Incredible Unicorn

Big Up to Netflix.

I just finished watching The Incredible Jessica James and I think I need to watch that shit again! How can you not love a woman who speaks her mind, on a first tender date, letting this man know he’s getting no sex. Classic. Such a self assured blk woman, but is she really so self assured?

I love that we got to see into her “family” life, when she returns home for her sister’s baby shower. Even I felt as if she didn’t belong there, or she too would get “sucked” into that complacent lifestyle. Kudos to her for getting out! I love that we are able to see Jessica And Boone go thru their break up (to other people) but still try to figure out wtf they are doing with to and with one another. An unlikely pairing, blossoms, awkwardly at times, into something that could be more for both. I throughly enjoyed the interaction between Jessica and Boone. I’m a bit sadden that it was a movie, and now I’m stuck creating a part two in my head.

The Incredible Jessica James is currently showing on Netflix. If you do have it, get the password from a friend!

Tristan Jonez

Drink?

Thirsty.

I had to have a conversation with myself last night. I was being a bit thirsty, and it was coming off as desperation when I looked at my words/actions. As much as you don’t want to be single, don’t force it. Things should have a nice flow to it, and if you find yourself trying to create a vibe, instead of letting a vibe grow organically, you might be coming off as thirsty too.

As much as I want to be done with this dating nonsense, I can’t fake chemistry where there is none. I remember dating this one guy that was amazing! Super supportive, kind, genuinely liked me, but for me there was no spark! I thought he was dope as hell, but I didn’t feel anything. Dating him was out of the box for me, he was nothing that I would go for but my dating preferences can’t be trusted. How effed up would I have been if I continue to date this amazing man who I had no interest in?

Ultimately you have to stay true to yourself and sometimes even check yourself!

Jonez

Life’s Wonders

Do you ever wonder about the lives that are being lived without you?

Sometimes when Im daydreaming, I think about the folks who’s World I was apart of way back when. I’ve lived in a few different states, and I think about people I got to know, and I folks who I lost touch with. I wonder if they are thinking of me in that same moment, and if they are, what are they thinking about exactly? There isn’t a relationship I walked away from that I would like to revisit, but to be able to glimpse into their current lives would be a treat. Although I wish anyone I’ve dated, an amazing life, I always wonder how my exit from their lives changed their lives. If I was the one holding them back from being great, or If I was the glue holding them together.

Tristan Jonez.

The Table.

The Vibe I got from a guy I was recently (semi) dating, is I am asking for way too much! For just a date, I have way too many requirements! For a relationship, I have way too many expectations. I do believe that I used to have expectations, which is always open for discussion, but my expectations are things that a man should practice as his daily habits.

A man should be communicating, never do I want 24hrs to go by and there is no communication. I totally get that we live in a busy world, and our schedules may not always be in sync but that’s no excuse for a lack of communication. How easy is it for a text, or a voice message? If I am always the one making the moves, the plans, then why am I with you, if I’m going to be the man in this situation? I shouldn’t be opening my own doors, but I realize this a ‘independent woman world’ so cool I’ll handle that but once again I shouldn’t have to. Without asking, you should be making me feel like the most amazing woman on the planet, just because I am with you. What happened to that? Focusing in on the one you are with, really getting to know them, their likes and dislikes? What happened to taking our time?

For a second I thought I was asking too much from the guys I was dating but when I really think about all that I have to offer, and bring to the table, I’m not asking for nearly enough.

Tristan Jonez.

Photo Perfect

The way a significant other captures your photo determines how much they care for you.

Like always everything I write is an discussion, but this (!) I strongly believe in. Granted I enjoy taking photos and capturing you in the best light that I possibly can, but thats my job as your girl. I was dating a man, on one of our dates we went to the Museum, he wanted me to take his photos at different stops on the tour I created, so of course I obliged. When I asked him to return the favor and take one … the photo was horrid! It was if he had just snapped the photo without checking to see if I was centered, smiling, eyes opened.. just click. Photo Taken.

Needless to say, this is a relationship that did not work out. I mean why would it, if he didn’t care to take the time to take a subpar photo, then how can he maintain a relationship. Some folks will say that Im bugged out but this logic but its very true. And don’t get me started on the men who won’t even take the photo!

Tristan J.

Obligations

You are not obligated to do anything for anyone.

Lately, I’ve been feeling like people have me fucked up, thinking that they are entitled to anything. I am not obligated to do anything for anyone, unless I feel like doing it. I know I have the tendency to be a nice person, a real life “people-pleaser” but yall fucked that up.

I know I’ve discussed this previously, and I don’t think this will be the last time because in addition to folks thinking you owe them something, they don’t fucking listen either.

Tristan J.

Apologies Done.

I’m not making any apologies.

I am who I am, and I am willing to allow all of me to be learned but it will be on my terms. I will never allow a person to pressure me into anything that I am not all the way cool with. Too many times, I’ve found myself walking towards the line of regret as I didn’t speak up when I did not want to do something. As an adult, If I’m not for it then I’m not doing it. No one can make me change my mind, if I truly don’t feel like being bothered with it.

