Con

Consistency is a weird thing for me suddenly.

If you are new here, let me be the first to tell you. I am not usually consistent in my writing … or posting. I’ll have a burst of creative writing energy, and I’ll write for about a week, if I am lucky. Then poof! I disappear for any length of time. Then inspiration, or something that looks like it, will hit then I’m back again. However on this go ’round, I am making an effort to be consistent. Is it that simple? You make a choice and follow through? Has consistency always been that uncomplicated?

Well Has it?

Tristan Jonez.

According To Wale…

“Love is overrated and underrated because it seem like a placebo when it be done.”

Overrated adj. have a higher opinion of (something or someone) than deserved. 

Underrated v. To rate or evaluate too low. 

Placebo n. A measure designed merely to calm or please someone. 

Maybe Wale is on to something, maybe Love is overrated and underrated. How many times have a love that you thought would be forever ended and your left feeling … depleted? To be in Love means what? To be in a haze of feelings? To give your all? To what? Is it something you do? Feel? Are we not giving Love its due? Do we not place it in such a high regard? Are we too lax about it? Should we make more of a bigger deal when it felt? When it’s said? When it’s realized and shown? 

Is love really as underrated and overrated as we make it? 

Tristan Jonez. 

Song Lyrics from Set You Free ft. Kelly Price 

Flags of Red

I saw the red flags. Each and Every One, I saw them. When I recognized them, I fell back. I wasn’t that deep in with homie, so I was able to begin the process of walking away. Yeah, he was dope, and treated me well BUT I saw the Red Flags. I fucking saw them! I think that’s the part that annoys me the most about my most recent dating situation, the fact that I saw the red flags, began the process of walking away, but because he pursued me, I abandoned all sensible logic and stayed. Now I’m dealing with the aftermath. I’m better today, than I was a few weeks ago, but still, to have to deal with this, knowing I saw the Red Flags just sigh…

Be better than me, when you see those Red Flags, and you will, be strong enough to know he is not WHO you are waiting for.

Tristan Jonez.

Kiana Lede

Listen! Listen!

When I suggest an album, an artist, you need to listen to them immediately! Kiana Lede, is one of those artist you should already be listening to. Even before her album KIKI dropped, but I won’t hold it against you if you haven’t listened to this Queen. BUT If you don’t run and listen to her soon, we are going to have an issue. With features from Ari Lennox, Lucky Daye, Arin Ray, Col3trane, and more, this is such a R&B album, with tracks you’ll want to repeat for the Summer especially the song Labels featuring Moneybagg yo and BIA. I think I am going to do a “According to Kiana Lede” section because we need to break down these lyrics, including my favorite song Second Chances.

Tristan Jonez.

Tox ic

Regardless of their title, IF they are toxic, leave them right where they are. I’ve heard the excuse, ‘Well that’s still your parent’, so many times, to which I now say, SO WHAT! I am no longer accepting that, as logical reasoning as to why I should continue to allow someone into my life. I cant control anyone’s action but my own, however If I am telling you, the things you are doing is causing harm, and you continue on, then you’re blatantly expressing to me, that you could care less about me. So you’ll no longer be a part of my World.

Do you keep toxic folks in your life because of their title/position to you?

Tristan Jonez.

orphaned.

Its so extremely hard not having a mother. One of the hardest things in life to accept, even after fifteen years. Ive spent half my life without one, so I should be a bit more used to this feeling but being in isolation, without a friend to hug, makes being orphaned even more hard to handle. As strong as I am, or better yet as strong as people THINK I am, I’m not. Theres been cracks forming for some time now, and I’m doing all I can to keep moving forward but today feels like a sad day.

Please Remember to check on those people in your life that looks/feels like they have it all together. We Don’t.

Jonez.

Art Q (BWI)

If Ive never mentioned it before, Baltimore Washington International Airport has some of the best Airport Art Ive come across. And its forever rotating! True for most travelers, the rotating exhibits won’t impact them much, but as someone who is ALWAYS in the airport its nice to have new artwork to admire. Another aspect of BWI, there are at least three areas to view artwork prior to reaching TSA, so if you’re dropping someone off, you’ll be able to enjoy the Views while walking them to security. The photos displayed were taken en route to concourse A.

