Single Blues

As much as I’m enjoying “Single life” (Lies) I’m currently going thru Single Blues. It very much could have everything to do with the upcoming change in season which is right around the corner, either way, I’m not looking to be single anymore. However I’m not looking to jump into anything random, just for the sake of not being single. I wonder if it’s possible to forget how to be in a relationship? If it’s possible to forget how to be a party of two? What if I’m no good at being someone’s significant other? Can I admit I’m a bit nervous which I think is the reason for my Single Blues. I could just be living way too much in my head but I’m concerned.

How have you all dealt with being single while feeling like it won’t be ‘just like riding a bike.’

Jonez

Dating Isn’t Free

I’ve always wondered how men approach dating, how they decided where they should take a date, if they thought through how the evening would go, was any real planning involved or if they just showed up and winged the whole shit. I had a very brief conversation with a friend tonight who stated something along the lines of women only care about a man’s money, and they don’t be wanting to date a broke man. To me, there are degrees of broke so I questioned the word broke but he didn’t break down what he meant by broke.

I can ONLY speak for myself, but I don’t want to date a broke man. Broke being the inability to take US on a date, such as dinner and a movie and the like. I honestly believe myself to be a woman who likes a variety of dates, I’m extremely happy going to The MET museum, and it’s free but it does Cost to date! How will we get to know each other if I never see you interact in social settings. As a grown ass woman, with standards, I shouldn’t have to deprive myself of the activities I like to partake in because you can’t afford to participate. If I love to travel, but you hate to explore a new country, does that mean I should give up my love for travel?

Just like you should live within your mean, you should also date your wage. Perhaps there’s a girl out there that enjoys meeting up to chill, or solely talking on the phone for months at a time. I know that wouldn’t work for me. However if you are upfront with what you expect while dating, lord knows this will save everyone time and energy.

Tristan Jonez

Incredible Unicorn

Big Up to Netflix.

I just finished watching The Incredible Jessica James and I think I need to watch that shit again! How can you not love a woman who speaks her mind, on a first tender date, letting this man know he’s getting no sex. Classic. Such a self assured blk woman, but is she really so self assured?

I love that we got to see into her “family” life, when she returns home for her sister’s baby shower. Even I felt as if she didn’t belong there, or she too would get “sucked” into that complacent lifestyle. Kudos to her for getting out! I love that we are able to see Jessica And Boone go thru their break up (to other people) but still try to figure out wtf they are doing with to and with one another. An unlikely pairing, blossoms, awkwardly at times, into something that could be more for both. I throughly enjoyed the interaction between Jessica and Boone. I’m a bit sadden that it was a movie, and now I’m stuck creating a part two in my head.

The Incredible Jessica James is currently showing on Netflix. If you do have it, get the password from a friend!

Tristan Jonez

Drink?

Thirsty.

I had to have a conversation with myself last night. I was being a bit thirsty, and it was coming off as desperation when I looked at my words/actions. As much as you don’t want to be single, don’t force it. Things should have a nice flow to it, and if you find yourself trying to create a vibe, instead of letting a vibe grow organically, you might be coming off as thirsty too.

As much as I want to be done with this dating nonsense, I can’t fake chemistry where there is none. I remember dating this one guy that was amazing! Super supportive, kind, genuinely liked me, but for me there was no spark! I thought he was dope as hell, but I didn’t feel anything. Dating him was out of the box for me, he was nothing that I would go for but my dating preferences can’t be trusted. How effed up would I have been if I continue to date this amazing man who I had no interest in?

Ultimately you have to stay true to yourself and sometimes even check yourself!

Jonez

In my feels

Sometimes you have to sit back and look at all the amazing things that are happening in your life and appreciate them. I’m so freaking blessed, that it’s pointless to even list everything that’s going on. Do I have areas of opportunity (improvements) yes plenty, but I’m going to focus on all that’s currently making me happy.

After forever of trying, my booty is bigger! 🙌🏾 Ladies, Walk! It’s the root of all good things. I’ve been drinking water like it’s going out of style, so my skin is looking like a beautiful chocolate bar! I’m edible. I’ve been making it a priority to hang out, to see new things in my own city, and I’ve been loving it. Queens still sucks but I’m managing well. My small circle of friends have been showing out lately! Making me feel like the luckiest girl, shout out to NoIGMoshè!

Sure there’s a million things going severely wrong but I ain’t worried bout that! Nah I’m going to focus on the blessings that are pouring down on me. You should do the same, if you aren’t! Lovessssss you!

Jonezy

Endings

“I hope you find that fairytale you’re looking for”

If I was looking for a fairytale, I know you wouldn’t be my Prince Charming. Men have a way of projecting their insecurities on the women they claim they would like to date. I want a man to find me, let me be what he is seeking, and push himself to level up to whatever ‘level’ he believes me to be. If being with me, doesn’t make you want to be a better man then I don’t want you. I wanted a completed man but I still want you to be opened to education, and growth. If you believe you are done with all of that, then Im surely not the woman for you.

A man can not tell me he hopes I find what I am looking for when he doesn’t actually know what that is. All he honestly knows, is he isn’t the man that I’m looking for even know I haven’t figured it out yet. Im not looking for perfect, I am only looking for what is genuine. Everything else we can figure out together, if you are coachable. If I can’t tell you how I want to be treated, all the little things, then whats the point? Attraction isn’t enough, cuz once those looks fade, Im sure you’ll appreciate me taking an interest in more than just your face, and body.