When I tell you No, I’m not subconsciously asking you to try harder to convince me. Respect what No means, and move on. When and If I ever rethink what you are asking I will be the one to make the move. No is a complete sentence, I can give an explanation but it is not required.

Tristan J.

Chances Chances.

Now normally I am not a second chance giver but lately I think I have a different view on it. We are all human and fall short of the Glory of God (Whomever you may believe in), if he/she can forgive us, forget about it and give another chance who am I not to do the same?

So, my question to you, Can you trust someone who has previously hurt you? I believe you can. A phrase that came to mind as soon as I answered, “A tiger cannot change his stripes” but we are not animals, although we sometimes have the tendency to act as such. We are a sophisticated society, who have the ability to use or minds to build cities, so it is not possible that we can not change for the better? I do not want to be the same person I was last week, last year, I want to continuously do and be better.

In life and love we definitely fall short of the person we would like to be, and to the people we’d like to be with. I want to believe that If I met the love of my life, but didn’t recognize, I would work on myself so when I got the opportunity to reconnect with that person I would take full advantage. Sometimes we need a door slammed in our face to get the point.

Tristan Jonez.

Voices.

Whenever I go against my better judgement I ALWAYS end up losing. I swear I listen to the little voice inside that says “No, don’t go down that street, or No, don’t get in that car.” but when it comes to the opposite sex, I just don’t listen. Why do we do that? After a certain age, there are no more red flags, its just bluntness, like don’t effin date him girl! He will be a waste of damn time girl! Now you know you can do much better than him girl! But we forge on, cuz we tired of single. We tired of having no one to text or call. We just plain ole tired.

This is the last time that I go against the little voice. She sick of me and so am I. I understand that everyone cannot handle this awesomeness even when you make it so damn easy, the wrong man will still make a mess of things. The fun is embedded in the journey, so make it the best one ever!

Tristan J.

Date X3

Are you obligated to tell the people you are dating about each other?

NOPE!

Unless you are in a relationship, you are not obligated to tell them about each other. This shouldn’t even be a question, honestly. If a man or woman wanted to be the only one then they would take the necessary steps to ensure that position. It makes me chuckle when I hear its in a ‘man’s nature’ to not be able to settle down, to HAVE to see multiple women, blah blah blah. Guess what? Eff that!

It’s funny because as I get older I want to settle down and get married BUT I am perfectly fine with dating (for now), why settle down with the first man who smiles at me? Nope, I will date as many folks as I’d like. If I am seeing two or three at the same time, well isn’t that what dating consists of? I used to be that girl, that would meet someone, like them, then focus only on them. Not anymore. Im going to give you whatever it is you are giving me. If you only have a few minutes a day for me, then thats what will be given to you. No more investing time in a person, if they are neglecting to do the same in return.

Tristan Jonez.

I like your Excuse.

If I tell you what I want… If I make it a point to verbally tell you exactly what I want… and you still give an excuse, you don’t respect me.

I know what it means to be single, I know what it means to be in a relationship, dating, etc. In all situations my time needs to be respected. I find that being single this is my biggest issue. I am not going to spend time, time that I could be doing something I actually want to do, with you, if you don’t get it. If you are over the age of thirty you should ‘get it’. I am not looking to be married tomorrow BUT If this has no future, then call it quits and move on. Don’t try to rock with me because you know I am going to make sure I take care of home.

I was attempting to possibly date a guy, I made it known that if he wanted to be taken serious, and he wanted to take me out, he needed to make plans in advanced. Not the night before, but days prior. I even went as far to explain to him WHY this is a factor to me. And still there was opposition. Wanna know his reasoning? He’d rather be spontaneous, he didn’t want something to come up and he’d have to cancel on whatever was planned. I call BS. Mister, if something DID come up, just reached out and rescheduled. I am willing to compromise, but if your not even making an effort, why would I? I’m happier being single with myself, then trying to date a man who’ll eventually waste my time.

Jonez.

After Break up.

I am not petty but right is right. If we break up, you have to break up with everything I put you on to while together. So that bar you like, done. That restaurant where you like their wings, done. You cannot go there anymore, and you especially can’t put the next chick on. I do not want to go to my favorite spot, Angel of Harlem, and see you there! Nope. Find another place, matter fact go back to the wack spots you was frequenting prior to meeting the amazing me!

Story Time: My favorite bar while I was with my ex was Tonic. OMG! I turned 21 at Tonic, so it was my Ace of Spades, well I put my ex on, and he loved it there. That after we broke up, he thought it was acceptable to continue to frequent my spot, and even brought his damn friends. Negative! It’s not fair to me that I am no longer able to hang out at the bar I love because you don’t know how to follow the rules and break up with Tonic.

I am a lot more careful about who I show my favorite spots to, and trust its a couple. Because I’ve explored New York City so well, I had hidden gems from everything to dinner to dessert. I wonder IF I had the guys I was dating sign an agreement that they wouldn’t frequent my favorite places once we broke up, if they would actually sign it.

Tristan Jonez.