Meant for me.

Is there really someone for everyone? What if I never travel outside of my block, my city, how will I find the person who was created for me? What if there a freak accident, and he died before I got the chance to meet him? If I was to meet the person who was created for me, would I be able to recognize him? Would he, me?

Most folks will say I’m thinking too much on this but this is what I think about. I am thirty, so there are events that I wouold like to happen, I am not in a rush to fulfill them BUT I would like them to occur. What If I’m not destined to meet my match until I was 50. Do I wait to have children? Do I wait to get married? My train of thought goes right back to will I ever meet the person who was made for me? What if I met him already, and didnt realize this was the man I was meant for? What the hell do I do then?

I wish this was easier. I wish this was simpler. But Its not, and I’m still stuck without knowing where the man that is for me, is currently located.

Tristan

W.T.F.

A friend of mine asked what I wanted to do with my life, at first I told him I do not know. And I was being honest, I really dont have a clue as to what I want to do with the rest of my life, but then I thought about it. All I want to do is write, travel and fight crime.

Writing is my passion. Nothing makes me happier than being able to pick up a pen, put it to paper and create something. Some body of work that will live on forever, there’s no greater feeling than knowing my children’s children will be able to pick up my book and read it if they so choose. Travel is the embodiment of freedom. I know folks who are content with never leaving their city, but for me that will never suffice. I need to see. I need to feel. I need to immerse myself in a new culture, new life, new surrounding as I will die without it. I’m definitely not a superhero but I want to fight crime as one. I’ve always been interested in juvenile justice, and how it affects my community when someone who looks like me, goes to ‘juvy’, then gets out with no tools to begin again. I’m looking to change that reality, by starting within my community then expanding.

What do you want to do with your life?

Tristan.

First Date Sex

If I choose to have sex with you, that is my choice. Whether it is the first date or the tenth, it is my choice what I’d like to do with my body. As a man you are always within your right to decline any advances, but you cant partake then call me names after. I am well aware of the double standard that men and women adhere to but I’m not with it. As a woman I should be able to make any decisions I’d like to, as long as I can live with them. I am an adult, a true blue grown up, who takes care of herself, so my body is my decision.

I was with my ex-boyfriend for five years, and we had sex on the first date. We had been talking for weeks, and when we finally met there was an electricity that was uncontrollable. I can’t say love at first sight but it was something indescribable. All I know is I got Goosebumps that night when I saw him walking towards me. Would I change what I did that night, definitely not. I had an enjoyable time! I am a walking contradiction, as much as I believe intimacy should be shared within two people with feelings for each other, I am also all for scratching an itch.

I dont judge. I just want you to be an adult while making adult decisions, and be prepared for the consequences. So enjoy, and make sure you bring protection and toys with you.

Tristan.

Touch Me. Please.

I want to be in a relationship! I’m over being single! I know I just wrote the other day, that I’m happy I’m not dating, and I’m sticking to that but I’m not asking to date. I want to be married with kids already. Being single sucks some days! Like I have human interactions daily, I probably had my fill of human interaction to last me for a life time. What I’m missing is human touch. If you are single like me, try this and tell me if it doesn’t bring you almost to tears.

First keep an Open Mind. That is key to this exercise.

Is your mind opened? Good. Give someone a 20 second hug. No more, no less. The person hugging you can count out loud to twenty to keep track. Feel free to close your eyes, and really soak in that body to body contact. This first time I did this, I had been single for seven months and I was feeling … every bit of single. That 20 second hug, made me feel the most loved I had in months, and it came from a semi stranger.

Human touch is so powerful. That’s one major downfall of being single, I dont receive human touch as much as I would like or need.

Tristan.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stay an EX

When you create an Ex, change ur number! Block their number! Do whatever you have to so that you are not in contact with your ex. So after a beat I’m usually able to be friends with an ex, but it obviously depends on how we broke up, and what happened during the relationship. However I can be a weirdo, and be like I just dont want to be bothered with that person, and never have contact with them. The older I get the more I just dont feel like being nice, eff you. You’re an Ex, be that and stay the hell in my past.

So recently I was dating a man, and things were going so great. I was even considering moving to Philadelphia as that’s where he lived, and I wanted to be as close as I could to him. Unfortunately I was just meeting his representative cuz after a few months I got to see the real him and I didnt like what I saw. I’m a person who loves to go out, see the world outside of my bedroom, my block, my city. When I decide to be involved with another human being, that’s not my cue to JUST be cuddled up. HELL NO! Homie thought I was going to be alright with being told we was only going to have three date nights a month! When you decided to be exclusive you cant get comfortable, you have to do the same things you did in the beginning, because there are still going to be men thirsty for your shorty. Dont think she will not leave your ass for someone who appreciates her. Men have this all twisted, I will leave. I can like/love you and still leave. Homie hit me up tonight, but I just dont believe a relationship is doable between the two of us. Plus he has moved on, which is his right to do so. I can’t be mad, but be honest about what it is. You are most definitely allowed to miss me, but dont come back to me once you’ve started dealing with the next.