And for the man who penned that ridiculous statement, What I seek will make itself available to me ONCE I rid myself of all the current clowns.

Tristan Jonez

My Ex Says.

I’d recently met a guy online, and we were chatting, getting to know one another. Things were going fairly well, until he asked “What would you’re ex say about you?”

WHO THE HELL CARES!

I don’t give a shit, what my ex(es) would say about me honestly. And homeboy shouldn’t care either. Do I know what my ex would say about me? Of course I do, but his opinion doesn’t matter anymore. Even if the man was trying to make conversation, bringing up the last man, automatically disqualifies you! Questions about exes, isn’t exactly off limits but tread carefully. I don’t usually even ask why y’all broke up because I do not care!

All that matters is your single now!

Jonez.

Voices.

Whenever I go against my better judgement I ALWAYS end up losing. I swear I listen to the little voice inside that says “No, don’t go down that street, or No, don’t get in that car.” but when it comes to the opposite sex, I just don’t listen. Why do we do that? After a certain age, there are no more red flags, its just bluntness, like don’t effin date him girl! He will be a waste of damn time girl! Now you know you can do much better than him girl! But we forge on, cuz we tired of single. We tired of having no one to text or call. We just plain ole tired.

This is the last time that I go against the little voice. She sick of me and so am I. I understand that everyone cannot handle this awesomeness even when you make it so damn easy, the wrong man will still make a mess of things. The fun is embedded in the journey, so make it the best one ever!

Tristan J.

Stories.

There’s one story that I am tired of telling. I am tired of giving second chances, when, in all honesty, they didn’t deserve the first. I continue to put in the World what I would like in return. However I keep coming up short. Maybe I don’t really believe that I deserve the best, that I am worthy of having someone who supports me without saying, “Hey I’ve been supporting you.” Why not just show me? Don’t agree that I deserve more, just give more. The bare minimum doesn’t work here, especially if you agree that I deserve more.

It’s funny that men do not worry about how their actions/words will be perceived, they just do. But as a women I am careful with how I say things, as to not hurt the fragile ego of a man. Maybe it is time that I care less about your fuking egos? Don’t tell me that I am being sarcastic… put some hair on your chest and take it! Sarcasm shouldn’t be your focus when you have improvements that need to happen immediately! How can you tell a person, something is bothering you, expect them to resolve the issue when you can even check yourself? Pst!

I’ve run out of chances, and fuks to give.

Jonez.

Opportunity to Waste

I’m a bit disappointed.

If a man says we are going to go at your own pace, he DOESN’T mean it. He’s only willing to go at ‘your’ pace if he feels as if its going at a pace he can accept. Most of the time, the pace will not match up, so there WILL be an issue. Don’t let him persuade you to do more than you’re willing to do, and don’t be in such a rush to go from single to taken.

So recently a guy that I dated last year reached out, explaining to me how he screwed up when we was dating initially and how he’d like the opportunity to start again. I ended things because I felt as if I was chasing him, that I was doing the most, and that our partnership wasn’t that of balance, amongst other things. So he came out the gate swinging, his communication skills had improved a billion times over, and he was making me feel secured.. but that was last week. This week, barely any communication, when asked he told me I wasn’t reaching out either. Like what?

Fellas, Stop starting habits if you know you aren’t going to keep them up! Don’t buy flowers every Saturday, cuz eventually I’ll get used to that. Don’t do anything if you aren’t willing to keep the shit up!

Be Consistent. Needless to say, that ‘relationship’ will not be revisited.

Jonez

I like your Excuse.

If I tell you what I want… If I make it a point to verbally tell you exactly what I want… and you still give an excuse, you don’t respect me.

I know what it means to be single, I know what it means to be in a relationship, dating, etc. In all situations my time needs to be respected. I find that being single this is my biggest issue. I am not going to spend time, time that I could be doing something I actually want to do, with you, if you don’t get it. If you are over the age of thirty you should ‘get it’. I am not looking to be married tomorrow BUT If this has no future, then call it quits and move on. Don’t try to rock with me because you know I am going to make sure I take care of home.

I was attempting to possibly date a guy, I made it known that if he wanted to be taken serious, and he wanted to take me out, he needed to make plans in advanced. Not the night before, but days prior. I even went as far to explain to him WHY this is a factor to me. And still there was opposition. Wanna know his reasoning? He’d rather be spontaneous, he didn’t want something to come up and he’d have to cancel on whatever was planned. I call BS. Mister, if something DID come up, just reached out and rescheduled. I am willing to compromise, but if your not even making an effort, why would I? I’m happier being single with myself, then trying to date a man who’ll eventually waste my time.

Jonez.

Q&A

You’re talking to a man who has a demanding job, so he doesn’t communicate as frequently as you would like, as of right now, it’s not an issue but you know if things continue they will become a problem.

Question, Do you advise him of your feelings?

Answer

I think communication is always a good thing. So being upfront should be a part of your daily routine, however it will be all in the way you tell him. You are aware he has a demanding job, so he may not have easy access to his cellular phone. Even though you may be attached to your phone, he may not feel the same about his device as you do yours. If this is really a problem for you, you have to let him know, otherwise it will slowly annoy you that he doesn’t communicate as much as you’d like. Your gentleman may feel as though he IS communicating more than adequantely enough with you, and thus isn’t reaching out more during the day. Just talk to the man, find the middle ground.

Tristan Jonez.