Ladies, I will continue being an advocate for doing whatever you want. For placing yourself first, because when you’re super sweet as pie, folks think they can treat you however they see fit. That notion no longer work for me. I am not here to cater to the male ego, why should I? Why should you? So y’all know I’m attempting to date. I’m open to other races, and ages, etc. I’m opened to dating folks who aren’t my usual go to per se. I’ve struggled with how to tell men I’m just not interested, but I would prefer a soft blow over anything else. So recently chatting with a man, who I wasn’t interested at all. I responded with pleasantries but why waste time, providing false hope when I have no interest. I laughed at the response. I mean how could I not? You’re not interested yet you went out of your way to gain my attention. I could’ve respected, him not responding, or even, a “Good Night” in return. We as women have been conditioned to support the male ego, let them down softly, try not to reject them, and if you do, put the blame on you. Nope! Although I will forever be respectful in my dealings, protecting your (fragile) Ego will never be my concern.
Low Key (High Key) I think I’m sabotaging my dating life by entertaining men who couldn’t possibly be good for me. Men who couldn’t give me half of what I am looking for, attracted to me, with the gift of gab, that’s who gets my attention. Ugh. Men who I know don’t deserve my attention, somehow captures it and when they eventually disappoint me, I’m hesitant to cut them off. Double Ugh. I’m sadden to know I’m bringing these horrid habits to a new city. Since I’m aware of the poor choices I am making, I am scaling back a bit from dating.
Don’t worry I’m still going to date but how about we try dating with purpose. Although I loathe writing a long list of what I am seeking in a guy, but maybe that’s exactly what I should be doing. I should have a clear understanding, but flexible, vision of what I’m looking for in an partner. God so help me, if I get carried away, and have a list of fifty thousand requirements. So to be sure I don’t get to carried away once I write down my ‘list’ I’ll post it. I know I know, scary right? And super super personal, but you guys are worth knowing all the intimate details of my life, since I already over share my shit.
Even now, I still sometimes give my power to a man. I’ll let him decide if he should dump me, if this “relationship” isn’t working for him, if he’s done. Well fuck that. I’m tired of being as polite as I can, speaking softly as to not step on the fragile male ego and for what? For them to believe they are who is in control?! Nah I’m done with that. A relationship is to be mutually beneficial and if it isn’t, well then Maybe I need to be the one to step.
I’m tired of men thinking their behavior is acceptable just because the last chick didn’t correct it. As I get older, I find myself less inclined to protect the male ego. What about my own? Laying down on the sword, becomes painful after the first time. If a man, especially one you are dating, can’t see how his behavior is affecting you, then that’s not a man you should engage with. This seemingly amazing human was single for a reason, the reasons JUST became clearly obvious to you.
Does your version of #Selfcare include self pleasure?
Because I am so used to putting everyone before my own needs, I just started attempting to carve out time for self care. As much I hate staying home on my days off, this past Monday I did just that. I stayed in bed, drank tea, caught up on my television shows, and pleasured myself. I was debating on if I should be that open with you guys but why not? Self Pleasure and Self Care should go hand in hand, whether its at the beginning of the day or the end. I learned my body early on, so I know what doesn’t work for me, and I know what does. Although I am single, I do not feel the need to run into the arms of a man, to fulfill my sexual needs, so I went out and purchased a device, that I named Tom. Funny story, as opened as I am with sex, and sexual gratification I was so shy to purchase a toy in store, so I chickened out and utilized amazon. (Laugh)
My version of #SelfCare doesn’t always include self pleasure, most times my “Me” Time is just me relaxing with my thoughts. However I don’t rule it out if I body needs a release. From dildos to Vibrators the choices are endless, just set the mood, and Enjoy!
SideNote: The Reviews of Adult Devices on Amazon are throughly well written, which surprised the hell out of me.
I claim ownership over no one. Everyone is their own person, to live and love as they see fit. Personally I love fully in my own spirit, to do as I please, for as long as it pleases me. I do not, and cannot make anyone ‘stay’ because when Its time for me to leave, I do. I’ve always tried to be the best version of myself, see the good in folks, and live life as if it was the most precious gift I could’ve ever been given. There have been times where my significant other couldn’t not relate to me, but you would have to step outside of yourself to understand, and honestly most people wont.
I want you all to be true to the essence of you. No matter what that may look like to others. Only claim ownership over your own soul, then you’ll be able to move in ways which you haven’t before.
For whatever reason, I’m not safe from married men. I would never ever date a married man, cuz karma would seriously hurt me. It’s not worth the problems you will have! As much as dating can be a pain, dating someone who is already committed to another just isn’t the move. I promise you! I’m honestly not sure what vibes I’m giving off to make married men even feel they are allowed to interrupt my space.
SideNote: I’m semi questioning if I want to get married, since lately married folk can’t stay out my inbox. What’s the point of dedicating your love to someone if you’re going to look into have your sexual needs fulfilled elsewhere beside your partner?
Even though most would say this is the season of the side chick, I think we have to keep into perspective, that we are all one choice from being a side chick, unfortunately.
I almost found myself in such a position, but then I chin checked myself. Although I am single, and able to do WHATEVER the hell I want, I chose to be aware of the complete situation. If I willingly ‘date’ a man in a committed relationship, then I deserve whatever Karma may have in store for me. He may not respect the relationship, but you definitely have to respect yourself enough to not play seconds to someone else. We can’t always blame the shortcomings or the demise of a relationship on the man who is in said relationship, especially if the other person is aware. Now, I’m not saying you should approach the ‘other woman’ cuz ultimately Its for the man to take full responsibility.
However my question still stands, If he doesn’t respect the relationship he is in, should you?
While I was walking down memory lane this week, I came to the realization that I can’t fake “it” anymore. It will serve as a multitude of things but whatever it is, I can’t fake it. As I get mature, I only want to be apart of friendships built on realness. I want to feel real orgasms, you can’t be rewarded if you’re not working hard to reach the goal. And I will stop aiding those who have yet to find the sweetest spot on a woman.
We ALL know life is short, and we’re ALL trying to live our best life. So we have to start cutting out the fakeness, the excess, the nonsense. Let’s get back, or learn how to stop “Faking it” for the fuck of it. I want to be as genuine as I can possibly be and I want the same for you.
A bad relationship ultimately and simply is any relationship you don’t really want to be in. Sex can only sustain any relationship for so long, unless it’s FWB. So many folks, including myself, have tried to stretch a relationship but it won’t work. It gets tiring quickly.
Good sex will only sustain you until you find yourself in a better situation… with someone you actually want to pursue. Matter fact, even in a FWB situation, you’ll grow annoyed with everything besides the sex. True Story, when I was dating someone, only the sex was a highlight to them, after a while, the sex couldn’t even overshadow the person.
So how long can good sex sustain a “bad” relationship?