Weirdos

“They” say you are what you attract so recently I’ve been approached by either hood dudes or nerdy weirdos, does that mean I’m a combination of both? My friends would agree that I am combo of many things, including Hood (at times) and pure weirdness. I’ve come to accept the many different sides of myself, aren’t we all multifaceted? I don’t have split personalities, each identity with a new name, nah that’s not me. I just know certain sides of myself, need to be called to the front of the line depending on the situation.

Now back to my dating life, or non existence of it. Although I’ve been approached by opposite ends of the spectrum, I am an equal opportunity dater so I welcome all suitors. Why wouldn’t I? I’m willing to see beyond a first initial impression and at least get to know someone. People have a way of surprising you when you least expect it.

Do you allow men who may not be your preference have a chance?

Tristan Jonez

Still not dating.

I always tell you guys that I am tired of being single, but then I’m tired of dating. So I took a few weeks/months off from dating as I just couldn’t bare to meet someone else, who wanted to waste my time. So I’ve been focusing more on traveling, and exploring the
Worldy ways of the World. However now that I am back in the US, I’m back to thinking about dating. Why cant prince incredible just fall out of the sky, in front of me, and just wisk me away in our own personal fairytale?

I am over using dating websites, such as OKCupid and EHarmony, even though I am sure someone has had success. I want to meet you and feel your vibe, that’s hard to do over the phone or internet, but no, its not impossible. However I think I’m just done with it, I was meeting folks off the internet, when it was still taboo to do so. I know we are such a community of technology, and who has the time to meet someone in person, but guess what? I’m just going to have to make the damn time!

Tristan Jonez.

Endings

“I hope you find that fairytale you’re looking for”

If I was looking for a fairytale, I know you wouldn’t be my Prince Charming. Men have a way of projecting their insecurities on the women they claim they would like to date. I want a man to find me, let me be what he is seeking, and push himself to level up to whatever ‘level’ he believes me to be. If being with me, doesn’t make you want to be a better man then I don’t want you. I wanted a completed man but I still want you to be opened to education, and growth. If you believe you are done with all of that, then Im surely not the woman for you.

A man can not tell me he hopes I find what I am looking for when he doesn’t actually know what that is. All he honestly knows, is he isn’t the man that I’m looking for even know I haven’t figured it out yet. Im not looking for perfect, I am only looking for what is genuine. Everything else we can figure out together, if you are coachable. If I can’t tell you how I want to be treated, all the little things, then whats the point? Attraction isn’t enough, cuz once those looks fade, Im sure you’ll appreciate me taking an interest in more than just your face, and body.

And for the man who penned that ridiculous statement, What I seek will make itself available to me ONCE I rid myself of all the current clowns.

Tristan Jonez

Dude Stop.

I want to believe I am honest in what I write, especially when it comes to information about myself. Plus folks are going to judge, so I’d rather folks judge me based on my actual truth. Since I turned 31, I’ve felt as if I have to get married, I have to have children, sooner than later, so I was making decision based of that fact. WRONG MOVE!

Recently I realized Im out here looking nuts. I’m allowing shit from men that I wouldn’t even date otherwise, dealing with BS just cuz I panicked that I would be alone. I was like well Jonez, having someone who is half decent is better than not having anyone at all. See, I was straight tripping! I had to really be honest with myself about my actions, I had to make the choice, to make myself happy long term. I left two relationships in my life because of the long term. I wasn’t wit being disrespected at 25, so I had to chat with myself cuz allowing disrespect now, wasn’t the move.

Plus Im not alone, I have you guys. Loves You.

Tristan Jonez

The Table.

The Vibe I got from a guy I was recently (semi) dating, is I am asking for way too much! For just a date, I have way too many requirements! For a relationship, I have way too many expectations. I do believe that I used to have expectations, which is always open for discussion, but my expectations are things that a man should practice as his daily habits.

A man should be communicating, never do I want 24hrs to go by and there is no communication. I totally get that we live in a busy world, and our schedules may not always be in sync but that’s no excuse for a lack of communication. How easy is it for a text, or a voice message? If I am always the one making the moves, the plans, then why am I with you, if I’m going to be the man in this situation? I shouldn’t be opening my own doors, but I realize this a ‘independent woman world’ so cool I’ll handle that but once again I shouldn’t have to. Without asking, you should be making me feel like the most amazing woman on the planet, just because I am with you. What happened to that? Focusing in on the one you are with, really getting to know them, their likes and dislikes? What happened to taking our time?

For a second I thought I was asking too much from the guys I was dating but when I really think about all that I have to offer, and bring to the table, I’m not asking for nearly enough.

Tristan Jonez.

The Outside World

In a minute, I’m going to post this question to Instagram, but I wanted to enter my own views on ‘wax’ before my opinion was swayed by others.

You’ve just experienced an emergency, the guy you’re dating can assist, but doesn’t/failed to do so. Would you continue to date them?