Dont downplay the relationship you have with this chick. Its not my job to respect her but it is your responsibility. Lord knows I would hate it, if the guy I’m newly with is chatting it up with his last. Nope. Then yall wonder why I said I’m not dating anymore.

Tristan.

Bald But Insecure

I’m not entirely sure why I cut my hair off. I was in a good space, I didnt have any men problems, work was cool. I had been thinking about cutting my hair for some time. It was in a short style for a bit but I was maintaining it. Honestly If I had to think of a reason as to why I would cut all my hair off, I would say I was just tired of it. I was tired of going to the salon, I was tired of having to sleep every so lightly so I wouldn’t mess a curl up, I was just tired of it all. Since I was single I didnt have to take my significant others’ opinion of my hair. I was absolutely free to do whatever I wanted to do so I did.

August 27th, I cut it completely off and I absolutely hated it. I would like to point out I was a bit pressured but ultimately it was my decision. I was 100% was mortified of what I had done. But I put that confident face on, and went on about my day, my week, my month. A few months have gone by and between you & I, I’m still a bit insecure about not having any hair. Ladies, there is hope on the other side, its only hair and it WILL grow back, I promise you. I fight daily, like am I pretty enough? Being damn there bald, makes you not be able to hide behind anything! There’s no barrier between you and the rest of the World, which can be both good and bad.

I salute the women who before me, have revealed in their bald beauty! I think you are so beautiful, and I can only hope to one day, be as confident as you are. Thank you!

Tristan.

Shout Out to the men who have told me how beautiful I am.

Daddy DutiesĀ 

I think I was assigned to the wrong dad. I honestly believe there was some mix up at the hospital I was born in because the man that I’ve been told is my dad, just couldn’t be. 

I am full of love, and goodness. I see only the best in everyone, even when they aren’t putting their best foot forward. In ny thirty years I can’t remember a single event where my dad has been there when absolutely needed. An event where my dad went above for me, where my needs as a child/adult was put before his own. I’ve made mistakes in my life, I’m sure I’ll make a million more, and I’ve corrected my wrongs. I’ve apologized when I didn’t believe I was at fault to save friendships that I thought was important to me. 

Being thirty, I’m still finding myself. I’m still working on who I am as a person and who I’d ultimately like to be. So I’m not always quick to speak up when I should, but bare with me, I’m learning. So something major happened in my life and my dad dropped the ball. I don’t ask for much from anyone, and I’ve stop expecting anything, however I’m disappointed that my dad couldn’t be there for me. 

Based on his attitude, I’ve decided to move forward with my life without him being apart of it. I most definitely love my dad but if you can’t step up, be a man and right your wrongs I want no part. 

Three’s a crowd

So recently I had a conversation with a guy who I’ve been semi friends with for about two years now. Our friendship started off with us being interested in one another but we were both too busy to put forth any real effort. So we are back chatting with one another, and he told me that he is interested in me. He went on to tell me how he believes I am the whole package and we can probably have an amazing life together, If I could agree to a simple request.

His request; he would like to be able to have threesomes with me occasionally, nevermind the fact that I’m not interested in females. Initially I thought the man was joking, but nope he is dead serious. I politely declined. I whole heartily understand that no matter who you choose, or choose you, you will not love everything about that person. However I’m not willing to become bisexual AND have threesome just because he believes we can be amazing together, when its just us two. Honestly, maybe we could’ve been great for each other but I’m not going to fulfil his fantasies at the expense of my inner peace.

Tristan.

Angel Of Harlem

I’m all about food.

If you follow me on Instagram then you know I love Angel of Harlem. I try my best not to frequent it as often as I do but I love it. They have one of the best sangria’s Ive tasted as of late, the white sangria. It has the perfect blend of fruit and wine. I first experienced Angel of Harlem as my sistergirl was celebrating her birthday, with a dinner party. A good time was had by all! Angel of Harlem is one of those places, where grabbing a drink turns into a full fledge party. The Dj is always on point, the next time I go, I will make it my business to find out who is on the turn tables.

The main attraction, according to me is the Salmon. As per the menu it is a pecan crusted salmon on top of roasted Brussels sprouts, rum cranberries with a ginger thyme aioli, basically heaven on your plate then in your mouth. Literally perfection. Angel of Harlem’s Salmon is in my top three. I’m not sure if I would recommend it as a first date night restaurant, only because its super loud but its a fourth date kinda gig.

