because I’ve been trying to keep up with all the different personalities I know. This season of my life, is for me. To check in with myself, to motivate myself, to cultivate myself, to show up for my damn self, and that’s exactly what I’ve been doing.
I’m sure if my friends need my input, they will certainly ask for it. However I am done volunteering myself, especially when I haven’t been getting my level energy back from those who I invest in.
What chapter in your life are you entering or exiting?
So this year, January 23, I turned 34. I am officially the age my mother was when she had me, also, I was 17 when my mother died, so with this birthday I have lived half my life without my mother, so this was a special birthday, but also an awkwardly weird birthday too. As a way to alleviate the sadness factor, I asked all of my social media platforms, which is made up of folks that I actually (mostly) know in real life to send birthday cards. I received a whopping twenty two cards. I also received gifts! A book, an active journal, a Basquiat bookmark, a deck of self reflection/self help/self care cards and a set of AirPods. Can you believe it?
I damn sure can’t, and I just counted! Its crazy that, so many people love me enough to go out, look for a card, personalize it, add something special to the card, get stamps, take it to the post office or put it in a mailbox. I am that loved, that folks thought of me, to do that for me. Its so surreal that people would reach out to me in such a forgotten form, snail mail. As I get older, I am choosing to focus on the people who care about me, the people who show they care about me, instead of focusing on those who choose to not be present.
Once again, I thank you guys so very much for heeding my birthday call, and showing up so magically!
When I moved to Chicago the first time, I had an idea of who I wanted to be in my head, and I did what I could to bring her to life but looking back, I wasn’t being myself. I didn’t know what I wanted besides knowing I wanted to be more than who I was at the time. Although Chicago was my soulmate, I was running from a Love I thought would last forever, a man who no longer made me happy, and a city I was tired of hustling/struggling in. My initial move to chitown didn’t last long but everything happens for a reason. Four years later, I got the opportunity to live there again, and it’s been one of my happiest experiences.
Heading Into Texas, I know myself better. I’m not going there to find out who I am or to create another version of myself. I’m going with the notion that I am Tiffany, a food explorer, Natural body care using, art museum lover, who is ready to move past my comfort zone. I welcome all positive experiences, and will diligently turn my negatives into learning lessons. Ultimately I’ll be arriving into my new city as myself. My perfectly imperfect but fly self.
Every time I travel I learn more about myself; what I need from life, what I want my life to look like, how I’d like to mold my future, what areas I’d like to improve upon, etc. This line of questioning happens throughout my time away from home. Traveling forces me, in the best of ways, to grow! There’s no way I can stay who I was, after experiencing a new place or revisiting an old place.
Currently I’m in Barcelona, I was here for my 29th birthday. Barcelona is special to me as it was my very first solo trip. Half way here, I was freaking out majorly because I was questioning myself, severe doubt crept in! Who did I think I was to be traveling out the country, to a place I’d never been, and didn’t speak the language, the damn nerve of me! Fortunately/Unfortunately I was already on the plane, Airbnb was paid for, so there was no way I could back out now, that first trip, taught me how to trust myself, trust my steps and that fiery gut instinct I’ve learned to depend on with my life.
I share my experiences cuz I want y’all to be better than me. Learn from all the weirdo, dumbass things I do and make better choices. First, I’m mad dramatic but my point is still valid. Don’t let two months go by before you make time for your family. I in fact, have done just that. The last time I was with my family was June 18, so I’mma few days shy of two months but wayyy too damn long. Now that I’m going to see them tomorrow I can just cry, and will most likely cry when I see them. Hell I’m crying as I write this. Although I have been in every other city than my own, it’s no excuse. I will never allow this much time to pass before I physically see my fam.
Life truly is too short. While I’m getting families to and from, safely, my own hasn’t laid eyes on this beautiful face. Pissing my sister off via cellular device, doesn’t have the same effect. Being all in both my nieces business, just don’t do the job over the phone and showering my nephew with love, can’t be felt over the phone. Realize and understand the importance of family BEFORE something tragic happens. I’ll be heading home to New York later on today, and a sleepover is definitely needed!
So what does one do on a Friday Night when your flight has been cancelled? Ping Pong of course. After spending twenty minutes trying to find something to jump at me, I come across, an event at SPiN, announcing “On Friday Nights, We Play” I’m sure at some point in my life, I’ve played ping pong but playing successfully and winning games? Nah.
SPiN is definitely a feel good place with Instagram worthy decor to surely ensure your photos are poppin’, even each stall in the restroom guarantees you’ll be ‘transported’ to that place and space. Photo shoot in the future? Possibly. Mos definitely. In addition to ping pong tables, try your luck at Giant Jenga, and Connect Four.