In my humble opinion, I’m not going to continue to date you. Strictly on principle, because if the situation was reversed I would do what I could to help. Especially if this is someone I want to be with. Now obviously, providing assistance comes within reason, for example if they are a relator and you’re looking for an apartment, I would assume they would assist. Or if I’m in the market for a car, and he had a relationship with a car dealership, I would assume he would at least make the introduction. I know the art of chivalry is dead, but I want my guy to be soaking in gentlemanly qualities. I don’t want to date a man, who doesn’t at least try to remedy a problem I may be having. My relationship should be the peace, from the outside World.

Jonez.

Friends?

Beware of the Men who put themselves in the Friend Zone.

I love having male friends, they help to create a balance in my life that I wouldn’t otherwise have. However I am a bit skeptical when guys that I have previously dated or have talked to are requesting to be my friend. I allow it but I am sure to create boundaries. I’m not sure what their intentions are, so I make sure I tell them what is acceptable in our new found friendship. At times I do think Its a ploy so they will be able to get into my panties but once I am done with you as a love interest, its very rare I will go back on that decision.

I encourage you to listen to your gut feeling, if your gut is like nah b. Then let that non existent friendship die. There are MILLIONS of people out there that you can create friendships with. But if you are cool with allowing a man to place himself in the friend zone, just be mindful of his words and actions.

Tristan Jonez

Apologies Done.

I’m not making any apologies.

I am who I am, and I am willing to allow all of me to be learned but it will be on my terms. I will never allow a person to pressure me into anything that I am not all the way cool with. Too many times, I’ve found myself walking towards the line of regret as I didn’t speak up when I did not want to do something. As an adult, If I’m not for it then I’m not doing it. No one can make me change my mind, if I truly don’t feel like being bothered with it.

When I tell you No, I’m not subconsciously asking you to try harder to convince me. Respect what No means, and move on. When and If I ever rethink what you are asking I will be the one to make the move. No is a complete sentence, I can give an explanation but it is not required.

Tristan J.

Blk Men Only?

Are you only interested in dating black men?

I’ve thought about this question, and my response. Hell I am still thinking about it. I want to believe that I am an open minded female, that I would be willing to date whomever but will I? As a kid, my mother would always joke, that I would be the one in the family who would bring an Indian or Asian man to Christmas dinner before a black man. I am a lover of people, so race doesn’t matter much. I’m opened to dating black men, but if there’s attraction there, why not?

I do find, that even though I am opened to dating other races, men of other races do not feel the same. Being intimate is one thing but being open to a long term relationship, is another monster to conquer. Hell black men don’t seem interested in dating a black woman so…

To answer the original question, No I am not only interested in dating a black man, just looking for one who’ll respect and Love me, no matter the race.

Tristan

My Ex Says.

I’d recently met a guy online, and we were chatting, getting to know one another. Things were going fairly well, until he asked “What would you’re ex say about you?”

WHO THE HELL CARES!

I don’t give a shit, what my ex(es) would say about me honestly. And homeboy shouldn’t care either. Do I know what my ex would say about me? Of course I do, but his opinion doesn’t matter anymore. Even if the man was trying to make conversation, bringing up the last man, automatically disqualifies you! Questions about exes, isn’t exactly off limits but tread carefully. I don’t usually even ask why y’all broke up because I do not care!

All that matters is your single now!

Jonez.

Voices.

Whenever I go against my better judgement I ALWAYS end up losing. I swear I listen to the little voice inside that says “No, don’t go down that street, or No, don’t get in that car.” but when it comes to the opposite sex, I just don’t listen. Why do we do that? After a certain age, there are no more red flags, its just bluntness, like don’t effin date him girl! He will be a waste of damn time girl! Now you know you can do much better than him girl! But we forge on, cuz we tired of single. We tired of having no one to text or call. We just plain ole tired.

This is the last time that I go against the little voice. She sick of me and so am I. I understand that everyone cannot handle this awesomeness even when you make it so damn easy, the wrong man will still make a mess of things. The fun is embedded in the journey, so make it the best one ever!

Tristan J.

Stories.

There’s one story that I am tired of telling. I am tired of giving second chances, when, in all honesty, they didn’t deserve the first. I continue to put in the World what I would like in return. However I keep coming up short. Maybe I don’t really believe that I deserve the best, that I am worthy of having someone who supports me without saying, “Hey I’ve been supporting you.” Why not just show me? Don’t agree that I deserve more, just give more. The bare minimum doesn’t work here, especially if you agree that I deserve more.

It’s funny that men do not worry about how their actions/words will be perceived, they just do. But as a women I am careful with how I say things, as to not hurt the fragile ego of a man. Maybe it is time that I care less about your fuking egos? Don’t tell me that I am being sarcastic… put some hair on your chest and take it! Sarcasm shouldn’t be your focus when you have improvements that need to happen immediately! How can you tell a person, something is bothering you, expect them to resolve the issue when you can even check yourself? Pst!

I’ve run out of chances, and fuks to give.

Jonez.