The vibe is crazy. Its the perfect place to either vibe out or get turnt. Angel of Harlem is a host to plenty of themed nights, so be sure to check their instagram page before you make plans. I partial went to two of their events, one was game night, and the other was a singles mixer. Single Ladies, the men were looking very dapper, very put together. I was impressed with the selection of chocolate that was around, men in suits just coming from work, and men in street wear coming from the gym. Men, the women was there looking very sexy, and well put together. There’s something for everyone. Come Meet me in Harlem soon.

Angel of Harlem, 2272 Frederick Douglass Blvd NY NY 10029
Tristan.

Lumberjack Joe

So I recently went on a date, I know I said Im not dating but shit happens. Let’s call him Lumberjack Joe, so first let me put it out there that he’s not someone I would usually date, but since I’m not dating I figured I should expand my horizon. On first look, he was very hoboish looking, 80’s style, he looked much older than thirty two but he was sweet and charming so why not give this man a chance.

We met on 145th street, I took the train he rode his bike. In person he looked the same as his photos on OKCupid, bald with a healthy beard, wearing a fanny pack, a dad hat and cut off shorts. Our first destination was his favorite African eatery in harlem, food was pretty good, conversation was slow but started to pick up towards the end of the meal. At this point Im not really feeling like we are a match, not really feeling any sparks. Lumberjack Joe advises me he has a child, 18 months, in my mind Im like oh hell no. A man having a child, especially under five is an instant NO. Now we are done with lunch so we are walking back up the hill on 145th in route to grab drinks.

The time now is 4:15, happy hour is not until 5 so he wants to kill the time before we go to the spot. This annoys me a tad bit, If we are on a date, you as the man take on the responsibility of being able to pay for the date, especially if this is something that you have planned. If you knew that happy hour started at 5, then you should have started the date at 4 so it would flow right into drinks. But okay. So we are at Riverside Park lounging, chit chatting about nothing and everything, people watching, enjoying the breeze.

The time goes by quickly so we are now having drinks. I start babbling about my baby, my website, and I light up. When it comes to my art, I can take about it for hours. He shows an interest in it, so we are bouncing ideas off of each other, the conversation is flowing, this is nice. I’m still not feeling anything but I do like him … as a friend. I’m not getting any butterflies but he attentive, hand on mine, a touch here, a smile there. It’s refreshing to meet someone who can converse intelligently.

Let me back track, I was a bit late to meet up with him as I was coming from work and I wanted to change out of my uniform. Lumberjack Joe made the comment about since I was late I’ll be the one paying for drinks. I laughed it off cuz I thought he was joking, well he wasnt. Now I dont have an issue every paying for dinner/date but I wont do it for the first one. And if I do, you’re a dub to me. I would never take you serious because you fail to know the rules of engagement.

So I paid for the drinks, and never went out with him again.

Tristan.

Yeah, I be snooping.

Let’s have honest talk.

How many of you guys are checking the twitter/Instagram/Facebook of your ex? I will be the first to raise my hand,and state that I have checked my ex’s twitter in the last month. Why? I just want to know what he is up to, even though its none of my concern. I don’t care as I didnt want to be with him, but sometimes I’m a bit curious as tow hat he is doing. One would argue that clearly I do care cuz If I didnt I wouldn’t be checking anything he has going on.

Sue Me, I’m human.

I blame it on being single. I dont have nothing occupying my time, besides work and my website. I’m hoping once I move into my new apartment I will be so busy with that plus travelling I will not have the time to be checking on what homie has going on. What are some of the reasons you’re snooping on your ex’s social media?

Oh and he does have a new girlfriend.

Tristan.

thanks given

I’ve created this space on the internet, as a safe space for me to always be able to express myself. Even if its just to put my thoughts and emotions on ‘paper’ as keeping it bottled up will have me go insane. Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and Im feeling alone more than ever. Im feeling like folks honestly just dont give a eff about me. I grew up in Baltimore, but I moved back to New York when I was seventeen as my mother was dying from cancer. Do you know how hard it is to maintain friendships with other teenagers? Its hard but its even harder when you are the only one putting in the work to stay friends. I can count with one finger how many times my Baltimore best friends have came to New York to see me in the last thirteen years. Many times I’ve made excuses like well I know they have to work, or they have kids, or any of the many reasons they aren’t able to come see me. So because I spend the majority of my time at work, my coworkers are my friends but they aren’t. If they cared as much as I thought they did then I would’ve at least gotten a voice call. I have to remember that people are fickle beings who will put themselves first. I think its time I do the same.

I want someone to work as hard as I do to maintain these friendships. Who can I break down to? Who can I lean on? Who can I talk to? I’m officially exhausted. Although Thanksgiving 2016 ended with me eating a frozen dinner, I’m still grateful and thankful for the ability to be able to move forward. I can’t change what happened yesterday but I can work to improve my tomorrows.

Tristan.

FYI This was not a bitter post, I assure you I was not angry writing, I was sadden.