Tristan Jonez

Those Twenty Somethings

My thirty something self dated a twenty something man, and I learned I have absolutely patience for that level of education. Age is more than just a fucking number, Aaliyah Lied! Maybe its because I am a woman, and I know what I like, its hard to teach a man, who THINKS he knows what a woman wants, but ummm no. Fuck No! Maybe Id met the wrong twenty something but I don’t know if I would be open to another cuz y’all… I was exhausted, and not in the most obvious ways. It’s like he wanted to be in charge, in control, but he didn’t have the follow through, that I needed him to have.

As a young man, I get it, you think you know what you’re doing sexually because youre no longer a virgin but I have a few lessons to teach. A twenty something who is unteachable isn’t a man I want to build a damn thing with. Ive never been into dating younger, and the one time I go out of my comfort zone, I get a know it all, who turns out, knows nothing at all.

Tristan Jonez.

“God’s Plan for your life begins at the end of how you thought it should have been.”

The life I am currently looks like nothing I ever thought of. I still remember when I was younger, I would conjure what my future would look like at 21, at 25, at 30. And in my wildest imagination, my life is nothing I imagined. A flight Attendant? Living in Texas? The literal World, at my finger tip … Never. I don’t want to think it was for a lack of an imagination, I was willing to take risk, and go places I’d never been before, but I thought I had a plan. The life definitely turned upside down when my mother died, but I would still ‘plan’ for a future I could imagine. Chicago, even then, was the place I wanted to be, and eventually I would get there.

IF I remember, my plan was to finish high school, and continue on to college, which I did. I studied for a year before life happened, and I left college, eventually going back (and stopping) for the next five years. I dabbled in a few jobs, trying to find my footing, settling on being in a people setting. Then boom, I’m in aviation, and the ability to learn ‘hands-on’, to explore in person, the places I had read about, just made sense for my life. After almost ten years in aviation, I don’t know If I want to be anywhere else.

So whether its God’s Plan, The Universe’s Plan, Allah’s Plan, or Whichever higher power you believe in, Ive learned creating a hardcore plan, just doesn’t work. Stay flexible, Go where the trip may lead you but Always enjoy the Ride!

Jonez

Almost a Mother.

Originally Written October 19, 2019.

As I fly to my destination, my mind thinks about what life would look like if I didn’t miscarry when I was five months pregnant, I was twenty two. My daughter would be gearing up to turn eleven, as my due date was in November. 

Melody Marie Washington. I’m not sure if I’ve ever revealed her name outside of telling my family. We named her Melody cuz she was the heartbeat, she was the song that brought joy to us, especially on the days where the two of us, my ex and I, wasn’t enough. Ultimately loosing her, may have been a blessing in disguise as I’ve gone on to do things I may not have done if I was a mother. As I get older, I still randomly think about her, how I would’ve been as a mom, and will I ever get the opportunity to become a parent. 

However I do smile at the thought of knowing my mom, has a buddy in heaven with her, and she’s taking very good care of my Melody. 

Jonez 

BBJoy

Theres something I find so refreshing in children, especially little black boys, and that’s joy. Seeing them in an environment that promotes, them being their true selves, that just makes me smile. Makes me see all that is right within the World, even if it’s just for a moment. Currently I am watching Les Miserables (2020), and in this particular scene, its a moment of pure unadulterated joy from a little chubby boy that just jumped into the pool. As you watch this film, You’d understand why, at this very moment, I HAD to stop the film and write this.

#BlackboyJoy

Jonez.

According to Wale …

“Met a lot of women, got a lot of niggas, but everybody full of shit, that’s why we back and forth again. My heart severely scorned and you the cause of it.”

Oh Wale, there’s so much to unpack here, with just two sentences. So you’re willing to stay in a “relationship” with this person, although she’s scorned your heart because everyone else is full of shit? Isn’t that how it works tho? Especially in this age of companionship? How many times have we met someone, started to get to know them, then the red flags pop but instead of falling back, we fall deeper into? 

If I’m honest that was my plight with my most recent ‘love’. Shorty has been hurt before, probably more than once, but he refuses to seek assistance on how to move forward past them. Then here I come into his World, showing him something different from what he’s used to, being consistently consistent, but he’s hesitant to fully give me a chance. He’ll continue to entertain other women, cuz then he really doesn’t have to face his past traumas or give me his whole heart but I’m not here to ‘heal’ him if he’s not willing to do the hard, frustrating but necessary work. He’ll rather go back to what he’s used to cuz how can you get hurt when your able to control the experience? 

Tristan J

Song Lyrics from LOVE… (Her Fault)  Ft. Tiller