While SPiN, May look like the perfect date night spot (It is) it’s fully interactive that solo dates, blind dates or friends meeting up, will find something that appeals to their senses. And if not, there’s ALWAYS the full service bar which boast a full menu. I recommend the seasonal mule!
Hopefully your Christmas was merry, and Santa brought you everything you wrote on your list. Surprisingly this year, I asked for nothing but I received a super abundance of Love!
Every single year, my family throws a Christmas Eve dinner/party in Peekskill, NY. This year I was actually in jeopardy of missing it as my job was attempting to hold me hostage but by the heavens I broke free, took metro-north then a cab and arrived fashionably late. I must say, I had an amazingly fun time this year. Literally you could feel the love, bursting thru the damn walls. Lord knows my family has its ups and downs, hell my favorite uncle just passed away but his presence was felt. The house felt full.
Although I don’t always appreciate them, I’m lucky to have the family that I have. Even the folks whom I choose not to communicate with, they’ve helped to create who I am and I implore you to find things that you love about your own families.
Recently I listened to a video snippet, and the author told me, why wait until 2018 to make the changes you’d like to make?
And shorty, is right! Why am I going to wait until 2018 to start fresh, when everyday I wake up translates to a new beginning? With the rise of the sun, I am able to decide who I want to be and who I want in my World. Everyone’s manual for living looks different, so I have to find the instructions that work best for me. Find the people who work best, with my vibe, who brings out the best in me. Letting go is extremely hard for me, especially since my mother died. I hold on to folks tight, I look past their wrongdoings at my own detriment and I allow them to stay in my World. I find them sucking the life from me, and once I’ve hit rock bottom only then do I let them go.
This situation, this friendship, this love is NO longer serving me. Its no Longer allowing me to grow, no longer allowing me to be the best version of myself, no longer making me happy. I wish you the best, take care, thank you. I’ve found that speaking this outloud makes the transition easier. Can people change, sure they can, but for my own peace, they have to change elsewhere. Protecting my own energy is my top priority, everyone can and will be second my own self. Eff how they feel.
I’ve had a few light stealers, and I’ve let each and everyone of them go. God Bless ‘Em
I’m always down for ANY shade of purple. It’s Matte? Even better! I had fun with NYX Ruthless, it goes on smoothly but beware if you have a heavy hand, as with a few swipes you’ll put too much in your lips. It’s very creamy, and surprisingly light, extremely pigmented as NYX Cosmetics products usually are.
This possibly can be used as a transition color from late summer into fall. But if you’re anything like me, it’ll be a colour you’ll wear all year round.
Any Shade of purple is my go to. No, All shades of purple are my go to. There’s just something about purple that makes it a color that stands out on brown skin. Marvelous! I’m wearing NYX in Strawberry Parfait and Berry strudel, surprisingly they are both *Only* lip glosses! With NYX you can be assured that your lip colour will always be pigmented.
I’ll admit, because I’m always super honest with you guys, that I almost turned into a hater this week. As you all know, there’s nothing more I’d like to do than live in my Soul city of Chicago but when it came time to transfer, unforeseen circumstances prevented that. So a coworker IS actually transferring to Chicago and I was a bit bitter at first when I was told. I was (almost) a hater because I wanted so badly for that to be me.
I had to be real with myself, and remember how blessed I was for the opportunities that are presenting themselves, and Chicago may not be my destination right now. I owed it to myself to trust my journey but to wish my coworker well on her path. Since today was her last day, I brought a banging cake and a card, that had every little trinket that would remind her of New York. I decided to make this about her, and I’m so glad I did.
I celebrate my friends wins as my own. A win for them, is most definitely a win for me.
Ever since I was a kid, I’ve been the sappy one. I’m the one that do the cards, balloons and candy for those milestone moments, and sometimes I just celebrate you. It’s my job as a friend to do everything in my power to make you feel as if you are the most valued VIP on my team. I do not take my responsibility as a friend lightly, although I have been known to casually throw around the word friend.
I have a friend that has recently graduated into becoming a flight attendant for Delta Air lines. It is said, that its harder to be a Flight Attendant for Delta Air Lines than it is to get into Harvard. I knew it was going to be a process to get her from the beginning to the end of her goal, but I was there, to provide her with encouragement and well wishes. To have a friend, you have to be a friend! So when she officially graduated, that wasn’t just a win for her, it was one for me too. It’s not always easy to find folks that you mesh with BUT when you do, My God! It’s a beautiful thing to have a tribe in which they empower you to do and be the best you can.
If you have a tribe, how do you find all of its members? And if you do not, what can I do to help? … And yes, I’m serious.